RE: FemDom vs MaleDom Relationships

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RE: FemDom vs MaleDom Relationships - 5/21/2006 6:21:26 AM

xxmstrchasxx

Posts: 423
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

I challenge anyone to find the maledom equivalent of this profile:

Yeah, I think he is joking too.
_________________________

I have seen several Domme's and their subs and they never held back with orgasm denial. Like I do, they might have made them wait but never completely not have an orgasm by the time the scene was over.

_____________________________

XxMasterChasxX

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 21

RE: FemDom vs MaleDom Relationships - 5/21/2006 6:21:43 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

In my relationship our D/s is based mostly on a sexual nature. Yes I do get all the orgasms I want and I allow my sub to have his. I find people who have pent up sexual energy tend to be grouchy and I don't want to be bothered with that nor him.

He serves me in other ways though as well, helping me with my diabetes, reminding me of medication time. He helps me take care of myself, particulary my feet

with massages and such.
Its a wonderful relationship and I am a big on communication so I'm making him do what alot of men have problems with, talking to me. He has opened up so much in the last year and half its wonderful.
He says that having me lead the relationship makes him feel free, wanted, happy, hotter, kinkier, and more loved than he'd ever gotten when he was the Master.
This is my particular situation and for us so far its working very well.

~Lashra

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 22

RE: FemDom vs MaleDom Relationships - 5/21/2006 6:55:43 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Yeah, looks like college girls out for a laugh at the perverts to me.

If they are even girls at all and not guys out for a laugh.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 23

RE: FemDom vs MaleDom Relationships - 5/21/2006 7:25:48 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

Yeah its a joke and probably some guy looking for a laugh.

~Lashra

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 24

RE: FemDom vs MaleDom Relationships - 5/22/2006 4:44:19 AM

BBBTBW

Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I challenge anyone to find the maledom equivalent of this profile:

http://www.collarme.com/bdsm/v/288251/rz/67150/details.htm

Since the picture has 2 females in it...which one wrote the profile? How do you know what you are getting? She states she got over 120 messages the first day yet there is no real information about her. My opinion is that the people that wrote her are very superficial and are only interested in the physical attributes of whichever person wrote the profile and honestly how long do you think thats going to last?

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 25

RE: FemDom vs MaleDom Relationships - 5/22/2006 12:19:53 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

Interesting responses. Here on this thread we have those that state that there is sex between female dominants and their male submissives. On another thread (deleted by the way) in which "naughty nick" stirred up a hornet's nest by declaring that female dominants do NOT have sex with their male submissives, the point came out that many female dominants do not want a submissive for sexual purposes, they obtain that elsewhere. It was also noted that this happens more often in female dominant/male submissive relationships than it does in male dominant/female submissive relationships. There is probably no way of proving or disproving this other than conducting a poll...while realizing that all that answer may not be all that are involved. Let us say for the sake of argument that the opinions expressed by these female dominants are the prevailing opinions. Is that not a difference then?

I think the question was meant to look for differences, not to stir up the issue of whether or not female dominants allow their submissives sexual pleasure.

As another example, from my conversations with the female dominants I have known and from reading the posts of those who I don't know, that cross-dressing their submissive for the purpose of humiliation is more prevalent among female dominants than male dominants. A small difference but perhaps the bigger one would be that humiliation is used more often by female dominants than it is by male dominants? Or is it just a differing type of humiliation?

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 26

RE: FemDom vs MaleDom Relationships - 5/22/2006 1:59:39 PM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

I would agree...very interesting replies! And, I would concede that by and large, generally speaking, often is the case that FemDoms don’t have sexual relationships with their submissives. Of course, we’d have to figure in that the largest single group of people into BDSM are submissive men (at least if you look at the numbers online) looking for male or female Dominants; thus the popularity of FemDom Pros, huh? The leather community seems to handle the male/male relationships in the same way they have since time began.

