RE: How Long Until Doms Trust Subs

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RE: How Long Until Doms Trust Subs - 5/19/2006 3:28:55 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear Bearlee, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Then what you are doing is indeed quality submission.

I just feel disappointed, when slaves just put up and tolerate the administrations and not enjoy it. Macho man 'taking it' sort. To me that isn't quality. Just taking quantity.

Masochists are totally different than the mindset of others submitting--thus, they view pain and endurance a bit different.

I enjoy everybody--main thing is everybody gets what they need out of the scene and everybody has a huge smile at the end.

Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to Bearlee)

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Post #: 21

RE: How Long Until Doms Trust Subs - 5/19/2006 4:47:09 PM

champagnewishes

Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

I looked up ‘endure’ and found:
1 : to undergo (as a hardship) especially without giving in : SUFFER
2 : to regard with acceptance or tolerance

Very interesting and i will need to think about this one further. It has always been my experience to do exactly that---give in to pain...let it surround and consume me...to see where it takes me...i have honestly never considered not giving in to it...ouch that would hurt!

< Message edited by champagnewishes -- 5/19/2006 4:51:42 PM >

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RE: How Long Until Doms Trust Subs - 5/19/2006 8:22:06 PM

NJSubGirl

Posts: 47
Joined: 4/10/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

quote:

ORIGINAL: substantialsub

After being involved with a couple of different dominants something that they said sticks out in my mind that I wanted feedback about. They said that when they first start playing with a new sub they go easier than the sub seems to want when it comes to pain. They hold back on marking a sub because of trust issues, specifically they want to be sure they are not playing with someone that is going to change their mind after a scene and decide that it wasnt consensual after all, but that instead they were the victim of a crime even.

My question is if you ever have those concerns playing with a new sub? Do you vocalize this concern before play or after play? Are you less concerned if you know the sub is experienced as opposed to having little experience? How long of playing with a sub does it take for you to trust that a sub isnt going to change her mind about rough play?

I hope my post made sense *smiles*

Respectfully,
substantial

Trust is crucial in most interrelations, but even more so in dominant / submissive ones, for reasons that I feel are obvious from both sides of the "fence". I will not have a girl in my presence until I'm am fairly certain she can be trusted, and the process of ascertaining this starts at the very beginning. It starts with the tone and content of the first conversation, or first e-mail if it is an on-line encounter. The concern of whether a girl cries "nonconsensual" after her first beating can be remedied with taking logical precautionary steps, listening and communicating being great ones, but the greatest of them all is honing your own intuition and wisdom about human nature, to develop a sixth sense, if you will, about the souls that cross your path.

I agree completely... It is all about trust
Being with a master that can see in your eyes if you are uncomfortable is the most soothing feeling ever. YOU dont even have to say a word... If that understanding is there and that trust is there, Just a certain look in the eye will speak a thousand words.
I guess its just finding the right master...
I have been blessed ;)

(in reply to amayos)

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Post #: 23

RE: How Long Until Doms Trust Subs - 5/19/2006 9:24:04 PM

littlemissub

Posts: 118
Joined: 5/4/2006
Status: offline

I agree totally with LuckyAlbatross that there is a specific difference between the two. Many people do not understand that. They just take it as a person is jaded.

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RE: How Long Until Doms Trust Subs - 5/20/2006 6:44:06 AM

mastersayed

Posts: 119
Joined: 3/21/2006
Status: offline

it took me about two sessions until i was comfortable with pushing the limit on pain

(in reply to substantialsub)

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Post #: 25

RE: How Long Until Doms Trust Subs - 5/20/2006 7:16:44 AM

ArtfulTrainer

Posts: 24
Joined: 12/9/2005
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I start out slow and build up because often the subs fantasy level of play is out of proportion to what they can really handle. Many subs will tell you that when they are in subspace, that they do not perceive pain at all. Therefore as the Dom it is my responsibility to make the objective decision on how far to push. It is important for me to trust that the sub will give me reliable feedback (verbal or nonverbal) that allows me to make the decisions necessary during the scene to keep it safe, while making it enjoyable for both parties. It takes a while to learn how the other communicates and to synchronize our perceptions. It takes time and experience together to develop the communication and trust to be able to approach the limits as closely as possible without going too far. Most of what we do is potentially harmful and as the Dom it is my job to walk the tightrope between "just enough" and injury. If the scene ends and the sub tells me she could have taken 10% more, then I have a new goal for the next time.

(in reply to substantialsub)

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Post #: 26

RE: How Long Until Doms Trust Subs - 5/20/2006 8:20:01 AM

SirPhil

Posts: 4
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Puget Sound region Wa
Status: offline

I am a online Dom and I do agree that trust is earned over time by keeping open lines of communications and no hidden secrets for the sub/slave In addition being honest with yourself while in this lifestyle.

(in reply to ArtfulTrainer)

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RE: How Long Until Doms Trust Subs - 5/20/2006 9:29:03 AM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

I hope your question has been aswered as i have read all the replies and can add nothing new, but I did want to tell you that I love your screen name.
Substantial.....is brilliant for a sub! Good choice.

Kevin

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RE: How Long Until Doms Trust Subs - 5/20/2006 9:59:56 AM

tade

Posts: 663
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Tampa Bay, Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

I dunno...perhaps I should re-consider.

Don't... Where is the fun in that??

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It's a magical world Hobbes 'ole buddy. Let's go explorin'~ Calvin

(in reply to Bearlee)

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Post #: 29