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RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/16/2011 5:41:07 PM   
LadyHibiscus


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Status: offline 		I know what I like, yes. I try not to let that get in the way of things, but we are what we are. The right smell, definitely. I have let myself be led down the garden path over the right smell!



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RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/16/2011 6:01:47 PM   
Andryanna


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Status: offline 		I'm of average hieght, and with a body of what I prefer to call voluptuous. I'd feel a lot better if I didn't let stress get to me; as of now I look a tad rough around the edges.
I'm not bad looking either way.

I tend to be drawn to a tall, rough around the edges man, one that doesn't care about eating chicken with his hands after he's worked on his car all day. You know the ones I'm talking about.

That being said I've been more attracted to someone with whom I've made a connection with no matter if they are shorter or prettier than I.
I've been more attracted to men who are not my type and not attracted to the ones who are physically my type.

I'm finding out that the ones who exhibit the physical attributes, dissapoint me in the mental aspect of things.

I am now confused when I try and fap to pictures of my ideal mate, and wonder what he is thinking.




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RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/16/2011 6:53:41 PM   
0ldhen


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quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceGuyNihilist

Here's one to support the point about bolstering the immune system. I'll keep posting more as I find them, as long as I have time.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15777804




Thank you, that was an awesome article.

I think it has a good deal validity.

I am German and Irish. Of the 4 guys I mentioned in my post that smelled right to me, 2 were pure German, one was 1/2 Italian 1/2 German, and one was 1/4 Irish 1/4 Norwegian 1/2 German. Wondering if the reason they smelled so freaking good to me is that my body identified potential compatable breeding stock. If of course having the same type of genetic background makes for a more compatable mate.

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RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/16/2011 8:25:58 PM   
RaspberryLemon


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Status: offline 		Obviously, mental/emotional compatibility HAS to be there, or it won't work. Similarly, there has to be mutual physical attraction as well. I could not be with someone who isn't attracted to me, and I couldn't be with someone I am not attracted to. Attraction includes the physical and emotional/mental. Without the whole package, it won't work. I don't consider placing importance on the physical to be shallow--it's only natural, a drive deep inside all of us to pick an attractive, healthy mate with good genes. I consider it to be shallow when the mental/emotional traits (personality) are not considered to be at least equally as important.

That being said, I like tall men. I like large men. I like masculine faces. In fact, I like typically masculine traits in general. Body hair, defined jaw and brow, etc. I tend to generally associate masculinity with dominance. I like a man to be strong and much bigger than me, able to protect me, able to overpower me. It's very important. Someone else mentioned smell. I need a man to smell right to me--comforting, exciting, and exotic, all at once. I need someone who has an 'intimidating' air about them--with someone I trust, this characteristic makes me feel safe and secure. To be able to look up to a man and feel his leadership competent in not only the mental but the physical as well, nothing beats that feeling.

I have been lucky enough to find all these traits PLUS perfect mental and emotional compatibility rolled into one. I don't think I could ever settle for less.

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RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/16/2011 11:07:12 PM   
NuevaVida


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A man's character can make him extremely attractive to me, even if I wouldn't otherwise be attracted to him physically.  Something about where his head and heart are affect me that way.

If just looking at the physical, I like men at least a little taller than me, and I'm very attracted to darker skin tones.  Go me, found me a Native American, taller than me, with a heart of gold. 


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RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/16/2011 11:26:12 PM   
MrSprocket


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Status: offline 		The physical and psychological are both equally important. Humans are always looking for the "perfect" this or that, so what good is it to feel like settling on anything? I'm not saying I haven't settled, however, each time that I have, it always ended negatively. That's why I'm on this site looking for what I'm looking for.

I'm a quality over quantity guy. I want one thing that might take years to occur and be happy for the rest of my life, than multiple half-assed things that make me happy for only 2 months at a time.

