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Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 5:07:36 AM

SuzeCheri

Posts: 483
Joined: 7/19/2011
From: Outside looking in
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One of the things that I have heard bandied about on here is the idea of tolerance, how we should be tolerant of others' kinks and fetishes.

I think we should, and I try, but being so very brand new at all this it is really hard to do sometimes, I mean some of the stuff you guys do is really pretty out there from a total newbs perspective.

So here are my questions, answer any or all of them, as you chose.
1. Are you really tolerant of the things that gross you out, or are you just faking it?
My answer: Faking it, I really try, but some of it really does throw my head for a spin.
2. How do you get around the things that really do gross you out?
My answer: I don't, I just look away and pretend I don't know, so this is really the question i am most interested in.
3. Is it really reasonable to expect kinky people to be any more tolerant than other people?
My answer: No i don't think it is, we are just people.

Post #: 1

RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 5:13:32 AM

Mr4sg

Posts: 99
Joined: 9/2/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SuzeCheri

One of the things that I have heard bandied about on here is the idea of tolerance, how we should be tolerant of others' kinks and fetishes.

I think we should, and I try, but being so very brand new at all this it is really hard to do sometimes, I mean some of the stuff you guys do is really pretty out there from a total newbs perspective.

So here are my questions, answer any or all of them, as you chose.
1. Are you really tolerant of the things that gross you out, or are you just faking it?
My answer: Faking it, I really try, but some of it really does throw my head for a spin.

I got cured of the hollier than thou art complex. Still need my medications or I relapse. I dont want to judge people.
Still, I have a strong opinion about topics. I try to combine that. Which leads to me trying to leave everyone in their own value system as long as they cause no harm.

quote:

2. How do you get around the things that really do gross you out?
My answer: I don't, I just look away and pretend I don't know, so this is really the question i am most interested in.

I have the mental agility of a politician. I dont feel bad about that because I strongly believe in the power of forgiving.

quote:

3. Is it really reasonable to expect kinky people to be any more tolerant than other people?
My answer: No i don't think it is, we are just people.

Yes I think it is. People hurdle together based on their preferences. A subconscious urge to belong somewhere. Kinky people tend to be more easily isolated and the few platforms offering that groupfeel require efford by all to keep it that way.

_____________________________

Don't argue with idiots. It lowers you to their level where they beat you with experience.

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Post #: 2

RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 5:16:24 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
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ED to fix quoting incompetence

quote:

ORIGINAL: SuzeCheri
1. Are you really tolerant of the things that gross you out, or are you just faking it?

Oh there are loads of things that gross me out but about which I'm completely tolerant (needles for example)

There are others where, like you, I have to fake it a bit (shit-play for example - a part of me says "if it works for you, then play with poo" another part of me is thinking "What the fucking-fuck???")

There are some things that I really really struggle to tolerate (very hard-core violence, for example) - but feel kind of obliged to

And there are other things I can't - (involving minors in any way for example).

quote:

2. How do you get around the things that really do gross you out?

If I wandered into a room to see someone taking a dump on someone else, I'd most likely grin sheepishly and slip back out

I will tend to avoid things that gross me out.

quote:

3. Is it really reasonable to expect kinky people to be any more tolerant than other people?

Yes, I think it is reasonable to expect kinky people to be more tolerant than other people. I'm using "expect" in the sense of "ask". Many of us do things that a significant number of mainstream people would be intolerant of - if we believe we deserve tolerance for our kinks we should be mature enough to show tolerance for other people's kinks - by and large.

Do I think it's realistic to expect kinky people to be any more tolerant? Hell no, that would be silly!

< Message edited by crazyml -- 9/9/2011 5:17:58 AM >

_____________________________

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RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 5:27:38 AM

fragilepieces

Posts: 416
Joined: 7/6/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SuzeCheri

So here are my questions, answer any or all of them, as you chose.
1. Are you really tolerant of the things that gross you out, or are you just faking it?
My answer: Faking it, I really try, but some of it really does throw my head for a spin.
2. How do you get around the things that really do gross you out?
My answer: I don't, I just look away and pretend I don't know, so this is really the question i am most interested in.
3. Is it really reasonable to expect kinky people to be any more tolerant than other people?
My answer: No i don't think it is, we are just people.

1. If it grosses me out---I do not have to participate.   If someone posts a topic on say scat---I probably would not read it as it's not something I desire to participate in.   To me that is tolerance.

