RE: Watchout for the term "Single"

RE: Watchout for the term "Single" (Full Version)

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CeriseNin -> RE: Watchout for the term "Single" (9/15/2011 3:47:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit quote: ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet So why not just not respond to threads you find stupid or ignorant? That would actually take less effort on your part. quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit I don't believe for one moment that older people are ignorant to cheating spouses, AIDS or rubbers as they used to be called long ago. Four decades ago, rubbers were used to prevent diseases we knew about then and pregnancy. A few decades later, we knew of more diseases and thanks to Masters and Johnson and different people exploring sexuality, we learned a great deal unless we didn't wish to learn it or lived under a rock. There is no place for ignorance in any adult that is thinking wisely about their life. Ignorance in this form is something I see as denial. Many men of a certain age were used to going free or cover-less when there was less to worry about. They thought a vasectomy was enough. They wanted to ride that pony bareback and still wish to. Lots of ladies will allow that, turning from the truth that most know if they have a television, news paper or computer. I cannot say that a long term marriage is an excuse to not know what is going on in the world and if you have lived through the friggin 60's and onward... you ought to know a bit more than what is being exhibited on this thread and a few others. I'm not sure which I wish to respond to first. Hummm... I am not trying to get through even a message board, effortlessly, as I don't find responding much of an effort. I respond less and less throughout the years, however, when I wish to respond I will. If you want to think I am a mean girl... you go right ahead, that is your personal right. However, I don't think that straight talk and truth are mean. I could say... honey... now listen, maybe you didn't know married or attached men act like they are single and have for decades, centuries even, but they do... now come here and get a little huggy pooh and feel better. My dear old auntie told me that if you give the milk away for free, they never buy the cow and Grandma told me in her seventies that men don't think past their belt line. We women need to be a bit smart when it comes to those bad guys. Would that be more acceptable? It wouldn't be in my world.. but then I may be a mean girl. I agree with this. I can't stand being patronized and coddled.

Iamsemisweet -> RE: Watchout for the term "Single" (9/15/2011 3:51:00 PM)
Fair enough. I think it would have been fair to tell the OP that she was being naive. Exactly what you say in the quote below is useful, true and even food for thought for a new person to BDSM. Instead, some of us attacked her and tried to make her feel bad for even posting the question. Not so useful, and it may cause her to hesitate to use this forum as a resource in the future. That would be shame since you and many others on here do have valuable experience to share. quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet I don't think it's "mean girl" stuff to tell folks that something is overly naive. It debunks the myth that BDSM is somehow more special or fairy tale than the vanilla world. Since you mentioned new folks, this definitely applies. Common sense shouldn't be chucked out of the window just because a person decides that they have an interest in kink. If anything, they might want to rely on that a bit more as they are learning the stuff that is new to them.

zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Watchout for the term "Single" (9/15/2011 3:52:26 PM)
quote: So why not just not respond to threads you find stupid or ignorant? That would actually take less effort on your part. Orrrr we could reply to the threads we want to and you could ignore our posts.

Iamsemisweet -> RE: Watchout for the term "Single" (9/15/2011 3:57:44 PM)
Words to live by. The funny thing is, I think I posted something kind of snarky in a thread that David posted one time, and you were very quick (and correct) to point out that it wasn't necessary to be nasty. You were even kind enough to point out the edit feature to me. I kind of admired you for standing up for poor David, to tell you the truth. Guess you have decided to abandon the high road? quote: ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth quote: /quote] Orrrr we could reply to the threads we want to and you could ignore our posts.

