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RE: Sex/kink expected within a time frame? - 10/9/2011 7:05:40 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

I dont tink there is ANYTHING wrong with waiting.. if it suits all parties involved.. and I sure as hell dont think it has ANY bearing on if someone is nilla or not..


I don't give a damn what anyone else thinks, period. I do it my way, as I feel works for me and mine. If that makes me vanilla to someone else....I really do not care at all. I answer to the woman in the mirror.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Sex/kink expected within a time frame? - 10/9/2011 7:52:49 AM   
sblady


Posts: 433
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I don't give a damn what anyone else thinks, period. I do it my way, as I feel works for me and mine. If that makes me vanilla to someone else....I really do not care at all. I answer to the woman in the mirror.


Exactly!!

When I'm called vanilla simply because I won't jump through hoops to prove I'm submissive and have a kinky side, I laugh. I move at my own rate of speed; if I want to sleep with a person on a first date, I will (if they're willing), if I don't, I won't. Guilt trips or trying to make me feel that I'm not submissive won't cause me change my mind. If anything, I'd know there was a lack of compatibility and wish the person well with their search.

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(in reply to LaTigresse)
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RE: Sex/kink expected within a time frame? - 10/9/2011 1:46:07 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sblady


quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I don't give a damn what anyone else thinks, period. I do it my way, as I feel works for me and mine. If that makes me vanilla to someone else....I really do not care at all. I answer to the woman in the mirror.


Exactly!!

When I'm called vanilla simply because I won't jump through hoops to prove I'm submissive and have a kinky side, I laugh. I move at my own rate of speed; if I want to sleep with a person on a first date, I will (if they're willing), if I don't, I won't. Guilt trips or trying to make me feel that I'm not submissive won't cause me change my mind. If anything, I'd know there was a lack of compatibility and wish the person well with their search.


LOL. Someone trying to put a guilt trip on me is the fastest way to make sure the only part of my ass they see is it walking out the door!

(in reply to sblady)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Sex/kink expected within a time frame? - 10/9/2011 1:48:31 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I am with you there.

I absolutely cannot stand people trying to manipulate me.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Sex/kink expected within a time frame? - 10/9/2011 2:30:04 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I don't want to hijack another thread but because of things said on the thread, wanted address some things.

Many seem to think that if someone doesn't have sex within a certain time frame, say a couple of months, that there is something wrong with the person or new relationship or that they just weren't into the person. Someone went so far as to say that if in two months they hadn't had sex with them, that they were vanilla. I think this implies that those into bdsm are much easier to get into sexual things and thus would give credence to those that come here thinking people into bdsm will give out quickly.

Is there something wrong in waiting for sexual things? How long is too long? Who decides?


Lockit,

Waiting is an individual take on the relationship as it grows. For myself I almost align with Kana but for other reasons. I have never been a quick fuck kind of Dominant as I must take the measure of the sub beforehand as to her character in all areas except political. Laughs, being a conservative I rather like hanging a liberal while I enjoy myself.

CP

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Sex/kink expected within a time frame? - 10/9/2011 4:23:48 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Waiting to have sex. Hm.

Is waiting until after lunch long enough?

Shoot, whatever works, right? Me, I have never felt the need to *date*, so I pretty mcuh have sex right away if I want it. Or not. It's good to be PrincessDomly Dom

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[page 23 girl]



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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Sex/kink expected within a time frame? - 10/9/2011 4:38:03 PM   
RopePlease


Posts: 39
Joined: 9/15/2011
Status: offline 		I mostly want to wait because i'd rather have good sex with someone then bad sex...


Mostly it would have to take a while for someone to get my body, It's weird and likes stuff and doesn't like stuff, and i feel like (and have come across people) no guy wants to pay that much attention, or figure me out that much if it's just a booty call LOL.


But what ever works for you! if you feel like it, then do it! long as you protect yourself, who cares

< Message edited by RopePlease -- 10/9/2011 4:40:43 PM >

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~Birdy

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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Sex/kink expected within a time frame? - 10/9/2011 4:45:50 PM   
seekerofslut


Posts: 215
Joined: 9/7/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

Laughs, being a conservative I rather like hanging a liberal while I enjoy myself.