2.   See answer number one.
3.   Correct we are all people BUT we there are those who complain about the vanilla people being intolerant of our 'lifestyle' or people who complain about 'our kinks', 'our preferences in gender'...if we expect others to be tolerant we must find some sort of tolerance within our groups.   Will it happen---probably not however, all it takes is one person.   My Dom can ride in the front of the bus with me---thanks Rosa Parks.

(in reply to SuzeCheri)

Post #: 4

RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 5:30:54 AM

DeviantlyD

Posts: 4375
Joined: 5/26/2007
From: Hawai`i
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1. By the dictionary definition of tolerance, yes, I'd say I am. I don't have to agree with it, I don't have to like it, I don't have to expose myself to it. But if someone is into "it", it isn't up to me to say they are right or wrong unless it involves something illegal, minors or necrophila (although doesn't that fall under "something illegal"?). I used to chat with a guy who was into bestiality. I didn't understand it and still don't. We talked about it though, I tried to find out what it was about this tabu topic that appealed to him. This falls under illegal activities for many parts of the world and I did let him know what I thought. He understood because so many people (online) would find out and then dismiss him as a freak. He was intelligent and personable, but I felt what he was doing was wrong. But I didn't negate him as a human being.

2. If it grosses me out, I just don't subject myself to it, it's as simple as that.

3. I agree that we are people and subject to all of the flaws that human nature bestows upon us. Is it reasonable to expect kinky people to be more tolerant? I think it is a reasonable expectation. All of the kinky people I've met and know of in real life do tend to be more tolerant, for the most part. People, who are categorized as "different" (e.g., gay and lesbian people) by society's standards are generally more accepted in kinky communities than by society as a whole.

Edited to add:

Whilst answering number 3, I was thinking of people I'd met in the kinky community. It's been said that society will shun that which it doesn't understand. I think transgendered individuals would definitely fall into this category. I was very nervous the first time I met a transgendered person (that I knew was transgendered....his name is Lee Harrington ) and wondered what my reaction would be...if I would shy away, feel awkward, and would I judge him? But Lee is a unique person and I felt very at ease around him. In fact, I found him to be very attractive. He's very charismatic.

If you're just open to new things and new people, you may surprise yourself over what you find you end up liking or enjoying.

< Message edited by DeviantlyD -- 9/9/2011 5:46:40 AM >

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Post #: 5

RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 5:58:52 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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I think most of us are going to have our own definition of "tolerance."

For example, now that I am in my late 50s and all grown up <cackles wickedly at this thought>, I am extremely tolerant of those drivers who fail to use their turn signal.

There was a time when I was younger and less tolerant, when I would follow a driver ahead of me to where ever they were going, so I could lecture them on their lack of turn signal use. I'd generally start out with some smart ass remark about how amazing it was that their brand new Lexus didn't have working turn signals.

But I don't do that anymore. Now I say: "Bless your heart, you're a moron," and let it roll off my back.

I've become "tolerant" in my old age.

There's a point here, but I'll leave it up to the individual to determine what that point is (I'm tolerant like that.)

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Post #: 6

RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 6:08:44 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Folks are folks. Kinky folks have the same tolerance to prejudice spectrum of the rest of the world.

I am fine with most of the kinks existing in the world. It's hard to squick me. Part of that is just experience, there were lots of things that freaked me out 20 yrs ago! There are many perversions that baffle me, but since I don't have to participate, it's okay. Some I try to understand, others I don't. I will probably never understand humiliation play.

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Post #: 7

RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 6:17:12 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I try to be tolerant of accepted things that quick me out like blood play. I am not at all tolerant of unaccepted things that squick me out like scat. And I have no tolerance whatsoever for illegal stuff like pederasty and bestiality.

I also am intolerant of stupidity, ill manners, or Doms uncaring about their subs.

_____________________________

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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Post #: 8

RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 6:22:47 AM

fragilepieces

Posts: 416
Joined: 7/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I try to be tolerant of accepted things that quick me out like blood play. I am not at all tolerant of unaccepted things that squick me out like scat. And I have no tolerance whatsoever for illegal stuff like pederasty and bestiality.

I also am intolerant of stupidity, ill manners, or Doms uncaring about their subs.

I personally would be more tolerant of scat play than blood play. I can't see why one would be more acceptable than the other, except for the fact shit stinks. Just curious.

< Message edited by fragilepieces -- 9/9/2011 6:24:59 AM >

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 9

RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 6:30:13 AM

SuzeCheri

Posts: 483
Joined: 7/19/2011
From: Outside looking in
Status: offline

Well, that and it's shit. I mean blood is just blood, I've had bloody lips, it isn't gross. but its not just scat, H&H are heavy into watersports and I can't watch that, I have to look away or leave. Some things are just gross to me, I can't explain why.
Intellectually I can say "You lick ass and pussy, let them drink pee" but really I just want them to stop.