CeriseNin -> RE: Watchout for the term "Single" (9/15/2011 4:04:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tj444 quote: ORIGINAL: CeriseNin And even they know that some spouses are cheaters and liars, even the soccer moms know this. Hell, plenty of them have lived through it, or gossiped about it over afternoon tea. well, imo, they gossip cuz they dont think it will happen to them, they think they are above that, that somehow they will be able to spot the cheaters when they are approached.. lots of people are in denial, they dont think having sex once will get them pregnant, they dont think sex once will give them hiv, they dont think their spouse will be the one to cheat, they dont think that someone will lie to them when they start dating again, and not just with that but also money matters too, they trust what their mortgage broker tells them about option arms, they believe the madoffs of the world (those were rich smart people that were scammed), they think they will win Publishers Clearing House and $1 million (thinking of my former MIL on that one),.. etc.. Whether the OPs experience is from being naive or in denial (that it could happen to them), well, imo the OP has company on that front (perhaps not too much on this board, however lol).. Sure, but that's another topic all together. Only a complete idiot, or someone trapped on a deserted island with only Wilson to keep them company, does not know that people lie about their marital status. This thread was started as a warning to others that men lie. Well, f'n DUH!

zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Watchout for the term "Single" (9/15/2011 4:05:26 PM)
I didn't write that we could just post snark, I said we could just respond in any thread and if you don't like our posts you could just not read them. I don't recall ever defending David, I suspect you have me mixed up with someone else. If I did, your post must have been exceptionally nasty, normally I just let it go.

tj444 -> RE: Watchout for the term "Single" (9/15/2011 4:25:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CeriseNin quote: ORIGINAL: tj444 quote: ORIGINAL: CeriseNin And even they know that some spouses are cheaters and liars, even the soccer moms know this. Hell, plenty of them have lived through it, or gossiped about it over afternoon tea. well, imo, they gossip cuz they dont think it will happen to them, they think they are above that, that somehow they will be able to spot the cheaters when they are approached.. lots of people are in denial, they dont think having sex once will get them pregnant, they dont think sex once will give them hiv, they dont think their spouse will be the one to cheat, they dont think that someone will lie to them when they start dating again, and not just with that but also money matters too, they trust what their mortgage broker tells them about option arms, they believe the madoffs of the world (those were rich smart people that were scammed), they think they will win Publishers Clearing House and $1 million (thinking of my former MIL on that one),.. etc.. Whether the OPs experience is from being naive or in denial (that it could happen to them), well, imo the OP has company on that front (perhaps not too much on this board, however lol).. Sure, but that's another topic all together. Only a complete idiot, or someone trapped on a deserted island with only Wilson to keep them company, does not know that people lie about their marital status. This thread was started as a warning to others that men lie. Well, f'n DUH! I dont see it as another topic, as i have no idea why the OP believed the cad that lied to her, it could be a variety of reasons, including that submissives are usually trained not to question a Dominant who they are involved with. My first Dom was that way and i found that very frustrating and i have learned from that experience too (it was my first D/s one)... Again, I am not the type to rag on someone (especially when they are down), I try not to judge people harshly and i try to give them the benefit of the doubt.. only the OP knows her situation, until each of us has walked in her shoes we dont know what that is... Again, JMO

Iamsemisweet -> RE: Watchout for the term "Single" (9/15/2011 4:29:51 PM)
Well, I just went and found that thread, and it was you. I would quote it, but I don't know how, and it is obviously more trouble than it is worth to learn. As for the rest, whatever. I will take my own advice now, and not respond to posts I find offensive. quote: ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth I didn't write that we could just post snark, I said we could just respond in any thread and if you don't like our posts you could just not read them. I don't recall ever defending David, I suspect you have me mixed up with someone else. If I did, your post must have been exceptionally nasty, normally I just let it go.

kalikshama -> RE: Watchout for the term "Single" (9/15/2011 4:34:21 PM)
Hi OP, I'm sorry you had bad experiences, both with a married guy and on this thread. I've had some bad experiences with online dating and these forums too, but I've listened and learned and lived and adapted. So now you know that warning threads don't go over well here. But if you'd gone over to the I admit thread and said, "I admit I was disappointed by a guy I thought was single who turned out to be married..." you would get an entirely different reaction. In fact, this is probably how you would frame the situation for a girlfriend, right? Not try to warn her about online dating but from your point of view as someone who was disappointed and bummed. Don't let the snark drive you away! Best, KK

