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RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/9/2011 12:50:57 PM   
seekerofslut


Posts: 215
Joined: 9/7/2011
Status: offline
quote:

quote Janahx -
I speak to 50 yr old men that act like they're 12 and think with their dick.


"Blessed is he who possesses an extra share of brains." Not sure who said it, but I like it.

(in reply to JanahX)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/9/2011 2:18:48 PM   
babytriplove


Posts: 15
Joined: 3/24/2011
Status: offline 		fine. does everyone want me to take the time to explain my entire story, not in a rush like I have been? I haven't explained everything nor given most of the details, and no one has even spoken to me personally. send me a message if you care, but I can't respond to everyone like this. so sorry :/

(in reply to JanahX)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/9/2011 2:28:28 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Honey... you don't have to share your story... just walk the walk and learn and grow. You cannot call the shots in how people act or respond, anymore than we can. You can't demand involvement in your life or situation to validate anything or to further add to any expectations.

You are still in defense mode... contacting you or hearing the story would only complicate things more. You may have reasons for living with someone that include homelessness... the economy or whatever... it isn't going to change the fact that the cart is before the horse... your choices aren't of the best kind and ignorance isn't even acceptable as an excuse in a court of law.

Time to face the music, learn, grow, mature and go through your mistakes in the process. Some just hoped you were ready to hear some truths you aren't yet ready to hear. Take some time and think about it. You cannot justify the unjust and dishonesty and poor relationship skills cannot be justified. If you are living as an adult... you get to deal with adult issues. Good luck.


_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to babytriplove)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/9/2011 3:20:48 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: babytriplove

fine. does everyone want me to take the time to explain my entire story, not in a rush like I have been? I haven't explained everything nor given most of the details, and no one has even spoken to me personally. send me a message if you care, but I can't respond to everyone like this. so sorry :/


You were given responses on the details that you gave. If there are details that change the facts you have given, common sense should tell you that responses would be different.

If you think people care enough about your immaturity, inability to communicate effectively or your inability to turn your man on enough to want to have sex with you that we would put on kid gloves and message you personally begging you for details so we could help you figure out your problems, the fact that your roomate/boyfriend won't have sex with you is the least of your problems.

Again, grow up and deal with it.

(in reply to babytriplove)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/9/2011 3:33:24 PM   
babytriplove


Posts: 15
Joined: 3/24/2011
Status: offline 		I guess. none of you have the right idea about me. I might be a little defensive only because I was asking an honest question, and seriously didn't know the answer, and a fuckload of people jumped on my case. lol I mean wow. I wasn't expecting that and just wanted one or two responds about how I should bring that up to him. but wow. crazy people trying to make shit more complicated than it needs to be.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/9/2011 3:38:47 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Young lady... stop. You didn't just ask how to approach the topic with your live in. You mentioned betrayal, lying and have continued to show fruit of the unfruitfulness of your situation. Had you not distracted people with that extra bit, I am sure more would have been less focused on it.

Playing the victim around adults isn't going to win you any sympathy or merit. You only have yourself to blame for where people went off of what you said because you laid it right out there for them.

Lying is bad. Cheating is bad. You got yourself into this and want the easy, selfish way out of it and you aren't willing to earn your badge.

Stop whining.


_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to babytriplove)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/9/2011 3:54:12 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: babytriplove

I guess. none of you have the right idea about me. I might be a little defensive only because I was asking an honest question, and seriously didn't know the answer, and a fuckload of people jumped on my case. lol I mean wow. I wasn't expecting that and just wanted one or two responds about how I should bring that up to him. but wow. crazy people trying to make shit more complicated than it needs to be.


always expect the unexpected ....
and
the moral of the story is: people will always do the complete opposite of what you ask them to do.

Once you learn that: You will be an oracle of knowledge.

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


(in reply to babytriplove)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/9/2011 10:34:24 PM   
MrLubeNseptember


Posts: 1
Joined: 10/9/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: babytriplove

I guess. none of you have the right idea about me. I might be a little defensive only because I was asking an honest question, and seriously didn't know the answer, and a fuckload of people jumped on my case. lol I mean wow. I wasn't expecting that and just wanted one or two responds about how I should bring that up to him. but wow. crazy people trying to make shit more complicated than it needs to be.


