RE: Have you ever been 'forced' or coerced into going too far?

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RE: Have you ever been 'forced' or coerced into going t... - 10/14/2011 6:06:11 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

How did you find those LIMITS initially? If you say limits should never be tested, how do you know where your limits lie? How do you know the difference between something you just don't like, something you are scared of and something that is truly a limit?

Like I said on page 1: "you can be willing to try something and then evaluate if it is for you."

My gut tells me when something is truly a limit. I have learned to trust my gut. If doing it or thinking of doing it makes me feel sick, it's a hard limit. (Not to be confused with something that makes me anxious, which I feel in my chest.)

On the other hand, I may be neutral about something, or dislike it but am willing to do it for him. (I didn't get this when I played casually, but now that I am with someone I love and trust, it makes sense.)

I loved this analogy:

quote:

My dad loved liver and onions, my mother couldn't stand it. Still, every once in a while, she would cook it for my father to enjoy and the rest of us would have tacos or something. She couldn't stand the smell of it cooking, but she sacrificed that every month or so because she loved my father and wanted him to be happy.

And this too:

quote:

If you had a fear of drowning, would you want someone who threw you into water over your head when you didn't know how to swim? Probably not. But someone who registered you for swimming lessons for those suffering the same fear? Totally different.

(in reply to devilsmuse)

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RE: Have you ever been 'forced' or coerced into going t... - 10/15/2011 7:03:52 AM

TheFireWithinMe

Posts: 1672
Joined: 10/3/2011
From: The Depths of Hell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

It's on me as the one in charge to be cognizant of this, to be cautious in how I approach things, be aware of how she ticks internally and how she is reacting. And it's also on me to know her lines and her values, because there are times (Like when shes flying deep in subspace) when I'm a better judge for her than she.

And I'm a guy who likes to push limits. A lot.To the point where I am a "She has no limits but those I allow" sorta guy My rule of thumb is simple-if it betrays who and what she is, is something that's going to cripple her spirit or involve tearing down her values, I don't do it. Pretty straightforward. If it's something that's gonna drop a weight on her she'll carry for the rest of her life, I don't do it.
Course, I also think a huge part of being dominant means that I do what's best for her within the parameters of our relationship.

For me to be having this type of conversation with someone we have to be "serious" I've verbalize much of the same intentions Kana. Because I too will not tolerate limits. So she has to trust me implicitly and know that I will do whatever I please. However I will never break her "spirit" And that my friend is a very thin line.

The ppl on here that say if you won't adhere to my limits equals a lack of respect. Clearly you are not for me as limits are not a "choice" you have. Either you trust me not to break your spirit or you don't.

Come to me "totally" with your faith trust and submission or don't come at all.

BadOne

QFT this is exactly the way I see it. I tell him what will absolutely destroy me - because I don't expect him to be a mindreader - and as soon as the relationship begins it's all in his hands. The whole point is to choose very, very carefully and find someone who is trustworthy. If that is done there is no earthly reason for me to keep control in any sense. I find tremendous peace in letting go and him taking the reins. The decision to let him is the last one I want to make.

Fire

_____________________________

Charter member: Lance's Fag Hags

There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast. ~Author Unknown

(in reply to SailingBum)

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RE: Have you ever been 'forced' or coerced into going t... - 10/16/2011 9:13:11 AM

gb856

Posts: 1
Joined: 12/13/2006
Status: offline

New dom here, my sub was begging to be spanked harded during our session, and I left numerous black and blue marks on her butt and legs. Did I go too far?? She wanted more and loved it!

(in reply to DoesAsIAmTold)

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Post #: 63

RE: Have you ever been 'forced' or coerced into going t... - 10/16/2011 1:46:35 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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gb856 - while I love souvenir bruises, you should ask her. (And start your own thread.)

Welcome to the forum side.

(in reply to gb856)

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RE: Have you ever been 'forced' or coerced into going t... - 10/26/2011 2:12:39 PM

demureWIFE

Posts: 1
Joined: 10/25/2011
Status: offline

Yes it is possible to get back to that level of wanting to please a Dom. Remember that excitment, the rush, the thrills that came when you met someone who stirred the sumbmissive strings within you? Its a nice thought to think that there is only one perfect person out there for you, but the fact is, there are plenty of other perfect someones waiting for you. Obviously finding someone kinky is a lot harder than searching for someone who isnt, but if you have the tenacity to seek out what you need, you will find it. It all comes down to what you are willing to accept, and what they are willing to accept. If both parties are in agreement then party on sister!

In parting, have hope, be open & communicate your fears and concerns, and take it slowly. If you rush into things, then you're "What if" mindset comes into play. Re-evaluate why something didnt work out as you hoped it would, and try not to let it repeat itself.

(in reply to kalikshama)

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Post #: 65