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Master Is Bored With Me - 8/1/2011 9:24:37 AM   
mercy808


Posts: 3
Joined: 7/5/2011
Status: offline 		Firstly, let me extend a great big "thank you" for anyone who takes the time to read this post. I'm pretty new to the site, have nothing in this profile, but I am sincerely hoping that someone will be kind enough to reply anyway. I am really frustrated and not sure what to do. I know that many people do not feel that an online relationship is real, but I can assure you that for some of us, it really is. I would love to have a real D/s relationship/experience- I crave it, but right now, I'm not able to do so- for a multitude of reasons.

Anyway, this online thing is very new, still very real for me. I have been with an online Master for about 3 months and I have been very happy- feeling a part of myself touched, that I have never been able to reach before, but always longed for. This relationship includes everday email, chat, photos, video, phone calls. Suddenly, about 2 weeks ago, all this began to taper off- not on my end, but my Master's. This lack of attention is not due to him punishing me. Call it women's intuition, but I am almost- no I am sure- that he has found someone else.

I don't know what the rules are and I am sure a Master can have multiple subs, but he continues to insist that he is simply busy. I have not accused him of anything and I have tried to keep acting the same way as I have in the past. It is so hard- I have told him that I do not want to be a burden ever (since he is so busy)- I only want to be a source of pleasure for his life- I mean I have tried to give him an out- he does not take it. I had offerred to travel to meet him- I thought he would be happy and would want the (fuck your brains out fest) that would occur- he only mentioned how far away he was and how it would be too much $ to spend (I was purchasing the ticket- not him, which was made very clear)- Let me assure you without conceit- I am attractive.

So, I keep trying to do more for him, because I just feel in my heart that he has lost interest. I just don't know what else I can do. It just keeps getting worse, less and less attention, no tasks, he doesn't even comment on things that I have sent, so that I'm not sure if he has received. I don't think that he had anyone else when we started and I feel so sad/hurt that he was so unhappy/ clearly not satisfied with me, that he actively pursued a new sub/s. He never seemed unhappy at all- much, much to the contrary. I just wish he would be honest with me about what is going on. I believe that you must have honesty and communication for anything online to even remotely work.

Can anyone tell me what is typical for this type of thing? Is it usual to have multiple subs? I mean, it would be fine, I'd just like some honesty (does he even still want me?), some type of schedule, because I am weary of getting blown off and lied to while he is busy chatting up another sub- Mostly, it just hurts, because I feel like he is abusing my trust and lying to me. It is difficult to offer your devotion to someone like that, open yourself up- be vulnerable- and that's all I ever wanted- was to give all that I am- Can anyone help me? Give me some advice? Am I being... I don't know- help??
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/1/2011 10:22:36 AM   
AngelControlsU


Posts: 45
Joined: 2/8/2009
From: Minneapolis, MN
Status: offline 		You said “I know that many people do not feel that an online relationship is real” while I am sure it has been real to you, it does not sound as though it has been quite as real to him, also most people who only want an online relationship have reasons for it such as being married and other lies. Usually if someone is unwilling to meet they either A. are not interested in you, or B. are lying about multiple things and do not want you or other parties (ie their wives) to find out about. I understand that this relationship has been real to you but the truth is, this is the internet, where anyone can be anything and most people are not who they claim to be. I know you do not want this to be the case, I know you want us to give you some secret tip or trick, something you can do to make everything just go back to the way it is, but that is not going to happen here. Either you are correct and he has found someone else, perhaps someone in his area or local and when it comes down to it a online fling can hardly ever compete with a real life romance. It seems to me you already have your answers but you just do not want to accept them. If you offered to pay for travel to meet him and be blew you off, either he is married, he has someone else local, or he is just not that in to you. I am sorry but I see no other explanation. Perhaps he is just busy and if that is the case then I suggest you stop contacting him, if he is just busy but still in to you then he will contact you and ask you what is up, then you can explain that you figured he was no longer interested due to his lack of contact and you did not want to bother him. If as I suspect you never hear from him again then you need to move on. I know it might hurt especially if this is the first time you have felt this D/s connection but I assure you there are others out there and you will find it again.

_____________________________

~Goddess Angel~
Female Supremacist
Searching for a worthy s to My D
AngelControlsyou.com

(in reply to mercy808)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/1/2011 10:27:36 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		What Angel said - he's likely married; move on.

Don't bother with "closure."

Also see Real Life vs Online Slavery

This is exactly why I'm in the online-is-not-real camp - because this Cheshire cat story is all too common.



< Message edited by kalikshama -- 8/1/2011 10:31:26 AM >

(in reply to mercy808)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/1/2011 10:34:06 AM   
kuppykake


Posts: 125
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		it's only been 3 months and it seems you're unhappy.....sounds like it's time for "the talk".  