And you have been given honest answers. Why you would only expect one or two responses when i assume you have at least LOOKED at other threads is beyond me.

I think that we have the right idea about you and you really don't like the mirror that this forum is holding up for you. You are young and you will mature. Part of that maturity will be looking at how you interact with others.

(in reply to babytriplove)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/10/2011 7:31:55 AM   
risktaker9


Posts: 197
Joined: 3/10/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: babytriplove

I guess. none of you have the right idea about me. I might be a little defensive only because I was asking an honest question, and seriously didn't know the answer, and a fuckload of people jumped on my case. lol I mean wow. I wasn't expecting that and just wanted one or two responds about how I should bring that up to him. but wow. crazy people trying to make shit more complicated than it needs to be.


You asked a question, people gave you answers. Wtf, no one jumped on your case, I was actually surprised that people were rather objective in their answers- there was no personal attacks. Just answers to the question. Perhaps the answers weren't what you wanted and caught you offguard,but go back and look- no one hung you out to dry.

Then you come back all butthurt playing childish games and people called you on it again. They didn't go out of their way to flame you, just reported on how idiotic you were acting. Most tried once again to help or guide and were again, more objective than they probably would have been with an older poster. You've gotten ALL KINDS of concessions here because of your inexperience and your age and you cannot see it because you think you're so precious or you have your head stuck up your ass so far you can't see daylight.

No one was making it more complicated unless that person was you. Quit playing the age card and try to grow up a bit. There were some mature young posters here that also wanted nothing to do with you and your posts. That should tell you something as well. Jeepers you're on your own and living with someone, how about growing up a tad and quit trying to make excuses for yourself? I always tell my younger relatives that excuses are for losers, if you feel compelled to make one then there is something you should do and take action on instead of giving out empty words. It seems as though excuses are your go to mechanism rather than actually looking inward and doing something about whatever it is you need to do. Grow up, no one is going to pander to you but they will recognize genuine effort and try to help. You've gotten lots of help already, now it's your turn.

(in reply to babytriplove)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/10/2011 8:21:12 AM   
Hisprettybaby


Posts: 781
Joined: 4/13/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: babytriplove

you don't even fucking know me. none of you do. so stop criticizing my personality and keep it strictly business. I don't want to hear your opinion if its not positivity. you can say what you need to, without being an asshole. I don't know if that's yourrr way of giving advice, but I don't like it.

Listen sweetie. I tried to be nice before and answer without being an asshole. Now, you don't have to like what anyone writes here. You are right, none of us really know you, and based on your attitude here, I am glad I don't. I will tell you the same thing I was told before, and it's still true. You don't get to choose who answers or how they answer when you put a post out on the world-wide web. You get positive and negative answers and you just put on your big girl panties and deal with it. Sometimes you like it and sometimes you don't. Again, deal with it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: babytriplove
none of you realize what being 18 entails. this is my conclusion. don't have kids. please, for their own sanity.

hahahaha OMG. You are funny. You are eighteen and think you know it all. WRONG. I was 18 all of 35 years ago. My kids are older than you....33 and 30. I actually DO know what it means. It means you think you are totally grown up and know it all, whether you do or not. As a matter of fact, I know plenty of 18 year olds who are more mature than yourself and who don't cop that attitude.

quote:

ORIGINAL: babytriplove
fine. does everyone want me to take the time to explain my entire story, not in a rush like I have been? I haven't explained everything nor given most of the details, and no one has even spoken to me personally. send me a message if you care, but I can't respond to everyone like this. so sorry :/

When you leave out most of the details and important information, whatever that may be, you get answers based on the limited amount of information you do give. You did say "and would anyone consider it wrong, to keep my vanilla life completely seperate in this situation and just be safe with a master on the side? :/," considering whether it would be better to not tell him the truth about your kinkiness, which led some of us to believe that you were going to cheat on this man you are with and lie to him, so we answered based on what you did tell us. You get answers based on the information provided. There you go.

