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The Devotional Test - 8/30/2011 6:45:18 AM   
Tebo


Posts: 12
Joined: 1/22/2010
Status: offline 		This question is primarily for slaves. Not that submissives or dom(m)es wouldn't have meaningful input, but I think one that is a slave now will have probably gone through this.

I exchanged e-mails with a domme and mine were generally 3 to 4 times longer than hers. To be expected, as after all, she had questions she wanted answered. Even a 2.5 hr conversation on the phone was in the mix. My last e-mail was almost 800 words and was responded to with a single sentence, not particularly relevant to anything we had talked about. I interpret this, or no response at all as "it's over". Then a little more than a week later and e-mail, "I've been so busy with all kinds of shit, just no time to be on the internet". I'm paraphrasing slightly as I don't have the messages anymore, but that was the general theme. It turns out though that I had failed the devotional test. I was to have interpreted that as, let's get with the program again.

My position was simply, no problem, I'm sure you'll jerk my chain when you have time. In a subsequent message, her statement was, if I don't want you to communicate, I'll tell you.

I realize there are a lot of genuine dommes and domes on this site, but reality is, there are far more that are just intent on mind f'in. So the question becomes, would you have carried on under similar circumstances.
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RE: The Devotional Test - 8/30/2011 6:55:46 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		Devotional test???

What a pile of steaming eviscerated bollocks!

She either decided you weren't the one she was looking for, or bottled out when the spectre of "the face to face meeting" began to loom, or "she" was actually "he", or the spouse wanted to use the computer, or...whatever.

The "devotional test" stuff is a puny-arsed way of saying she didn't want to talk to you any more. Fucking coward's way out.

You're better off without her.

If "she" is indeed a "her".

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RE: The Devotional Test - 8/30/2011 7:09:39 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		either you didn't read her profile carefully and your email did not contain what her profile told you or you failed to send her money.

If it is the first, then next time be sure to read someone's profile carefully and respond in such a way as to show you read it.

If it was the second, don't worry about it and move on.



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RE: The Devotional Test - 8/30/2011 7:12:23 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Honestly, you're probably better off with someone that won't continually test your love and devotion. It's a sign of needing to have the ego stroked which means self esteem issues.

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RE: The Devotional Test - 8/30/2011 7:38:47 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Honestly, you're probably better off with someone that won't continually test your love and devotion. It's a sign of needing to have the ego stroked which means self esteem issues.


That's an interesting idea.  I completely disagree with it.  I'm betting that most people would definitely stop being with someone who did not meet a minimum level of love and devotion.  That's not about self esteem or ego stroking - that's about interdependence which is a huge chunk of love as I understand it.


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RE: The Devotional Test - 8/30/2011 7:54:39 AM   
coookie


Posts: 541
Joined: 10/25/2010
Status: offline 		I think that you put out feelers and they were not reciprocated to the level that you feel is necessary for developing a relationship. (i am a communication junkie too so it would not have worked for me personally) It is a lack of compatibility. Don't fret and keep looking for someone that ticks your boxes Tebo. Get your butt out to a munch and meet some dominants in the community. Good luck fellow Albertan =)

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RE: The Devotional Test - 8/30/2011 9:02:15 AM   
risktaker9


Posts: 197
Joined: 3/10/2010
Status: offline 		She wasn't that into you, if she were she'd have found a way to communicate with you. The devotional thing is just an excuse, it wouldn't even be part of the equation as a deal breaker if she'd wanted you around. If she had such a thing in place and she was interested in you, she'd have given you more of a heads up on your standing with it.

Move on, sorry, it happens.

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RE: The Devotional Test - 8/30/2011 9:16:00 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself
. . . What a pile of steaming eviscerated bollocks! . . .

Thanx for the mental picture of that one.


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RE: The Devotional Test - 8/30/2011 9:16:32 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I live to serve....*snickers*

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RE: The Devotional Test - 8/30/2011 12:25:47 PM   
SuzeCheri


Posts: 483
Joined: 7/19/2011
From: Outside looking in
Status: offline 		I'm not a slave, or a sub, or a domme, so I can only give a vanilla perspective on this.

