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RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 6:13:58 PM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline 		I honestly hope she turns it around, I really do.  I love her no matter what, but that doesn't mean I have to LIKE her right now. 

Maybe it's a selfish move on my part (this is what my family is saying), but I'm willing to live with that. 

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 6:18:44 PM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		Why do you feel the need to discuss it with your family, and allow them to say anything?  The less said about your decision and reasoning, the better.  You are an adult, why do you have to defend your choices to your parents or siblings?  It is your life, you need to do what you believe is best for you and the family you have made for yourself.
quote:

ORIGINAL: siamsa24

I honestly hope she turns it around, I really do.  I love her no matter what, but that doesn't mean I have to LIKE her right now. 

Maybe it's a selfish move on my part (this is what my family is saying), but I'm willing to live with that. 



_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to siamsa24)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 6:23:25 PM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline 		I have only told my mom, just because SHE will be the one having to deal with the 2-3am phone calls now. 
As far as I can tell she has told my family, I have been blocked on Facebook and my calls are being ignored.  I was able to contact my mom and she told me that "the family" believes I am being selfish and until I "grow up" I am on my own.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 6:37:33 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I haven't spoken to my youngest sister in 10 years. My other sisters used to think I was being petty but about 3 years ago they learned just how she is and have also now cut off contact with her. She likes to stir trouble. I can't say I regret my decision one tiny bit. Life has been so much quieter and easier to deal with without her shit.

As much as I pray for a good family and wish I could be a decent sister to her, she makes it impossible. Sometimes you just have to cut contact with people who just refuse to treat you as a family member. It's unfortunate and something that I wish I could change every single day.

Basically....can you live with the hurt that it may cause you? If you can and you feel she has left you no other choice then you do what you have to do.

Best of luck. I truly mean that. It's not an easy decision.



_____________________________

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Everything has changed

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RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 6:48:47 PM   
HeatherMcLeather


Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline
quote:

Am I being petty or just jealous?
Probably a little bit of both, but so what? Just because somebody has the same parents as you doesn't mean you have to put up with things from them you wouldn't from anybody else.

(in reply to siamsa24)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 6:48:48 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Your family wants YOU to grow up?

Yeah, do not feel guilty as you MOVE ON without them. Invite them to your college graduation. Until then? Your parents can deal with the mess they created.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 6:53:54 PM   
HeatherMcLeather


Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline
quote:

she told me that "the family" believes I am being selfish and until I "grow up" I am on my own.
Well, that settles it, they can kiss your ass as you walk away with your head held high. From the sounds of it you've been on your own all along anyway, so what's new?

(in reply to siamsa24)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 7:27:06 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		siamsa, first I need to say that I'm impressed with how much you've made of so little.

That said, you sound jealous of all the opportunities that she's had that you haven't. That's natural.  And she sounds jealous of you having a husband, child, and house, and likely a fair amount of self-confidence.  That's natural as well.

She may very well grow out of being a little Paris Hilton.  Keep in touch with the rest of your family.  If they try to force you to reconcile, simply tell them politely that your kid sister has a negative attitude towards what you've achieved in your life and you sincerely hope she grows out of it.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 7:35:33 PM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		I am sorry siam, that must be hurtful.  The way your family is treating you sucks.  Perhaps a little break from them might be just what you need.  Concentrate on the family you are making and your work.  At least you won't have all this drama to deal with. 
The funny thing is, these chickens so often have a way of coming home to roost.  My estranged brother and I started speaking again a few months before he died.  I thought it was because he felt bad about the way he always treated me.  Maybe that was part of it, but I also ended up giving he and his family money for a while before he died, they were so desperate.  I probably felt a little guilty, too.  My sister and other brother did too.  The strange thing is, that whole experience brought me, and my sister and other brother back together.  So, while I never really completely repaired my relationship with my late brother, I am closer to my other siblings.  Someday they will appreciate what you have accomplished. .
By the way, you are not being petty and jealous, you are right to be pissed off.   The preference being shown to your sister on every level is completely unfair.
quote:

ORIGINAL: siamsa24

I have only told my mom, just because SHE will be the one having to deal with the 2-3am phone calls now. 
As far as I can tell she has told my family, I have been blocked on Facebook and my calls are being ignored.  I was able to contact my mom and she told me that "the family" believes I am being selfish and until I "grow up" I am on my own.



