Asherscorp1
Posts: 143
Joined: 3/6/2011
Status: offline
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Not sure I even can clarify any of this at this point. Lol. Firstly, Master has never expressed any problem with this. I wanted input simply because someone else brought the thought into my universe that this wasn't actually a balanced or healthy way to handle things. It got me to thinking. The responses I've gotten here have also given me a lot to consider. I'm not sure where I ever gave the impression that this happens frequently. Although to me frequently is every couple of weeks, not every few months which is the time-table I'm working on. Sure, there are better ways to handle it. I usually use those ways. I run, I journal, I meditate, I talk to someone, I read, I calm down. However, this specific behavior builds up because there are certain things that I don't communicate well about and usually suppress until they just boil over. This doesn't mean I am violent, throwing things, or screaming. I am generally almost silent when doing anything around the house. "Slamming a door" to me is the force most people use all the time. No, that doesn't excuse the behavior but it does put it in context. Anyway, even this Master understands and we generally work on it together. Neither of us are very communicative because of various traumas we experienced in childhood. We cut each other some slack there. Things we should have learned or experienced in our formative years were never given the chance to develop. No, I am not mature in dealing with stress, highly emotional situations or extreme disappointment. I don't pretend to be. I am working on it. Yes, I am high-strung, driven, reactive, tempermental, obsessive and difficult. That's me. I don't think those necessitate a therapist though. I think they necessitate someone patient, kind, loving and willing to give me a hand when I need one. Master and I both believe in being relentlessly self-improving, we research, we seek, we learn ways to make our flaws into assets or to re-wire our behavior so our flaws aren't given a chance to steal the spot-light. It's a process though. A long process. And it's one that I believe Master should be abe to take the lead in as in all other things in our relationship. I'm not sure where the distinction comes in that I am a pet, owned, loved, cared for and that Master will take care of me in all ways except if I'm not emotionally up to snuff. Of course I understand that he has bad days, of course I don't expect him to put me first when he is emotionally or mentally exhausted and simply incapable of channeling that kind of energy into me. I don't ever hold that against him. It may also be of note that without any intervention from him I eventually end up in the same place. I may spend a couple of hours being louder than usual, or swear, or even stomp around (or all of them at once) but I do reach a point where my higher brain functions kick in and remind me to breathe, to center, to be calm and to think it through and fix whatever it is. However, Master stepping in cuts that process down, reminds me sooner and gives us both a moment to center with each other. I had grown somewhat complacent in this arrangement, thinking it was reasonable but regardless of anything else reading through a lot of these responses has convinced me that I probably should try harder to more efficiently modify my behavior on my own.
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"The path to slavery is so narrow that two cannot walk upon it at the same time, hence why the slave must crawl behind." -- Unknown
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RE: Inappropriate expectations? - 
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