Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Assignments, tasks, etc...WHY?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Assignments, tasks, etc...WHY? Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Assignments, tasks, etc...WHY? - 10/3/2011 5:41:23 PM   
Endivius


Posts: 1238
Joined: 8/22/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

I believe part of the courtship phase of an online interaction may have some success to these "tasks" because it reinforces the idea of a power dynamic

I think this is where I am getting muddled. How can it reinforce the 'idea' of a dynamic?

I mean, if all parties know what they are working towards, how does doing a specific 'task' reinforce a dynamic? The dynamic should already be there, it should not need to be reinforced on a regualar basis.





They key part there is courtship; there is no TPE just an idea of a dynamic in place, they are still getting to know eachother and build upon the chemistry each has. Until you spend a great deal of time with someone you won't truely know where the boundaries are, and what to expect from one another. I believe this is why these activities appeal to both sides, it gives them a way to explore these boundaries and excersize the PE in a neutral way.

_____________________________

Basically if you can't inspire someone to trust you deeply, you aren't going to be able to buy that or a reasonable facsimile thereof. -DesFIP

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Assignments, tasks, etc...WHY? - 10/3/2011 5:55:22 PM   
fragilepieces


Posts: 416
Joined: 7/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Endivius


quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

I believe part of the courtship phase of an online interaction may have some success to these "tasks" because it reinforces the idea of a power dynamic

I think this is where I am getting muddled. How can it reinforce the 'idea' of a dynamic?

I mean, if all parties know what they are working towards, how does doing a specific 'task' reinforce a dynamic? The dynamic should already be there, it should not need to be reinforced on a regualar basis.





They key part there is courtship; there is no TPE just an idea of a dynamic in place, they are still getting to know eachother and build upon the chemistry each has. Until you spend a great deal of time with someone you won't truely know where the boundaries are, and what to expect from one another. I believe this is why these activities appeal to both sides, it gives them a way to explore these boundaries and excersize the PE in a neutral way.
Now I am confused!!!   So you are going to ask someone to iron your shirts or scrub the tub or insert a butt plug and wear it to work with no panties on and in that way you are going to explore the boundries.   If the other party says no to scrubbing the tub does that mean she doesn't like kneeling, or she has a hard limit on those cute little scrubbing bubbles.   If she says no to the butt plug and undies---does that mean she is an anal virgin or her job requires professional attire which means wear undies?  

(in reply to Endivius)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Assignments, tasks, etc...WHY? - 10/3/2011 7:51:57 PM   
Endivius


Posts: 1238
Joined: 8/22/2011
Status: offline
quote:


So you are going to ask someone to iron your shirts or scrub the tub or insert a butt plug and wear it to work with no panties on and in that way you are going to explore the boundries. 


Unless you want to write up a contract thats as thick as Tolkiens LoTR. You can't find these things out without experimentation. I would never have a sub do something as mundane as wear a butt plug with no panties. I tend to believe I am more creative than that, to each thier own.

quote:


  If the other party says no to scrubbing the tub does that mean she doesn't like kneeling, or she has a hard limit on those cute little scrubbing bubbles.  


It's not about whether or not she/he likes it. It's about whether or not they will do it. Being a sub/slave is not allways about doing what you want, it's (to me) about serving your D. If it entails doing things you do not enjoy, that is a matter of interpretation between the D/s. Each dynamic is completely different, and because it is so, it is up to each party involved to decide how they wish to excersize the PE in the relationship. Some people only have this dynamic in the bedroom, others have a TPE.

quote:


If she says no to the butt plug and undies---does that mean she is an anal virgin or her job requires professional attire which means wear undies?  



That is up to the sub/slave to determine what they are willing to do for thier D. Something that could easily be stated as soon as an instruction is given. Just seems to me you are looking for justification of why subs/slaves do things for thier D. I would say the simple answer is they do them because they get excited at the idea of serving and/or being told what to do, and D's get excited at the idea of being served, even if the service is kinky or totally vanilla.

_____________________________

Basically if you can't inspire someone to trust you deeply, you aren't going to be able to buy that or a reasonable facsimile thereof. -DesFIP

(in reply to fragilepieces)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Assignments, tasks, etc...WHY? - 10/3/2011 8:23:23 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tantriqu

If a sub can't accomplish a vanilla task that he's been set, he's thinking only with his hindbrain.
Excellent for winnowing out the chaff, including the dumbasses and do-me bottoms.



