RE: heteroflexible vs bisexual

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: heteroflexible vs bisexual

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: heteroflexible vs bisexual

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: heteroflexible vs bisexual - 9/19/2011 8:09:24 PM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline

Like I said, it would cause some major issues between us. Like littlewonder, my choices are very limited. I obey, or I end the dynamic and we go back to being vanilla. So given that, I don't think I would end things over being told to spread my legs for a guy.

As far as it being fleeting of Hanners or abusive, maybe, maybe not, it depends on why she does it.

(in reply to NocturnalStalker)

Post #: 41

RE: heteroflexible vs bisexual - 9/19/2011 8:50:56 PM

peachgirl

Posts: 396
Joined: 6/25/2009
Status: offline

I call myself heteroflexible because I find women some women attractive, and I would be interested in pursuing physical, sexual interaction if it was mutual. Am I bisexual? I don't know, I've never actually had full-blown sex with a woman. Not sure if it is something I would enjoy, so I don't feel right claiming the label of bisexual. I wouldn't be bisexual if I decided I didn't actually enjoy having sex with another woman.

It doesn't have to do anything with being submissive, being afraid, being closeted, whatever.

_____________________________

Have you seen that girl in the corner?
I'd like to take her out of her chains
Cause if I had my way with you baby
I would be changing your life today.
- Bob Welch

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

Post #: 42

RE: heteroflexible vs bisexual - 9/19/2011 8:57:12 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: peachgirl

I call myself heteroflexible because I find women some women attractive, and I would be interested in pursuing physical, sexual interaction if it was mutual. Am I bisexual? I don't know, I've never actually had full-blown sex with a woman. Not sure if it is something I would enjoy, so I don't feel right claiming the label of bisexual. I wouldn't be bisexual if I decided I didn't actually enjoy having sex with another woman.

It doesn't have to do anything with being submissive, being afraid, being closeted, whatever.

I would think that would be bi-curious.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to peachgirl)

Post #: 43

RE: heteroflexible vs bisexual - 9/19/2011 9:05:54 PM

winspiritsbaby

Posts: 141
Status: offline

Wow! you all have been busy while I was at class, had lots of catching up to do.

Thank you all for responding.

So now I have a few more questions...

LadyPact: Your definition is a big portion (I think) of why I was told that I'm heteroflexible, except that I wasn't in a D/s relationship. I did it in order to keep my marriage together, and it took much cajoling and unfortunately a lot of booze before I gave in. My question to you would be, what would happen if the sub/slave started to question his/her sexuality because of this interaction? As a Domme, how would you react?

Heather: If Hannah did put you in this situation, are you very confident that you would be able to work the issues out, or do you think that it may ultimately destroy your dynamic or maybe even the relationship in general? I ask this only because this is ultimately what destroyed my marriage.

NocturnalStalker: I think I have to disagree that "they must have some sexual interest in the same gender". I had no interest in other women at the time. Since then, I have found a couple of women attractive, but I don't know if the chance ever presented itself whether I could actually have sex with them or not.

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

Post #: 44

RE: heteroflexible vs bisexual - 9/19/2011 9:06:46 PM

FelineFae

Posts: 7756
Joined: 1/23/2009
From: i do wander everywhere...
Status: offline

~fr~

bisexual - someone that enjoys sex with either gender

heteroflexable, i am guessing this is a new version of 'socially bi' ?
Ex " I'm cool if they go down on me, but don't think I'm ready to go down on them,"

_____________________________

FelineFae
All right reserved by Chaos
: Disclaimer :
Do not expose FelineFae to direct sunlight.
FelineFae cannot spell in any language.
Granting of Fae-Wishes VOID where prohibitededed.
Individual results may vary.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 45

RE: heteroflexible vs bisexual - 9/19/2011 9:07:16 PM

peachgirl

Posts: 396
Joined: 6/25/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

ORIGINAL: peachgirl

I call myself heteroflexible because I find women some women attractive, and I would be interested in pursuing physical, sexual interaction if it was mutual. Am I bisexual? I don't know, I've never actually had full-blown sex with a woman. Not sure if it is something I would enjoy, so I don't feel right claiming the label of bisexual. I wouldn't be bisexual if I decided I didn't actually enjoy having sex with another woman.

It doesn't have to do anything with being submissive, being afraid, being closeted, whatever.

I would think that would be bi-curious.

yeah I'm that too :) does heteroflexible mean you have to be fully committed to the idea of being bisexual?

_____________________________

Have you seen that girl in the corner?
I'd like to take her out of her chains
Cause if I had my way with you baby
I would be changing your life today.
- Bob Welch

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 46

RE: heteroflexible vs bisexual - 9/19/2011 9:24:34 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

personally I think heteroflexible is just a more pc term for bisexual.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to peachgirl)

Post #: 47

RE: heteroflexible vs bisexual - 9/19/2011 9:38:46 PM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline

I am a young romantically inclined love conquers all kind of girl who is head over heels in love. Of course I am confident we could work it out.