Still, I was just curious how many FemDoms here would speak up with regard to their very loving D/s relationships with their submissive men. I’m tickled to see many have. I don’t know why, but I like seeing it… <shrugs> I dunno…seems to me the masturbatory fodder we read would say otherwise, but I imagine it happens more often than not.

As far as cross dressing submissives…what is the fun of dressing up a female in jeans or a suit? There is no humiliation to it, seems to me. And…for the male submissive who are feminized; there are an inordinate number of very masculine, submissive men who enjoy it…so IS it still humiliation?

Still, as a female submissive I can tell you…most Dominants seem seriously into humiliation. They may call it teasing, or marking, or making them beg…but it’s still humiliation whether it’s degradation or not. I think people confuse those terms. So no, I don’t believe female Dominants use humiliation more than do their male counterparts.

Again...wonderful replies... any more?

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 27

RE: FemDom vs MaleDom Relationships - 5/22/2006 2:07:52 PM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

I love and have sex with My submissive boy!

<Looks around, realizing She is not at a 12 step D/s meeting>--ohh sorry, felt the need to shout it out there--

ahh ok, well yes back to the topic of humiliation

I beat My boy and make him crawl across the floor begging for Me! and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it...

You may now return to your regularly scheduled program.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 28

RE: FemDom vs MaleDom Relationships - 5/22/2006 5:32:41 PM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

<cracks up> You're a hoot! No wonder I likes ya so much... <giggles wildly>

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 29

RE: FemDom vs MaleDom Relationships - 5/22/2006 5:49:52 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

I love and have sex with My submissive boy!

<Looks around, realizing She is not at a 12 step D/s meeting>--ohh sorry, felt the need to shout it out there--

Shhhhhhhhhhhh...I have a headache.

quote:

ahh ok, well yes back to the topic of humiliation

I beat My boy and make him crawl across the floor begging for Me! and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it...

You may now return to your regularly scheduled program.

~still rubbing head....~ shhhhhhhhhh....Good, I am glad for you.

But does that make you more into humiliation than your nearest male dominant counterpart?

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 30

RE: FemDom vs MaleDom Relationships - 5/22/2006 6:51:17 PM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

Why the need to humiliate, I'm already in control--let the fun begin--moowwaaaahhhhh.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 31

RE: FemDom vs MaleDom Relationships - 5/22/2006 8:39:39 PM

dominmd

Posts: 474
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

I had the opportunity to play with a sub girl a few weeks ago. I have known her the better part of six months and we have met several times prior to our playing privately. Part of her daily ritual if you will is masturbation. Now I asked her what her safe word for the weekend was.........she forgot. To reinforce memory, I made her masturbate to the point of orgasm and stop 3 times per day for 3 days prior to our play date. I had to call ahead since I was running late and her husband told me to hurry up since she was climbing the walls. About an hour after I got there, we really got going and she was finally relaxed. She had memorized almost everything I wrote about, that described how I play. She remembered her safe word, and she received her reward. She was told to pick up her vibrator and go to town on herself. In less than a minute she asks me if she needs permission to cum. I told her to cum when ready and as much as she wants, never mind the permission stuff.

I want to tell all of you that as she did this, I was sitting against the headboard with her facing away from me between my legs. It was the sensual and erotic thing I have experienced to date. She was a bucking bronco of a woman. The chemistry was there in full force, and she was the most beautiful thing I have beheld in years. We cuddled for almost an hour, just talking, and nuzzleing each other. I did not use her myself, I did not have sex with her at all. In fact we kept our clothes mostly on.

The fact is that everyone is different. Orgasm denial can be a great controller. And there are many instances when it can be used to bend someone to your will. And to much better effect than a beating in many cases. Many dominants use sexual denial and reward as a very loving part of their relationship dynamic. It does make two people connect even more when they are in each other's arms. Many doms and dommes know what I mean when I speak of that face and glazed look in the eye of a submissive, the love they glow with after they are allowed release.