Tastes like chicken.

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Sex/kink expected within a time frame? - 10/9/2011 5:29:50 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Many seem to think that if someone doesn't have sex within a certain time frame, say a couple of months, that there is something wrong with the person or new relationship or that they just weren't into the person. Someone went so far as to say that if in two months they hadn't had sex with them, that they were vanilla.

As pretty much everyone else here has indicated, it's really up to each individual in each individual relationship. Unlike your observation, I have often seen people here being more judgemental about folks sleeping together too SOON rather than not soon enough. Many posters have indicated they see that as cheap, trashy or just plain wrong. I feel the same way about that judgement that I do the one you mentioned. It's none of their business and there's nothing wrong with setting your own time table. If you fuck on the first date, more power to ya.........luci

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Sex/kink expected within a time frame? - 10/9/2011 6:08:00 PM   
tj444


Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet
Having sex too early in a relationship can cloud your judgment about the other person.  It impedes you from looking critically at them and deciding if they are someone you really want to be involved with.  I have found that I  try harder to overlook things that I would ordinarily consider unacceptable, if we have already started to have sex. 

This...

I used to have sex fast since sex is important to me but after my one and only true D/s relationship and how the Dom behaved and how he broke my trust, not a chance of quick sex now.. Its gonna take me a while to trust someone again and while we are dating, I will be the only one he is dating and he had dam well better say he is taken on all his profiles or he's history..

I definately have to like the guy a lot and feel we are very compatible and to know that takes time to peel away the facade people put up to impress and get what they want.. I definately will wait longer since i am looking for a serious ltr and want to find the right guy, not a series of close-but-no-cigar types... I am not sure i will wait 2 months but it certainly aint gonna be by date #3..

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RE: Sex/kink expected within a time frame? - 10/10/2011 6:52:55 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		tj, about judging a man on whether or not he changes his profile, I would like to offer my experience. I had been with The Man for over a year and he never changed his profile. I finally asked him why not and his response was that he simply didn't think about it. He never got mail from other women, he didn't use the forums so no one ever even looked at his profile. The only reason he signed on was to see what discussions I had joined.

Once I brought it up, he changed it immediately. But you're planning to make any future man pay for the faults of the last, and that's not good either.


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Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Sex/kink expected within a time frame? - 10/10/2011 7:24:29 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		I'm pretty sure the implication was that she would have a discussion about it with the guy when after a couple of dates, they decided to continue.

I feel the same way. If I'm going to date someone more than a couple of times, and we start talking about moving forward, the talk about changing profiles is gonna happen. I'm not going to see someone who is at the same time exploring his other options.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Sex/kink expected within a time frame? - 10/10/2011 8:23:44 AM   
tj444


Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
tj, about judging a man on whether or not he changes his profile, I would like to offer my experience. I had been with The Man for over a year and he never changed his profile. I finally asked him why not and his response was that he simply didn't think about it. He never got mail from other women, he didn't use the forums so no one ever even looked at his profile. The only reason he signed on was to see what discussions I had joined.

Once I brought it up, he changed it immediately. But you're planning to make any future man pay for the faults of the last, and that's not good either.

Well, your experience was different than mine as that guy I was seeing lied to me, and yes, he was actively seeking out other women, unlike your man. Also, i would want him to state clearly on his profile that he was taken, not to simply hide his profile as that would allow him to still continue to seek out others. If he hesitates or objects, well, that will be very telling to me. And btw, i would expect to do the same thing with my profile as well. If a guy wants to still date other women then he can have at it, I however wont be in the picture...

I dont feel that i would be making any future guy pay for sins of the last guy, I look at it as me having learned certain things and not doing the same thing so that history (hopefully) doesnt repeat itself. Its sort of black and white to me, either he wants a long term relationship with me or he doesnt.. I do want to come to trust a man again, i just dont want to trust the wrong one.

