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RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/1/2011 3:27:13 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

Well here's how I view things for myself, mercy.

I need honesty. If he's got multiple women out there and is hiding it from me, he's not being honest about who he is, and he's not being honest with me about what I can expect from him. That's a deal breaker for me.

I need someone to want to invest in me, and spend time with me. If he's not interested in me, I turn off my interest in him. I deserve more for myself, and I don't settle for less than what feeds me. This includes meeting me in person. If the Mister had no intention of meeting me, then we would not have moved forward. As it was, we had talked (online at first, then on the phone) for two months prior to meeting, and as soon as I said "If we're going to move forward with an actual relationship, I need to meet you," he made arrangements to meet that same weekend.

We either accept the way we're treated or we don't. How do you want to be treated? And why would you accept less?

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to mercy808)

Post #: 21

RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/1/2011 3:33:36 PM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

Very nice post and some wonderful advice as well.

quote:

ORIGINAL: risktaker9

No....you're not foolish. It's a learning process, you'll know now when it happens again...why do you think so many of us pegged it from the start? Because we've been where you are. I always like to point this out when someone says they feel foolish at being taken advantage of. This man and others like him are in the business of taking advantage, they're working for something. Yes, he said the right things, he knew what would float your boat. If something didn't work then he switched to something more productive. He wanted to get what he wanted, therefore he had to be effective.

You aren't stupid, you were taken in by things that were designed to do just that. It's like commercials...they're designed to be effective. They make us want to buy things by playing on certain triggers. You got played, it happens - the part that you're missing is that you didn't go into this with suspicion and wariness. You believed him and he played on that. That's not being stupid or foolish, it's being a decent human being.

Drop him, learn from your experience, identify it if it comes about again, and then don't get taken in. Best of luck to you!

_____________________________

(in reply to risktaker9)

Post #: 22

RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/1/2011 4:54:18 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

He's married.

Really. If he wasn't, then why wouldn't he jump at the chance for you to come to him and have wild crazy monkey sex?

If he has simply lied about his age/weight or such, he would still want online play.

It's the fact that you are pushing for this to move to real time that's caused him to duck for cover. He's hoping you will get the message and simply disappear without him having to get the balls to tell you the truth.

Take some time to recover. Then join your local community.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to mercy808)

Post #: 23

RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/1/2011 7:08:40 PM

JanahX

Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline

He's a big fucking liar. Don't be that bummed out. Most likely everything he told you was a lie too.
He knows that if he dosent back out now, he's going to have a hell of a time making up different lies to why you can't call, why you can't meet, why this, why that, and after so much of this, you are going to call him out on his bullshit. .... He knows eventually its going to fall apart anyways, so he's backing out now so he can save face while he still can.

That, and he's most likely married with a pack of brats to boot.

Attachment (1)

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 24

RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/1/2011 10:28:56 PM

freebounds

Posts: 39
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline

Hi Mercy,

I finished reading the two pages of replies here and I have a different take on this. I have some foundational beliefs about relationships. First, they all have the potential to have value... it depends on what you do with them. By "relationship" I mean anything from allowing a stranger to step through a door ahead of you to a lifetime commitment. Both, change another's experience, and your own. So, it is useful to maintain an attitude of curiosity. Why did you have this relationship? Or, and even better question - what clarity did this relationship offer you? And, perhaps leave room for the possibility that you won't have that answer, maybe for decades, but trust that the benefit is there. For instance, an injustice I endured in my youth became essential knowledge when it came time to respond to my daughter's pain. Sometimes, we don't know. So, if I don't know, I can just as easily assume a negative or a positive, so I go with positive, and expect that when the time is right, I will see more.

My point is that no matter if he is busy, or lying, or something in between... isn't really the point. You do not trust him. You clearly believe trust is necessary for you to feel loved and valued. So, there's your answer. Your question is what to do now that you have gotten the guy who isn't your true love, out of the way so that the real one may appear. Nurture yourself, because even the loss of an illusion is painful. Surround yourself with those who know you and love you. Let them know how much they mean to you. And, dream... let your heart dream.

Be well.
free

(in reply to mercy808)

Post #: 25

RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/4/2011 10:15:20 AM

dvart

Posts: 110
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

This is just a personal thing but I would get bored talking to anyone online that I had never met after three months.

In my book nothing beats real face to face, skin to skin, cane to skin, piss to mouth contact.

Why would you want email when you can have the real thing ?

Unless of course you are not the real thing and you are not who you say you are.

Additionally, I want a slave who serves me and it is impossible for that to happen via email or a webcam.

Live and let live of course, but that is my take.