In my experience from talking to girls over the last 7 or 8 years since romance and sex got to be of interest, it isn't all that uncommon for girls to "test" their partners' love and devotion. Usually it's an innocuous thing, maybe asking him or her what colour your eyes are while you have sunglasses on, but sometimes it goes so far as having a friend try seduce your SO.

It's my impression that the idea of devotion is inflated in the sort of relationships you guys do, as compared to vanilla ones, so it isn't a surprise that there would be tests like that as well. As to my opinion of those tests, well, I feel that if you need to test your partner's love, then you really do have some serious insecurity issues and probably shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place. Also it smacks of entrapment and setting your partner up to fail, neither of which is fair, in my view. So if it was a genuine attempt to test your devotion, I would say you should be glad you failed now before you were more emotionally invested in the relationship. You got off easy. One girl I know hires hookers to come onto her boyfriends after she gets them drunk and fakes a huge fight with them.


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RE: The Devotional Test - 8/30/2011 1:18:42 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

I live to serve....*snickers*

Are you a domestic servitude bunny?  (slideshow)  Watch out for clothes dryers!


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RE: The Devotional Test - 8/30/2011 1:22:24 PM   
seekingreality


Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tebo

This question is primarily for slaves. Not that submissives or dom(m)es wouldn't have meaningful input, but I think one that is a slave now will have probably gone through this.

I exchanged e-mails with a domme and mine were generally 3 to 4 times longer than hers. To be expected, as after all, she had questions she wanted answered. Even a 2.5 hr conversation on the phone was in the mix. My last e-mail was almost 800 words and was responded to with a single sentence, not particularly relevant to anything we had talked about. I interpret this, or no response at all as "it's over". Then a little more than a week later and e-mail, "I've been so busy with all kinds of shit, just no time to be on the internet". I'm paraphrasing slightly as I don't have the messages anymore, but that was the general theme. It turns out though that I had failed the devotional test. I was to have interpreted that as, let's get with the program again.

My position was simply, no problem, I'm sure you'll jerk my chain when you have time. In a subsequent message, her statement was, if I don't want you to communicate, I'll tell you.

I realize there are a lot of genuine dommes and domes on this site, but reality is, there are far more that are just intent on mind f'in. So the question becomes, would you have carried on under similar circumstances.


I am sub not a slave but I'll answer your question anyway. She may be mind-f ing you, but it's just as likely that you are incredibly needy and she is less interested in you than you are in her. And it's also possible that your actions declared, "Do whatever you want and I'll stand for it," so she's just doing whatever she wants.

I know a domme is a domme and all that, but frankly I need more of a quid-pro-quo. No way would I be firing off a string of 800-word emails if all I was getting back was a generic one sentence reply. A domme has to prove herself to me as much as I have to prove myself to her. Some people get into the thrill of the case; I get bored by non-response.

But then I must admit the whole concept of being a "slave" is something I don't understand.

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RE: The Devotional Test - 8/30/2011 2:06:53 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tebo
I exchanged e-mails with a domme and mine were generally 3 to 4 times longer than hers. To be expected, as after all, she had questions she wanted answered. Even a 2.5 hr conversation on the phone was in the mix. My last e-mail was almost 800 words and was responded to with a single sentence, not particularly relevant to anything we had talked about. I interpret this, or no response at all as "it's over".

Then a little more than a week later and e-mail, "I've been so busy with all kinds of shit, just no time to be on the internet". It turns out though that I had failed the devotional test. I was to have interpreted that as, let's get with the program again.

My position was simply, no problem, I'm sure you'll jerk my chain when you have time. In a subsequent message, her statement was, if I don't want you to communicate, I'll tell you.



I feel that communication is essential in any relationship, and even more so in a
newly forming one, where you are both still feeling each other out.