On a more serious note, also yes. I am confident we could. I trust Hanners to not do it without a really good reason, because she takes her responsibility as my owner very very seriously and she knows my issues from my past and understands them completely. I trust her as well to have my best interests in mind when dealing with whatever might come up as a result of her doing it.

(in reply to winspiritsbaby)

Post #: 48

RE: heteroflexible vs bisexual - 9/19/2011 9:52:37 PM

NocturnalStalker

Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather

I am a young romantically inclined love conquers all kind of girl who is head over heels in love. Of course I am confident we could work it out.

On a more serious note, also yes. I am confident we could. I trust Hanners to not do it without a really good reason, because she takes her responsibility as my owner very very seriously and she knows my issues from my past and understands them completely. I trust her as well to have my best interests in mind when dealing with whatever might come up as a result of her doing it.

And by that same coin, would you feel insulted if she did propose such a situation that would normally make you feel very uncomfortable? I vaguely recall you mentioning you had very negative experiences with men in your past, so if she were to suddenly come out and tell you to sleep with a guy do you think it would be easy to interpret that as insensitivity?

Because I would see it as exploring places that shouldn't be seen, you know what I mean?

_____________________________

"The road I walk is paved in gold to glorify my platinum soul."

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

Post #: 49

RE: heteroflexible vs bisexual - 9/19/2011 10:11:02 PM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline

No I wouldn't. As I said, I trust her to have a very good reason for requiring it of me. That is part of the concept of being owned. It is her decision to make. I gave her that authority because I trust her not to abuse it, and to exercise it with my physical, emotional, and mental well being foremost in her mind.

The best analogy I can think of off the top of my head is that of a parent making arrangements for the care of their children should something happen to them. You chose a person who you believe will do the best thing for the children. You may be wrong and they may be horrid to them, but you make your best judgment and you trust them to do right by the children. That's the way it is for me. I made my judgment and I signed the will so to speak, and now I simply have to trust her to do right by me.

(in reply to NocturnalStalker)

Post #: 50

RE: heteroflexible vs bisexual - 9/19/2011 10:43:45 PM

NocturnalStalker

Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline

Well I guess it is just a styles clash. I personally couldn't fathom doing something like that with or without a reason.

_____________________________

"The road I walk is paved in gold to glorify my platinum soul."

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

Post #: 51

RE: heteroflexible vs bisexual - 9/19/2011 10:51:01 PM

Epytropos

Posts: 699
Joined: 7/23/2011
Status: offline

I seem to remember a thread where you mentioned your having been offered up to someone who turned you down, don't I Heather? If the two of you made it through that unscathed I expect you would make it all the way through. Of course, I'm also a young romantically inclined love conquers all sort, so I suppose it's the blind leading the blind.

As to the issue broadly, I think Heather's approach is probably the best to take. It is silly not to acknowledge that certain things a dom/me can do to a slave can cause issues in their relationship (though I'm certain that somewhere there is someone who can pop up and legitimately say they have no such limits; you are the happy exception and please feel free to visit any time

), but at the same time slavery is inherently the process of agreeing to everything or nothing. As a slave the proper course of action is to accept the order, carry it out as best you can, and trust your M to have made the right choice. If they make a mistake, then you work through it together.

ETA: @NS sometimes people need things they don't know they need and want things they don't know they want. That's what TPE is - its trusting the M to know.

< Message edited by Epytropos -- 9/19/2011 10:53:49 PM >

_____________________________

They're only words. Don't dwell on them. They never mean what you think.

I speak only of My Way. Think it not an indictment of Your Way.

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

Post #: 52

RE: heteroflexible vs bisexual - 9/19/2011 10:59:15 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: winspiritsbaby
LadyPact: Your definition is a big portion (I think) of why I was told that I'm heteroflexible, except that I wasn't in a D/s relationship. I did it in order to keep my marriage together, and it took much cajoling and unfortunately a lot of booze before I gave in. My question to you would be, what would happen if the sub/slave started to question his/her sexuality because of this interaction? As a Domme, how would you react?

I'm not really sure of what you are asking Me. Are you asking if the s-type would want to consider themselves bi from that point out or be wondering if they were leaning toward bi or even gay? If I own him, it really doesn't matter. I'd still be the person deciding who he could have sex with and when. Nothing about My authority changed. I'm still the chick in charge.

If there was a problem from it from the s-type's side, we would have to explore that problem together, reinforce the concept of obedience within the dynamic with other methods, even including putting it on the table of do our concepts of an obedience based dynamic align. Definitely lots of communication included.

From a problem on My side, that doesn't exist. I've had dynamics with bisexuals, heterosexuals who could potentially be heteroflexible, and heterosexuals who had same gender sexual activities as a hard limit. Anytime that I accept somebody as a submissive who has that as a hard limit, I do so with the knowledge that the subject might never change. Since I happen to match better with those who want to become more dedicated to the Dominant over time, some limits have slipped away during the course of the dynamic. (Not just this subject. Others as well. They aren't all sexual acts, either.) It's a process, but it can happen.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to winspiritsbaby)

Post #: 53

RE: heteroflexible vs bisexual - 9/19/2011 11:24:26 PM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline

quote:

Well I guess it is just a styles clash. I personally couldn't fathom doing something like that with or without a reason.