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As Anderson Cooper said “If he (Trump) took a dump on his desk, you would defend it”

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Sex/kink expected within a time frame? - 10/10/2011 8:42:57 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Master has never changed his profile. I never asked him about it, never really cared to  be honest. It's still the same way as when I met him. It doesn't bother me at all. I know who he's with, I trust him.

He never asked me to change mine either. I did though just because I wanted to because I get less mail now.



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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Sex/kink expected within a time frame? - 10/10/2011 9:25:27 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I am very slow to date someone. However if i can resist seizing their hair and savagely kissing them i can probably resist asking them out.

As for waiting months? To me that would be a red flag.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Sex/kink expected within a time frame? - 10/10/2011 9:48:18 AM   
CeriseNin


Posts: 286
Joined: 4/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
Is there something wrong in waiting for sexual things? How long is too long? Who decides?

Nothing wrong with waiting. I wait until I feel sure the relationship is going somewhere, which is usually around three to four months, though it's not set in stone. How long is too long though...I just figure if I'm right about the relationship and her, she'll wait for me to feel ready. Sex is important to me, but feeling secure in the relationship is far more important.

I decide. Full stop. And I won't be pressured into sex either. Any woman who tries to pressure me can hit the door. If she isn't willing to wait a few months, fair enough. Bye and have a good life, etc.

< Message edited by CeriseNin -- 10/10/2011 9:50:02 AM >

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Sex/kink expected within a time frame? - 10/10/2011 9:58:41 AM   
Arienos


Posts: 161
Joined: 10/5/2011
Status: offline
quote:

I don't want to hijack another thread but because of things said on the thread, wanted address some things.

Many seem to think that if someone doesn't have sex within a certain time frame, say a couple of months, that there is something wrong with the person or new relationship or that they just weren't into the person. Someone went so far as to say that if in two months they hadn't had sex with them, that they were vanilla. I think this implies that those into bdsm are much easier to get into sexual things and thus would give credence to those that come here thinking people into bdsm will give out quickly.

Is there something wrong in waiting for sexual things? How long is too long? Who decides?


Locket, screaming clawing sweating sex is not a reward; it’s a natural occurrence, many women are fully capable of it, some are not, but when the magnetism is there the passion doesn’t require analyzing or time frames and you can bet your sweet ass depriving yourself from the ecstasies and euphoria of sex is not causal of longevity in a relationship.

As for who decides, that is cute, there are many women I don’t want to have sex with and many women that don’t want sex with me, but those that do it’s by mutual consent, raw animalistic passion in elevators, stairwells, airplanes on the boat or some romantic getaway and I could go on and on but it’s always what we both want to do at the time. You make it sound like the woman is saying now you have earned this go ahead and perform but get it over quickly and nothing could be further from the truth for most women.

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Sex/kink expected within a time frame? - 10/10/2011 10:27:28 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arienos

quote:

I don't want to hijack another thread but because of things said on the thread, wanted address some things.

Many seem to think that if someone doesn't have sex within a certain time frame, say a couple of months, that there is something wrong with the person or new relationship or that they just weren't into the person. Someone went so far as to say that if in two months they hadn't had sex with them, that they were vanilla. I think this implies that those into bdsm are much easier to get into sexual things and thus would give credence to those that come here thinking people into bdsm will give out quickly.

Is there something wrong in waiting for sexual things? How long is too long? Who decides?


Locket, screaming clawing sweating sex is not a reward; it’s a natural occurrence, many women are fully capable of it, some are not, but when the magnetism is there the passion doesn’t require analyzing or time frames and you can bet your sweet ass depriving yourself from the ecstasies and euphoria of sex is not causal of longevity in a relationship.

As for who decides, that is cute, there are many women I don’t want to have sex with and many women that don’t want sex with me, but those that do it’s by mutual consent, raw animalistic passion in elevators, stairwells, airplanes on the boat or some romantic getaway and I could go on and on but it’s always what we both want to do at the time. You make it sound like the woman is saying now you have earned this go ahead and perform but get it over quickly and nothing could be further from the truth for most women.