You weren't wrong in assuming she had lost interest in you, and I think it's a bit
silly for her to have expected you to know that she would eventually return and want
to pick up where she left off. Sure, stuff happens, and she can have 100 excuses for
being away from the computer. But it's also just as understandable that you would
feel a bit more guarded and a little less giving of your attention to her.

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RE: The Devotional Test - 8/30/2011 2:15:05 PM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline
quote:

My last e-mail was almost 800 words and was responded to with a single sentence, not particularly relevant to anything we had talked about. I interpret this, or no response at all as "it's over".


Why did you think it was over simply because of the length of her reply? As she explained later, she was busy so she fired off a quick email. It sounds to me like you are treating someone who thought of you as an option as a priority. Oh - you count the words in your emails?

ETA: why do you think this is something slaves are more familiar with than subbies.

< Message edited by zephyroftheNorth -- 8/30/2011 2:18:49 PM >

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RE: The Devotional Test - 8/30/2011 5:10:57 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		Hey it sounds to me like you have a TON of FREE TIME to devote. What else do you have to do? Obviously nothing, because you are even spending time here trying to find excuses why you should spend more of your time doing it again !!

Whats the problem again? She's infringing on your time?

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RE: The Devotional Test - 8/30/2011 5:16:58 PM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

Hey it sounds to me like you have a TON of FREE TIME to devote. What else do you have to do? Obviously nothing, because you are even spending time here trying to find excuses why you should spend more of your time doing it again !!

Whats the problem again? She's infringing on your time?


What the fuck are you talking about?


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And there's a smile when the pain comes
The pain gonna make ev'rything alright ~ Black Crows

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Member: Subbie Mafia
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RE: The Devotional Test - 8/30/2011 6:24:12 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Honestly, you're probably better off with someone that won't continually test your love and devotion. It's a sign of needing to have the ego stroked which means self esteem issues.


That's an interesting idea.  I completely disagree with it.  I'm betting that most people would definitely stop being with someone who did not meet a minimum level of love and devotion.  That's not about self esteem or ego stroking - that's about interdependence which is a huge chunk of love as I understand it.

You missed the point.

It's not about doing without love and devotion, it's about people that feel the need to continually test their partners love and devotion. It's the game playing. The people that feel that their partner in life has to continually jump through hoops to prove their love. That is ego stroking with self esteem issues.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: The Devotional Test - 8/30/2011 7:42:59 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline
quote:

It's not about doing without love and devotion, it's about people that feel the need to continually test their partners love and devotion. It's the game playing. The people that feel that their partner in life has to continually jump through hoops to prove their love. That is ego stroking with self esteem issues.
Agreed. I always like it when I pass one of those those tests, I just love the look on her face when I dump her as soon as she tells me I passed a test.

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RE: The Devotional Test - 8/30/2011 10:10:39 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		My take is somewhat different, I think in the beginning you invested way too much and had expectations of similar return without knowing how she typically responds.
You wanted to impress her and when she did not respond to those efforts to that end your feelings got hurt and your ardor cooled.

At some point she expressed interest and when she did not jump through your hoops you wrote her off.

What made the investment too much of one was the expectations that you had attached to your responses. Those types of expectations are often the fact track to disappointment.

So, next time perhaps you could slow down just a little and take time to get to know the other person rather than just trying to impress them with high count word responses.

Real life has a way of intruding on our cyberlives. That is something you might try to remember so that the next time it happens you don't take it so personally.

I don't see this as either of you being wrong per se; just very mis-matched.



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RE: The Devotional Test - 8/31/2011 4:45:20 AM   
0ldhen


Posts: 2221
Joined: 12/27/2010
From: Henhouse in Trolltopia, Harleyville USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself
. . . What a pile of steaming eviscerated bollocks! . . .

Thanx for the mental picture of that one.




The above...Fllowed by this....

quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

I live to serve....*snickers*



I read as "Thanks...I love to serve SNACKS"

I lost my coffee all over the sceeen, and here it was my blurry eyeballs.

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