< Message edited by Iamsemisweet -- 10/3/2011 7:38:10 PM >

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to siamsa24)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 7:47:35 PM   
TheBanshee


Posts: 403
Joined: 7/19/2007
Status: offline 		You should be very proud of what you have accomplished.  You are working and going to college and raising a beautiful child.  You did it all without much support from anyone.  Do not let ANYONE put you down for not having things handed to you.  Your sister is a child and not a very smart one.  Cutting her off is harsh, but she may grow up sometime and realize a thing or two - and find out her sister is actually a pretty terrific person.  When she does you might want to let her reach out to you again, but for the time being give yourself a break from her, tell her she has no idea what she is talking about and when she gets a clue you might consider a reconciliation with her.   Tell her it isn't up for negotiation, you're done. 

    Just a side note - Bravo to you.  If I had the choice to hire someone with your background over someone who had everything handed to them, it would be someone like you hands down.  Not that being privleged should be a handicap, but getting to where you are with the obstacles you have had to overcome proves that you are by its very definition self-reliant and a problem solver and obviously a good work ethic.  All qualities that don't necessarily come with a degree. 

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 7:52:13 PM   
tj4444


Posts: 19
Joined: 3/24/2011
Status: offline 		...

(in reply to siamsa24)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 7:52:33 PM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		I've been blessed with no siblings and an abnormally 'normal' and calm extended family. However I've seen a lot of my friends go through family trouble, we've been the home away from home for a few of them.

Trying to seperate family from yourself is hard, because they are your family, and despite their hateful behavior you do, or at one point did love them.

You are by no means being selfish to expect respect from your sister. I would refuse calls or pleas for aid from her (short of taking her to the hospital for a life threatening occurance) until she realizes you are not a permanent fixture, and you will ignore hr until she decides she wants to earn you back into her life again.

I would say wait until you are calm, and write a very plain letter, and deliver it to her. Make sure she knows why you won't be taking her calls, helping her out or speaking to her again. Then make sure you give your other sisters and your mom a heads up, and try to ensure the troublesome brat doesn't try to drag them into the fray and make you out to be some sort of villain. Just make sure you keep your calm and cool about you, and focus your attention on those family members who still love and respect you.
One day that renounced sister might just come to her senses, if she does, be prepared to help her into rehab if she needs it, or whatever other damage control she might need to start after ruining her life.

In the meantime though, she doesn't exist.

(in reply to Hillwilliam)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 7:53:42 PM   
tj444


Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline 		But you arent on your own, you have your hubby and your child as well as your friends, your teachers, co-workers, etc.. You are very lucky to have your child and hubby especially.. Think of all that you do have and the things you have worked hard for and your achievements.. It sounds like once you have finished medical school you will be doing quite well and another accomplishment to be proud of. You should make a list actually, and when you need a little lift, just look at that list, and your child and hubby, of course..

Your family will unfortunately continue on with their drama, which imo you would do well to be away from... Even tho it hurts now, they might just inadvertantly be doing you a big favor..


_____________________________

As Anderson Cooper said “If he (Trump) took a dump on his desk, you would defend it”

(in reply to siamsa24)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 7:57:37 PM   
HeatherMcLeather


Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline
quote:

Even tho it hurts now, they ARE inadvertantly be doing you a big favor..
There. That's better. 

(in reply to tj444)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 8:12:27 PM   
Termyn8or


Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline 		FR

I would tell Mom to keep her caustic brats away from me or else I'm giving them the work phone number. Call me when the bitch ODs, and have a nice holiday.

It :

1. Gets them off of your back.
2. Gets it out that they are enablers.
3. Self asserts.

Then spend the time you used to waste on them with your olman and kid(s). I don't think you'll regret it.

T^T

(in reply to TheBanshee)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 10:05:42 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		She drinks and drugs everyday and you're giving her money???
Wait till she's strung out and say, "sorry, love to help you out, I could have swore I had a $50 bill around here someplace!"
Just stay T.F. away from her!
She's drinking your money! Fuck her!


_____________________________

"But Your Honor, this is not a Jury of my Peers, these people are all decent, honest, law-abiding citizens!"

