Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? - 8/8/2011 5:35:32 PM   
HannahLynHeather


Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline
quote:

I can definitely say the first night I met Master he decided when and if there would be sex and he decided there wouldn't no matter how much I begged. He still likes to remind me of that lol.
as littlewonder pointed out, it can work either way. it's a fucking mutual decision. if she's not into it, he's not getting laid. if he's not into it, she's not getting laid.

_____________________________

clique? i don't need no stinking clique!

fuck a duck ~w. disney

My Twitter: http://twitter.com/HannahFuck

i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? - 8/8/2011 5:38:57 PM   
winspiritsbaby


Posts: 141
Status: offline 		Who chooses who? It has to be a mutual choice. A sub can't just say "I choose you!!" and expect the dominant to comply if the feelings aren't neutral, and vice versa.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? - 8/8/2011 5:51:43 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: winspiritsbaby

Who chooses who? It has to be a mutual choice. A sub can't just say "I choose you!!" and expect the dominant to comply if the feelings aren't neutral, and vice versa.


We said that ages ago here, a BDSM relationship is a relationship, if only one party is feeling attracted, not going to work, if the submissive finds the dominant repulsive, there won't be anything happening, unless of course feeling repulsed is part of his/her kink.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to winspiritsbaby)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? - 8/8/2011 5:56:21 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

as littlewonder pointed out, it can work either way. it's a fucking mutual decision. if she's not into it, he's not getting laid. if he's not into it, she's not getting laid.


Okay, so let's see how this plays out in real time. A dom male realizes a cutesy sub females wants him. He's unattached and ready. Okay, now what are the chances if there is mutual attraction (and I will grant you that) that the male says no?

Is it possible? Oh sure.

Just not probable. A male with any standards at all just doesn't have that many chances, if she's saying yes, he complies I would say most of the time. Given a mutual attraction.

Hmm...I guess I didn't make that clear in my premise. (Well fuck me!)

Given a mutual attraction, the female decides if they will proceed with sex. The male decides what that sex means.

Okay, I'm good for now, have at it !!






_____________________________



(in reply to HannahLynHeather)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? - 8/8/2011 6:10:55 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Where did I hear this?

A man chases a woman until she catches him. 

'can't remember.



_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? - 8/8/2011 6:15:00 PM   
Leoane


Posts: 7
Joined: 4/19/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Who said it's not a mutual decision?

I agree
I think it a mutual decision

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? - 8/8/2011 11:52:29 PM   
Awareness


Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968
That's such bullshit. I don't care how "dominant" you think you are, but unless I find you attractive based on my own criteria, it ain't gonna happen.
Said like a true babe in the wood who understands little of human beings or seduction.

This shit is an art.  Most people are completely clueless.  And it's not something which is instantaneous.  Seduction takes time, attention to detail and the ability to get under the skin of your target.  If a man has sufficient skill and self-belief and decides he wants a woman - chances are, he'll have her.  Ironically enough, the women who think their virtue or 'standards' protect them are amongst the easiest.  Precisely because they believe it can't happen to them.

Having said that, it's important to choose wisely in the first place.  Some women are just not going to work well with a seducer's natural personality and some should clearly be avoided for other reasons.  But the idea that a woman selects a man based on his virtues.... that's a party line that smart men ignore.  It's bollocks.

_____________________________

Ever notice how fucking annoying most signatures are? - Yes, I do appreciate the irony.

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? - 8/9/2011 12:56:52 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968
That's such bullshit. I don't care how "dominant" you think you are, but unless I find you attractive based on my own criteria, it ain't gonna happen.
Said like a true babe in the wood who understands little of human beings or seduction.

This shit is an art.  Most people are completely clueless.  And it's not something which is instantaneous.  Seduction takes time, attention to detail and the ability to get under the skin of your target.  If a man has sufficient skill and self-belief and decides he wants a woman - chances are, he'll have her.  Ironically enough, the women who think their virtue or 'standards' protect them are amongst the easiest.  Precisely because they believe it can't happen to them.