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 32

RE: FemDom vs MaleDom Relationships - 10/28/2006 10:24:38 PM

Najakcharmer

Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline

I wonder if the perception that femdoms don't have sex with their subs is due to the fact that the average femdom who is either active in the BDSM community or a pro or both is likely to play with a great many partners on a relatively casual basis. However she is unlikely to be having sexual intercourse with all of these submissive play partners.

At home might be another story. Generally when a femdom is partnered with a male sub in a relationship that isn't a casual play thing, especially when they're living together or married, it's a relatively rare woman who actually wants to live without sex. I sure as hell wouldn't. So there is quite likely to be plenty of sexual use and sexual service involved in a committed relationship that is also a femdom/male sub relationship.

In my experience individual D/s relationships vary pretty significantly, and it seems to have more to do with the individuals than with whether the person with the whip has the innie or the outie.

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 33

RE: FemDom vs MaleDom Relationships - 10/28/2006 10:53:31 PM

xunderyoux

Posts: 13
Joined: 10/28/2006
Status: offline

i think many femdom relationships may be more romance-oriented. They may focus more on the emotional side of things, where male dominated scenarios focus more on physical pleasure. Dominant women tend to be maternal, and men paternal.

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 34

RE: FemDom vs MaleDom Relationships - 10/28/2006 10:56:02 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

That's interesting, because I've noticed the opposite, if anything.

quote:

ORIGINAL: xunderyoux

i think many femdom relationships may be more romance-oriented. They may focus more on the emotional side of things, where male dominated scenarios focus more on physical pleasure.

(in reply to xunderyoux)

Post #: 35

RE: FemDom vs MaleDom Relationships - 10/29/2006 1:49:19 AM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

As someone who is both a FemDomme and a fem sub ... I think I can air a valid opinion here. Well, actually two opinions, one from each side!

Firstly, the generalizations about Dommes not having sex with their subs may well apply in the pro-Domme world, due to laws about prostitution and common sense about casual sex and disease. However while they do fulfill a valid role considering the number of would-be male subs, some of whom are willing to pay to play, they do not reflect the reality of what happens in lifestyle FemDomme D/s. [As a side issue, has everyone else noted that there seems to be a dearth of male pro-Doms, probably as there aren't too many fem subs willing to risk paying for the privilege of play?] Being active in the local scene and thus knowiing a LOT of lifestyle FemDommes and their boys, I can tell you that they're not all in constant denial or simply being milked. That's a myth! I see a lot of loving full relationships, including marriages, in which sex occurs ... the only difference is that it occurs when SHE wants it, not necessarily when he instigates it. And She is in control of how long it goes for, when he can cum etc. As a Domme I have no interest in male subs that say they wouldn't ever want to have sex with Me ... for Me it can be the culmination of a wonderful scene (or just a great way to relax after a hard day at work) and why should My full rush be denied! Of course, I do have to get Master's permission in advance ;-) and He wouldn't grant that on a casual basis.

As a fem sub, i take exception to the concept that i am just His sexual slave ... i am that, but i am also His household slave, i am His lover, and W/we are partners in life. And, to partly hijack another thread, if i am sick, He takes care of me just as i take care of Him when He is sick. It is a life relationship that has its expression through O/our power exchange. Yes, there is sex involved ... when He wants it (the best i can do is act amorously hopeful LOL!). And, yes, He goes down on me (shock horror! Does that mean He's not a real Master???) NO! It means it's something HE enjoys, He gets off on playing with me and watching my reactions and hearing my noises etc. And yes, He gets off on giving me permission to cum ... when i've asked Him properly and shown the right degree of desperate need LOL!

