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How do you know? - 5/19/2006 2:02:11 PM   
eroticangel


Posts: 272
Joined: 2/13/2006
Status: offline 		i have a general question......How much do you have to prove yourself as a submissive for a Master?...my question arises from this: i am talking to and meeting a new Dom....at our last meeting He wanted to engage in scat play (one of my strong limits)  i gagged and moved away, and i was repulsed...and i told sir that...He says it is part of my training before he can decide to own me. I have bben in the lifestyle for 15 years and never heard this, but maybe i haven't talked to as many people as i thought to broaden my horizons...i just wonder...is this normal??
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How do you know? - 5/19/2006 2:07:54 PM   
Prunesquallor


Posts: 181
Joined: 10/12/2005
Status: offline 		What is normal is to discuss your limits so that you both know what to expect of the relationship before you enter into it.

If you are a slave you have to do what you are told - if you are a submissive you are entitled to voice your opinions and retain your limits.  IMO, anyway

(in reply to eroticangel)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: How do you know? - 5/19/2006 2:13:46 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		I don't know that I completely agree with you.  Yes, you discuss your limits and see if you are compatible.  If he knows that scat is one of you limits and agrees to respect that, then he was out of line, IMO. 

I don't necessarily agree that if you are a slave you must do as you are told.  Again, if you have discussed this and agreed, then, if he develops an interest in it, you may discuss it again.  I don't believe in no limit slavery. but that's just me.

(in reply to Prunesquallor)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: How do you know? - 5/19/2006 2:14:21 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prunesquallor

What is normal is to discuss your limits so that you both know what to expect of the relationship before you enter into it.

If you are a slave you have to do what you are told - if you are a submissive you are entitled to voice your opinions and retain your limits.  IMO, anyway


that is not the way I understand it. For one he does not own her, and slaves are allowed limits to protect their health, and IMO scat play is a health issue.

I would ask yourself if you want to be with someone that does not respect your limits? Some like that sort of play, you know, someone that will ignore limits. You have to decide what's right for you.

Personally, I wouldn't trust someone that tried to ignore my limits and then blackmailed me emotionally to get me to do their kink. That, to me, is highly disrepectful of me as a human being.

Another thing is that if this is a big deal for this person, and you can't go there, then you just might not be suited for that person. I can tell you if a dom told me he was really into scat play, I would run anyhow, figuring this would be expected of me sooner or later if we continued in a dynamic. I can't go there either, and your limit is completely understandable to many people. Like I said, scat play can make a person ill, so it is not an unreasonable limit.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Prunesquallor)
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RE: How do you know? - 5/19/2006 2:20:13 PM   
Sab


Posts: 325
Joined: 5/2/2006
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

i am talking to and meeting a new Dom....at our last meeting He wanted to engage in scat play (one of my strong limits)


Not sure of what you mean - but I would say if you have met him you already know, through what you have said, what he is like. If insisting that one of your hard limits you MUST do as part of your teaching/training then I would say hold fire on that one. I do agree with the above that scat play has health issues, and more than that if it isn't for you then a limit is a limit. IMO.


_____________________________

God blessed it and it brought me to her.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: How do you know? - 5/19/2006 2:32:00 PM   
Contesaluv


Posts: 173
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		You're pretty level headed there juliaoceania.  I always enjoy reading your posts and have to concur with what you've said here.

I just want to add my favorite line from Shakespeare.  "This above all else, to thine ownself be true".

If it isn't for you then he isn't for you!  Done deal.  IMO

_____________________________

Mistress C.

It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.
William Shakespeare
------------------------
In a world of so many variables, why do you have to be the norm? Anonymous

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: How do you know? - 5/19/2006 2:38:43 PM   
pissdoll


Posts: 343
Joined: 5/25/2005
Status: offline 		you already know the answer.
the warning bells are ringing loudly in your head.

do NOT ignore them.  they will rarely steer you wrong.

(in reply to eroticangel)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: How do you know? - 5/19/2006 2:46:07 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I did some things to prove I was the submissive I said I was...but that was because I met Master online. It wasnt face to face so there were many *unknowns*. I didnt expect a Dom to come trapsing to the other side of the world not knowing I really did enjoy and would submit to the things I said I would. Example: I pierced myself in front of him on a webcam.

With face to face meeting, I dont know if I would do the same thing, I wouldnt see it as necessary...the play aspects would just be an evolution of the relationship once it was established and once agreements had been made.

Thinking about limits, they can be so transitory too, like I do things without a blink today that I would have thought extreme, or off limits many years ago. So I dont really see a list of limits as being totally involved in the decision making process for a potential partner. If I was a Dom I would be more looking for a type of personality..that could grow and evolve and change and be adventurous etc...as well as actually be *submissive* which really comes down to the ability to be "obedient"...and oftentimes the test for that...is in the little things.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to Contesaluv)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: How do you know? - 5/19/2006 2:53:43 PM   
TopDominant


Posts: 15
Joined: 8/25/2005
Status: offline 		Yikes! What's wrong with you girl? He didn't respect your limits? GET OUT.

