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now i aint sayin she a gold digger... - 10/2/2011 10:19:41 AM   
voidbrat


Posts: 115
Joined: 10/2/2011
Status: offline 		question for submissives: how important is it to you that the man or woman you serve be successful in their real life? i'm not asking whether you're only attracted to sugar daddies/mommies, but do you take into consideration the fact that if somebody is working at a video store or pumping gas they probably can barely run their own lives? or, if we can admit to being just a tad more shallow, don't you find it much hotter when someone is a highly successful alpha type than when they're a lethargic beta type? do you suspect the beta types are just looking for a "submissive" so they can have a girlfriend or a boyfriend who has too much baggage of their own to leave them?
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RE: now i aint sayin she a gold digger... - 10/2/2011 10:23:59 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		we've had a few other threads that touched on the "alpha" vs. "beta" concepts, and they don't fly for a lot of people.

there are lots of ways to determine success besides financial/material success.

having a certain job doesn't make a person any more or less likely to be able to control themselves. a lot of people living in high end suburbia are living paycheck to paycheck just like people in the ghetto. they may have bigger paychecks, but they blow through them just as fast.

the idea that the amount of money someone has somehow directly equates to someone's ability to lead boggles my mind.


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RE: now i aint sayin she a gold digger... - 10/2/2011 10:25:54 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		It's extremely important. I don't care how much money they make or even what job they hold. What makes a person successful to me is that they are able to take care of themselves financially, mentally and spiritually.



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RE: now i aint sayin she a gold digger... - 10/2/2011 10:26:49 AM   
voidbrat


Posts: 115
Joined: 10/2/2011
Status: offline 		but in a capitalist, status oriented society what is there other than material success or the ability to wield power when it comes down to it? everything else is a consolation prize.
quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

we've had a few other threads that touched on the "alpha" vs. "beta" concepts, and they don't fly for a lot of people.

there are lots of ways to determine success besides financial/material success.

having a certain job doesn't make a person any more or less likely to be able to control themselves. a lot of people living in high end suburbia are living paycheck to paycheck just like people in the ghetto. they may have bigger paychecks, but they blow through them just as fast.

the idea that the amount of money someone has somehow directly equates to someone's ability to lead boggles my mind.



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RE: now i aint sayin she a gold digger... - 10/2/2011 10:28:29 AM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		I counted three questions in the OP. Yes, I do consider whether a potential partner, dom or vanilla, has a successful career, although that includes more than financial success. I just tend to be attracted to people who are good at and passionate about their vocation. Yes, it is more of a turn on to be with a successful alpha, or a successful beta for that matter than someone who is unsuccessful. Yes to the third question too, and I will add that at least one so called Dom I dated was not so subtly looking for a meal ticket. No fucking way.
If that makes me a gold digger, so be it. Call me "Miner 49er".

< Message edited by Iamsemisweet -- 10/2/2011 10:36:41 AM >

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RE: now i aint sayin she a gold digger... - 10/2/2011 10:28:51 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		well, not everyone believes in superiority by status.
people who look down on others because they don't necessarily have a lot of money have no place in my universe.

i view success by how that person relates to the people s/he loves, how that person accomplishes his/her goals, how that person lives his/her beliefs, etc. it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with money.


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RE: now i aint sayin she a gold digger... - 10/2/2011 10:41:20 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		On the surface, I am sure it is very easy to think that those working at a gas station or something similar, are never do wells and this can actually go into a huge jump in assuming they carry a lot of baggage. Before I continue along this line, I have a question.

Who says people with great jobs or money are not crazy, are well put together and carry no baggage?

Some of the most unbalanced people I have ever known were well to do. A top female psychologist that would close herself in her closet, sobbing on a regular basis. A top CEO that had to prove he was something big, big, big, by dinning in the finest restaurants, dating women just out of their teen years who must be blonds and be ready for the fake boobs he bought them, with four ex wives behind him and miscellaneous children... and oh... did I mention he was a billionaire?