< Message edited by SuzeCheri -- 9/9/2011 6:34:33 AM >

(in reply to fragilepieces)

Post #: 10

RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 6:30:45 AM

MissImmortalPain

Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

Yes it is a buzzword...like being pc.

1. Are you really tolerant of the things that gross you out, or are you just faking it?
No, and I don't fake my opinion of anything.

2. How do you get around the things that really do gross you out?
I don't take part in them.

3. Is it really reasonable to expect kinky people to be any more tolerant than other people?
It is unreasonable to ask any one group of people to be more tolerant just because they don't seem "normal" compaired to other people.

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to SuzeCheri)

Post #: 11

RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 6:35:11 AM

fragilepieces

Posts: 416
Joined: 7/6/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SuzeCheri

Well, that and it's shit. I mean blood is just blood, I've had bloody lips, it isn't gross.

Shit is just broken down food. I am not in either one to be honest but from a health stand point shit is far more acceptable at least when it comes to aids. http://aids.gov/hiv-aids-basics/hiv-aids-101/overview/how-you-get-hiv-aids/

(in reply to SuzeCheri)

Post #: 12

RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 6:40:19 AM

SuzeCheri

Posts: 483
Joined: 7/19/2011
From: Outside looking in
Status: offline

Yes, but if any of us had AIDS, we'd all have it by now, so that's not really an issue to me. But I guess I can see how it might be in a less exclusive relationship.

< Message edited by SuzeCheri -- 9/9/2011 6:41:41 AM >

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Post #: 13

RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 7:03:03 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SuzeCheri

One of the things that I have heard bandied about on here is the idea of tolerance, how we should be tolerant of others' kinks and fetishes.

I think we should, and I try, but being so very brand new at all this it is really hard to do sometimes, I mean some of the stuff you guys do is really pretty out there from a total newbs perspective.

So here are my questions, answer any or all of them, as you chose.
1. Are you really tolerant of the things that gross you out, or are you just faking it?
My answer: Faking it, I really try, but some of it really does throw my head for a spin.

Tolerance to Me is different than acceptance when it comes My personal life. There are some kinks out there that I want nothing to do with which means I am not compatible with somebody who 'lives for' that activity as a play partner or dynamic potential. I don't care if they go out and find an unlimited number of people to engage in that kink with. That removes Me from the picture concerning that activity.

quote:

2. How do you get around the things that really do gross you out?
My answer: I don't, I just look away and pretend I don't know, so this is really the question i am most interested in.

This one is something of a cop out answer. Of the things that would gross Me out, they happen to be on the list of forbidden activities at a high majority of public BDSM clubs. I might even go so far as to say that I've never been affiliated with a munch group who permitted them at parties. As for private parties, even when there was a host who said do anything you like, I've never seen anybody engaging in them. These absolutely are legitimate kinks and I've known people who are interested in them. However, I've never seen them at any group function.

quote:

3. Is it really reasonable to expect kinky people to be any more tolerant than other people?
My answer: No i don't think it is, we are just people.

I would happen to agree with you. Putting any expectation on an entire group of people just because you'd *think* that's how it should go is a quick way to find out that your ideals on the matter don't match the reality.

I'm going to add one more thing. I do happen to have a couple of kinks that folks won't see Me conducting in public venues. Not because of a lack of tolerance but because I know where they lie on a number of people's scale and I've got no desire to shove those kinks down anybody's throat. I don't have to be 'in your face' about them so I prefer to practice them at home.

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Post #: 14

RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 7:05:50 AM

FireAngelic

Posts: 1
Joined: 6/3/2011
Status: offline

...

< Message edited by FireAngelic -- 9/9/2011 7:06:28 AM >

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RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 7:07:16 AM

strangedesire

Posts: 360
Joined: 12/23/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SuzeCheri

I can't watch that, I have to look away or leave. Some things are just gross to me, I can't explain why.

To me, that is tolerance. You see something that grosses you out, so you look away and leave. Intolerance would be hassling them for it, or demanding that they stop, or demanding that they do it elsewhere.

I'm fairly squicked by some ordinary vanilla sex acts. I just don't look or don't think about it. But if my girl wants to do 'em with someone else, she is more than welcome to.

_____________________________

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Post #: 16

RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 7:13:04 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

ED to fix quoting incompetence

quote:

ORIGINAL: SuzeCheri
1. Are you really tolerant of the things that gross you out, or are you just faking it?

