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To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/7/2011 11:34:54 PM   
Anita89


Posts: 11
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline 		I have never been Dominated, tied up/down for control purposes or really anything else that I would consider kinky. I'm searching for a local Dom and having recently attended my first play party I was wondering if I should learn/explore before I meet someone I want to be with or if I should let them train me themselves? I've never before subed or played AT ALL, vanilla sex and a couple attempts at anal are as risky as I've gotten but I've fantasized about being tied down since I was old enough to use my imagination.
I say that because I'm sure someone will ask if I'm sure I WANT to be Dominated and yes I am. So anyone want to weigh on this? Should I play and learn (in a safe environment with friends) or let my future Dom/Master train me, teach me and break my play cherry?

< Message edited by Anita89 -- 8/7/2011 11:35:43 PM >
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RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/7/2011 11:48:26 PM   
HannahLynHeather


Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline 		play and learn. being dominated is a really vague thing, it can mean anything from being his treasured odalisque to being his dehumanized fuckpig whore. you say you're sure you want to be dominated. cool. but how do you want to be dominated. waiting for your future dom to come along is a crap shoot.

what happens if he's a fucking sadist and you really fucking hate pain, what if he's deep into humiliation and you just can't deal with that sort of play? well i'll tell you what happens, you get fucking hurt. he gets hurt. you invest emotions and it is for nothing. you both waste a bunch of time and effort and you end up eating rocky road and crying to your bff over the phone. fuck that shit.

you need to figure out what sort of dom you want first, then you can go out and find the fucker. besides, you never know; one of those friends you play with might just be the one

_____________________________

clique? i don't need no stinking clique!

fuck a duck ~w. disney

My Twitter: http://twitter.com/HannahFuck

i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

(in reply to Anita89)
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RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/8/2011 12:04:35 AM   
Anita89


Posts: 11
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline 		I have already established hard limits from watching others play and listening to a friend who is into edge play. I have some idea of what I'd like to try and what I've discovered that would he a ' I willing to try or I want to try' so I'm mildly confident that I can escape getting someone who wants to turn me into a pony. (Not my thing nothing wrong with it) I admit waiting is not my strong suite but it's only been a month since I committed to exploring my submissive side. I felt silly trying to ask the two people who brought me to the play party and are my window into my local community, their opinion on this.
I appreciate the feedback.

(in reply to HannahLynHeather)
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RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/8/2011 12:17:01 AM   
HannahLynHeather


Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline
quote:

I have some idea of what I'd like to try and what I've discovered that would he a ' I willing to try or I want to try'
so try.

seriously, why would you consider waiting? what do you see as the advantage?

_____________________________

clique? i don't need no stinking clique!

fuck a duck ~w. disney

My Twitter: http://twitter.com/HannahFuck

i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

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RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/8/2011 12:25:03 AM   
DeviantlyD


Posts: 4375
Joined: 5/26/2007
From: Hawai`i
Status: offline 		Don't feel silly asking the two who brought you to the play party. I'm sure they would be very supportive of answering your questions and helping you make decisions that are right for you. And if you trust them, they would be the ideal people to ask advice of, rather than random strangers online.

One bit of information I can impart to you is that watching is not going to help you determine what you will or won't like. I would never have ever considered myself a masochist prior to the first time I was given a good cropping. It was something I didn't view as an activity I would enjoy at all. There was nothing in my past to indicate it would be something I would even want to try. But it's fun! With the right person, I get to fly and experience a wonderful world I'd never known existed.

The decision is really up to you to figure out. I have a feeling you already know what the answer is.

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ExiledTyrant's groupie. Catering to his ego since May 26, 2007. :D

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RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/8/2011 12:42:49 AM   
Anita89


Posts: 11
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline 		I don't think it entered my mind that I could be surprised by something, or like something I wasn't into trying first....... interesting that you helped me figure that out. Lol maybe I'm more close minded than I thought! Alright, I'll add play partner or teacher to my list. I have to say, I surprised myself by being arrogant about my response to things or what I think my response will be.
I think I had this vague idea that a Dom would want to be my teacher, lover, boyfriend and Dom all rolled into one a d may be dissatisfied if I played before him. After talking it out I see my logic and where it went screwy.