Having said that, it's important to choose wisely in the first place.  Some women are just not going to work well with a seducer's natural personality and some should clearly be avoided for other reasons.  But the idea that a woman selects a man based on his virtues.... that's a party line that smart men ignore.  It's bollocks.


AH... yes, the old "Jedi mind trick" approach to seduction.

<imagines awareness holding up two fingers and whispering "Yes, this is the Dom you are looking for...">

From my POV, this notion is far from being nonsense. A skilled seducer can definitely dramatically improve the odds of seduction by applying (either consciously or unconsciously) a number of techniques aimed at creating a sense of intimacy and closeness.

A friend once gave me a book called "How to make anyone fall in love with you" with a note attached saying "You wrote this, didn't you, you fucker". It contained a host of approaches and techniques - some of which (not all by any means) I realised that I'd been using unconsciously for years.

Note that I said "dramatically improve the odds", I've discovered that some women are immune to my use of the "force" (lesbians, of course) - that said, this could be easily explained by the fact that I'm sure that I am a mere Paduin compared with Awareness's Jedi in the use of the force for the purposes of seduction.

OH.... and, I know you'll hate me for this Awareness (you being all "men are in charge" and all) but I've seen this skill/art you described used by plenty of babes in my time as well.

It's less common though, because most women merely have to hint at the possibility of sexual congress to get most men all horny, at which point (as we all know) the male brain ceases to function properly.


_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to Awareness)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? - 8/9/2011 12:58:28 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Where did I hear this?

A man chases a woman until she catches him. 

'can't remember.




I am going to try and find out where that comes from - that is awesome.


_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? - 8/9/2011 4:28:11 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml


It's less common though, because most women merely have to hint at the possibility of sexual congress to get most men all horny, at which point (as we all know) the male brain ceases to function properly.



The Jedi mindtrick makes people rich every year when they write books on how to date successfully and all that, it's not really that secret, the simple way is simply to analyze what is something that makes you react and then try to do that yourself, guys and girls aren't that different, some people have charms and charisma naturally, others have to work a bit harder on it, you can always boil it down to a very simple "Be the person you would be attracted to yourself", so all the charms in the world aren't going to help you if you're letting yourself go physically, neglect personal hygiene, avoid all physical exercise like the pest, know toothbrushes only from adverts and you're a horrible conversationalist, nobody can work charms if people fall asleep or back off (possibly don't even want to go near) due to obvious reasons. But yes, I've seen babes who did quite well despite being somewhat "limited" in their conversation, but most of them had good figures and wore very little, a concept that doesn't seem to work very well for guys.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? - 8/9/2011 7:47:29 AM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline 		The female chooses the male in virtually all mammalian species, in most other species as well - the reason is simple: the female bears the bulk of reproductive cost, and tends to seek out males that have not only desirable genetic characteristics, but will help her defray the reproductive costs - particularly in humans.

Having said that, humans in particular have that large cerebral cortex that does little but process abstract symbols, thus we can work around most mammalian programming in a pinch - rape is an example of the male choosing the female for example - but on average, we follow mostly mammalian algorithms, and working around this one requires either very subtle or very overt behavior on the part of the man.

Socially, I'm basically asking you if can I stick my penis into you, which is a fairly significant favor to ask; one cannot simply go around sticking ones penis into people one likes, it's considered gauche.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? - 8/9/2011 7:56:40 AM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline 		The usual debate centers not on whether or not the woman's consent must be obtained prior to the act of penetration, but on whether or not having once acceded to having your penis stuck in her, it means you can continue to do so at your discretion - this is, I believe, generally assumed to be the case in BDSM, but your laws may vary according to state.


(in reply to xssve)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? - 8/9/2011 8:04:02 AM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline 		Anyway, this is probably why women who prefer to be penetrated more or less indiscriminately are fetishized on one side, censured on the other: it evokes powerful sexual/emotional/political responses, being somewhat contrary to the usual order of things.