LadyPact -> RE: Watchout for the term "Single" (9/15/2011 4:41:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet Fair enough. I think it would have been fair to tell the OP that she was being naive. Exactly what you say in the quote below is useful, true and even food for thought for a new person to BDSM. Instead, some of us attacked her and tried to make her feel bad for even posting the question. Not so useful, and it may cause her to hesitate to use this forum as a resource in the future. That would be shame since you and many others on here do have valuable experience to share. Here we go again. I've said this on a number of threads lately and My position hasn't changed. The sun doesn't rise and set on this site because new folks come to ask questions. In this case, it wasn't even a question. Instead, she wanted to tell people that some married folks say that they are single. How is this new information in any way? It doesn't even rise to the bar of being BDSM 101. Would it really be so bad if discussions on this board at least hit that mark? We might have made an OP feel bad? I hate to phrase it this way, but give Me a break. This is an adult site. If adults can handle all the other aspects of their world, some of which certainly will make them feel bad, why do we feel that they can't handle it here? All that does is reinforce the myth that everybody involved in BDSM is nice, or honest, or going to pat them on the head, or coddle them in some way. When we do that, we mislead them so that when Mr "married but says he's single" comes along, we actually make it worse because they were conned into thinking just because it's BDSM, the world is sprinkled in fairy dust.

Iamsemisweet -> RE: Watchout for the term "Single" (9/15/2011 4:54:50 PM)
Whatever. quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: Here we go again. I've said this on a number of threads lately and My position hasn't changed. The sun doesn't rise and set on this site because new folks come to ask questions. In this case, it wasn't even a question. Instead, she wanted to tell people that some married folks say that they are single. How is this new information in any way? It doesn't even rise to the bar of being BDSM 101. Would it really be so bad if discussions on this board at least hit that mark? We might have made an OP feel bad? I hate to phrase it this way, but give Me a break. This is an adult site. If adults can handle all the other aspects of their world, some of which certainly will make them feel bad, why do we feel that they can't handle it here? All that does is reinforce the myth that everybody involved in BDSM is nice, or honest, or going to pat them on the head, or coddle them in some way. When we do that, we mislead them so that when Mr "married but says he's single" comes along, we actually make it worse because they were conned into thinking just because it's BDSM, the world is sprinkled in fairy dust.

CeriseNin -> RE: Watchout for the term "Single" (9/15/2011 5:04:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tj444 quote: ORIGINAL: CeriseNin quote: ORIGINAL: tj444 quote: ORIGINAL: CeriseNin And even they know that some spouses are cheaters and liars, even the soccer moms know this. Hell, plenty of them have lived through it, or gossiped about it over afternoon tea. well, imo, they gossip cuz they dont think it will happen to them, they think they are above that, that somehow they will be able to spot the cheaters when they are approached.. lots of people are in denial, they dont think having sex once will get them pregnant, they dont think sex once will give them hiv, they dont think their spouse will be the one to cheat, they dont think that someone will lie to them when they start dating again, and not just with that but also money matters too, they trust what their mortgage broker tells them about option arms, they believe the madoffs of the world (those were rich smart people that were scammed), they think they will win Publishers Clearing House and $1 million (thinking of my former MIL on that one),.. etc.. Whether the OPs experience is from being naive or in denial (that it could happen to them), well, imo the OP has company on that front (perhaps not too much on this board, however lol).. Sure, but that's another topic all together. Only a complete idiot, or someone trapped on a deserted island with only Wilson to keep them company, does not know that people lie about their marital status. This thread was started as a warning to others that men lie. Well, f'n DUH! I dont see it as another topic, as i have no idea why the OP believed the cad that lied to her, it could be a variety of reasons, including that submissives are usually trained not to question a Dominant who they are involved with. My first Dom was that way and i found that very frustrating and i have learned from that experience too (it was my first D/s one)... Again, I am not the type to rag on someone (especially when they are down), I try not to judge people harshly and i try to give them the benefit of the doubt.. only the OP knows her situation, until each of us has walked in her shoes we dont know what that is... Again, JMO I don't give a damn why she thought he lied to her, although I am sorry that she got hurt. It sucks being lied to and I can empathize.. But she started this thread to inform others that some people lie about being married. Yes, of course they do. Welcome to the world. My own opinion, which really, who gives a damn, but anyway, my own opinion is that when people get hurt they sometimes lash out. Starting warning threads like this is often the 'nets version of lashing out.I don't believe for a moment that the OP really thought she needed to warn anybody; she was just pissed off and hurt. Now, lets all sing kumbaya.