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RE: maybe not "the physical" but sexual polar... - 8/17/2011 6:37:19 AM   
LillyBoPeep


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Status: offline 		i just want to reassert that this isn't an "i only care about physical appearance" thread, and it's most definitely not a height thread. i don't think my OP is worded well enough to get my point across. =p

i don't think i necessarily associate masculine features with dominance; i've met some pretty awesome and quite feminine dominant women. dominance, to me, is about a wavelength of energy that makes my own energy react back in a particular way.

but in general, for example, my brain will say a guy is more attractive when he's not clean shaven, or something like that. the shaggy, mountain man, living-off-the-land look gets my attention, too. hahaha
i think of it as being a "primitive drive" because i'm singling in on these particular traits that catch my attention, but i think "mental compatibility" is a fairly recent invention, you know? it's probably only really been since the industrial revolution that people thought "hey, i should marry someone i actually like!" on a widespread scale. once that side of the attraction process catches on, a lot of these people become less attractive, and i find myself more interested in people who may not look like X, but who do/think/read/opine about Y.

the sexual polarity idea seems to sum it up best for me, i think (thanks Awareness!) -- the idea that a heterosexual attraction is strengthened by an increasing amount of difference between the XX, and the XY. so if i'm already pretty short, maybe that's why i notice the particularly tall. one chick on FL thought maybe it was a subconscious trait selection to get your kids up to an average height. =p haha i dunno

as far as the smell of people and their traits; that's something else i'll have to read about (thanks for the article; train of thought, NiceGuyNihilist!). i've frequently dated guys who don't have allergies, either, now that i think about it, while i do have them. =p hahhaa
am i smelling their lack of allergies? =p is that part of what drives the attraction?
i guess this is a musing from an "i'm not that basic" person realizing that maybe she is more basic than she wants to think. hahaha =p




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RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/17/2011 7:16:31 AM   
IrishMist


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Status: offline 		It matters to me. I am tall myself so I want to look up at someone, not across or down to them.

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RE: maybe not "the physical" but sexual polar... - 8/17/2011 7:58:21 AM   
tj444


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Status: offline 		While being tall is not a requirement with me, certain other things are, like a full head of hair. I simply have never been attracted to bald or shaven heads, and i dislike facial hair, but that could partly be due to not wanting to kiss a brillo pad..

I loved the way my ex looked and liked the way he smelled, but that a good relationship didnt make. I could not communicate with him and we were total opposites when it came to finances, opposite in the way we dealt with life.. it was doomed from the start but cuz of certain physical aspects of him and being "hooked" on him, something that should have been a short fling ate up years of my life instead.

So.. for the next guy, cuz i really hope he is the last one, i am going to try very hard to be objective and not fall in love too quickly and let my head rule (so get to know the real person) before my heart makes another mistake.

I need the complete package this time and not settle for less.

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RE: maybe not "the physical" but sexual polar... - 8/17/2011 8:04:29 AM   
LillyBoPeep


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Status: offline 		so do you think you somehow ignored the "not mentally compatible" signals?
why do you think that was?

being tall isn't a requirement for me, either, it's just sorta worked out that my relationships have been with tall guys. =p
again, i'm trying to avoid a height thread, but i think i started it off wrong. =p
i'm interested to see if that trend continues when i'm 40, if i haven't found a lasting relationship by then.

i'm starting to wonder if maybe it is age/time of life that makes a person single in on more basic things, and then later, it expands?

mental compatibility comes into things pretty fast for me, but i can't deny that i have these initial visceral reactions to features. but the mental part matters so much to me because i don't relate well to most people at all, so if i DO relate well to someone, i want to at least pursue friendship with that person.
i'm just trying to discuss some of the "whys;" why do people do things they do? =p


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RE: maybe not "the physical" but sexual polar... - 8/17/2011 9:04:26 AM   
MyVision


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Status: offline 		I don't meet many girls taller then me...so that is worry less..lol
T to be honest..how boring it sounds..I just need to like a person. I never notice length, hair color, seize etc.... until way later.