(in reply to xssve)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? - 8/9/2011 8:13:05 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml


quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Where did I hear this?

A man chases a woman until she catches him. 

'can't remember.




I am going to try and find out where that comes from - that is awesome.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmgEiLP1CvI

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? - 8/9/2011 8:24:44 AM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline 		Most of cases where women are not given the choice are actually enculturated in religion, forced and arranged marriage, etc., although in these cases, there is as much pressure on the man to fulfill his husbandly obligations; provide a stable home, food, resources, etc., as there is on the woman to be sexually accessible to him, the trade off is enforced on both sides.

In a more civilized system of values, a gentleman always asks, a lady always defers, which in some sense, is agreeing to make it the mans choice as a matter of form, there being a somewhat delicate dance around the subject of masculine authority vs. feminine prerogative:

"Pardon me dear, but I'd love to give you a jolly good Rodgering - would you mind bending over"?

"As you wish, sir".

Thus, the male is granted the initiative, the female properly defers, at least this is the formal ideal within marriage.

Outside wedlock , different rituals may apply, but usually involve some compromise between masculine aggression vs. feminine deference, collaring for example, which is a form of generalized, blanket consent.

< Message edited by xssve -- 8/9/2011 8:25:30 AM >

(in reply to xssve)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? - 8/9/2011 8:31:40 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: winspiritsbaby

Who chooses who? It has to be a mutual choice. A sub can't just say "I choose you!!" and expect the dominant to comply if the feelings aren't neutral, and vice versa.


Yeah, I tried that. Success rating of that approach? "Not so much"


Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to winspiritsbaby)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? - 8/9/2011 8:33:32 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

AH... yes, the old "Jedi mind trick" approach to seduction.

(snippage of alot of massively awesome stuff)

It's less common though, because most women merely have to hint at the possibility of sexual congress to get most men all horny, at which point (as we all know) the male brain ceases to function properly.




Some days, I just fucking love you.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? - 8/9/2011 12:35:38 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

To the OP:

I don't know if you have an email address for the person who wrote that shit, the reason I ask is that when I read it my jackass detector literally exploded. I'm pretty sure the damage is irreparable and I've half a mind to sue the fuckwit.

Let's take it line by line - and I'll admit, this is more for my benefit than anyone elses.

quote:

As long as I can remember, it is custom that the Dominant waits until a submissive chooses the Dominant.

What the fuck? On which planet is it the "custom" that the Dominant waits until chosen?

quote:

This for the right kind of relationship where the Dominant is adored for His skills and the submissive for her gifts.

Setting aside the lack of a verb - how can this possibly be predicated on the first sentence. Maybe on the planet Jackass?

quote:

The Dominant who does not follow this rule is an outcast and therefore not respected as a real Dominant should be.


Oh fuck, did the rule book get lost in the mail... does anyone have a copy I can see? Or is this some lost book from the bible? Was it uncovered in the dead sea scrolls.

First it's not a rule. Second what the fuck is outcast meant to mean in this context? Third if the jackass who wrote this doesn't "respect me as a real dominant should be" I'm really not about to cry a trickle, let alone a river.

quote:

If a Dominant takes a submissive by force then, the what I call; 'negative side of the BDSM' will show in the relationship where pleasure will become abuse and the trust will be fear.


No shit sherlock. Jesus, you don't exactly need have a PHD in ethics and morality to nail this one. But I do love the "what I call" bit. This is an example of what I call "jackassedness".

quote:

The submissive is responsible for the right choice. Therefore, she must decide before the offering if the Dominant is worthy of her gifts.
The Dominant has to prove his knowledge and sensitivity for His submissive'


Bollocks. Both parties to a relationship are responsible (to themselves and eachother) for making the right choice. Therefore they both need to decide....

Fuck me, I feel better now.