Yaaaaaaaaaaay, Tantriqu!! QFT (Quite Fucking True)!

< Message edited by MistressDarkArt -- 10/3/2011 8:24:09 PM >

(in reply to Tantriqu)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Assignments, tasks, etc...WHY? - 10/3/2011 9:00:30 PM   
avena


Posts: 80
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline 		Normal every day things...or 'vanilla type tasks'...are not part of the tasks that D gives me. When I'm with him, they are simply part of my expected every day to do list. Taking care of him is my job when I'm with him.

A dominant who felt the need to tell me to do the dishes after supper every night would probably get told off in short order. I'm not that stupid that I need to be reminded of basic every day chores constantly.

Nor does D give me tasks with the intention of punishing me if I fail at them. He can bruise my ass any time he wants to...He doesn't need to invent reasons.

However, I have been given the task of wearing a toy to work, frequently. Why? Because he knew that I would be hyper aware of it all day then, and that would make me blush. And if anyone happened to ask about the blush, it would make me blush even more. And D LOVES it when I blush, even if he's not there to see it. Of course, I'm a good girl and text him with all the silly and embarassing stories that happen to me during the day, so he still gets to experience the blush vicariously at least.

Ultimately, I really liked agirl's reason:

quote:

The short answer is, it's fun and he can, there need be no other reason.

(in reply to fragilepieces)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Assignments, tasks, etc...WHY? - 10/4/2011 3:43:12 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

They key part there is courtship; there is no TPE just an idea of a dynamic in place, they are still getting to know eachother and build upon the chemistry each has. Until you spend a great deal of time with someone you won't truely know where the boundaries are, and what to expect from one another. I believe this is why these activities appeal to both sides, it gives them a way to explore these boundaries and excersize the PE in a neutral way.

I think I understand a little bit better. Thank you

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to Endivius)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Assignments, tasks, etc...WHY? - 10/5/2011 12:34:31 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

When I was in a LD relationship, he gave me tasks to amuse himself and express dominance

My question on this would be...was his being dominant more pronounced BECAUSE of the tasks?


Yes, but as we were long distance he didn't have the full range of options with which to express dominance.

I vastly prefer RL tasks like "get the toy bag" or making him dinner and doing his laundry.

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Assignments, tasks, etc...WHY? - 10/5/2011 2:59:41 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
The short answer is, it's fun and he can, there need be no other reason.


I find this sort of thing in many ways hornier than any amount of whips, chains and leather.

However, that's possibly because I'm sick.


_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Assignments, tasks, etc...WHY? - 10/6/2011 3:40:57 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fragilepieces


I am with Irish on this---I don't get the whole don't wear undies to work type of thing or wear a butt plug to work---but with the vanilla type tasks isn't that just a normal part of any relationship?    I suppose one could say they are punished if the task was not completed but--if punishment for not doing it was the purpose---at the end of the day he is the Master so he could punish you just because.  



It doesn't really matter WHY M asks me to do anything, whatever it might be. The fact is, if he's told me to do something, he wants me to do it. It doesn't have to have a point other than he's a bit of a perverted sadist who finds it amusing knowing that I'm in a predicament all day whether he's here or not.

I don't see much difference between having HIM tie a but-plug in me when he's here and having to wear it for hours while we are fixing the pc and having lunch, and having ME do the same when he's not here.

It all boils down to the same thing, he likes the idea and there's no reason not to.

agirl




_____________________________

See how easy it can be?

(in reply to fragilepieces)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Assignments, tasks, etc...WHY? - 10/6/2011 9:14:15 AM   
SecretTrainer


Posts: 5
Joined: 4/15/2010
Status: offline 		It's really not a hard question to answer in regards to what I do, which is teaching and training people who want to learn more about their submissive side. The purpose of tasks and assignments is the same as you'd find in school, to help someone learn about something. There's a whole world of kinks and pleasures that is out there to be explored, and structured tasks can be a fun and helpful way to facilitate that. Underlying a lot of it is the fact that a lot of us are held back by self-imposed beliefs and limitations, and giving achievable tasks can really help us to break out of some of the things we'd like to be free of.

And yes, this can be as simple as going without panties, for some people that's a massive challenge. Why I do use that, despite it being such a cliché, is it's relatively simple, completely private, and most importantly acts as a continual reminder throughout the day that you are daring to break out of the status quo that you're so bored or frustrated with.