(in reply to mercy808)

Post #: 26

RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/4/2011 12:47:05 PM

Ishtarr

Posts: 1130
Joined: 4/30/2008
Status: offline

I know from personal experience how fulfilling online relationships can be, at least for a while.

However, don't fall in the trap of setting different standards for him just because you are online seeing each other online.

If this was an offline relationship, would you tolerate him constantly blowing you off, ignoring you, spending time with other women, not being clear and open about the fact that he might be seeing other women, lying, refusing to date/see you?

Just because the connection you're seeking to have with him is purely through an electronic medium at the moment doesn't mean he should get away with crap that you wouldn't let him get away with in person.
Take a good long look at his behavior, and the standards you'd hold him to if you where dating offline, and if he doesn't measure up to what you expect from a man you'd be dating in your own neighborhood, then tell him it's over.
Don't give him an out, or wait for him to cut ties with you, he wont.

Right now you're making it too easy for him to have a convenient second choice to turn to if he gets bored with whatever it is that's keeping him away from you.

If a man is really interested in making you his priority, he WILL make time for you... no matter how busy he is.

Ishtar

_____________________________

Du blutest für mein Seelenheil
Ein kleiner Schnitt und du wirst geil
Egal, erlaubt ist, was gefällt

Ich tu' dir weh.
Tut mir nicht Leid!
Das tut dir gut.
Hör wie es schreit!

(in reply to mercy808)

Post #: 27

RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/4/2011 1:56:04 PM

RotHund

Posts: 8
Joined: 8/2/2011
From: UK, Blackpool
Status: offline

Well, after reading your post most of what I was going to say has already been said, but Id like to help pout a fellow newbe.

Online can never be real; at best its tailored porn for you both. No matter how well you write, the quality of the video or photos, all he is experiencing is a few billion bits being displayed on his screen in. You can never ever represent 1% of your passions or feelings that way. It’s far too easy to get bored or uninterested that way, and ignoring you is just a click away.

Id say he’s messing you about. We live in an age of WiFi and BlackBerrys; so if he was that busy he could at worst send you a short phone email saying yes he got the email from you and he’s sorry he can’t reply. That takes 10-15 minutes when he’s grabbing lunch.

I am worried you’re so upset over this, your first concern is for yourself, sub or not. Yes being devoted to a master or dom is your thing, but in return that person should be devoted back and make you happy. You’re not happy obviously, so go find someone who will, because I’m sure there are many domes here who will gladly take that job on at the very least.

(in reply to mercy808)

Post #: 28

RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/5/2011 4:36:27 AM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

Greetings

First of all there are no set rules, BDSM is not a club one joins with a uniform and a set way to behave, BDSM is a loose term for those that include things like Dominance and submission, bondage, pain play and so on and so on into their love life or their entire life for that matter, however the relationships themselves vary with the people involved, whatever or not a Dominant can have more than one sub depends on the relationship, in some aragements yes he or she can, in others one is only with one person, and so on, the limits are decided by the people in the relationship not by some rulebook.

Now what you need to do is talk about this with your Master. I agree that an online relationship can be real, however to many it is fun and games, tell him how you feel, that to you this is a real relationship and ask him if it is so for him to. Ask him why contact have tapered off, being a submissive do not mean you do not have the right to question. I do not agree with those that give the advice just to walk, it is always best to communicate first, for trust me that even if it to him was only a game, or he have found someone else, it will feel better in the future if you have talked with this man that you now care about and if the relationship is such that you no longer want to continue, that you have ended it in a good way instead of just breaking off contact.

Now if he after you have laid the cards on the table and tried to sit down and talk about the relationship he still do not want to communicate say goodbye and leave, however I feel that for your own piece of mind you should at least try that in a direct manner first, tell him how you feel, what you suspect and that you are not happy with the situation and see how he responds.

Now here is the problem with the situation you are in, for some people online is real, and seriously do not listen to those that say it is not, some will call it roleplay, however roleplay is when you play another person, not when you are yourself communicating through electronic media, I am not roleplaying when I speak with my old childhood friends by facebook, I am not roleplaying when I am communicating with my love through the internet while visiting my mother. However while online can be real, it is also very easy to lie over it and as you also see in this thread many do not see it as real at all, you should be vary of any online relationship as it might very well be someone playing you, keep that in mind and keep your head, give your Master a chance to sit down and talk and if he do not respond take the learning experience with you and move on.