When I directed a shelter, was a public speaker, in the news paper and known fairly well in the area I lived in.... I had the prestige... oh people would do quite a bit to be near me. It disgusted me. Traveling the beach cities of California, knowing many with lots and lots of money... I saw some of the worst in human behavior and baggage and there was nothing sexy about it unless you think money is sexy.

So while working with the homeless and battered... I would sometimes find the smell of a person a bit hard to take and I didn't always listen to what they had to say as I was overwhelmed by the outward and yet, I quickly learned some had some of the best wisdom I ever heard from the dearest hearts and were smelly homeless vets. They had some baggage for sure... but as a human being they had more honor and depth than I found in Newport Beach or any other.

Now... people don't know my past when they see me or even read my profile. I get judged, critiqued and walked away from sometimes on a daily basis when people hear my situation. They don't see the woman that has been around some pretty impressive places or the woman that touched the lives of many or the one that helped those in crisis learn to be strong, get through it and learn to live happily as survivors and far more. They didn't see the parenting skills I shared so that many others were touched or the time I gave to so many. They see an older, sick woman with bad teeth, that lives in a mobile home and act accordingly with hands on their asses running for their lives.

You know what I find wonderful? That they do run... I sure wouldn't want that type of person in my life.

< Message edited by Lockit -- 10/2/2011 10:52:01 AM >

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RE: now i aint sayin she a gold digger... - 10/2/2011 11:21:20 AM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: voidbrat

but in a capitalist, status oriented society what is there other than material success or the ability to wield power when it comes down to it? everything else is a consolation prize.


Some people don't actually care about popularity and money. You base your assumptions off your beliefs, I'm pretty sure there are some buddhists who would drastically disagree. Likewise your cultural upbringing and your beliefs are what really bind you to holding a persons worth in relation to their material value.

To me a person is not their 'stuff' nor their position in society. There are plenty of worthless assholes who are both rich and powerful, so the idea only the rich and powerful are worthwhile is just stupid.

As to the original question: A person's success in life by my standards, is meassured in self set goals and achievements. I admire a person for the goals they set for themselves (and then reach) instead of the ones society tries to push upon them, such as money and influence.
I think a successful person should be self maintaining, that is to say, able to cover their survival and health needs, if that means they live in the outback and hunt and forage and trade pelts for the occasional doctors visit? So be it, if that's what they're happy doing, then I can admire them for that.

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RE: now i aint sayin she a gold digger... - 10/2/2011 11:22:01 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I do want someone employed, yes. Someone with a functioning work ethic. A raving careerist, not necessarily. I would prefer someone who had an interest in learning new things, who read books, who had hobbies and interests beyond watching sports on the telly.



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RE: now i aint sayin she a gold digger... - 10/2/2011 11:27:08 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		What Hibbie said.

I used to date (before I "discovered" bdsm) high status, career men. Mostly because I was a high status, career woman. And none of those relationships lasted because quite often the high status job required a huge amount of time and effort. The time and effort that should have gone into maintaining a relationship went into maintaining work. For both of us.

So I changed jobs. I earn a lot less, but I have a great job and a lot of time to devote to something other than work. I would hate to be in a relationship with someone who was so focused on career success that they chose work over 'us'.

I don't care what job he does as long as he can pay his way, has pride in what he does and does his job to the best of his ability.

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RE: now i aint sayin she a gold digger... - 10/2/2011 11:31:07 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		They must be successful in their lives, if they are going to call themselves dom and/or masters to me, they are held by me to a higher standard and that dominance, mastery etc is utilized throughout their lives not just in a relationship.  But then, i also look for an alpha male.

To me, the man i am attracted to is a "power" type man, he is power and to me that translates to he is a major leader in his life and to everyone around him, not just his relationship.  I have a quote i fully believe a Man who will be my Master possesses this concet.  To me, i am looking for men older than me and to me a man in his late 40s and early fifties should have their lives together and be able to determine whether they are successful at their lives.  To me, if they answer no, then they have no business trying to control someone elses.   Many people don't like this stance or concept, but in the end, they don't have too.  When a Man is my Master, he is held to, by me, expectations and standards a lot higher than he would be if he was just the average joe boyfriend. 