I think your issue is really that you have a hard time understanding the mindset involved in consensual slavery or deep submission. You, like me, are both young and new to this. I think that while you are pretty confident in your ability to determine what's best for yourself, you're not really comfortable with the idea of having to make those sorts of judgments for somebody else.

The boards are a great place to get some basic information, but I suggest you pick two or three submissives who you think are sensible and write them. Ask them if they would mind if you asked them some questions. That way you can both safely be a little more personal and the chances of the discussion being dropped or sidetracked are much lower.

(in reply to NocturnalStalker)

Post #: 54

RE: heteroflexible vs bisexual - 9/20/2011 6:47:36 AM

winspiritsbaby

Posts: 141
Status: offline

Thank you LadyPact. You did indeed answer my questions, even if they weren't worded quite right.

Thank you Heather, I don't question your response at all. Win and I have discussed that level of trust and submission, and it is our final goal, so I'm always happy when I see that it really does exist in others

Makes me feel like it is definitely achievable.

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

Post #: 55

RE: heteroflexible vs bisexual - 9/20/2011 9:49:19 AM

xssve

Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline

I usually take heteroflexible to mean that you're basically hetero, but open to experiment, and you can hang with at least the occasional Threesome, whereas bi means you expect to date other people, without regard to sex, but that's a generality - in praxis, a person may have a particular preference or a different definition of "dating", etc.

(in reply to winspiritsbaby)

Post #: 56

RE: heteroflexible vs bisexual - 9/20/2011 1:07:20 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

It's further towards the hetero spectrum than bi.

I thought this was a good definition:

quote:

Heteroflexible and homoflexible can have sex with either gender, but I think the "-flexible" part of either word is implying that they'd rather have sex with one gender over sex with the other and most of the time would not have sex with the gender they do not prefer. To me, "bisexuality" implies that they are equally attracted to both genders where heteroflexible and homoflexible imply preference for one gender even though they have the ability to be attracted to both under the right circumstances. At least that's how I understand it.

~Hisprettybaby~

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 57

RE: heteroflexible vs bisexual - 9/21/2011 8:32:38 PM

dreamofthemoon

Posts: 10666
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: peachgirl

I call myself heteroflexible because I find women some women attractive, and I would be interested in pursuing physical, sexual interaction if it was mutual. Am I bisexual? I don't know, I've never actually had full-blown sex with a woman. Not sure if it is something I would enjoy, so I don't feel right claiming the label of bisexual. I wouldn't be bisexual if I decided I didn't actually enjoy having sex with another woman.

It doesn't have to do anything with being submissive, being afraid, being closeted, whatever.

This ^ is me, too.

But, i think i've come to understand it, at least on an intellectual level, as being...

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

It's further towards the hetero spectrum than bi.

I thought this was a good definition:

quote:

Heteroflexible and homoflexible can have sex with either gender, but I think the "-flexible" part of either word is implying that they'd rather have sex with one gender over sex with the other and most of the time would not have sex with the gender they do not prefer. To me, "bisexuality" implies that they are equally attracted to both genders where heteroflexible and homoflexible imply preference for one gender even though they have the ability to be attracted to both under the right circumstances. At least that's how I understand it.

~Hisprettybaby~

...this, too.

_____________________________

dreamy

40 Fluffy points
Hibbie Chick!
Pure's jello shot!
Charter Member: Lance's Fag Hags!
A good egg, per DRH

(in reply to peachgirl)

Post #: 58

RE: heteroflexible vs bisexual - 9/22/2011 5:24:54 AM

Damacis

Posts: 45
Joined: 7/27/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather
I think your issue is really that you have a hard time understanding the mindset involved in consensual slavery or deep submission.

This is indeed the crux of the issue.

NocturnalStalker -

I have zero interest in men. I don't peruse male profiles, I don't go 3 isles down in the grocery store to check out to check out the hot guy that just passed, I don't speed up on the interstate to catch up to the guy I only caught a glimpse of; all things I might do with a woman I found attractive. I have never been with a man, will be perfectly fine never being with a man, in fact I find the idea of male-male sex particularly revolting.

All that being said -- I find absolute submission and humiliation intensely arousing. What's more humiliating/emasculating than a heterosexual male being compelled to perform a homosexual act? Not much. What's a bigger apparent proof of submission than being willing to perform such an act? Not much. Would I rather she make me perform some other act as proof of how far I'd be willing to go for her? Absolutely.

But to be clear, and simple -- willingness to do an act does not imply some latent desire for it. I don't need to be a closest masochist to allow a domme to whip me. For a sub, more often than not, the arousal comes from the obedience itself, not the actual act.

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

Post #: 59

RE: heteroflexible vs bisexual - 9/22/2011 6:03:25 AM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Damacis For a sub, more often than not, the arousal comes from the obedience itself, not the actual act.

I'm not sure that's true of most subs by any means, but it's true of me.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to Damacis)

Post #: 60

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: heteroflexible vs bisexual

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.109