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RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/8/2011 12:50:13 AM   
DeviantlyD


Posts: 4375
Joined: 5/26/2007
From: Hawai`i
Status: offline 		There just may be a Dom out there who wants to be all of that, but if he's interested in you I can't imagine he would be dissatisfied if you had played before meeting him. It sounds as though you're basing your decision on a possibility that may never exist. (i.e., his dissatisaction) Even if you have had several play sessions, you will by no means be an expert. There will be plenty for him to teach you. ;)

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RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/8/2011 2:34:10 AM   
RaspberryLemon


Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline 		I would think that "breaking your play cherry" to test the waters would be considered casual sex. Nothing wrong with that if that's what you're into, but personally I could never do that. You are essentially asking if you should go have sex with some people in different ways to find out what you like and don't like before you invest time/effort into dating someone. But personally, I think that's what dating is for--seeing if you two are compatible. Just because you are involving aspects of BDSM into things doesn't make it different. And hey, if you  date someone for awhile and end up not being compatible to the point where you can't compromise? Oh well. Break it off and try another person. I've always felt that the concept of going ahead (this especially applies to females) and getting "experience" with sex or sexual things prior to actually entering a real relationship was just kind of ridiculous. I see sex and its close relations as something very intimate that should be shared with only a partner you intend to build a relationship with.

But hey. Maybe I am just a prude or too traditional or something. Just go with what feels right to you.

(in reply to DeviantlyD)
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RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/8/2011 2:36:03 AM   
Hisfreedom


Posts: 35
Joined: 8/6/2011
Status: offline 		Although I understand your thought process about thinking he may ultimately be unhappy if you were to have played before, it's like someone being your first (the whole break the cherry thing), so I can see where you could think that. No matter what your time with your eventual Dom will be a series of firsts with eachother but if you play prior to him you will have some concept of what you may like and may not.

That being said, I say "you may like and may not" because you never know if you will ultimately like something the way HE does it or just because HE is the one doing it. Or you may find that things you like the least take you into slave space simply because he desires it and takes it regardless of what you like (which could make you love what you hate)

Go slowly, be safe, learn, explore and definitely speak with your lifestyle friends. Just remember in the future, that just because one experience wasn't exactly what you'd imagined, it doesn't mean that given the right motivation (i.e. love, desire to please etc)you won't like it in the future.

~freedom

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RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/8/2011 2:43:14 AM   
HannahLynHeather


Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline
quote:

I've always felt that the concept of going ahead (this especially applies to females) and getting "experience" with sex or sexual things prior to actually entering a real relationship was just kind of ridiculous.
why especially for females? what's so fucking different about it for men?

_____________________________

clique? i don't need no stinking clique!

fuck a duck ~w. disney

My Twitter: http://twitter.com/HannahFuck

i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

(in reply to RaspberryLemon)
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RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/8/2011 2:46:41 AM   
RaspberryLemon


Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

quote:

I've always felt that the concept of going ahead (this especially applies to females) and getting "experience" with sex or sexual things prior to actually entering a real relationship was just kind of ridiculous.
why especially for females? what's so fucking different about it for men?

First of all, the men have at least the excuse of "I don't want to last 5 seconds when I'm with a girl I want to impress." I don't feel that that is necessarily something that justifies it, but women don't have that kind of excuse.

Also, key that opens many locks, master key, lock that is opened by many keys, shitty lock, etc., etc. I just think female virginity is more "precious" than male virginity because, well...male virginity doesn't involve being violated by a phallic object. Usually.

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RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/8/2011 2:59:23 AM   
HannahLynHeather


Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline 		seriously???? you've got to be putting me on!

1 - what does having casual sex have to do with how long a guy lasts with a girl he wants to impress? what is the connection? sorry i just don't see one.

2. the key shit - do you mean you think the value of your cunt depends on how few people have fucked it? <please god let her say no>

3. what the fuck does penetration by a phallic object have to do with the value of a girl's first time? wouldn't that make a guy's first pegging just as valuable?

e2a
4. do you really see fucking as being violated?

< Message edited by HannahLynHeather -- 8/8/2011 3:00:16 AM >

_____________________________

clique? i don't need no stinking clique!

fuck a duck ~w. disney

My Twitter: http://twitter.com/HannahFuck

i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

(in reply to RaspberryLemon)
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RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/8/2011 3:01:25 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Of course, it's ultimately your decision.  But I'd suggest that you play but only at parties.  Play in a private setting, when you don't really know the Top, just has too many dangers for a newbie.  99% of the time nothing goes wrong.  But if it does at a party, there're people to help.

Think of it as dancing with several men before you find one to marry you.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/8/2011 3:04:24 AM   
RaspberryLemon


Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

seriously???? you've got to be putting me on!

1 - what does having casual sex have to do with how long a guy lasts with a girl he wants to impress? what is the connection? sorry i just don't see one.

2. the key shit - do you mean you think the value of your cunt depends on how few people have fucked it? <please god let her say no>

3. what the fuck does penetration by a phallic object have to do with the value of a girl's first time? wouldn't that make a guy's first pegging just as valuable?

e2a
4. do you really see fucking as being violated?


1. Not casual sex in itself, just the act of having had sex before. I was using it as an example.
2. Personally? As in, mine? Yes. I don't apply that to everybody as I realize it's quite an unrealistic view or expectation to have.
3. Penetration by a phallic object literally alters the physical state of the vagina (hymen.) A dude sticking his dick in something doesn't change his penis at all. So no, I wouldn't say that a guy's first pegging is in the same boat, but in a similar one, yes.
4. Depends. I consider it violation if it's not done in a loving, consensual relationship. As for a dude getting pegged, I do believe that is violating regardless, but for a different reason.