He exudes confidence, i, as a woman, know He possesses more than confidence; He possesses power. Power that comes not from practice, but that formed as a building block of his character
 
 
If he possess the above concept, it shows in his life throughout.  It may not be fair but in the end, life isn't fair.
angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 10/2/2011 11:33:31 AM >

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RE: now i aint sayin she a gold digger... - 10/2/2011 11:36:56 AM   
Hisprettybaby


Posts: 781
Joined: 4/13/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		question for submissives: how important is it to you that the man or woman you serve be successful in their real life?
How do you define "successful?" Emotionally? Relationship-wise? Financially? Well, I know you're referring to financially, but that's not necessarily my definition. I define successful as both having his/her own shit together and also owning it.

do you take into consideration the fact that if somebody is working at a video store or pumping gas they probably can barely run their own lives?
"The fact??" Not that I want to start anything, but where is your proof to support that "fact?" That person working at a video store or pumping gas may not have a high-paying job, but they can be more "together" and be better at running their own lives than some millionaires. A job is just a job. How you run your life is....your life. I've seen some pretty F'ed up people with fat wallets.

don't you find it much hotter when someone is a highly successful alpha type than when they're a lethargic beta type?
Beta = lethargic? Not everyone can be first and, just because someone isn't first in line, it doesn't mean he/she is "lethargic." I agree it's hot when someone has his or her shit together and owns it. As for money, it's nice to have enough to survive, esp in this day of high unemployment rates.


do you suspect the beta types are just looking for a "submissive" so they can have a girlfriend or a boyfriend who has too much baggage of their own to leave them?
This question brings two things to mind for me:

One: You're still assuming that beta types are losers. According to the financial definition of Alpha vs beta, which is the one I see you using, I would be considered beta as an LPN/nurse(decent-paying job) vs a doctor (much higher-paying job), yet I wouldn't consider myself a loser or "lethargic." Bottom line? Having massive amounts of money does NOT impress me. The person himself/herself DOES impress me.

Two: I'm not sure what you're trying to say here. Are you saying that less affluent people call themselves Dominant because they can't find a relationship in the vanilla world? That's pretty insulting to D-types. Are you assuming that somehow submissives have more baggage than non-submissives and are worse than more-together 'nillas? I think that's insulting to submissives and also an unfair assumption. There are plenty of D-types and 'nillas out there that have "too much baggage of their own" also. I've met some of them and stayed far away from them. There are some submissives I know that really do have their shit together. You know what they say about that word ASSUME.......

~Hispretttybaby~

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RE: now i aint sayin she a gold digger... - 10/2/2011 11:46:51 AM   
voidbrat


Posts: 115
Joined: 10/2/2011
Status: offline 		i don't think a real buddhist would be in a power exchange relationship. it seems to me that people who willingly indulge in s&m and power exchange are already tacitly acknowledging that things like power and status are of value to them, and are sexually arousing besides.
quote:

ORIGINAL: ProlificNeeds


quote:

ORIGINAL: voidbrat

but in a capitalist, status oriented society what is there other than material success or the ability to wield power when it comes down to it? everything else is a consolation prize.


Some people don't actually care about popularity and money. You base your assumptions off your beliefs, I'm pretty sure there are some buddhists who would drastically disagree. Likewise your cultural upbringing and your beliefs are what really bind you to holding a persons worth in relation to their material value.

To me a person is not their 'stuff' nor their position in society. There are plenty of worthless assholes who are both rich and powerful, so the idea only the rich and powerful are worthwhile is just stupid.

As to the original question: A person's success in life by my standards, is meassured in self set goals and achievements. I admire a person for the goals they set for themselves (and then reach) instead of the ones society tries to push upon them, such as money and influence.
I think a successful person should be self maintaining, that is to say, able to cover their survival and health needs, if that means they live in the outback and hunt and forage and trade pelts for the occasional doctors visit? So be it, if that's what they're happy doing, then I can admire them for that.

quote:

upbringing and your beliefs are what really bind you to holding a persons worth in relation to their material value.

