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RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/7/2011 2:13:18 PM

JanahX

Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: babytriplove

I'm in a vanilla relationship, with a man my age, who does not want to have sex right away. we've been together for 2 months. this isn't my main worry, my worry is that after we start having sex, how do I explain or show what I'm really into when it comes to my turn ons and turn offs. I don't want to waste my time and emotions, getting to like or love this man if my sexual needs and desires aren't going to be met, or even thought about. and I'm terrified that he will be freaked out when or if I do tell him. and would anyone consider it wrong, to keep my vanilla life completely seperate in this situation and just be safe with a master on the side? :/

Why are you waiting to discuss this until AFTER you have sex with him? Why can you not discuss this with him before hand? That way, you'll know whether your expectations will be met and if he freaks out, then you'll know what you're dealing with. ( and HE will know what he's dealing with,)

If you already want to cheat on him ( in your words ... be safe with a Master on the side) before you even know what youre dealing with, then why stay with this guy at all?

I think you need to ask yourself where your integrity is in all of this. Get honest with yourself. If you cant do that - then you sure as hell cant be honest with anyone else.

Good luck.

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

(in reply to babytriplove)

Post #: 21

RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/7/2011 2:43:03 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: babytriplove

I'm in a vanilla relationship, with a man my age, who does not want to have sex right away. we've been together for 2 months. this isn't my main worry, my worry is that after we start having sex, how do I explain or show what I'm really into when it comes to my turn ons and turn offs. I don't want to waste my time and emotions, getting to like or love this man if my sexual needs and desires aren't going to be met, or even thought about. and I'm terrified that he will be freaked out when or if I do tell him. and would anyone consider it wrong, to keep my vanilla life completely seperate in this situation and just be safe with a master on the side? :/

Let's me see if I have this straight. You are two 18 year olds who have been together for 2 months and you live together, but aren't having sex.

You worry he is going to be "shocked" to find out you are kinky, so maybe you should do the decent thing and cheat on him (hence your profile searching here).

No where and I mean NO WHERE in any of your posts do you mention WHY he doesn't want to have sex with you. Is it a religious thing? Some crazy romantic idea? Did he take a vow of celibacy?

Really, baby, you have a bigger question that needs to be answered than if you should tell him you think you are kinky (since you are new and probably not all that sure yourself).

What makes you think he even has a romantic interest in you? Based on what you have written, you two are room mates and you have the hots for him and he is turning you down.

BTY: if you find that rude, grow up, put your big girl panties on and deal with it.

(in reply to babytriplove)

Post #: 22

RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/7/2011 2:53:16 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Nah...I've dated lots of guys who did not just jump my bones even in the first couple of months. Some guys are gentlemen.

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A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

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(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 23

RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/7/2011 3:13:10 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

Did you LIVE with them?

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 24

RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/7/2011 3:18:22 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

Is he gay?

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Post #: 25

RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/7/2011 3:53:26 PM

Hisprettybaby

Posts: 781
Joined: 4/13/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: babytriplove
my worry is that after we start having sex, how do I explain or show what I'm really into when it comes to my turn ons and turn offs. I don't want to waste my time and emotions, getting to like or love this man if my sexual needs and desires aren't going to be met, or even thought about. and I'm terrified that he will be freaked out when or if I do tell him. and would anyone consider it wrong, to keep my vanilla life completely seperate in this situation and just be safe with a master on the side? :/

Were it me, I would let him know I was kinky before having sex with him. Why spend all that time getting emotionally involved with him, as you said, only to find out you will be left unfulfilled anyway? If you find out he's going to stay vanilla and won't meet your needs, you won't be happy in the end and it won't last anyway. If he runs for the hills when you tell him, he probably wasn't right for you anyway, and isn't it better to find that out sooner than later?

As far as the having a Master on the side thing, as for me I would consider that cheating. What you consider it is up to you. Would you feel comfortable keeping secrets/lying? How would you feel were he to do that to you? On the other hand, if he knew about your kinky needs and wasn't willing to take care of them himself, he MIGHT...POSSIBLY...be okay with you having a Master on the side...or not...IF you're honest with him about it.

Whatever you do, I vote for total honesty.

~Hisprettybaby~

< Message edited by Hisprettybaby -- 10/7/2011 3:54:38 PM >

(in reply to babytriplove)

Post #: 26

RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/7/2011 4:07:22 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

My very first thought was that he's gay and doesn't know it yet or doesn't want you to know it yet but you dont seem to want or care to deal with that.

You need to talk about this with him and probably should have before moving in. It wasn't really fair to him to keep such an important thing from him- chances are he's expecting one thing and you come in with another. Which might not be bad, or it could be a disaster and more importantly- is that fair? It's called bait and switch. Not the best way to get a relationship off the ground. I don't see why it would be so hard to talk about it, you just sit down and say hey- this is how things are, how do you feel about it?

Yes, I would consider it wrong to be deceitful and have someone on the side without ever giving bf the chance to know who you are and what you need. Partaking of BDSM doesn't give you a get out of jail free card to do as you like willy nilly to the others in your life, it's the same as a regular relationship where you abide by the rules that the two of you have. If it's not ok for he and you to have other partners in your vanilla life then it's not ok for you to hold yourself above that and say well, because I"m into something different then I get to have things different. Its all about consensuality and knowledge. Care for him enough to give him the choice.

