RE: FemDom vs MaleDom Relationships

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RE: FemDom vs MaleDom Relationships - 10/29/2006 10:04:37 AM

jdtallfem

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Well at this point, if I want a LTR with just one sub/slave you'd better believe I'd want sex on demand. But while meeting with so many, of course I'm not having traditional sex. Who knows if all this will change as time goes on, but that's how I feel about things now.

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RE: FemDom vs MaleDom Relationships - 10/29/2006 11:08:13 AM

xunderyoux

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That's interesting, because I've noticed the opposite, if anything.

really? i'm curious to know your views, Sir.

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RE: FemDom vs MaleDom Relationships - 10/29/2006 11:15:37 AM

silverthorn7

Posts: 14
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From: New Mexico
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Good question, Bearlee. I think your question has way more to do with roles than sex. In our culture, men are naturally dominant, like it or not. They have more power economically and politically. I see the M/s dynamic as a reflection of what is already present in our society - the roles may be glamorized and fetishized ( sorry for creating a new word there) but it is still the same role - Male dom, female sub.

In a FemDomme relationship or interaction, the roles are actually reversed. The Femme is in charge, she is Dominant. It takes tremendous courage for a woman to come out in that way. It goes against the cultural and societal "rules" we have all been soaked in since birth. There are not as many rewards for FemDommes as there are for the Male Doms. We have to deal with all of the submissive male wannabes who have all these "issues" over releasing control - even though it is what they crave beyond reason. I believe that is why so many of them are so nasty to us. They want what we can give them but culturally, they are unable to let go of control long enough to get what they really want. I think that sets up a lot of angst for most of them and that creates the whining, dick pictures and unasked for laundry lists of kinky sex things they send us. The root of the problem is fear. To give up control is to give up being a man - or some such nonsense. Giving up control is the heart of D/s and is the way for a submissive male to get his needs met. That is the secret - they need to please Mistress first and that is where it all gets sticky - males are not culturally ready to please a woman in the way she wants to be pleased without a guarantee up front that their little desires will be fulfilled. (remember - SHE may want respectful, interesting conversation, dinner and a movie, not her pussy licked by some stranger!)

When I Dominate a male, I feel, just for that moment, that I have somehow re-balanced the huge power inbalance between men and women that exists in every culture, every country and every corner of this planet. The Goddess lives in that moment, in me.

Silverthorn

(in reply to Bearlee)

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RE: FemDom vs MaleDom Relationships - 10/29/2006 12:02:15 PM

Lashra

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Joined: 2/9/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaverosebeauty

Good question Bearlee.

I have noticed that Male tops use female bottoms for sexual pleasure and most of the time their relationship has an undertone of sexual domination and pleasure to it. Whereas, Female tops do NOT allow their male bottoms sexual release or pleasure. Mal ebottoms are denied sexual release where female bottoms are often made to orgasm until unconsciousness and beyond.

Female bottoms are typically more; sex slaves' and 'pleasure slaves' than their male counterparts who GIVE and rarely ever get their own release. Times like this I am sooooooo glad to be female. :o)

As a Domme I have to disagree with this. My submissive always gets release. When he is in chastity it is for a short time and because it is something that he and I BOTH enjoy. Just like alot of female subs like orgasm denial so do male subs.

When we play I make sure he cums at least twice if not more so because it pleases me for him to do so. I also take him way out into subspace which also pleases us both.

I think alot of people have have this misconception about Femdom relationships. I know some Domme's do not allow them them release, but not all of us do.

~Lashra

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RE: FemDom vs MaleDom Relationships - 10/29/2006 12:08:36 PM

LotusSong

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Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
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Male vs. Female Dominance - A Difference of Style

The fact that men and women are different is obvious. What may not be so obvious is the effect that this difference makes in the creation of a Dominant persona.

Gender role differences appear in terms of what aspects of character male and female dominants tend to emphasize. Men and women tend to display stereotypical gender role differences with remarkable regularity in their Dominant personae.

Female Dominance is often characterized by strong psychological Dominance. Because most women are usually physically weaker than their male partners, Dominance and control cannot be primarily physical. Instead, the feminine charms are employed to seduce the submissive male into willingly surrendering control.

This is most often done by a sort of Lysistrata syndrome, wherein the submissive is taught to crave the Domina's body or sexual favors, and then denied them until the Domina's demands are met.

Orgasmic denial (as differentiated from control) is a common tool. This is a form of Dominance that works extremely well on men, but poorly on most women. There are a vast number of reasons for this, but the two primary reasons are as follows.

Most men are not multiorgasmic. Denial maintains the sexual tension. Once orgasm is achieved, the games are usually over.

Men are primarily goal-oriented. Denial games provide a tangible goal to work towards.

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 10/29/2006 12:12:47 PM >

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RE: FemDom vs MaleDom Relationships - 10/29/2006 2:03:06 PM

Lordandmaster

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Many male subs regard dommes as walking fantasy-fulfillment, and have a way of engineering the relationship so that it's primarily about fetishes and sex. Of course, dommes don't have to put up with that if they don't want to, but they often complain about it. Dommes are always saying they want a male sub who will treat them as a human being. I don't hear male doms complaining about that problem with femsubs nearly as often.

Compared to male subs, I've noticed that femsubs are more loyal and devoted. A devoted femsub will walk through fire for her owner.