So is there NECESSARILY a difference between male and female Dom/mes? Well, generalizations are dangerous things, but I would feel any differences are more likely related to how males and females tend to organise and prioritise and control relationships in slightly different ways, certainly not the sorts of things that were first thought of on this thread. And as many posters have already mentioned, it comes down much more to individual relationship differences, rather than generic ones. For Myself, being a switch, My Dominant side is also seeking to find a male sub who participates just as fully in a power exchange with Me as i do with Master. One who wants to serve as well as to play, one who respects Master's position in the household, but who knows that his needs will be lovingly met. And yes, who desires Me and wants Me and is happy to be lucky enough to have full sex with Me sometimes!

MaamJay aka violet{[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 36

RE: FemDom vs MaleDom Relationships - 10/29/2006 1:58:06 AM

Paradoxy

Posts: 51
Joined: 10/23/2006
Status: offline

Well, slaverosebeauty, I'd agree with you but...

I think it depends on the methods of domination. For example, I would not settle for physical domination of the sub, but rather, the discipline of the sub is more important to me.

Withholding traditional means of "punishment" to a sub who acts up specifically to recieve these types of rewards (which I think is a better, and more realistic defintion of flogging, whipping, spanking, etc.) or sexual contact entirely would be an example of how I as a male dom would administer the role.

< Message edited by Paradoxy -- 10/29/2006 1:59:10 AM >

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)

Post #: 37

RE: FemDom vs MaleDom Relationships - 10/29/2006 8:45:28 AM

Morrigel

Posts: 492
Joined: 10/13/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaverosebeauty
I have noticed that Male tops use female bottoms for sexual pleasure and most of the time their relationship has an undertone of sexual domination and pleasure to it. Whereas, Female tops do NOT allow their male bottoms sexual release or pleasure. Male bottoms are denied sexual release where female bottoms are often made to orgasm until unconsciousness and beyond.

I don't tend to make a distinction in this regard. Some bottoms enjoy denial, some do not. But male and female alike, I enjoy teasing and stimulating my subs long-term, to build up orgasmic intensity. And exploring their limits for receiving pleasure.

--M

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)

Post #: 38

RE: FemDom vs MaleDom Relationships - 10/29/2006 8:51:14 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I can't speak for being a male dominant (cause I'm not) but I can say that I don't treat my submissives or slaves differently based on their sex or gender.

The vast majority of male slaves I've owned and male subs I've trained or played with I do not have sexual contact with at all. I have have no sexual contact with any of the female subs I've trained or female slaves I've owned. The one transgendered person I had I also did not have a sexual relationship with.

However, there have been a very small number of men I have owned and had sex with. I can see myself having a similar relationship with a woman in the future but it isn't because of her sex but because of our connection. I just haven't had that type of sexual connection with a woman yet but I think its possible.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 39

RE: FemDom vs MaleDom Relationships - 10/29/2006 9:28:14 AM

Jasmyn

Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline

Hi Bearlee ... some observations ... fem subs on a whole identify more as 'submissive' than their male counterparts identify as slaves...and seek master/slave which include reciprocal love and appreciation ... the 1950's housewife ideal ... male subs on the other hand often have less need for a reciprocal love based relationship in which to be the submissive... more butler/slave or sissy or maid ... loving their Mistress and glad of the fondness she has for them ... being an observable difference could be simply because of sheer numbers ..and the prevalence within them of men who want fem domination in the form of fem supremacy or goddess worship/cuck control, humiliatrix, etc ...

And then there are those who are simply master/mistress and slave/sub ... it doesn't follow any preconceived ideal or fantasy ...

I think maybe too ... men are maybe more vocal about their wants and needs in the form of a fantasy idol ...there being simply more imagery for men to draw on ... the bitch goddess, the loving authoritarian, the humilatrix, the unobtainable goddess, the disciplinarian, the man-hater ... unfortunately for a lot of men, a great deal of dominant women aren't seeking to be any of these...they simply want the 1950's husband ideal ... a respectful and loving partner.

At the end of the day ... how someone comes to be the submissive partner and how someone comes to be the dominant partner matters less than the depth of the power exchange (for want of another term lol) they mutually agree to have.

Good topic.

_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.

Visit My Website

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 40

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