How would the guy feel to know that you've already signed him up to be a non-consensual cuckold? How would you feel if he's on the other side planning to have a guy on the side because while he cares for you, he's not really into chicks sexually and wants to have his needs met? I don't really see where your actions in this are caring or loving towards your bf. Call that rude or mean or whatever, but you are living with someone and planning on selling him out before you've ever even had sex. If a man came on here and said the same thing I can't help but feel that he'd be lambasted up one side and down the other.

(in reply to babytriplove)

Post #: 27

RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/7/2011 4:08:35 PM

HannahLynHeather

Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline

quote:

how do I explain or show what I'm really into when it comes to my turn ons and turn offs.

oh fuck, i don't know. oh wait, have this crazy fucking idea. how about you try just using words. tell the fucker.

sweet mother of christ's cobwebby cunt, what the fuck is with these girls? they put on a pink subbie name tag and shut off their fucking brains. look, you're 18, you're an adult now, start acting like one. take responsibility for your own fucking happiness.

_____________________________

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i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

(in reply to babytriplove)

Post #: 28

RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/7/2011 4:11:37 PM

NocturnalStalker

Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Nah...I've dated lots of guys who did not just jump my bones even in the first couple of months. Some guys are gentlemen.

And some guys are gay.

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"The road I walk is paved in gold to glorify my platinum soul."

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 29

RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/7/2011 4:16:53 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker

And some guys are gay.

Yes, oh yes. An 18 year old who is living with her but waiting for sex. That just doesn't compute. Sorry. Occam's Razor and all that.

(in reply to NocturnalStalker)

Post #: 30

RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/7/2011 4:22:54 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

Did you LIVE with them?

I've had platonic roommates who wanted to jump my bones, but no, I did not live with the gentlemen I referenced.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 31

RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/7/2011 4:30:56 PM

JanahX

Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline

I KNOW !!! (hops up and down) I KNOW !!! ---------> He might have a .... (are you ready for this?!?!)

((( echos ))) ((( A MICRO-DICK ))) ((( echos )))

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 32

RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/7/2011 4:38:10 PM

LanceHughes

Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker
And some guys are gay.

And I'm wondering: Have you talked about sex at all?

Maybe he IS gay (or bi) and he's planning on having a BF on the side without telling you. Some shoes fit both sides of the coin (mixing metaphors.)

Are y'all waiting until married? What's up with "no sex for two months, but we live together"?

Inquiring minds want to know...... Maybe HE's the new sub, waiting for you to Domme HIM?

Oh, what a tangled web... you know the rest.

_____________________________

"Train 'em the right way - my way." Lance Hughes
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

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Member: VAA's posse

(in reply to NocturnalStalker)

Post #: 33

RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/7/2011 4:50:59 PM

babytriplove

Posts: 15
Joined: 3/24/2011
Status: offline

wow. well, I'm done with forums here. thought id give it a shot, but I was shot down. maybe I'm too sensitive or fragile minded for most doms on here. didnt know you had to be hard fucking core to be a sub, so jerks can be absolute assholes. thanks for the fucked up wording for your advice. you coulda definately said shit in a nicer way. peace out.

(in reply to LanceHughes)

Post #: 34

RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/7/2011 4:53:13 PM

babytriplove

Posts: 15
Joined: 3/24/2011
Status: offline

damn didn't know it was a crime to ask for advice. if I wanted to be judged id go somewhere else.

(in reply to babytriplove)

Post #: 35

RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/7/2011 4:57:57 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

See....that's the problem with todays youths.
They all want to get a trophy just for participating and all they want to hear is how great and wonderful they are.
Buck up. No one owes you a damn thing in life and life isn't fair. Once you learn those two important lessons you may have a shot.
Also...grow the fuck up, get thicker skin or bigger balls and take responsibility for yourself and your choices.

_____________________________

(in reply to babytriplove)

Post #: 36

RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/7/2011 4:58:10 PM

JanahX

Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: babytriplove

wow. well, I'm done with forums here. thought id give it a shot, but I was shot down. maybe I'm too sensitive or fragile minded for most doms on here. didnt know you had to be hard fucking core to be a sub, so jerks can be absolute assholes. thanks for the fucked up wording for your advice. you coulda definately said shit in a nicer way. peace out.

and these have been the DAYS OF OUR LIVES ......

organ music .....

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

(in reply to babytriplove)

Post #: 37

RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/7/2011 5:01:40 PM

babytriplove

Posts: 15
Joined: 3/24/2011
Status: offline

you don't even fucking know me. none of you do. so stop criticizing my personality and keep it strictly business. I don't want to hear your opinion if its not positivity. you can say what you need to, without being an asshole. I don't know if that's yourrr way of giving advice, but I don't like it.

(in reply to JanahX)

Post #: 38

RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/7/2011 5:05:12 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

No wonder your boyfriend can't get it up for you. It might just be that bitchy entitled attitude.

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Post #: 39

RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/7/2011 5:13:57 PM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline

Babytriplove - If you think at 18 and living with a man you are a grown up then start acting like one. It is childish to come onto an Internet forum and demand that people approve of your choices.

You are being deceitful to yourself and the man you live with. Poly can only work if everyone involved knows and wants it. Otherwise it is just cheating. Any Dom worth his salt would walk away from you because you lack integrity if you want to keep it behind your roommate's back.

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 40

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