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How do you know? - 5/19/2006 3:01:18 PM   
bridget2


Posts: 11
Joined: 5/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TopDominant

Yikes! What's wrong with you girl? He didn't respect your limits? GET OUT.


It's good to see Dom's posting, and reminding subs that there are limits, regardless...way to go!

(in reply to TopDominant)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How do you know? - 5/19/2006 3:08:43 PM   
Wulfchyld


Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline 		Being a slave doesn’t give you fewer rights than a submissive. IMO it means you are more willing to serve in a more 24/7 TPE with your only agenda being the pleasure of the "D". Know your limits and stand firm on them. As jali said over time your limits will change.  

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together


(in reply to bridget2)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How do you know? - 5/19/2006 3:09:06 PM   
Nyxalinth2


Posts: 35
Status: offline 		You can ALWAYS find someone else.  True here just as in the vanilla world.  If he wants someone who is into this, and you never will be, and he is on about it, then end it.  Life is too short to play with people who are not a good match.

Now, there's someone here (a sub I think) who will tell you that you have to do this because you're a sub and blah blah.  Maybe in her world, yes.  She's the kind of person he needs.  You need to find someone who is not into this sort of thing.

I don't see why people fuss so much.  It's really no different than 'I like X' but my partner doesn't in the vanilla world.  You find someone who does, and let your current partner find what they need.

(in reply to bridget2)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How do you know? - 5/19/2006 4:01:56 PM   
scratchingpost


Posts: 231
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		A hard limit that is disregarded and belittled tells you something about the person... I respect all hard limits because I respect My subs...I push and push to that edge but would never cross the line to do anything to My subs that they expressed was a hard limit. To Me Idefine hard limit as something that would cause them to rather walk away from the relationship than experience it. They might not enjoy everything I do all the time but I make sure to keep their emotional and physical well being first and foremost in My mind at all times.

_____________________________

be safe and smile
purrrs kitty
(=^.^=)
www.misskittys-scratchingpost.com

(in reply to eroticangel)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How do you know? - 5/19/2006 4:12:27 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		Perhaps this is his way to drive you away. There is one dom I was talking with who, even though he knew it was a hard limit, insisted that I would be busy with the dogs of one of his friends. I finally figured out it was the way he had chosen to end the relationship so he could blame it on me being a bad sub.

Some people just can't be straightforward.

(in reply to eroticangel)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How do you know? - 5/19/2006 5:05:23 PM   
eroticangel


Posts: 272
Joined: 2/13/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you all for your insight...you told me what i already know...but i guess i just wanted to hear it...thank goodness for a forum like this when you can ask these questions and get others feelings. i do appreciate all the imput.

(in reply to sublizzie)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: How do you know? - 5/21/2006 7:35:51 AM   
Veryfewcan


Posts: 57
Joined: 11/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prunesquallor

What is normal is to discuss your limits so that you both know what to expect of the relationship before you enter into it.

If you are a slave you have to do what you are told - if you are a submissive you are entitled to voice your opinions and retain your limits.  IMO, anyway

This is such a mis-conception about slaves. A slave goes deeper in their submission, but are just as strong as a submissive, if not stronger and they do have hard limits.
Stick to your limits until the so called Dom proves himself to be worthy of your submission, then never stray from the hard ones.

(in reply to Prunesquallor)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: How do you know? - 5/21/2006 7:47:30 AM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eroticangel

i have a general question......How much do you have to prove yourself as a submissive for a Master?...my question arises from this: i am talking to and meeting a new Dom....at our last meeting He wanted to engage in scat play (one of my strong limits)  i gagged and moved away, and i was repulsed...and i told sir that...He says it is part of my training before he can decide to own me. I have bben in the lifestyle for 15 years and never heard this, but maybe i haven't talked to as many people as i thought to broaden my horizons...i just wonder...is this normal??


Plaster a big "L" on his forehead and color him gone.  Your limits are your limits and if discussed previously then he accepted them.  The fact that he's attempting to break a limit and then dangle it carrot-like in front of you as a requirement of being owned by him speaks volumes.  Do you really want to be owned by a person like that?

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to eroticangel)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: How do you know? - 5/21/2006 7:53:42 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		IMHEO, He isn't a real Dom--a good Dominant respects hard limits--Me thinks he's more "full of shit" than you may realize---dump Him and move on.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to eroticangel)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: How do you know? - 5/21/2006 8:01:36 AM   
NDulgance


Posts: 9
Joined: 5/12/2006
Status: offline 		Should someone tell me one of my hard limits is part of my training before he decided to own me would send me a clear message... He's clueless and time for me to move one. Remember ownership and surrender go hand in hand. Do you want an owner who doesn't respect you?

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: How do you know? - 5/21/2006 8:09:36 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		eroticangel....you state that you have been in this lifestyle for 15 years....surely by now you have heard and most likely given advice regarding "Dominants" who will not respect limits.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to eroticangel)
Profile   Post #: 20
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