Focus50
Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:
ORIGINAL: RopePlease
Many different define asexual differently according to them, such as many aspects of B&D and S&M. My point of my question is to gather opinions.
In this question, asexual play will be defined as engaging in B&D and S&M activities with the absence of sexual play, even though sexual feelings may arise.
The question is as follows:
In your opionion, is it better [or smarter, or even safer] for a single person, novice, or curious person to explore play with or without sex? Sex can be defined as you please, and so can play ( LOL! come on guys....)
I'll give me look on it once i hear from you all =D
Dunno about "better" (or safer, or smarter) but I'm not in the habit of playing with a sub who doesn't have alround relationship potential in general. That basically means starting slowly and building up as the relationship progresses.
So just as I don't expect to have sex on a first date, or even fourth date, I don't expect our early D/s scenes to include anything sexually explicit, either. Building trust is the bigger priority.... My first scene with a sub is more about teaching her my basic rules and expectations of her and usually not much beyond seeing how she reacts to having her hands tied behind. A second scene may include having her strip to her underwear etc.
I use the analogy of those old-style video games (maybe still the new games, too, for all I know).... That is that the games are set out in levels and once you've successfully navigated a level and progressed, you can't drop back down later on (without restarting the entire game).
What I'm saying is; just because it's D/s and I'm the Dom, I don't and won't order a new sub to strip naked in that first or even second scene and expert her to comply because she's the sub. That's an unearned level of trust. But (re video game), when the point is reached that she has been naked in my presence, then yeah, from then on I expert her to comply without question or hesitation. And so the ladder is climbed to higher levels of intimacy and expectation....
It's really no different to building a vanilla relationship. One difference, however, is that the control freak in me doesn't always require anything sexual from a scene. Often I can just be content with having her all bound naked (or semi-naked) and helpless for my viewing pleasure - is veeeeeery relaxing....
Focus.
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