RE: how much does the physical matter?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: how much does the physical matter?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: how much does the physical matter?

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/16/2011 10:31:38 AM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline

well thanks, MIP.

haha

and thanks to everyone for the responses so far. Winsome, you may be right about the "viable mate" line of thinking. certain traits might correlate to different characteristics in our minds, so maybe we go after traits because we hope the characteristics are really there? i dunno.
and what grabs initial attention is sometimes different from what becomes important in the long-term. if i met a really decent guy, he'd be a decent guy regardless of his physical build; i guess i'm just musing to myself about how important that might actually be.
i don't think it's shallow to say you have traits that attract you, unless you're really shallow about it; like the attitude that only people with XYZ traits are worthwhile, and everyone else sucks, no matter what. =p that's different than just saying "i'm attracted to blondes or green eyed men."

it's not so much that i try to deny being human, but i just wonder if some of these factors play more of an important role than i might otherwise think.

i also think, in some way, i like to be intimidated. i think that might be part of the reason i go for what i do. maybe it's a way to impose vulnerability on myself since i'm not totally used to being vulnerable? i have no idea. =p

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to MissToYouRedux)

Post #: 21

RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/16/2011 10:46:24 AM

tj444

Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline

I am 5' 3-1/2" short and I like tall guys, they make me feel more subby.. i love stretching up on my tippy toes to kiss them, the way just their height feels like domination to me (even if he's not dominant).. just walking down the street, i feel protected by their size, i love their weight on top of me when they are fucking me.. feeling overpowered and that i have no control, they do..

But that is not a "must have" for me, i would date a guy 5'7" for instance but he does need to be taller than me.. which isnt hard for most guys cuz I am sorta shrimpy!

_____________________________

As Anderson Cooper said “If he (Trump) took a dump on his desk, you would defend it”

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 22

RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/16/2011 10:48:16 AM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

*wanders in and looks at the sign on the door....hmmmm 'height thread' grumbles n wanders off*

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to tj444)

Post #: 23

RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/16/2011 10:52:41 AM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline

it's not supposed to be a height thread, Hilly. or an appearance thread. =p it's a pondering on the WHY not the WHAT. =p

certainly there's something you see that instantly grabs your attention.
talk about it!

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

Post #: 24

RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/16/2011 10:54:49 AM

seekingreality

Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

this is probably a goony topic, but oh well. =p

on FL i have a silly little group for short chicks and people who like them. a lot of the women there like to date tall men, and a lot of the tall men gravitated there to talk to short women. =p
i'm not really setting out to make this a height thread, just a "physical stuff in general" thread. and i'm not really even talking about appearance. (oh and before anyone assumes as much, i know very well that height does not translate into dominance; i've met some pretty tall msubs in my day.)

so far in my life, all of my relationships have been with men 5'11 and taller. i was musing on FL that i think i just like how it feels to look up at men that i'm attracted to, but i also realized how superficial that was.
i'm attracted to expressions of physical superiority since that's usually what gets me. a hands-on, grabby, put-you-where-i-want you guy will always get points with me. injuries or things like arthritis don't really factor in; the previous Fella's back was hurt in the army, i like older types so i run into arthritis every now and then. =p

but it's the illustration of the power dynamic that i like; i don't know how much it really matters to me, though, because i've just never had a serious relationship with anyone shorter than 5'11. i have been actively pursued by tall guys who like the fact that i'm short, because it means "something" to them, but they don't really seem to know what. =p
do things like this matter to you?
do you ever think about why?
there have been studies on how people are subconsciously affected by waist-to-hip ratios and things like that; how much do you think things like this really matter?

Almost everyone takes looks into consideration, and almost everyone will eliminate a potential partner based on looks alone. Now, the exact criteria everyone uses will be different. If you are evaluating someone based on an online message and photo, your reaction can be different than if you meet them at a public setting. (And people you meet online oftentimes don't look quite as good in real life as the photo they send of themselves.) And of course people often have to compromise the physical ideal they would choose because (1) they are unable to attract someone who's their ideal or (2) other elements of the person's personality outweight the physical detriments.

The reality is few people look like Brad Pitt or Anjolina Jolie or whatever your ideal of beauty is. So there's rarely a really specific dealbreaker except on the extremes, like really outside the norm height and weight.

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 25

RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/16/2011 11:56:24 AM

Awareness

Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline

There's a couple of things here.