Whoa there... lol I'm not sure where you're getting that. I was commenting on a thread where people thought a man that was wanting to wait was gay or not into the young lady and that something was wrong with him (her or the situation) because he hadn't had sex with her for two months and was asking why this would be the case.

The picture you're presenting of what I am saying couldn't be further from the truth and I have always had a great distaste for anything of the like. Sex isn't a payoff and it shouldn't be traded. Nor is it something that I feel should be disrespected. It is wonderful, glorious at times and waiting or jumping right in, isn't something that suggests to me at least, how wonderful or awful it could be. I value it very much and anyone that would hurry up and get it over with... wouldn't be me and wouldn't last long with me. I guess you haven't seen my 'three strokes and your out' comments. lol

I know you have read my profile. Remember the part about time? Some connections can be made quickly and some need more time. However... I do say repeatedly, especially for those men that simply want me to play with their bodies and want nothing to do with me as a person... that I don't play casually. I've had times when I was out there getting what I wanted, playing with many and boy when the numbers start adding up as well as age... the rutting or wildly passionate fuck without anything more than a rutting passionate fuck... which is where I got that 'three strokes and your out' comment... wasn't enough for me. I want more. I want more than a rutting fuck... that raw, wonderful passion, that quicky or all night long or the sucky one. I want a relationship with the one I rut with, have passion for and have quickies and all nighters with.

I don't have an opinion on what others do and I find nothing wrong if they jump right in or wait. It is a personal choice for those in their right minds and if they are in their right minds... who the hell cares? I just don't find that there is something wrong with people that wish to wait, but I am surely not saying that there is something wrong with someone that wants to jump right in... unless they want to jump right in with me. lol

< Message edited by Lockit -- 10/10/2011 11:17:07 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Sex/kink expected within a time frame? - 10/10/2011 2:55:06 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I am very slow to date someone. However if i can resist seizing their hair and savagely kissing them i can probably resist asking them out.

As for waiting months? To me that would be a red flag.


It really depends on the amount of time you are spending with a person in that "intial dating" phase. Do you see them a few times a week, once a week or just a couple times a month. Add to that what you are looking for, and that is where you come up with the answer that suit you (general you).


(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Sex/kink expected within a time frame? - 10/10/2011 3:03:03 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arienos

Locket, screaming clawing sweating sex is not a reward; it’s a natural occurrence, many women are fully capable of it, some are not, but when the magnetism is there the passion doesn’t require analyzing or time frames and you can bet your sweet ass depriving yourself from the ecstasies and euphoria of sex is not causal of longevity in a relationship.

As for who decides, that is cute, there are many women I don’t want to have sex with and many women that don’t want sex with me, but those that do it’s by mutual consent, raw animalistic passion in elevators, stairwells, airplanes on the boat or some romantic getaway and I could go on and on but it’s always what we both want to do at the time. You make it sound like the woman is saying now you have earned this go ahead and perform but get it over quickly and nothing could be further from the truth for most women.


The point of "who decides" is the very fact that neither should be pressured by the other to have sex, and it SHOULD be a mutual decision. Certainly there are women out there who will pressure a guy to have sex with them, but the bare reality is that it is more often men who put the pressure on a women to have sex. A man isn't going to decide for me when a relationship becomes intimate, and likewise, I am not going to decide for him. It something that both people involved are going to do when both people feel comfortable. Anything else just isn't right.

I had my time to be "slutty" and just fuck who I wanted, when I wanted. Funny how men aren't called slutty for that, isn't it? When a person is seeking a long term relationship, the concept of having sex and then seeing if you are intellectually, emotionally compatible is backwards. Sure, you can have some really great sex, but if you have nothing in common outside of the sex and the kink, things are not going to last. You will become bored with each other.

And that is the whole point. Everyone has to have their own comfort level when they have sex. I have met guys that on a first date, making out, I definately wanted to have sex. However, I didn't, and interestingly enough, they weren't terribly interested in me when I didn't put out. Who the hell needs that?

(in reply to Arienos)
Profile   Post #: 60
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