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/1/2011 10:35:23 AM   
impishlilhellcat


Posts: 4379
Joined: 3/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mercy808

Firstly, let me extend a great big "thank you" for anyone who takes the time to read this post. I'm pretty new to the site, have nothing in this profile, but I am sincerely hoping that someone will be kind enough to reply anyway. I am really frustrated and not sure what to do. I know that many people do not feel that an online relationship is real, but I can assure you that for some of us, it really is. I would love to have a real D/s relationship/experience- I crave it, but right now, I'm not able to do so- for a multitude of reasons.

Anyway, this online thing is very new, still very real for me. I have been with an online Master for about 3 months and I have been very happy- feeling a part of myself touched, that I have never been able to reach before, but always longed for. This relationship includes everday email, chat, photos, video, phone calls. Suddenly, about 2 weeks ago, all this began to taper off- not on my end, but my Master's. This lack of attention is not due to him punishing me. Call it women's intuition, but I am almost- no I am sure- that he has found someone else.

I don't know what the rules are and I am sure a Master can have multiple subs, but he continues to insist that he is simply busy. I have not accused him of anything and I have tried to keep acting the same way as I have in the past. It is so hard- I have told him that I do not want to be a burden ever (since he is so busy)- I only want to be a source of pleasure for his life- I mean I have tried to give him an out- he does not take it. I had offerred to travel to meet him- I thought he would be happy and would want the (fuck your brains out fest) that would occur- he only mentioned how far away he was and how it would be too much $ to spend (I was purchasing the ticket- not him, which was made very clear)- Let me assure you without conceit- I am attractive.

So, I keep trying to do more for him, because I just feel in my heart that he has lost interest. I just don't know what else I can do. It just keeps getting worse, less and less attention, no tasks, he doesn't even comment on things that I have sent, so that I'm not sure if he has received. I don't think that he had anyone else when we started and I feel so sad/hurt that he was so unhappy/ clearly not satisfied with me, that he actively pursued a new sub/s. He never seemed unhappy at all- much, much to the contrary. I just wish he would be honest with me about what is going on. I believe that you must have honesty and communication for anything online to even remotely work.

Can anyone tell me what is typical for this type of thing? Is it usual to have multiple subs? I mean, it would be fine, I'd just like some honesty (does he even still want me?), some type of schedule, because I am weary of getting blown off and lied to while he is busy chatting up another sub- Mostly, it just hurts, because I feel like he is abusing my trust and lying to me. It is difficult to offer your devotion to someone like that, open yourself up- be vulnerable- and that's all I ever wanted- was to give all that I am- Can anyone help me? Give me some advice? Am I being... I don't know- help??


What is typical is dependent on the people involved in the relationship. There is no one true way. This is something that would have to be discussed between the two of you. Do the two of you have similar interests? Are the two of you compatible? Do you compliment each other etc... The problem with an online relationship is that you run into the same problems as you would if you were in any other type of relationship. People aren't always honest about their intentions, wants, or needs. I think at this point you probably need to have a straight forward conversation with your Master addressing your concerns and see if you can get the answers you seek. If he avoids the questions then you are at the point of are you happy with the way things are going? Can you function in this type of relationship? While it appears as if you derive joy and happiness in providing pleasure for his life it sounds as if there is still much lacking in the relationship for you. I've found most of the time deep down we know what we need to do. It's just a matter of having the heart match the mind.


_____________________________

Anyone who says they have only one life to live must not know how to read a book - Unknown

(in reply to mercy808)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/1/2011 10:36:11 AM   
risktaker9


Posts: 197
Joined: 3/10/2010
Status: offline 		He is with someone else. Either he is married and real life is taking precedence over his computer games, or he's found another prospect that interests him a bit more but he's keeping you on the line till he sees if it works out or not. I'm pretty sure he's married though since he won't take you up on the possibility of a real time meet. I'm really sorry, it happens. Dishonesty is always so frustrating.

Something to file away for next time...this stuff is however you and the person you are with want to make it. For instance, if he wants more than one partner and you're ok with that then he can go for it. If you're not ok with that, then let him know. There is no standard, it's however the two of you set it up.

(in reply to mercy808)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/1/2011 10:41:51 AM   
JWriter


Posts: 67
Joined: 7/27/2011
Status: offline 		Your welcome.

This, your situation, is entirely why so many people do not consider online to be real. Sounds like he is one of them. If he wanted it to be real, he'd give you clear information, make time for you, and, calm your fears. He's just a man playing head games. He got what he wanted from you, and, now, he is stringing you along until he sees if the next girl is going to put out to his satisfaction. If he comes back to you, the only reason he will, is because she was uninterested or she got busy, herself and now he has time to juggle two girls.