Sexual polarity is a big part of this. The degree of gender-based difference in a heterosexual interaction correlates with how hot the sex is. And I keep running into the short thing. Petite chicks and I tend to dig each other.

Having said that, there's no escaping the impact of both pheromones and the unconscious signals we send when interacting with others which betray our idea of our own value.

I helped a friend through this recently. She scored a hot Dom and couldn't believe her luck. And that was the problem. Her lack of self-belief in her own value caused her to sabotage the interaction. Because she didn't believe she was good enough for him, he stopped believing it too and the attraction died.

Physical attraction is relevant, but it can be accentuated or even overridden by both pheromones and personality. Less than physically ideal people can be enormously attractive. Ask a bunch of women how often they grew to know a guy and he became more attractive to them over time. Giacomo Casanova was not reputed to be an attractive man, consequently his legendary exploits with women defy the idea that the physical dominates.

The other thing is, people - and this is critical - really don't know what they want. That's why you have 14 different varieties of spaghetti sauce. Malcolm Gladwell gave an interesting TED talk on this idea which demonstrates the folly of simply asking people what they like. They do not know. And frequently, they can be surprised at what can really work for them.

_____________________________

Ever notice how fucking annoying most signatures are? - Yes, I do appreciate the irony.

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 26

RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/16/2011 12:12:34 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne88

I'm tall. I don't dig tall men though. I like them about 5'8" to 5'10", swarthy, ethnic looking, dark hair dark eyes, muscular, think "gangster movies" and you nailed my type to a T. Which is awesome because the higher my heels, it seems that men of that stature like being with a tall leggy chick. If I could travel back to the 80's, I would become Al Pacino's official stalker. .

I never was attracted at all to those tall drinks of water. Not my thing.

Aynne.. you need to get to Milan. A whole city full of exactly what appeals to you. Just don't mention the word "mafia"- it's called The Family there.

to OP: Being mostly blind, everyone pretty much looks the same to me.. a blob of color in various shades. Also, being of short stature myself, I would be hard pressed to find a whole lot of people shorter than me anyway so, it's moot in any event. I'll take me some brains and a New York accent though if that counts! If I could get my Dragon program to speak Bronx to me, I'd be in heaven and probably have to sit on a towel most of the time.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Aynne88)

Post #: 27

RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/16/2011 12:49:23 PM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline

sexual polarity -- well that's definitely an interesting "why" concept. hmmmmm; i'll have to read more about that.
maybe that's what i'm getting at (i don't think i worded my OP all that well). with chicks, it isn't such a big deal because, i'm a chick, too; there is no polarity. but with men, maybe i am just looking for a very exaggerated difference between him and me. i really dig facial hair, too; probably for the same reason. a shorter guy may just have to show me this difference in a different way. i had a ridiculously memorable rope scene with one of the D-types in our community, and he's fairly short, but very strong and energetic. he's one of my favorite people. =p

attractiveness overall is more complicated; talent makes a person attractive. thoughtfulness, opinions, and other signs of brain activity. with that stuff, though, i can generally put my finger on the "why" fairly easily. physical attraction is more difficult i guess because people don't like to talk about it; nobody wants to be seen as a shallow person.

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 28

RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/16/2011 12:54:04 PM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline

quote:

I am 5' 3-1/2"

How's the weather up there stretch?

(in reply to tj444)

Post #: 29

RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/16/2011 2:30:04 PM

NiceGuyNihilist

Posts: 194
Joined: 3/25/2011
Status: offline

Regarding aversion or attraction to body odor: There's strong scientific evidence to support the idea that evolution has designed us with "smell compatibility." Apparently, we've been naturally selected to be attracted to the smells of potential mates whose immune systems are different than our own, so that our offspring will be guarded against a more diverse range of parasites. There is also experimental evidence that high-testosterone men smell differently than low-testosterone men, and that women can tell the difference between the smells without ever seeing the men. In experiments, women's preference for the odor of the sweat of high-testosterone men grew much stronger when they were ovulating. The sweat of men with more symmetrical features also smelled better to women than the sweat of men with less symmetrical features, especially when the women were ovulating.

It's also been shown that men are much less sensitive to the smells of women than women are to the smells of men, and that's exactly what evolutionary theory would predict. Sometimes I wish I could experience body odor the way a woman does during sex, or play. I'm sure I'd find a new sensual dimension.

