quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterNeo1

Here's something that I happened to stumble upon while surfing the inter-web:
(An opinion of a Dominant, on why a submissive choosing their Dominant is important)

'As long as I can remember, it is custom that the Dominant waits until a submissive chooses the Dominant. This for the right kind of relationship where the Dominant is adored for His skills and the submissive for her gifts.
The Dominant who does not follow this rule is an outcast and therefore not respected as a real Dominant should be.
If a Dominant takes a submissive by force then, the what I call; 'negative side of the BDSM' will show in the relationship where pleasure will become abuse and the trust will be fear.
The submissive is responsible for the right choice. Therefore, she must decide before the offering if the Dominant is worthy of her gifts.
The Dominant has to prove his knowledge and sensitivity for His submissive'

What is Y/your view on this topic?

Personally, I do believe that it raises some valid points, and also seems to make sense to Me. But surely; there must be some Dominants out there that do/have approach(ed) submissives first. Likewise, I'm sure there will be certain submissives, that prefer the Dominant to approach them instead. If this is the case, is it because Y/you believe that who chooses who is completely irrelevant to the relationship?
Or do Y/you agree with what is being said?

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterNeo1

'As long as I can remember, it is custom that the Dominant waits until a submissive chooses the Dominant. This for the right kind of relationship where the Dominant is adored for His skills and the submissive for her gifts.
The Dominant who does not follow this rule is an outcast and therefore not respected as a real Dominant should be.
If a Dominant takes a submissive by force then, the what I call; 'negative side of the BDSM' will show in the relationship where pleasure will become abuse and the trust will be fear.
The submissive is responsible for the right choice. Therefore, she must decide before the offering if the Dominant is worthy of her gifts.
The Dominant has to prove his knowledge and sensitivity for His submissive'

What is Y/your view on this topic?

quote:

As long as I can remember, it is custom that the Dominant waits until a submissive chooses the Dominant.

quote:

This for the right kind of relationship where the Dominant is adored for His skills and the submissive for her gifts.

quote:

The Dominant who does not follow this rule is an outcast and therefore not respected as a real Dominant should be.

quote:

If a Dominant takes a submissive by force then, the what I call; 'negative side of the BDSM' will show in the relationship where pleasure will become abuse and the trust will be fear.

quote:

The submissive is responsible for the right choice. Therefore, she must decide before the offering if the Dominant is worthy of her gifts.
The Dominant has to prove his knowledge and sensitivity for His submissive'

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ORIGINAL: crazyml

Out of, admittedly morbid, curiosity, what on earth did you see in this drivel that raises valid points, and what bits of it made sense to you?

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ORIGINAL: Awareness

  Christ.  This is errant fucking nonsense.

Fundamentally, one of the skill sets which comes with a dominant personality is the ability to influence.  This includes the subs you encounter.  People toss around a bunch of pseudo-spiritual mumbo-jumbo around this point but the ability to influence also includes the ability to seduce.  Despite the ritualistic claptrap people construct around love, it really is a process; it can be run on anyone you choose and the result is what we call seduction.  Only the truly self-contained are immune to seduction.

When subs run into an actual dominant personality - as opposed to the legions of wannabes - they know it.  They feel it.  There's a myriad of details in the way a dominant interacts with a sub which gives the game away.

So, the practical upshot of all this?  Yes, the Dom chooses.  He should be choosing, because he'll be pursuing what he wants and if he's a powerful influencer, there's a damn good chance he'll get his way.  As I've said before, submission is not a gift, it's a response.  It's inspired by the personality of the Dom.  And when a woman's been inspired to submission through interacting with a Dom - she's not exactly going to turn and run unless the dude turns out to be a nutbar.

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ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

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ORIGINAL: Awareness

Christ.  This is errant fucking nonsense.

Fundamentally, one of the skill sets which comes with a dominant personality is the ability to influence.  This includes the subs you encounter.  People toss around a bunch of pseudo-spiritual mumbo-jumbo around this point but the ability to influence also includes the ability to seduce.  Despite the ritualistic claptrap people construct around love, it really is a process; it can be run on anyone you choose and the result is what we call seduction.  Only the truly self-contained are immune to seduction.

When subs run into an actual dominant personality - as opposed to the legions of wannabes - they know it.  They feel it.  There's a myriad of details in the way a dominant interacts with a sub which gives the game away.

So, the practical upshot of all this?  Yes, the Dom chooses.  He should be choosing, because he'll be pursuing what he wants and if he's a powerful influencer, there's a damn good chance he'll get his way.  As I've said before, submission is not a gift, it's a response.  It's inspired by the personality of the Dom.  And when a woman's been inspired to submission through interacting with a Dom - she's not exactly going to turn and run unless the dude turns out to be a nutbar.

That's such bullshit. I don't care how "dominant" you think you are, but unless I find you attractive based on my own criteria, it ain't gonna happen.

I think you are right and Awareness is about half right.

I don't disagree that leaders have the ability to influence the people around them nor think that people who end up in positions of leaderships did so via blind luck. Entire books have been written on the subject of leadership skills and the charisma that certain individuals possess that allow them to influence other people into doing what they want. (I'm also in no way what-so-ever claiming to be one of those people. I just acknowledge that they exist.)

However, I think this is only half the story when it comes to D/S relationships, because they are intimate relationships and involve elements of love and sex that are not present in other leader/follower type dynamics. Therefore, human connection and sexual chemistry becomes the deciding factor and if they aren't naturally present, then nothing else really matters.

I've had my share of dates with girls who have perceived me as dominant, but didn't feel the right "fire" towards me (nor I for them). It's why dating is such a crap shoot.

(But I do think having charisma and communication, relationship and leadership skills does make it easier to keep that one submissive around who does feel the right way for you )

((Edited To Add: It also makes it easier to get dates in the first place! ))

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ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
Let me clue you in on a secret. The female always decides if there will be sex (unless it is rape and let's please not go there),

The male always decides what the *nature* of the sexual relationship will be, casual, a fling, long term, I want to marry this girl.

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ORIGINAL: subbingforyou

You have to careful about generalization. There have been many times when I as the male have decided if there will be sex, and I know a lot of couples where the woman disctates the natre of the relationship. This sounds like cliches from the 1950s.


--quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
Let me clue you in on a secret. The female always decides if there will be sex (unless it is rape and let's please not go there),

The male always decides what the *nature* of the sexual relationship will be, casual, a fling, long term, I want to marry this girl. --

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbingforyou

You have to careful about generalization. There have been many times when I as the male have decided if there will be sex, and I know a lot of couples where the woman disctates the natre of the relationship. This sounds like cliches from the 1950s.