Sincere men act with sincerity. You wouldn't be here, on this forum, wondering about him, if he was someone who was actually doing the right thing.

(in reply to mercy808)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/1/2011 10:50:56 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Can anyone tell me what is typical for this type of thing? Is it usual to have multiple subs? I mean, it would be fine, I'd just like some honesty (does he even still want me?), some type of schedule


Each couple (or more-some) defines it for themselves. Next time, have this talk before you become emotionally invested.

I'm poly, but make it clear in my profile, emails, and conversations that poly only works for me if I am the primary/alpha female.

(in reply to mercy808)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/1/2011 10:53:39 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Don't take it personally. There are many reasons, some of which are:

He's busy taking care of wife & kids
He's an online player and you are just the sub of the month
He's tired of playing online and wants something close to home
Sitting in the chair is making his back hurt and he's tired of it
He is indeed bored with you, even in spite of your attractiveness
Some combination of the above

No flame lasts forever, whether it's online or real life, it still burns out over time. If online only is your plan, and I'm not saying it's a bad plan, but realistically, your scenario is very common and will most likely repeat itself.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to AngelControlsU)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/1/2011 10:56:31 AM   
mercy808


Posts: 3
Joined: 7/5/2011
Status: offline 		Thanks to everyone for your replies. It's funny, but reading these responses has been a great deal harder than I would have ever anticipated. It's one thing to have that weird feeling in the pit of your stomach- it can still be, I don't know... not quite reality. But, seeing what some of you have written, puts the situation in an entirely different perspective. Of course, it's easy for me to say 'you should have seen what he wrote/said' then again, I suppose now, that he was only writing/saying what he thought I wanted to hear- what would keep me present in the relationship while he looked for someone else, not what he really felt at all- I must seem deeply foolish- I know I feel that way- Thanks again for taking the time to offer your opinions.

(in reply to risktaker9)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/1/2011 10:58:19 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		not foolish, mercy..

just new :)



_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to mercy808)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/1/2011 10:58:26 AM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		My rule is if the aggravation factor is greater than the satisfaction factor, it is time to move on.

I also tend to listen to the voices in my head. The couple of times I have ignored them, it was not fun.

Good luck.

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to mercy808)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/1/2011 11:04:53 AM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		Mercy, you recognized the fact that you were new and you didn't know everything. That is NOT foolish. You have a good future ahead of you. Go get it.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/1/2011 11:12:31 AM   
risktaker9


Posts: 197
Joined: 3/10/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mercy808

Thanks to everyone for your replies. It's funny, but reading these responses has been a great deal harder than I would have ever anticipated. It's one thing to have that weird feeling in the pit of your stomach- it can still be, I don't know... not quite reality. But, seeing what some of you have written, puts the situation in an entirely different perspective. Of course, it's easy for me to say 'you should have seen what he wrote/said' then again, I suppose now, that he was only writing/saying what he thought I wanted to hear- what would keep me present in the relationship while he looked for someone else, not what he really felt at all- I must seem deeply foolish- I know I feel that way- Thanks again for taking the time to offer your opinions.


No....you're not foolish. It's a learning process, you'll know now when it happens again...why do you think so  many of us pegged it from the start? Because we've been where you are. I always like to point this out when someone says they feel foolish at being taken advantage of. This man and others like him are in the business of taking advantage, they're working for something. Yes, he said the right things, he knew what would float your boat. If something didn't work then he switched to something more productive. He wanted to get what he wanted, therefore he had to be effective.

You aren't stupid, you were taken in by things that were designed to do just that. It's like commercials...they're designed to be effective. They make us want to buy things by playing on certain triggers. You got played, it happens - the part that you're missing is that you didn't go into this with suspicion and wariness. You believed him and he played on that. That's not being stupid or foolish, it's being a decent human being.

Drop him, learn from your experience, identify it if it comes about again, and then don't get taken in. Best of luck to you!

(in reply to mercy808)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/1/2011 11:22:31 AM   
Marisol


Posts: 43
Joined: 12/13/2006
Status: offline 		I'm very new to the lifestyle as well, and much younger, I admit I have much to learn too, and I don't think our newness makes us foolish. Everyone is new at some point and has struggles. No just in the lifestyle but all things.

As you mentioned(with out conceit), you are attractive. You seem quite intelligent from your well written post, and you also want to learn and commit. I think you'll find another master and you can be sure he'll pay attention to you. There will be others. I know it hurts, I have been burned by online romances, but other things will come along, and no doubt they will be better

(in reply to risktaker9)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/1/2011 11:28:24 AM   
HannahLynHeather


Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline 		he's found a meat cunt to fuck. meat cunt trumps cyber cunt every fucking time.

sucks to be you, but you just discovered why so many of us aren't interested in online. you weren't his slave, his partner, or his anything really. all you were is his masturbation aid.

live and learn. you're in chicago for fuck's sake. if you can't find a meat dom in chicago i don't know where you can. turn off the fucking computer, go out the front door, and get your ass beat real time, you'll never fucking regret it.