Oh there are loads of things that gross me out but about which I'm completely tolerant (needles for example)

There are others where, like you, I have to fake it a bit (shit-play for example - a part of me says "if it works for you, then play with poo" another part of me is thinking "What the fucking-fuck???")

There are some things that I really really struggle to tolerate (very hard-core violence, for example) - but feel kind of obliged to

And there are other things I can't - (involving minors in any way for example).

quote:

2. How do you get around the things that really do gross you out?

If I wandered into a room to see someone taking a dump on someone else, I'd most likely grin sheepishly and slip back out

I will tend to avoid things that gross me out.

quote:

3. Is it really reasonable to expect kinky people to be any more tolerant than other people?

Yes, I think it is reasonable to expect kinky people to be more tolerant than other people. I'm using "expect" in the sense of "ask". Many of us do things that a significant number of mainstream people would be intolerant of - if we believe we deserve tolerance for our kinks we should be mature enough to show tolerance for other people's kinks - by and large.

Do I think it's realistic to expect kinky people to be any more tolerant? Hell no, that would be silly!

I think this reflects a large part of my thoughts aside from the expectations.

At this point in my life I don't expect anyone else to be tolerant of me and I have issues with certain aspects of others that I am completely intolerant of. I feel no obligation. Kink has nothing at all to do with those expectations.

I think that, for the most part, it really is a buzz word. People like to wave the flag but when it really comes right down to it, they want other people to be tolerant of their shit but will nearly always find a loophole excuse for their own intolerance. It's human nature.

_____________________________

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Post #: 17

RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 8:12:47 AM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Of the things that would gross Me out, they happen to be on the list of forbidden activities at a high majority of public BDSM clubs. I might even go so far as to say that I've never been affiliated with a munch group who permitted them at parties. As for private parties, even when there was a host who said do anything you like, I've never seen anybody engaging in them. These absolutely are legitimate kinks and I've known people who are interested in them. However, I've never seen them at any group function.

I agree with LadyPact. I've been involved with BDSM for almost 20 years, and I've never seen anything that I found to be particularly objectionable. Most of the BDSM clubs that I know of limit most activities that might gross people out. The club in my current city doesn't allow any fluid exchange (which essentially eliminates most forms of sexual activity). There is no penetration allowed except by inanimate objects. There are no animals allowed, and no children allowed. So most of what goes on is generally impact play, bondage, suspension play, wax play, electrical play, forced feminization, etc.

I have never seen anyone shitting in another person's mouth. I've never seen anyone drive nails through someone's penis. I've never seen a woman being f*cked by a dog.

Even here on CollarMe, I think most of the conversation is fairly tame. I seldom see threads involving beastiality, or scat. Few people share their desire to drink golden nectar. And the rules of the forum forbid talking about sex with children.

Perhaps I'm living a sheltered life. But I just don't get exposed to very much that requires a great deal of tolerance.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 18

RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 8:22:50 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I have to say that I am still boggled when folks say "no kids" as a hard limit. REALLY?? Since when did pedophilia become an OPTION?

Bestiality... okay. Other than the "she looooves her doggie!" level of stuff, which is essentially dogs being dogs, I really don't care for making animals do things that they wouldn't normally do. I have seen some truly savage responses to it, calling it animal abuse, etc. Really, as big a hot button as pedo.

AND, both things are pretty much illegal everywhere, so not discussed all that often.

Someone, somewhere, defined this place as heteronormative, and mainstream, and I think it is. The left of center kinks really do get shot down here quickly, either by the Safety Police (tm) or the EWWWWW crowd. Look at the DL brigade. Vilified! And not every diaper wearer even likes dirty diapers!

_____________________________

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Post #: 19

RE: Tolerance, a buzz word or more? - 9/9/2011 9:01:53 AM

anniezz338

Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SuzeCheri

1. Are you really tolerant of the things that gross you out, or are you just faking it?

Like the buttcrack of a plumber working on my kitchen sink? Grossed out, yes. Tolerant...I just don't look. Faking it? I just don't look lol

quote:

2. How do you get around the things that really do gross you out?]

I just don't look

quote:

3. Is it really reasonable to expect kinky people to be any more tolerant than other people?

If you put yourself into kinky people's world, then yes, it is reasonable to expect you to tolerate their kinks, as you would want them to tolerate yours. Do you have to look? No. Just don't bash them for it. If you can't tolerate it, leave. I see this as universal, not just kink or "other people". If I can't tolerate drunks, I'm not going to be showing up at a bar an hour before last call.

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Post #: 20

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