SailingBum -> RE: Watchout for the term "Single" (9/15/2011 7:46:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet Well, you might be surprised at some of the things that I consider common knowledge that other people just don't seem to know. It happens. I am an honest person myself, and yes, it still surprises me when people try to lie or cheat me. I think a newbie section that is heavily moderated would be a fine idea. Much better than asking a question that others consider silly and having them go all "mean girl" from junior high on your ass. Really??? You mean you can't figure out from reading/watching the news that there are a whole lot of scary fucking ppl out there. BadOne

xxblushesxx -> RE: Watchout for the term "Single" (9/15/2011 8:05:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SailingBum quote: ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet Well, you might be surprised at some of the things that I consider common knowledge that other people just don't seem to know. It happens. I am an honest person myself, and yes, it still surprises me when people try to lie or cheat me. I think a newbie section that is heavily moderated would be a fine idea. Much better than asking a question that others consider silly and having them go all "mean girl" from junior high on your ass. Really??? You mean you can't figure out from reading/watching the news that there are a whole lot of scary fucking ppl out there. BadOne All I have to do is read these forums...[:-][;)]

gorgeoushair -> RE: Watchout for the term "Single" (9/16/2011 1:32:35 AM)
@ Lockit and everyone else, here, who believe that they are the arbitors of what should and should not be posted here and are making judgments -- rather your own projections -- on me and my life (something about which you have absolutely no knowledge). I guess in my "ignorance" I had no idea that you were in charge. I hope that everyone else here now realizes that they'd better check with and pass muster with you (all), first. Thanks for "educating" me. [8\|]

myotherself -> RE: Watchout for the term "Single" (9/16/2011 1:38:23 AM)
You post on a public forum, you're going to be judged. If you speak in a crowd of people, you're going to be judged. The difference is that on a public forum people are more likely to articulate their judgement. In this case, I seriously can't see why all the butthurt. You stated something that pretty much anyone of dating age has already worked out. People lie in order to get laid. That's life. It's not new and it's not restricted to people on a bdsm site. Try OKCupid, Match and all those other dating sites and you'll find it full of marrieds hoping for an NSA fuck. If being told this is a problem, then perhaps public messageboards are not for you.

LadyPact -> RE: Watchout for the term "Single" (9/16/2011 1:41:25 AM)
For educational purposes only. From the Urban Dictionary: Butthurt - An inappropriately strong negative emotional response from a perceived personal insult. Characterized by strong feelings of shame. Frequently associated with a cessation of communication and overt hostility towards the "aggressor." Getting your feelings hurt, being offended or getting all bent out of shape because of something petty or stupid.

gorgeoushair -> RE: Watchout for the term "Single" (9/16/2011 1:46:57 AM)
@myotherself -- You're right.

myotherself -> RE: Watchout for the term "Single" (9/16/2011 1:51:07 AM)
But don't let this stop you posting! Being on a public messageboard takes a bit of getting used to. In the beginning I would take every snarky comment as a personal insult. It's not - quite often people see stuff like this as 'pixels on a screen' rather than the person behind the post. Some of the people who (I felt) gave me a tough time at the start I now count as friends. Others turned out to be simply assholes who I can ignore without any problem at all. Stick around, see what goes on and get used to the way that people interact here. You can learn an awful lot from the forums! [:D]

Carouselambra -> RE: Watchout for the term "Single" (9/16/2011 2:02:38 AM)
You tell me that I'm better, You just hate yourself.

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