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RE: now i aint sayin she a gold digger... - 10/2/2011 11:52:34 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: voidbrat

question for submissives: how important is it to you that the man or woman you serve be successful in their real life? i'm not asking whether you're only attracted to sugar daddies/mommies, but do you take into consideration the fact that if somebody is working at a video store or pumping gas they probably can barely run their own lives? or, if we can admit to being just a tad more shallow, don't you find it much hotter when someone is a highly successful alpha type than when they're a lethargic beta type? do you suspect the beta types are just looking for a "submissive" so they can have a girlfriend or a boyfriend who has too much baggage of their own to leave them?

Monetary success means little to me.
I pay more attention to whether or not the person is happy and content doing what they do, no matter the amount of money they make.

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RE: now i aint sayin she a gold digger... - 10/2/2011 11:56:29 AM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: voidbrat

question for submissives: how important is it to you that the man or woman you serve be successful in their real life?


1.  In "their real life"???  WTF... as opposed to what, their FAKE internet life -- or do you think those who partake of the Power Dynamic are somehow leading dual lives?!!

2.  As to the "successful" part of your question, "success" is relative... for some it equates to having millions of dollars, for others it equates to being financially stable, where for others it equates to some level of notoriety. 

3.  I can assure you of one thing, it does NOT equate to a FAILURE and a LOSER who thinks wearing their Toppy Hat (i.e., claiming to be a Dominant) somehow masks their inability to not only LEAD in their own life, but is a clear indication they absolutely cannot LEAD another.

quote:



...do you take into consideration the fact that if somebody is working at a video store or pumping gas they probably can barely run their own lives? or, if we can admit to being just a tad more shallow, don't you find it much hotter when someone is a highly successful alpha type than when they're a lethargic beta type?



Putting "gold-diggers" aside, I believe most would attribute degrees of attraction to the successful/powerful, but more often than not, that attraction is not based on finances or possessions, but in CONFIDENCE -- the finances and possessions are, of course, a nice bonus.

quote:

 

...do you suspect the beta types are just looking for a "submissive" so they can have a girlfriend or a boyfriend who has too much baggage of their own to leave them?



For some, yes... for others, no. 



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RE: now i aint sayin she a gold digger... - 10/2/2011 12:06:02 PM   
voidbrat


Posts: 115
Joined: 10/2/2011
Status: offline 		it's weird you got so mad about the notion of differentiating between a "real life" and a "scene life," bro. you can't tell me you don't know people who have high status within some little subculture or scene who are doing little more with their lives the rest of the time than working for peanuts at a job they can barely tolerate. there's a huge difference between the reality of life and the games people play to get through the days whether it's being a badass on world of warcraft or the best darned shortstop in their softball league. a lot of people fall for their partners based on status they have in a fun but temporary make-believe world and then realize that the rest of the time their "master" or "mistress" is just kind of a scrub.

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RE: now i aint sayin she a gold digger... - 10/2/2011 12:08:10 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		LOL... I am still waiting to see the real reason for this thread. We are getting closer I think.

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RE: now i aint sayin she a gold digger... - 10/2/2011 12:11:37 PM   
voidbrat


Posts: 115
Joined: 10/2/2011
Status: offline 		the real reason for this thread is to see what people think. another case cracked!
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

LOL... I am still waiting to see the real reason for this thread. We are getting closer I think.


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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: now i aint sayin she a gold digger... - 10/2/2011 12:12:56 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: voidbrat

it's weird you got so mad...



It's "weird" you think anyone's gotten "mad" about anything?!!  And... uhhh... I ain't your or anyone's "bro".





< Message edited by MasterSlaveLA -- 10/2/2011 12:14:33 PM >

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RE: now i aint sayin she a gold digger... - 10/2/2011 12:16:47 PM   
voidbrat


Posts: 115
Joined: 10/2/2011
Status: offline 		you're right, my bad. your tone just got a little defensive, and of course the "WTF" and the all caps made it seem like you were getting a little hot under the collar. i'd rather not have the thread derailed that way though and let's just stick to the substantive answer that i gave you and get back on track. ;)
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: voidbrat

it's weird you got so mad...



It's "weird" you think anyone's gotten "mad" about anything?!!  And... uhhh... I ain't your or anyone's "bro".






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Profile   Post #: 20
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