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ORIGINAL: littlewonder

so basically you want to bottom. You need to find a Top, not a Domme, since you don't want to pay for a pro-domme.

Visit a bdsm club. You should find plenty of Tops willing to give you what you want.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


Uhhh....great way to create another man who shows up at bdsm events expecting to get topped just because he's male and willing. Even the most open minded sadists have standards and some sort of criteria before they will play. And it sounds like he knows what he wants and needs and it's fairly specific. Pros are the way to go.

Akasha

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that's why i told him to go there and seeks Tops and not Dommes. There's a difference.

my experience with bdsm clubs is that if you are seeking a top there's almost always going to be one there who is willing to just do whatever you want just so they can practice using a toy or bondage or whatever.

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ORIGINAL: Monosub
One thing she made clear to me is that a domme is not there to play my own scenario; and it might be to my benefit to forget such silly expectations and just let it flow.  I agree with that, but there is a void and I want it filled.

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ORIGINAL: Damacis

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ORIGINAL: Monosub
One thing she made clear to me is that a domme is not there to play my own scenario; and it might be to my benefit to forget such silly expectations and just let it flow.  I agree with that, but there is a void and I want it filled.

Many good points in the thread already but this is really the point to remember. With virtually any domme you are on her terms and there to fulfill her desires/whims -- not the other way around. Best to check your own expectations at the door and go with the flow. Who knows, she might have you doing something you turn out liking.

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha

At the end of the day, any guy who is trying to wait around for a woman to indulge his fantasies because he'd rather not pay is going to realize it just isn't worth it and it's easier to pay.

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Here's the thing, though. As ANY sub/bottom will tell you, it's MUCH better to get your "perfect fantasy" indulged by a woman who honestly, intensely, passionately is doing it because she really, really gets off on the power it gives her over you -- vs. a woman just going through the motions to get it done because that's all you want. Once you are emotionally invested and it's on her terms, it will be much more rewarding -- for both people.

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha
But it's a fallacy to think that a bottom's desires don't matter - or that he will be ignored, because it's all about the femdom, and he has no right. But a bottom has to realize that sadistic women aren't going to cater to his fantasies out of the gate. If you have aligning fantasies, then everyone is happy. If you have similar fantasies with some overlap, then guess what, the bottom has to suck it up out of the gate - that's just the way that it is. Surely you can voice your fantasies and desires up front, but just keep in mind, you do risk alienating a woman, because she's heard it all a million times. She will think, "oh, another one, says he's into me, but really he is just into his fantasies and I am here to deliver..NEXT!"

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ORIGINAL: JWriter

Uhm .. that's actually bullshite. A "Domme" is a woman who sexually dominates you for money. That is the actual definition. And, that makes her a whore with a whip, paddle, flogger, or, whatever. Whores do what you pay them to do. And, if you come to trust them and want it that way, then, whores may get paid to do what they want to do, as long as you are enjoying it.

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ORIGINAL: Damacis

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha
But it's a fallacy to think that a bottom's desires don't matter - or that he will be ignored, because it's all about the femdom, and he has no right. But a bottom has to realize that sadistic women aren't going to cater to his fantasies out of the gate. If you have aligning fantasies, then everyone is happy. If you have similar fantasies with some overlap, then guess what, the bottom has to suck it up out of the gate - that's just the way that it is. Surely you can voice your fantasies and desires up front, but just keep in mind, you do risk alienating a woman, because she's heard it all a million times. She will think, "oh, another one, says he's into me, but really he is just into his fantasies and I am here to deliver..NEXT!"

Oh I don't disagree; both parties are obviously getting something out of the exchange or they wouldn't be mutually engaging in the activity at all. But my point was, as you and others illustrated, you can't go in thinking "I want her to do this, I want her to do that" because A) Last I checked the subs desires come second, and B) as you mentioned, few people want to be used as essentially a masturbation tool.

Best case scenario is if the relationship moves beyond a one-night session, both parties get to know each other and maybe she begins to reward the sub with the things he likes or uses it as a form of tease and denial -- which we all know is always awesome. :) Who knows she might even like doing it too.

Basically though my point was about mindset going in. If you are stepping through the door of D/s as a sub you gotta understand what you desire comes second, and *maybe,* you might get your particular fetish/etc catered to. Certainly if this is someone you've just met.

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A) Last I checked the subs desires come second, and B) as you mentioned, few people want to be used as essentially a masturbation tool.

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ORIGINAL: JWriter

Uhm .. that's actually bullshite. A "Domme" is a woman who sexually dominates you for money. That is the actual definition. And, that makes her a whore with a whip, paddle, flogger, or, whatever. Whores do what you pay them to do. And, if you come to trust them and want it that way, then, whores may get paid to do what they want to do, as long as you are enjoying it.

Now, a dominant female is not there to cater to your needs. She is also not there just to take your money, then use your body. It is a far different relationship (unless it is just play). And, in that relationship, she would establish the boundaries that she needs, you would see if you can fit into them or if they are too scary, too restrictive, etc. You'd share your limits and desires with her, and, she would respect your limits, unless and until you had progressed to wanting to broaden them, and, she would consider your desires, but, not necessarily act on them, all the time, because, you are her sub - she owns you- and a good portion of your desire should be to do what pleases her. But, it is not all about her selfish desire and you never being fulfilled, either.

If someone wants that, they need to pay for a professional submissive! Everyone else, either because they are paying or because they are giving, does need to have their thoughts and feelings considered, at least some of the time.