For me however, the most powerful of 'tasks' is ongoing orgasm denial (different from chastity in that you regularly masturbate but do not climax). I was sceptical when another dom friend first told me about the impact he'd seen it have, and yes for a few women I've encouraged to try it it turned out to just be frustrating. But for the vast majority it has been the absolute key to unlocking a side to themselves they had kept buried and only allowed on the rarest of occasions. In fact the impact after a few days can border on the spiritual, in terms of completely changing the outlook someone carries, it's remarkable. I encourage anyone who is interested in that kind of behavioural change to google the 'Agonizing Abstinence' blog dedicated to the topic, it is very illuminating.

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Assignments, tasks, etc...WHY? - 10/6/2011 10:36:38 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Yes, but as we were long distance he didn't have the full range of options with which to express dominance.

I feel like an idiot asking this but...what do you mean ...full range of options?

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Assignments, tasks, etc...WHY? - 10/7/2011 5:36:43 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Those of you in the dominant position...WHY is it necessary to give your submissives/slaves tasks/assignments, etc?
What purpose does it serve?


Mist,

For many D's it is simply an exercise of power!

CP

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Assignments, tasks, etc...WHY? - 10/7/2011 1:19:57 PM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		FR I haven't read the entire thread so apologise if this has been repeated 

I am in a new relationship and my D bloke has given me two ongoing tasks/rules.

One is that I have to turn my computer off by a certain time monday to friday.  He explained when asking me to do this that it is for health reasons.  I am off work at the moment and struggling badly with insomnia for a few reasons.  I can then read until I fall asleep as he wants my mind to calm itself down before sleeping (I get caught up in politics threads on another site )

The other is that I send him a journal before sleeping each day.  We are currently in the same city but in two weeks time I will be moving interstate for a few months.  He asked me to journal as a way for him to continue learning about me both in the initial stages of our relationship and also when  our face to face contact will be limited by distance.  I choose the topics unless he has something in particular he wants me to write about and the topics don't necessarily have to be about D/s topics (for example, last night I told him about how I once decided that I would only date people I was NOT attracted to as I thought the common denominator in my most recent unsuccessful relationships was that I was attracted to the guys.  Oddly, I only lasted for about 4 dates with my test case before I threw out that hypothesis. )
he also knows that I love writing and often process things by writing so this is a way to fill in part of my days and feel connected to him when we are not in touch.

when he discussed these two tasks with me he explained that he will only give me tasks that have a clear purpose rather than it be something to do simply because he says so.  Whilst he knows that I would do as asked (unless I thought it particularly insane) he and I both prefer that a task etc has some meaning behind it rather than it simply be a show of his control or a way of him getting his rocks off


_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Assignments, tasks, etc...WHY? - 10/7/2011 6:24:10 PM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		i don't think it's necessarily about a D catering to an s, either. some D's like to give tasks and exercise that kind of control. some of them like to give assignments. i know mine did. and i respond well to that kind of dynamic, but i never demanded that he exercise his Dominance in that way, he just did it because he liked to.
even if there didn't seem to be a concrete point, it was more to assert that it, whatever it was, was just something he wanted me to do -- nothing necessarily more complicated than that.


_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica


(in reply to wandersalone)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Assignments, tasks, etc...WHY? - 10/7/2011 7:55:55 PM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

He doesn't give me things to do just to have me do things.
If he asks me to do something, it means he needs it done.
So I do it.
I wouldn't be a match with someone who came up with tasks just to remind me of my place or to make himself feel all domly and shit.
I'm always aware of my place and of his dominance. I don't need tasks and assignments to emphasis it.


Ditto. Simple.


_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)



(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Assignments, tasks, etc...WHY? - 10/7/2011 9:28:03 PM   
davidx77x


Posts: 13
Joined: 10/3/2011
Status: offline 		Well when done before you've met your dom/domme face to face, could it be to prove your eagerness/willingness to please them?

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Assignments, tasks, etc...WHY? - 10/8/2011 1:15:23 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: davidx77x

Well when done before you've met your dom/domme face to face, could it be to prove your eagerness/willingness to please them?


I have to say that I'm NOT eager or willing to please someone that I haven't so much as met.

agirl


_____________________________

See how easy it can be?

(in reply to davidx77x)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Assignments, tasks, etc...WHY? - 10/8/2011 4:26:08 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		same here. If we haven't met face to face then you're just words on a screen. I have no desire to please or submit or anything else and I really don't understand that need but again I don't understand cyber either.





_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 58
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Assignments, tasks, etc...WHY? Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094