RE: Are You... "You?"

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RE: Are You... "You?" - 10/15/2011 4:32:02 PM

sheisreeds

Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
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Do you think of yourself as someone that balances on the lines of reality and fantasy?
Not at all, I do struggle with balancing all aspects of my life and having time for what I want to do. Though my kink is very real, and blends into all aspects of my relationship. Things I dream up doing I tend to actually do. Except things veinipuncture, which I dream of often, but it outside of the realm of possibility to my history of complications when I lose blood. Ok, and black eyes, and bloody noses, and deeper asphyxiation play (all of which I abstain from due to practicality, dangerousness). Though for the most part I play hard and am satisfied, and continue to come up with new strange ideas that manifest in reality. If I get really interested in something I learn how to do it. It's a great way to figure out what I'm made of and what I actually have a passion for. If I dream up something I want to try it, thankfully I have a partner who thinks the same.

Is your favoured role in BDSM a simulacrum of yourself to the outside world or a stark contrast?
I'm just me, and switch/sadomasochist isn't a role, it is a part of me. My spontaneous, assertive, stubborn, risk taking, thrill seeking, often aggressive, and at times sacrificial nature is pervasive. It is not something that just turns on when I play, or when I come home. I do a reasonably job of creating the illusion of stark contrast to protect the different realms of my life. Though in reality my personality is always the same and the elements that make me a crazy switch are always there.

Perhaps you simply feel your "persona" under the BDSM veil is an enhancement of yourself turned up some or that it is entertaining your imagination to be something you would never be mistaken for by an outsider/casual friend.

My partner and I bicker, name call, push and shove each other wherever we are. On my own when the fact that I'm kinky comes out no one has ever really been surprised. I don't hide my nature, but I do believe that at times it is important to have good boundaries. Thankfully the only places I really need them, my partner isn't around. We're really bad at behaving.

Are you merely an extension of your design or an architect of your own fantasies?
This doesn't jive with me. I am who I am, what I am. I am what I have survived, and what I have overcome. I believe in being self-aware and constantly assessing what about me I want to improve, and where I want to go. What obstacles internal and external I need to navigate and get over. Part of my path to BDSM was a life altering decision that I should never have to dream or fantasize and instead just live it.

Are you content with where you currently are in BDSM as submissive or dominant or do you find yourself wondering on the, "What If's?"
Totally. I have no desires to just be a dominant or a submissive, or a slave. I like being a crazy chick who gives what she takes. I love the spontaneity of my play, and the exploration. I'm also completely happy with who I share BDSM with.

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~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in

You need a spankin' baby!

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RE: Are You... "You?" - 10/16/2011 4:42:44 PM

aromanholiday

Posts: 307
Joined: 4/12/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana
Her integrity is defined by the purity of her service.
That's her role. To serve. Not to question. Not to resist. But to do.
Does this sound a bit drastic? Hell fucking yes.

Oh. I was about to say, "No, not at all!"

I like the way you put this: the slave's integrity is define by the purity of her service.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana
And there is of course the caveat that if he orders her to do something that goes totally against her value system she can demonstrate personal integrity outside and beyond the PE by walking.

Unless, of course, you're in one of those relationships where that is forbidden. If you are in one of those relationships or rather contemplating one (if you are in one it's probably a bit too late) then your advice below is of tenfold importance.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana
But generally within the boundaries of a TPE she should have asked all such relevant questions before she committed herself to service. Once given over, her place is to actualize and obey, not decide.
So as long as she is staying within her role, her integrity is fine. What others think is irrelevant. What he think is all that matters.
How bout that sauce?

I agree fully with almost all of this, but I am not so sure about the sauce part. Is that anything like, "How about them Braves?" ;-)

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RE: Are You... "You?" - 10/18/2011 2:33:52 PM

pantiedmanbites

Posts: 4
Joined: 10/18/2011
Status: offline

are you you?

what day is it?

pmb

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Post #: 63

RE: Are You... "You?" - 11/2/2011 12:32:57 AM

lookingforHim2

Posts: 7
Joined: 8/3/2011
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"Are you content with where you currently are in BDSM as submissive or dominant or do you find yourself wondering on the, "What If's?" "

I'm content with who I am and where I am going but I'm not content with the methods to get there. It's such a difficult thing to express outside places such as this. I'm coing to understand the frustration. There are too many what if's at this stage.

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RE: Are You... "You?" - 11/2/2011 8:43:20 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: aromanholiday

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana
And there is of course the caveat that if he orders her to do something that goes totally against her value system she can demonstrate personal integrity outside and beyond the PE by walking.

Unless, of course, you're in one of those relationships where that is forbidden.

I agree fully with almost all of this, but I am not so sure about the sauce part. Is that anything like, "How about them Braves?" ;-)

Grins
I just want to point out that while I don't know where you live, here in the mighty MD holding someone against their will is, at best, unlawful detainment, at worst, kidnapping, both class A felonies that can buy one from 20 to life.
I may be sadistic but I ain't stupid. No pooty pooty is worth that. She can walk and don't let the door hit ya on the way out, darling.
Besides, why in the world would I want a slave who doesn't want to be with me?

And, chortles, since ya asked and I am a sadist and all, how bout them Braves?

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Post #: 65

RE: Are You... "You?" - 11/2/2011 1:51:08 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

I am an opionated submissive. At work I am a salesman who cares more about customer service than the sale.

I guess in both cases I could be considered an agressive, but not pushy submissive.

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I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

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Post #: 66

RE: Are You... "You?" - 11/20/2011 6:40:46 AM

Manawyddan

Posts: 701
Joined: 1/2/2005
From: Petaluma (Northern California)
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My 'real' self is not simple or unitary, and neither is my 'kink' self. They are both complex and intertwine in complex ways.

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"She always had a terrific sense of humor"
(Valerie Solonas, as described by her mother)
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Post #: 67

RE: Are You... "You?" - 11/21/2011 5:01:02 PM

gungadin09

Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker
Are you merely an extension of your design or an architect of your own fantasies? Are you content with where you currently are in BDSM as submissive or dominant or do you find yourself wondering on the, "What If's?"

\
It's complicated. My regular personality isn't a static thing. Instead, i see myself as having a spectrum of personality traits, and at any moment, depending on my environment, some of those traits are being expressed and some of them aren't. I am many things. I am lighthearted, serious, compassionate, hard-nosed, stubborn, easygoing, openminded, singleminded, judgemental, forgiving, conformist, individualistic, fair, partial, selfish, self-sacrificing, brave, cowardly, honest, insincere, confident, insecure, aggressive, accommodating, weak, strong, etc.

So it's hard to say if BDSM is roleplay for me or not. In a way, i feel like everything i do is a kind of act. i sometimes envy people who have a strong sense of self. i don't have that kind of clarity when it comes to knowing who i am. i don't know if that means i'm a complex person, or simply lost.

The only time i've been clear about what submission means to me was back when i was in sub frenzy, and pretty much ready to do whatever any Dom told me. i fell hard after my first two BDSM relationships, and since then i've been protecting myself. My relationship now- not a romantic or sexual relationship at all (more of a "friends with kinky benefits")- is based on us both getting what we want. If anything, i've taken more than i've given back. i can't tell if this selfishness is just a phase, or whether i'm just not cut out to be a sub.

pam

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RE: Are You... "You?" - 11/21/2011 8:18:22 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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I am.....Me.

(And there ain't no other gawdamn son of a bitch who can claim that...and that's for damn sure!)

< Message edited by LookieNoNookie -- 11/21/2011 8:20:47 PM >

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Post #: 69