_____________________________

clique? i don't need no stinking clique!

fuck a duck ~w. disney

My Twitter: http://twitter.com/HannahFuck

i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

(in reply to mercy808)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/1/2011 12:22:37 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		In the thread that kalikshama linked, there's a comment that I made that's pretty similar to what I'm going to tell you here.

One of the major issues with the online thing is, even though you said it was 'real to you' OP, there's no tangible proof that it's real or important to the person who is sitting on the other side of the screen.  Even if you filled your head with thoughts about him, carried out instructions, and wanted to feel submissive to him, he may not have given you a moments thought when you weren't actually talking to each other.  It might be just a case of he was getting his turn on so he could go have great sex with the wife upstairs when you said goodnight.  This might have been his first step into the world of BDSM (yes, I'm sure he's told you that he's been a "master" for years and years) and now he's ready to have a real relationship with someone.  There are lots of possibilities.  All of which boil down to you just weren't really as important to him as you thought you were. 

There's a saying that goes "never make somebody a priority when all you are is an option".  Lesson learned.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to HannahLynHeather)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/1/2011 12:27:50 PM   
MsKatxxx


Posts: 2
Joined: 7/19/2011
Status: offline 		Its foolish to think that men can be satisfied by pixelated text. Men and Women both crave contact, though women are much better able to handle a lack of physicality, men have often difficulty.

Tell me you're seriously thinking that you're able to satisfy ANYONE with your "submission" via text?

Basically he got tired of role playing with you. Much as you'd like to think you actually 'knew' each other... you didn't

Move on.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/1/2011 12:29:10 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mercy808
I have been with an online Master for about 3 months.
This relationship includes everday email, chat, photos, video, phone calls
Suddenly, about 2 weeks ago, all this began to taper off.
I am almost- no I am sure- that he has found someone else.
He continues to insist that he is simply busy.
I feel like he is abusing my trust and lying to me.


Granted, I am sorry for the slew of emotions you are dealing with right now.
However, I would like to point out that there is a chance that he simply is extremely busy
and not able to give you (or the relationship) as much attention as he once did.
And maybe you are trying to act the same, but I can sense a feeling of desperation in your post,
and perhaps you are turning him off by not being patient and believing him in the first place.
You speak of trust being necessary for a successful relationship, yet here you are not trusting him.
What will you do when you find out you are wrong in your assumptions?

We can give you 1001 opinions, but none of them will make a difference.
You either trust him and be patient until you cant take it anymore, or you move on.
Best of luck to you both.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to mercy808)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/1/2011 2:09:04 PM   
mercy808


Posts: 3
Joined: 7/5/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: poise You speak of trust being necessary for a successful relationship, yet here you are not trusting him.
What will you do when you find out you are wrong in your assumptions?


Thank you poise- it is refreshing to find someone with a point of view that considers the issue from all sides. I adore your avatar, by the way! Honestly, I really do appreciate your comments... but would like to reply please-

Initially, I did believe the tales of this busy bee- why wouldn't I? But, as these types of excuses continued to compound (the last two weeks- messages shorter and shorter... daily phone calls to one per week), then I really tried to make myself believe that he was just busy- that I was being paranoid. Unfortunately and to my utter dismay, I have discovered that is not the case.

Recently, (over the last week), when he has not been in contact with me, due to being swamped at work, etc.- And yes, I felt terrible, but could not stop myself from checking this website and I could see quite plainly, that he was logged in. He was soooooo busy that he couldn't leave me as much as a chat line, but seemingly had ample amounts of time to visit CM.

Just today- and this crushed me a bit- I could see how he checked CM first, first and foremost, before he left me a mere message, much less trying to attempt to make some kind of contact via chat or phone. In the beginning, he had told me that he has friends on this site and that was always fine with me- always! I'm not crazy- possessive- just abhor being lied to. If he were truly busy, but then ended up having only a small window of time for internet use, I would hope/assume that he would much rather contact me (no offense to CM at all)

I wouldn't even be completely against being 'one' of his submissives- all I want is to have the truth of whatever the situation may be, and a choice of whether I would want to proceed within it... And to know that we have scheduled time and that time is mine alone... Things changed so drastically, but he never addressed it. He acted as if nothing had changed in the least... maybe I don't want that... who knows? As I said before, I'm very foolish indeed- I believed that I was special, essential to him- clearly not... please forgive me- I'm all over the place. Sincerely, thanks to you all- I know that this has helped me sort my feelings and has given me the resolve I so desperately needed.

(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 20
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