~Hisprettybaby~

(in reply to babytriplove)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/10/2011 10:46:39 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

fine. does everyone want me to take the time to explain my entire story, not in a rush like I have been? I haven't explained everything nor given most of the details,


Yes, preferably here.

quote:

none of you have the right idea about me. I might be a little defensive only because I was asking an honest question, and seriously didn't know the answer, and a fuckload of people jumped on my case. lol I mean wow. I wasn't expecting that and just wanted one or two responds about how I should bring that up to him


If you only want a few responses, now that you have a sense of who gives you the type of answer you want to hear, you could see if they are amenable to answering your Qs via PM. But this would deprive you of the learning experience of hearing from a variety of people. Really, just ignore the snarky posts and use the triggers as a learning experience.

- Reacting badly to suggestions he is gay? Perhaps your subconscious is trying to tell you something.
- Reacting badly to responses that having a master on the side is cheating, lying, and wrong? People aren't saying YOU are wrong for having this thought, but if you do act out on it, that would be wrong, and honesty is a better policy.

(in reply to babytriplove)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/11/2011 10:32:12 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		Here are some great words of wisdom about someone's reactions to another's words:

quote:

Further, upon reflection, on her words, that the way I react is on me, I came to see that this was so. The words have no power from my not granting them power. Again with new insight comes realization. No words have power not of my granting. It is my choice to find insult in such words with no meaning. And so it is as well with the anger and insults also. They become the less; they have little meaning when spread so freely upon the ground. As a seed, only they do sprout if I nurture them, I must allow them to grow. Great release is in this lesson, for I am freed from insults, I am freed of my slavery to the opinion of others. From this comes further insight, this lesson applies to all. If I am angered, it is but as I allow. If I am saddened, it is but as I allow. It is upon me to choose the emotions which occur, no longer must I be the slave, but they to me.


Full post here: http://www.collarchat.com/m_3877021/mpage_10/key_/tm.htm#3879777

(in reply to babytriplove)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/11/2011 12:54:35 PM   
Sunny27


Posts: 140
Joined: 10/9/2010
Status: offline 		Ok I suggest that you meet up with him either at his place or your place, wherever you have noone else around!
I went out with a guy a year before I met my now dom and b.f. and he was also into Bdsm but he never told me, it was even worse when I found out froma friend of his that he got interested when we started going out! I felt like a fuckn eegit!
Anyway when you've eaten and get seated on the sofa, this is normally when people can get really into making out and things.
Don't be scared right think of this as if he's into it cool and if he's not then just say "ok I have to say that if your not into this then being with you would just be wrong, as I want something that your not able to deal with. Thanks for coming over and good luck with finding someone".
Now that is how you do it I feel.
If you want him to be you Dom then you should do a bit of searching for a slave book
where there's a guy domming a girl.
Wait a few weeks to enter a sex shop.
When I got into it My now Dom had loads of books and bought me some of my clothes to wear to Nimhneach!
Good Luck hun!!!

_____________________________

Don't too much or too little just be happy with what you've done!

(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/12/2011 7:19:37 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunny27

Ok I suggest that you meet up with him either at his place or your place, wherever you have noone else around!
This is like the post where you've posted a reply that shows you don't know what's going on.

THEY LIVE TOGETHER.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Sunny27)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Advice, sub to sub. - 10/12/2011 1:00:50 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: babytriplove

I'm in a vanilla relationship, with a man my age, who does not want to have sex right away. we've been together for 2 months. this isn't my main worry, my worry is that after we start having sex, how do I explain or show what I'm really into when it comes to my turn ons and turn offs. I don't want to waste my time and emotions, getting to like or love this man if my sexual needs and desires aren't going to be met, or even thought about. and I'm terrified that he will be freaked out when or if I do tell him. and would anyone consider it wrong, to keep my vanilla life completely seperate in this situation and just be safe with a master on the side? :/


As you've only been together for about 9 weeks, I don't think you've wasted much time thus far ;-)

Would it be a problem if he freaked out? Do you have much to lose? ( 9 whole weeks??)

I've no opinion on whether it's right or wrong to have someone else on the side....but it seems a bit daft when you're not even that invested in what you have right now. ( 9 weeks??)

agirl




_____________________________

See how easy it can be?

(in reply to babytriplove)
Profile   Post #: 95
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