(in reply to siamsa24)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/4/2011 12:41:01 AM   
DeviantlyD


Posts: 4375
Joined: 5/26/2007
From: Hawai`i
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: siamsa24

I am in the process of cutting off all communication with my sister.  I don't know if it's the right thing or if I'm being selfish, all I know is that I can't handle her any more.

Just a little background.  I am 28 and the oldest of 6.  We didn't have much money growing up and I was expected to start providing for myself as soon as I was able.  I was "able" at about 12 when I started being able to babysit and nanny and I started working full-time by the time I was about 15.  I started paying rent the day I turned 18 and moved out by my 19th birthday.  I paid for my own college, bought my own cars, my own house and have lived on my own since I moved out.
I am not trying to make this into a sob story, that's really what I did, it was the reality of my teenage years.
I have always struggled because of all this.  I was not able to complete college and had to drop out just before my senior year because I couldn't afford it (because I was so young they still counted my parent's income, even though I wasn't even living with them).  I am still struggling to complete my degree.
Right now I work as a manager at a retail drug store, I am also in the process of becoming a certified pharmacy technician (this is in addition to my college courses).  It's not a job I'm terribly proud of, but it pays my bills and I'm pretty good at it.
When I was 23 I got pregnant and I had my daughter at 24.  I bought my house (on my own) while I was pregnant.  I married my "baby daddy" this past spring after a 8.5 year relationship (He had been up my butt about it for about 5-6 years so I gave in......).

Now, since my teenage years both my parents have gotten better jobs and have made a significantly higher income so my younger sisters have had it easy.  None of them have to work and my parents have provided everything from a practically unlimited clothing budget to an allowance to college tuition.  All of them have NO IDEA how easy they have it and they waste it.  One of my sisters is 18 and is by far the worst.  She routinely calls me stupid (because I didn't finish college), a failure (because I work a semi-crappy job) and she calls my 3.5 year old daughter "a terrible mistake" (because she wasn't "planned").  I know she is only doing this to be hurtful, but I can't take it any more.  I have had to work hard for everything I have and I continue to work hard every single day.  She spends her days strung out on drugs, drunk, or just fucking around.  I had already been working for YEARS by the time I was her age!
She only calls me when she wants money, a ride or help contacting my mom (I am the only child that has my mom's work number, as the others would abuse it).
I have been in the process of cutting off contact for years, but I just had her blocked from calling me and have made the choice to just hang up if she calls from another number.

Am I being petty or just jealous?
I mean, I know I'm jealous, but I don't feel the same anger towards the other ones, just her.



edited for clarification 




Bolded part: Why not? It's an honest job. I know there are more out there that pay better, but I think you should be proud of your accomplishments.

As for what you have described (and all any of us can go on is that), I would say cutting yourself off from her is more about self-preservation from dealing with a very immature sibling. I wouldn't say cut off all ties forever...hopefully one day she will grow up, although I've known people who never do and expect the rest of the world to be held accountable for their mistakes and problems in life.

I'm just reading through the posts from others and I ike ChatteParfaitt's advice.

Good luck with it all. You have to do what's best for yourself. If deep down it feels right to do this, if your inner voice is saying this is the way to go, then that is the guiding force I would go with.

_____________________________

ExiledTyrant's groupie. Catering to his ego since May 26, 2007. :D

(in reply to siamsa24)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/4/2011 3:21:01 AM   
LizDeluxe


Posts: 687
Joined: 10/2/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: siamsa24
My family believes that "we, as a family, need to rally around her and support her in her time of great need", but I disagree.


It appears that if you are serious about cutting ties it may involve more than just your sister. While I agree wholeheartedly with the other posters' enablement comments this may be one of those "choose your battles" moments.

(in reply to siamsa24)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/4/2011 4:09:55 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		Your parents are equally unhealthy for you. I'd cut them off too.
You don't mention your father much.
Seems as if he needs to grow a pair of balls and take control of all of the dysfunction that is there between your mother and her children.


_____________________________



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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/4/2011 7:55:27 AM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		Your child also might be better off detached from that situation, at least until your family straightens up. Is she the only grandchild? You certainly wouldn't want to put your child in a situation where your sister could make mean remarks to her.

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 60
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