Out of, admittedly morbid, curiosity, what on earth did you see in this drivel that raises valid points, and what bits of it made sense to you?



Thank you for this classic. It stands up there with your answer to the woman that you told to write punishment lines because she wasted our time with drivel. Both quality answers...omg.

OP, haven't heard back from you on this thread. I'm not sure how long you've been doing the D/s thing, the longer you do it and the more it becomes a part of your life it seems the less of a mysterious quality it has. It's just another facet of life....we all just carry on with life in pretty much the same manner as we always did. There aren't generally community rules to follow beyond that of being a decent human being. Whoever wrote the original you read seemed to be rather full of himself and annoying. There are lots of those people around, they latch on to something and become an 'expert' overnight. Do  your own thing, if it bothers you to seek out a woman, then wait. If you'd like to do the pursuing, then do it. Knock yourself out

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? - 8/9/2011 10:20:06 PM   
Awareness


Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

AH... yes, the old "Jedi mind trick" approach to seduction.

<imagines awareness holding up two fingers and whispering "Yes, this is the Dom you are looking for...">
  Christ dude, if that shit worked, I'd start my own slave trade.

quote:

Note that I said "dramatically improve the odds", I've discovered that some women are immune to my use of the "force" (lesbians, of course) - that said, this could be easily explained by the fact that I'm sure that I am a mere Paduin compared with Awareness's Jedi in the use of the force for the purposes of seduction.
  I haven't claimed any lesbians although there are guys who specialise in seducing femmes away from butch dykes.  They consider it grand sport.

quote:

OH.... and, I know you'll hate me for this Awareness (you being all "men are in charge" and all) but I've seen this skill/art you described used by plenty of babes in my time as well.
  Of course.  Who do you think taught us this shit in the first place?   Thing is, women don't often encounter strong men who know how to seduce.  So the advantage is very definitely with those men.

quote:

It's less common though, because most women merely have to hint at the possibility of sexual congress to get most men all horny, at which point (as we all know) the male brain ceases to function properly.
  To a limited extent.  After a while, pussy is just pussy and believe it or not, men do actually turn down sex for a number of reasons - not least of which can be related to the personality of the woman in question.  Or sometimes it's because she's in a vulnerable state and it's bad karma to take advantage of her; or she could shows signs of being an obsessive nutbar and sex will just ramp up that obsessiveness; or you just plain aren't very interested in her; or you're playing the long game and don't just want to fuck her but want to her fall for you utterly.

You're pretty much reinforcing my point.  Women have expectations based upon the majority of men.  Here's a clue.  DON'T be like the majority of men.  Don't accept women's bullshit.  Don't believe the hype about them controlling the game.  They only control the game if you believe they do.

Men with spine who know how to seduce are relatively rare.  Women will automatically try and control the frame of any interaction if you're weak enough to let them.  That's pretty much the problem I see all over these boards.  Very few men assert themselves in the face of overwhelming condemnation.  I find it weak, insipid and completely counterproductive as I know full well how women react to men who refuse to tolerate their crap.


_____________________________

Ever notice how fucking annoying most signatures are? - Yes, I do appreciate the irony.

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? - 8/10/2011 6:50:10 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness



You're pretty much reinforcing my point.  Women have expectations based upon the majority of men.  Here's a clue.  DON'T be like the majority of men.  Don't accept women's bullshit.  Don't believe the hype about them controlling the game.  They only control the game if you believe they do.

Men with spine who know how to seduce are relatively rare.  Women will automatically try and control the frame of any interaction if you're weak enough to let them.  That's pretty much the problem I see all over these boards.  Very few men assert themselves in the face of overwhelming condemnation.  I find it weak, insipid and completely counterproductive as I know full well how women react to men who refuse to tolerate their crap.



So in short, you're actually finally owning up that you're all theory and you're just not getting laid.

Here the women just laugh about it, I doubt that real life is much different.


_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to Awareness)
Profile   Post #: 60
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.156