Obviously these are all generalizations, and there are plenty of relationships, both F/m and M/f, that don't fit this general pattern.

quote:

ORIGINAL: xunderyoux

That's interesting, because I've noticed the opposite, if anything.

really? i'm curious to know your views, Sir.

(in reply to xunderyoux)

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RE: FemDom vs MaleDom Relationships - 10/29/2006 2:17:25 PM

Jasmyn

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From: New Zealand
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LAM loyalty and devotion is an individual thing ... a recent thread was a male dom asking if fem submission was an excuse to be less loyal ...so I guess for some it's an issue... but as a generalisation I think your post is close to spot on ... though I know plenty of male subs who would gladly walk through fire for their Mistress ... maybe it's an orientation thing ... we see things salient to us in the relationships of others ...

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RE: FemDom vs MaleDom Relationships - 10/30/2006 10:23:41 AM

Najakcharmer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong
Gender role differences appear in terms of what aspects of character male and female dominants tend to emphasize. Men and women tend to display stereotypical gender role differences with remarkable regularity in their Dominant personae.

"Tend to", perhaps. There is certainly a reason that some stereotypes exist. There are also a lot of people who absolutely don't fit the mold and don't like the stereotypical imagery or activities one bit.

quote:

Female Dominance is often characterized by strong psychological Dominance. Because most women are usually physically weaker than their male partners, Dominance and control cannot be primarily physical. Instead, the feminine charms are employed to seduce the submissive male into willingly surrendering control.

Not necessarily. Unless they're working with just the small domestics, animal handlers are always smaller and weaker than the animals they must direct and control. In some cases it isn't possible to apply physical persuasion (eg, to a marine mammal). The principles that work effectively are psychological, but they don't necessarily have to be sexual. I am not bigger and stronger than a lion....but given enough time and the patient application of the correct psychological techniques, I can make that lion feel that way. And no, I am not using sexual seduction to do it. LOL

quote:

Most men are not multiorgasmic. Denial maintains the sexual tension. Once orgasm is achieved, the games are usually over.

Not necessarily, but if the energy does flow that way, you can just time things so that his orgasm happens when you feel like being done, too.

< Message edited by Najakcharmer -- 10/30/2006 10:26:34 AM >

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RE: FemDom vs MaleDom Relationships - 10/30/2006 1:23:01 PM

xunderyoux

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Ok, figured out the quote thingy..

hrmmm, i see your point, but the "notreallysubmissivemale" is not what we're really talking about here is it?

and you said so yourself, that dommes usually seek men who will "treat them like human beings". I think once you get past the cold exterior of a domme, they are usually very warm and loving.. almost maternal.

male dominants can be warm and loving, but they tend to be more paternally strict and pleasure-oriented.. they are a lot like the reverse of dommes in the beginning. they sling a lot of romantic and seductive stuff your way, and get real later on, lol.

like you said, these are all generalizations and they don't apply across the board.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Many male subs regard dommes as walking fantasy-fulfillment, and have a way of engineering the relationship so that it's primarily about fetishes and sex. Of course, dommes don't have to put up with that if they don't want to, but they often complain about it. Dommes are always saying they want a male sub who will treat them as a human being. I don't hear male doms complaining about that problem with femsubs nearly as often.

Compared to male subs, I've noticed that femsubs are more loyal and devoted. A devoted femsub will walk through fire for her owner.

Obviously these are all generalizations, and there are plenty of relationships, both F/m and M/f, that don't fit this general pattern.

quote:

ORIGINAL: xunderyoux

That's interesting, because I've noticed the opposite, if anything.

really? i'm curious to know your views, Sir.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

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RE: FemDom vs MaleDom Relationships - 10/30/2006 1:43:59 PM

LadyHugs

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Dear Bearlee, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I do hang around a lot of male dominants and from a female dominant's mind's eye; there really can be as many similarities as there are differences. There is a whole salad bar, when it comes to the 'style' to which dominants conduct their relationship. That has a lot to do with things.

I identify more with high protocol, Old School sort. I like ceremonies, rituals, formal etiquette and manners.

But, one thing different about slaves; with male dominants having female slaves; after sex the female slave has as much energy (in most cases I've seen); as the "Energizer bunny!" But, as a female dominant having sex with a male slave; well they're so exhausted they roll over like a bare rug with lumps and have to lay there a while. It is awful!
You (as a female dominant) have to get your own beverage after you've been frisky. Not good service from male slaves after sex, so it comes to be; that we get all our service needs in first before we; drain the life out of the poor male slave. [Smiles most innocently and lady like]

Respectfully submitted with a wee bit of humor,
Lady Hugs

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RE: FemDom vs MaleDom Relationships - 10/30/2006 4:43:03 PM

thetammyjo

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*blink*

Ok, now I know that Fox and I live in a very different plane than most of you.

Fox and I have sex, Fox cleans up, Fox fetches things, Fox usually tucks me into bed and leaves me to sleep as he cleans up everything heads down to his own room.

He's my slave. Why does he sex/gender or mine change the expectations for service pre or post orgasm?

Perhaps folks just aren't expecting good service or regular service and thus don't get it? I don't expect different things from subs/slaves based on their sex or gender, thus I haven't not seen any difference in their behavior or attitude.

If you expect there to be gender/sex differences, there will be. If you just expect good service and accept nothing else (with clear training/communication from you on what that is) then that is what you will get.

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