I wish you well

_____________________________

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad

(in reply to mercy808)

Post #: 29

RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/5/2011 1:22:38 PM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

i think everything has been said, except possibly that breaking away from something that has filled youre mind and fulfilled so much of youre needs is going to be really tough to do.

theres a chance that he has lost enthusiasm. its possible that on-line dominance is a tough one to maintain after a while. for a sub its easier, all you have to do is obey, please and do as youre asked, he has to come up with all of the things that are going to keep you buzzed and occupied. its a rigourous effort to keep up every day for any amount of time, which is possibly why on-line tends to fade out.

i think you need to ask him as diplomatically as you can, give him the benefit of the doubt, you cant know that he's married or busy with other subs and you cant assume that. but you can ask him if it is still working for him because youve sensed that he's trailed off a bit. he may come back with, ive been really busy with life and blah blah.

i think that possibly all thats been said here isnt going to help youre trust issues much, but they all needed to be put forward because its not at all rare for an on-liner to be married and its unlikely that he'll admit that to you now.

in the end you have to decide if this has been a fun and worthwhile experience you can put down to experience and move on or if you want to hang in there. its youre choice. but dont let the fear of 'nothing' in the interrim put you off ending this if you feel you should. a number of the subs here have gone through that empty feeling where someone has filled a niche and a need that leaves a massive black hole and it takes time to get through that.

the great thing about all of this is that out of each experience you grow, change and move a little closer to knowing and understanding youreself better.

all the best.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 30

RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/5/2011 4:19:58 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

Don't take it personally. There are many reasons, some of which are:

He's busy taking care of wife & kids
He's an online player and you are just the sub of the month
He's tired of playing online and wants something close to home
Sitting in the chair is making his back hurt and he's tired of it
He is indeed bored with you, even in spite of your attractiveness
Some combination of the above

No flame lasts forever, whether it's online or real life, it still burns out over time. If online only is your plan, and I'm not saying it's a bad plan, but realistically, your scenario is very common and will most likely repeat itself.

Another thing is that he might not be who he claims to be, you know he's possibly in real life not the good looking bloke who sent the pics but maybe a lot older and a lot less attractive and when it comes to meeting, he can change the clock back those 20 years...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 31

RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/6/2011 7:50:29 AM

Buzzzz

Posts: 839
Joined: 11/28/2010
Status: offline

I have the same problem, just thw other way around. The submissive women I talk to online , all have the same problem.. I enjoy communication, and it just disappears with them.. (maybe the problem is me).. If I do not keep on talking, they never answer.. Let me explain a little more. I enjoy communication , but to me, it is a two way street. It has to come from bith parties. And I notice that I am "always" the one stsarting a topic, conversation or whatever. So, after a little while I stop and see when they are going to start something. Most of the time they don't . I explain to them what I need and they don't do it .. Simple thing to do. I just move on because it if the sub cannot communicate with me online of by phone call or whatever, she sure won't when in R/L. It isn't what I need, and I just move on.

I believe you should do the same.

_____________________________

_"Here is something you should never do to anyone.And here is exactly how to do it to someone you care about". Flagg._

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 32

RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/6/2011 7:52:12 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

If they're not starting a conversation it means they're not interested. They're just placating you with your conversation.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Buzzzz)

Post #: 33

RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/6/2011 12:53:30 PM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Buzzzz

I have the same problem, just thw other way around. The submissive women I talk to online , all have the same problem.. I enjoy communication, and it just disappears with them.. (maybe the problem is me).. If I do not keep on talking, they never answer.. Let me explain a little more. I enjoy communication , but to me, it is a two way street. It has to come from bith parties. And I notice that I am "always" the one stsarting a topic, conversation or whatever. So, after a little while I stop and see when they are going to start something. Most of the time they don't . I explain to them what I need and they don't do it .. Simple thing to do. I just move on because it if the sub cannot communicate with me online of by phone call or whatever, she sure won't when in R/L. It isn't what I need, and I just move on.

I believe you should do the same.

maybe you need to reconsider the sorts youre going for. i think its fair to say that some subs kinda sit back and wait for the ques and prompts because they dont think its down to them to instigate anything. then you mention the situation of them not doing as you ask and i have to wonder if theyre then plying for some on line punishment to get their subby need for exerted control moving.

i dunno, but i wouldnt assume its youre fault at all. there are some lazy people out there who think Doms should do all the work and all they the sub needs to do is turn up.

review youre targets or just move into real time.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to Buzzzz)

Post #: 34

RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/6/2011 1:05:08 PM

Buzzzz

Posts: 839
Joined: 11/28/2010
Status: offline

I am "real time" and I was also taking about local subs I talk to/txt/etc...

Yes, I just keep moving on and I believe the op should do the same.