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RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/17/2011 9:35:53 AM   
kalikshama


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Status: offline 		I can't find the article I read previously that used John Cage/Peter MacNicol as an example of someone who might be preferred when women are not ovulating, but here are some articles on point:

Taking the pill for past 40 years 'has put women off masculine men'
When Fertile, Women Want Manly Men
Interesting Behavioral Effects of Ovulation on Women
Men with macho faces attractive to fertile women


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RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/17/2011 9:39:28 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		ya know maybe it's because I don't take the pill but my attraction to men has always been the same. My tastes don't seem to change depending on my cycle. I like what I like all the time.

As for the picture of that guy...cringe...just looks dorky to me.



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RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/17/2011 12:47:09 PM   
NiceGuyNihilist


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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

I can't find the article I read previously that used John Cage/Peter MacNicol as an example of someone who might be preferred when women are not ovulating, but here are some articles on point:

Taking the pill for past 40 years 'has put women off masculine men'
When Fertile, Women Want Manly Men
Interesting Behavioral Effects of Ovulation on Women
Men with macho faces attractive to fertile women



How fascinating to entertain the idea that the Pill--itself a product of feminism to a large degree--might have caused women to selectively breed men for femininity, if unconsciously. I'm dreaming, but I'd really love to see an ambitious study that compared the mean testosterone levels of men from the James Dean era with mean testosterone levels of contemporary men. You'd have to control for a large number of potentially confounding factors (diet, etc.), but still--tantalizing.



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RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/17/2011 1:06:40 PM   
LaTigresse


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Status: offline 		I never have taken the pill and while, for all interests and purposes here, identify as a lesbian......I would be lying if I said I've never been attracted to a man.

The funny part about it is that initial attraction based upon appearance, as in a photo, was never the sort of guy I was in a relationship with. The three men I have been in relationships with, were each dramatically different in appearance and personality. The only similarity that I can think of, was intelligence and humour.


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RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/17/2011 1:08:01 PM   
RaspberryLemon


Posts: 422
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Status: offline 		Something I forgot to mention in my previous post, dark features really get me--dark hair, dark eyes. Something about the striking intensity of dark brown eyes just seems to exude authority. Then again, not all dark-colored eyes have this feature. Maybe I'm just biased.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceGuyNihilist

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

I can't find the article I read previously that used John Cage/Peter MacNicol as an example of someone who might be preferred when women are not ovulating, but here are some articles on point:

Taking the pill for past 40 years 'has put women off masculine men'
When Fertile, Women Want Manly Men
Interesting Behavioral Effects of Ovulation on Women
Men with macho faces attractive to fertile women



How fascinating to entertain the idea that the Pill--itself a product of feminism to a large degree--might have caused women to selectively breed men for femininity, if unconsciously. I'm dreaming, but I'd really love to see an ambitious study that compared the mean testosterone levels of men from the James Dean era with mean testosterone levels of contemporary men. You'd have to control for a large number of potentially confounding factors (diet, etc.), but still--tantalizing.



I too, am curious about this. It makes me paranoid and sort of worried for mankind. However, I think that the tendency to pick effeminate mates is more influenced by today's society...somehow men being effeminate is becoming encouraged (see our most popular stars such as Justin Bieber, look at the amount of straight males dressing in skinny jeans and spending longer styling their hair than most women (although this is mostly the younger crowd),) and while it's possible this is because of the increasing female demand for said males, I think that has more to do with women wanting men they can relate to more than the actual influence of the pill--the influence of the pill, I think, is just that women are hormonally not as inclined to actively seek masculine mates (not that the pill causes them to specifically go for effeminate ones--just makes them less interested in the primal sex drive in general, thus they are more inclined to seek out mates that they relate to rather than that compliment them genetically.)

I, for one, have been on the pill for close to 2 years now. I still value masculinity and detest femininity in men. Of course, the hormones in said pill will affect everyone differently. For me though, I'd like to add, I mostly associate better with masculine personalities in the first place, so the "switch" to liking effeminate men due to easier association doesn't happen. It's a thought.