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

Post #: 30

RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/16/2011 2:30:21 PM

hematitan

Posts: 49
Joined: 6/25/2010
Status: offline

I can't think of many physical traits that I "need" in order to find someone physically attractive. There are certainly people whom I don't find attractive, but it's usually not for a specific reason like they're the wrong height for me or something like that.

When it comes to height, though, I find short people of all genders attractive. Especially men.

Is the physical stuff important? Well, yes, probably, but while there are some traits I find attractive and others I find unattractive, it's not like there are many things that, on their own, would make someone physically unattractive to me. Most of the people I've been with haven't been my physical ideal, but I still found them attractive enough. I don't know if I'd be happy with someone whom I felt zero physical attraction to. I haven't had to test that.

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 31

RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/16/2011 2:34:13 PM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline

Do you have any links to those, NiceGuy? interesting stuff!

I don't need any particular physical traits, either. I'm just talking about the stuff that gets my attention. I think it's just coincidence that all my relationships have been with tall guys (you could insert any criteria there that suits your own life), but I wonder if there's more to it than that. Is it more of my own doing than i think it is? Does something like that really matter to me? haha

I'm probably overthinking (it's one of my many talents ^.~) but i find that kind of stuff really interesting.

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to hematitan)

Post #: 32

RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/16/2011 2:38:29 PM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline

quote:

women's preference for the odor of the sweat of high-testosterone men grew much stronger when they were ovulating.

I haven't seen anything to confirm or deny that, but it makes perfect sense to me.

(in reply to NiceGuyNihilist)

Post #: 33

RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/16/2011 2:41:52 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I saw something on television about it.......NatGeo, Science, one of those edumacational channels we watch all of the time.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

Post #: 34

RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/16/2011 2:45:21 PM

NiceGuyNihilist

Posts: 194
Joined: 3/25/2011
Status: offline

Here's one to support the point about bolstering the immune system. I'll keep posting more as I find them, as long as I have time.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15777804

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 35

RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/16/2011 2:47:02 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

The physical is a make or break for me.
I was going back and forth with Shorey here for a bit before I knew what he looked like.
I knew I liked his words and how his personality came through in them.
I also knew that if I didn't like how he looked I would have to dump his ass.

Luckily for me, not only is he extremely handsome, he's smart as a whip and is the kind of person that people are drawn to in life.
He's also a ballbuster, comedian, and all around cuddly kind of guy.
Had he been ugly, I never would have known that.

He is the perfect example of how one doesn't have to choose either or. I have all things I ever wanted in him without settling.

BTW...he's 6'3" and I'm 5'00" I've only ever liked tall men.
And I sleep in the shirts he's worn that day because they smell of him.

_____________________________

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 36

RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/16/2011 3:08:51 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

physical traits definitely matter to me. I'm not attracted to heavyset or men shorter than 5'7". I"m not attracted to redheads or ethnic men. The men I have always dated have almost always been about 6', on the muscular to lean or something in between there and usually either blonde or brunette.

For me it's just that I"ve simply not been attracted to anything else so the thought of starting relationships with such men just don't happen because I don't get any kind of chemistry feeling with them.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to MissToYouRedux)

Post #: 37

RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/16/2011 5:22:03 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

I've always been attracted to tall guys.

But here's the thing: I'm 5'6" which is average for the US. I'm also one of the shortest people in my extended family. The boys range from 6'2" to 6'8" and the girls are between 5'10" and 6'. I grew up thinking that 6'5" was a normal height for a guy. It wasn't until I was older than I realized that my family was an exception. My family is what influenced my attraction to tall guys.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 38

RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/16/2011 5:25:42 PM

tj444

Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather

quote:

I am 5' 3-1/2"
How's the weather up there stretch?

it can get quite turbulant when someone near me farts..

_____________________________

As Anderson Cooper said “If he (Trump) took a dump on his desk, you would defend it”

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

Post #: 39

RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/16/2011 5:34:28 PM

Iamsemisweet

Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline

It is odd, because if you asked me what I was attracted to physically, I would say tall, lean men. However, with very few exceptions, that is not what the men I have had significant relationships with have looked like. So, I guess I have been able to get past judging people strictly on appearance. One guy I saw a few months ago made me feel very submissive because he was extremely tall, and I loved that. However, his teeth were a wreck and he did not smell good, so being tall was just not enough.
One other comment is that I have found physical appearance has become less important to me as I have gotten older. I have to face it, guys in my age range usually have picked up a few physical flaws over the years, as have I.

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to tj444)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: how much does the physical matter?

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.109