_____________________________

_"Here is something you should never do to anyone.And here is exactly how to do it to someone you care about". Flagg._

(in reply to lally2)

Post #: 35

RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/7/2011 9:22:34 PM

hausboy

Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline

Hi mercy
I was sitting here reading through this, thinking, that I've never had an online relationship.....and then realized that I had. About a year ago, I met someone online and we emailed a bit....she flew in from the west coast to the east coast for a job interview in my city, and we met for dinner. Since we hit it off for that hour or so, we continued our "online" chatting, emailing, etc. for several weeks--I forget how many months. During those months, I became quite enamored of her, we seemed to have SO much in common online.....and could email and chat for hours at a time. I couldn't wait to get home, turn on the computer, and read an email from her. I loved it when we would chat for hours on end. I seriously thought I had found the one. When the opportunity came up for me to travel west, I offered to meet again, this time we spent a long weekend together.

Unfortunately, we both found out that we just weren't compatible in the flesh.
The ease and comfort that she conveyed online...wasn't there in person. The rational and interesting dialogues in a chat online, instead felt a bit manic and crazy in person. I'm not exactly sure why I didn't meet her expectations either--but soon after we met, she didn't get the job here, took a job in another city and after a few emails, we stopped writing one another. So in my mind, the lack of interest must have been mutual.

I was disappointed....and surprised how attached I could get to someone who I had just previously interacted with online (except for 1 hour of dinner). But I'm glad we met and spent a lot of time together, which made it painfully clear to me after the first day, that we were just not right for one another.

The fact that this fellow does not want to meet you when you are offering to foot the plane ticket is definitely odd. My only advice is to remember that an online personna is a very 2-dimensional look at a person, and the only way to truly get to know someone is to spend time with them, face-to-face. He may very well have done you a favor, and I know that you may have emotionally invested already in him but the fact is, as callous as it may sound, you don't really know who he is.

You're new to this--it doesn't mean you are a bad sub. Your trust and submission are precious gifts that should not easily be given away to just anyone who calls himself (or herself) a Dom/Domme. Chalk it up to a lesson learned, and give those gifts to a Dom/Domme more deserving of them.

good luck--

(in reply to Buzzzz)

Post #: 36

RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/8/2011 5:13:46 PM

subbingforyou

Posts: 20
Joined: 4/10/2011
Status: offline

First, there are no rules except the rules you and he agree to between yourself.

The tapering off could be due to the fact that he is overworking or that he is losing interest in you. He may not answer you honestly if the latter is the case.

The important thing is for you to understand what you want and clearly articulate it. And then if you don't get it, you have to prepared to move on.

It's really no different than a vanilla relationship

(in reply to mercy808)

Post #: 37

RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/10/2011 4:38:05 PM

Domspaintoy

Posts: 158
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline

People need to stop pandering to you, i betcha a pound to a penny this guy is happily married, multiple subs? = A wife!!! Whilst it suited him & didnt interfer with his life he played with you but when you got too close, too near the back door he backed off. The difference in playing with married men is knowing those who really arent intimate with the wives and knowing those who are lying and those who are feeding you a line, there IS a difference.

(in reply to mercy808)

Post #: 38

RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/13/2011 7:32:07 AM

spankgirl4u

Posts: 8
Joined: 4/5/2011
Status: offline

it is very hard in an online d/s the time it takes on both side and the efforts the commutation the honestly to but most of the time the people just play the other person and these are the people who shouldn't be in a d/s to being with . also a few red flags of he is not who he says who he is does he share he life with you? have you talk with his friends? with his family? want to meet you?( as you said he dnt want to) i would talk with him and see what he says but mostly likely and i have seen it he was lying about everything or is bored with you ........

(in reply to Domspaintoy)

Post #: 39

RE: Master Is Bored With Me - 8/13/2011 4:09:21 PM

domwithrespect

Posts: 3
Joined: 8/13/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Buzzzz

So, after a little while I stop and see when they are going to start something. Most of the time they don't . I explain to them what I need and they don't do it .. Simple thing to do. I just move on because it if the sub cannot communicate with me online of by phone call or whatever, she sure won't when in R/L. .

Some people do not communicate online as well as they do in person and some people do not like to write a lot. And for good reason, a lot of people take online communication with a grain of salt. Now, if the online or phone communication is an adjunct to face-to-face meetings, that's one thing. But if all you're doing is communicating electronically, most people won't become too invested, and their interest will quickly wane after the initial infatuation. If you stay online or on the phone for too long, a lot of people are going to get bored, lose interest and move on.

(in reply to Buzzzz)

Post #: 40

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