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RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/17/2011 1:15:00 PM   
AAkasha


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quote:

ORIGINAL: RaspberryLemon


I too, am curious about this. It makes me paranoid and sort of worried for mankind. However, I think that the tendency to pick effeminate mates is more influenced by today's society...somehow men being effeminate is becoming encouraged (see our most popular stars such as Justin Bieber, look at the amount of straight males dressing in skinny jeans and spending longer styling their hair than most women (although this is mostly the younger crowd),) and while it's possible this is because of the increasing female demand for said males, I think that has more to do with women wanting men they can relate to more than the actual influence of the pill--the influence of the pill, I think, is just that women are hormonally not as inclined to actively seek masculine mates (not that the pill causes them to specifically go for effeminate ones--just makes them less interested in the primal sex drive in general, thus they are more inclined to seek out mates that they relate to rather than that compliment them genetically.)

I, for one, have been on the pill for close to 2 years now. I still value masculinity and detest femininity in men. Of course, the hormones in said pill will affect everyone differently. For me though, I'd like to add, I mostly associate better with masculine personalities in the first place, so the "switch" to liking effeminate men due to easier association doesn't happen. It's a thought.



Interesting perspective. I also had a "type" for a long time that was pretty specific - androgynous, thin, longer-but not long hair, especially in the eyes. But I can trace that right back to things like first crushes - I was a young teen in the 80s when new wave was popular, and I liked bands with effeminate men who wore makeup and they became the object of my fantasies. Even though my tastes matured away from men in eyeliner and skirts, I still was attracted to men with pretty faces, on the thin or lanky side, not that tall, definitely not muscular or athletic, and thick, "grabbable" dark hair was NON NEGOTIABLE as part of the package. High cheekbones, nice lips. The adult version of a pretty boy. I knew exactly the kind of physical package I wanted.

I ended up with the exact opposite by landing a tall, athletic blonde/blue eyed, usually-shaved-head type. Funny how that happens!

Akasha


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RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/17/2011 2:28:29 PM   
PeonForHer


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RE: how much does the physical matter? - 8/17/2011 3:24:13 PM   
LillyBoPeep


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Status: offline 		those links are interesting; i'll dive into them more after practice tonight.
i only took the pill briefly, but my taste in men has basically been the same my whole life. clint eastwood was my first celebrity crush ever. he's pretty "typically masculine" in his westerns. =p
i don't mind effeminate men, they look pretty to me, and i can appreciate them in an artistic sense, but they aren't sexually appealing to me. if i want something feminine, i'll look at women. if i want something masculine, an effeminate man won't cut it. i really don't want a man who is more like me, because i'm fascinated by how men and women are different in many ways.

this is an interesting perspective, RaspberryLemon --
quote:


the influence of the pill, I think, is just that women are hormonally not as inclined to actively seek masculine mates (not that the pill causes them to specifically go for effeminate ones--just makes them less interested in the primal sex drive in general, thus they are more inclined to seek out mates that they relate to rather than that compliment them genetically.)


that sounds probably more likely than the pill itself having an effect.



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RE: maybe not "the physical" but sexual polar... - 8/17/2011 3:50:33 PM   
tj444


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

so do you think you somehow ignored the "not mentally compatible" signals?
why do you think that was?

being tall isn't a requirement for me, either, it's just sorta worked out that my relationships have been with tall guys. =p
again, i'm trying to avoid a height thread, but i think i started it off wrong. =p
i'm interested to see if that trend continues when i'm 40, if i haven't found a lasting relationship by then.

i'm starting to wonder if maybe it is age/time of life that makes a person single in on more basic things, and then later, it expands?

mental compatibility comes into things pretty fast for me, but i can't deny that i have these initial visceral reactions to features. but the mental part matters so much to me because i don't relate well to most people at all, so if i DO relate well to someone, i want to at least pursue friendship with that person.
i'm just trying to discuss some of the "whys;" why do people do things they do? =p


Yes, I do think I ignored some of the red flags, some i didnt really know until later. My ex was really my second love so i wasnt experienced with assessing the pros and cons yet. I feel his drinking was a problem and that he wouldnt communicate/talk about problems so they could be fixed, sex too, he didnt have the drive i did. It was only after i was with him for some time and of course already in love so i was hooked.. I jumped a little too fast into it with him and took too dam long getting out..

So, I hope i have learned my lessons and will patiently wait for Mr. Complete Package this time.

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