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RE: Dom Lateness - 9/1/2011 6:17:45 AM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko

FR ~ For the record, MasterSlave, I always thought "Male Dominant" when it came to you, as well...

Ha ha... I always thought the opposite!

I'm with you, Sunny. I assumed he/she was a female submissive. So is he/she going to clarify, since we've obviously asked?

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Post #: 101

RE: Dom Lateness - 9/1/2011 6:26:34 AM

Iamsemisweet

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It sounds like the OP has only been seeing this guy for three months, so it isn't like she is threatening to leave a 20 marriage over a behavior that has been going on for 20 years. When you are getting to know each other, that is exactly the time when you say, I can't live with this, either work on it or I am out of here. Would it have been better if she just suffered in silence until she couldn't stand it anymore, and then ended the relationship without explanation? He apparently didn't think so.
H

quote:

ORIGINAL: coookie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

ye
Yep i sure have tried to influence my loved ones before but i have never gone with the whole "you must change XYZ or i will leave". She discussed and he had said i will leave it up to you if you want to continue. It sounds like to me that she badgered him further and guilted him making him feel badly for his "conduct". Hence she is trying to change his behaviour with whinging and that usually works.

Oh and as an aside, as i already explained, I took care of my tardiness issue because I wanted to. I didn't like being late. Not because someone made me feel poorly but because I did not like always feeling rushed. I am never late anymore though it took a lot of work on my part and IF the OP's fella is going to work on it i am telling her to expect failures because it is difficult to change behaviour.

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Post #: 102

RE: Dom Lateness - 9/1/2011 8:30:04 AM

coookie

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No it wouldnt have been better. She brought it to him

quote:

He just admitted to His lateness (and that it is not a good thing). Left it up to me to decide whether or not to continue.

That to me says I dont really want to change my behaviour so you should decide if you can live with it.

Instead:

quote:

i replied that i felt He was letting Himself off the hook by making it my decision, unless He was saying that He has no interest in altering His conduct in order to continue a relationship He says He enjoys...i said i thought the question was whether or not he was interested in/willing to alter His conduct in order to continue (especially since He agrees/admits it is a problem that He has manifested)

which i personally equate to whinging to get ones own way. Perhaps you and the OP see it in a different way.
OP i hope it works out for you both.

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Post #: 103

RE: Dom Lateness - 9/1/2011 10:01:38 AM

zephyroftheNorth

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If most people think someone is male does that mean they are? <weg>

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Post #: 104

RE: Dom Lateness - 9/1/2011 10:53:37 AM

agirl

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Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: tolovetolaugh

It can have a horrible emotional impact on the person who is constantly being flaked on. Especially when it happens again and again... and even more so when the person has canceled last minute a few times as the op has said her flake has.

You are so happy, your going to get to see your Dom, you have a bounce to your step, something to look forward to for the day... and then the time comes and they are not there. And then time passes and they still are not there and you begin to worry. You worry about them, you worry you wont be seeing them at all, because they have done it to you before.

You go from happy to worried to sad...and in my case than to angry for being treated this way on a regular basis.

Emotional roller coasters are not healthy in any relationship. Habitual lateness especially linked with last minute cancellations can really hurt someone.
And for him to just blow it off by saying "ok, so I'm always late" with no apparent interest to change it or even an apology showing they care it bothers you means the guy is immature and doesn't deserve the op.

Its like someone with an addiction who knows it and admits it, but just doesn't give a shit and has no interest in fixing it.

If a person allows something as trivial as a few minutes to rule their emotional well being, they are sooooooooooooooooo not someone I want in my life. Regardless of whether or not I am nearly always on time to meet with them or not.

"Horrible emotional impact..." I mean, seriously?!?!?

I think it'd impact mine. I'm so laid back as to be horizontal about the majority of life but there are a few things that pinch the odd sore spot.

ME being late is just me being a scatty individual...........HIM being late would mean some general disaster.

ME being late wouldn't bother him much, beyond an authority issue..... HIM being late would.

It depends on who your'e with, what matters to you BOTH about each other and why.

agirl

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RE: Dom Lateness - 9/1/2011 3:44:28 PM

misspersialynn

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Control of themselves and male? Was that in the same paragraph?
besides all that
It is obvious what he has to do is more important than your time. It is up to you if you want to deal with it or not especially if he is not giving you that respect. Let's face it, time is extremely valuable.

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Post #: 106

RE: Dom Lateness - 9/1/2011 9:45:35 PM

gorgeoushair

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@cookie--

Thanks for your posts, coookie --

We'll see what happens...glad you were able to change your lateness ('cause you wanted to). i have a friend who was once alway late, too. She wanted to change, having nothing to do with me...and, she was able to do it, too. Did not take quite as long as you. So it is possible. As i have said, time will tell... For now, i am satisfied. Thanks to you and everyone else for their posts. if i could end this thread, now, i would....lol....(and if someone can tell me how, i will....thx)...

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Post #: 107

RE: Dom Lateness - 9/1/2011 9:48:32 PM

gorgeoushair

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@ Iam semisweet --

Thanks for your post explaining where i am coming from (i.e.,that it is a new relationship and time when people say what is or is not working).

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Post #: 108

RE: Dom Lateness - 9/1/2011 10:07:28 PM

LinnaeaBorealis

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The late thing just doesn't bother me all that much. Once I figure out that someone has that issue, I don't get upset anymore. And it has never had a *huge emotional impact* on me. I have a lover right now who is very unreliable like that. When we were first together, I allowed it to upset me enough to be a factor in my ending things with him. Then I realized that there are other things about him that are worth having him in my life. I told him that I would no longer be getting upset about it because it would sort of be like getting upset with him for having brown eyes.

When I expect him & he doesn't show, I will text to make sure he's ok & then go onto plan B for the day. I don't sit around waiting for him & getting upset & stewing about the fact that he's not where he said he'd be. I just no longer have the expectation that he will be here when he says he will. And there are so many other things that I can find to do that interest me.

I had a friend who was chronically late, so I would tell her we had to be somewhere at least an hour before we really had to be. I had a lover decades ago who often didn't show up. So if someone else asked if I had plans for an evening when he said we'd be getting together, I'd often say no & end up going out with them instead. Only one time did he ever show up when I did that. He was driving in as I was driving out to go out to dinner with my mother. The look on his face was priceless.

And believe me, all these people value me. It's just their issues with time. I would not make the same choice as the OP.

And while I'm at it, why is this a dom issue anyway??? I've had dominants who were very punctual & expected it of me, but I don't see that as a dominant's trait. My ex-husband was a wonderful dominant, but he really had no concept of how long things would take. He'd tell me he was going to run errands & give me a list of 8 things he was going to do & then tell me he'd be back in half an hour. Time doesn't really exist the same in all of us. I've had time slow waaaaaaaay down for me & had it speed up really fucking fast. But a clock wouldn't register that.

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RE: Dom Lateness - 9/2/2011 5:51:26 AM

gorgeoushair

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@ Lnnaea --

Things seem to be resolving themselves in a positive way...time will tell. Thanks for your response (BTW, i did not sit around wringing my hands if He was late, but it was darned inconvenient, especially if i had gone through some preparation, and of course, disappointing...again, time will tell...).
Thanks...

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RE: Dom Lateness - 9/2/2011 8:59:33 AM

tiggerspoohbear

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There's no way for you to stop the thread. You're not obligated to answer anyone who posts if you think things are resolved to your satisfaction. Eventually people will stop posting once they see that you no longer answerl and it'll stop being bumped to the top of the forum.

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Post #: 111