(in reply to HannahLynHeather)
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RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/8/2011 3:06:31 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RaspberryLemon

quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

quote:

I've always felt that the concept of going ahead (this especially applies to females) and getting "experience" with sex or sexual things prior to actually entering a real relationship was just kind of ridiculous.
why especially for females? what's so fucking different about it for men?

First of all, the men have at least the excuse of "I don't want to last 5 seconds when I'm with a girl I want to impress." I don't feel that that is necessarily something that justifies it, but women don't have that kind of excuse.

Also, key that opens many locks, master key, lock that is opened by many keys, shitty lock, etc., etc. I just think female virginity is more "precious" than male virginity because, well...male virginity doesn't involve being violated by a phallic object. Usually.



That last sentence has me all quizzical... on one hand there's a very feminist stance that the loss of a female's virginity involves "being violated by a phallic object" - I'd argue strongly that violated is only the correct word to use here if the act is non-consensual. Then there's the very dated stance that a female's virginity is more precious.

To the OP...

Do what feels right and comfortable to you. If you prefer to have the framework of a relationship that's fine. If you want to explore things in a more casual way with people you like and trust then go for it (and if you like and trust them there's an implied relationship there in any case - just perhaps not a conventional one).

The most important thing is use your common sense, which, if you're asking yourself these questions, is something you probably have enough of to get by.



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Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

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RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/8/2011 3:09:55 AM   
Epytropos


Posts: 699
Joined: 7/23/2011
Status: offline 		Personally as a dom I'd rather start with a clean slate, and I'm glad, looking back, that my first BDSM encounter was with someone I cared about and not a stranger or acquaintance, but that said it's up to you to decide what you value more. You can't build yourself and your life on what you think a future dom might want from you in terms of experience level, you have to seek out what is going to make you happiest in the long run.

As an aside to Rasberry and Hannah, gotta say I see no substantive difference between male and female virginity. Yes there is the hymen issue, and a billion years of cultural baggage associated with it, but in terms of actually important differences that have an effect on life, there just aren't any imo.


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They're only words. Don't dwell on them. They never mean what you think.

I speak only of My Way. Think it not an indictment of Your Way.

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RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/8/2011 3:10:27 AM   
RaspberryLemon


Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

That last sentence has me all quizzical... on one hand there's a very feminist stance that the loss of a female's virginity involves "being violated by a phallic object" - I'd argue strongly that violated is only the correct word to use here if the act is non-consensual. Then there's the very dated stance that a female's virginity is more precious.


My opinion is closer to the latter--the dated stance from the male perspective that a virgin is more "valuable" to have. It is untouched and unsullied by other men, i.e. not "violated" by anything. Like I said, I have some very traditional views on this sort of thing.

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RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/8/2011 3:13:24 AM   
HannahLynHeather


Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline 		checks calendar, yep 2011

**boggle**






Attachment (1)

_____________________________

clique? i don't need no stinking clique!

fuck a duck ~w. disney

My Twitter: http://twitter.com/HannahFuck

i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

(in reply to RaspberryLemon)
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RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/8/2011 3:14:57 AM   
RaspberryLemon


Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Epytropos

As an aside to Rasberry and Hannah, gotta say I see no substantive difference between male and female virginity. Yes there is the hymen issue, and a billion years of cultural baggage associated with it, but in terms of actually important differences that have an effect on life, there just aren't any imo.


Yes, I fully admit that there is no actual reasonable difference between male and female virginity. But I feel like there is, at least in my personal experience--along the same lines as that "cultural baggage."

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RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/8/2011 3:53:20 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Anita89
Should I play and learn (in a safe environment with friends) or let my future Dom/Master train me, teach me and break my play cherry?

I honestly don't think people should wait if they have an interest in BDSM and want to try things out.  When that first Dom (rather than just a top) asks you what kind of things that you like, how will you know what to tell him to see if your interests match up?  It gives you no basis to know if you are compatible playmates or not.

I don't think it's particularly reasonable for any top or Dominant to expect that a bottom or sub never receive a flogging or experience what it is like to enjoy some bondage.  If that were the case, how would anyone experience anything?  Something like the ridiculous stereotypes of old where males were supposed to be experienced in sexual techniques, but women were supposed to remain virgins until marriage.  Exactly who were the guys supposed to be acquiring their experiences with?

There's no reason that you can't experience some casual BDSM play that doesn't include casual sex.  I just got somebody's play cherry over the weekend and it was a great scene.  There wasn't any physical sex involved, but now he has an idea of different sensations that he likes and a hint of what kind of pain he can tolerate.  No sexual contact but it was a lot of fun for both of us.


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The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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