RE: Do You care if they ask??

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RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/24/2006 9:54:21 PM

Lordandmaster

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Unless the sub/slave is totally unreasonable about it, I can't really understand why a dom/master would object to this. Doesn't mean he has to DO it, but object to hearing ideas? That doesn't make sense.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly

i am just curious.. do You care if Your sub/slave comes to You with ideas of things they would like to try?

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RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/24/2006 10:02:54 PM

littlemissub

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From what I have learned and been told Bita, this is something that you and your Dom should definately discuss. And the only way to find out if he is open to you asking or "suggesting" different things is by just asking him straight up. And then you will find out. Of course, do it with total respect so as not to dig yourself into a hole.

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RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/24/2006 10:04:07 PM

tangldupinblue

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because my Daddy and i dont get too see each other everyday, he bought me a note book so i can write to him when i cant be with him, i have spend lots of time writting down all of the sick stuff that goes thru my brain the i give it to him, He loves being able to read my version of porn and He tells me that it gives me lots of ideas, he takes bits and pieces from each story and blows my mind every time.

blue

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RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/24/2006 10:36:43 PM

HarryVanWinkle

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly
i am just curious.. do You care if Your sub/slave comes to You with ideas of things they would like to try?

i know that i have several fantasies..and ideas of different types of play or even scenes i would love to try. i have noticed that in the past.. i have always been a bit shy or timid in bringing them up though. i didn't want to feel as though i were topping from the bottom.

To go along with this a bit.. how about if maybe i am in a darker mood than my Master.. such as i need a stronger type of play that day. Sometimes the flogger isn't enough.. i need it a little rougher. Is it okay to bring this up also?

Thanks in advance.. i always enjoy reading the responses on here.
~butterfly

Butterfly,

As often as I fulminate on these boards against making blanket statements, I'm about to make one. Any top, dominant, master or mistress who is utterly uninterested in his bottom's, submissive's, slave's desires, feelings and needs doesn't deserve to have one.

This is not to say that he should let you dictate the "scene." Nor do I mean that he should immediately grant any wish you express, or any that may violate his limits. But if he doesn't want to hear your wants, ever, then he's not interested in learning how your mind works. In which case, he's not a master, he's a psychopath.

For mine own part, were I a master, I not only would not mind if my slave expressed such thoughts and desires, I would insist on it.

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RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/24/2006 11:10:02 PM

BlkTallFullfig

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly
do You care if Your sub/slave comes to You with ideas of things they would like to try?

I don't mind having a sub express anything, as long as it is done politely and respectfully, and especially if he's done well serving throughout the day/courtship period/date... In fact encourage this type of exchange once we are exploring a relationship.

quote:

i know that i have several fantasies..and ideas of different types of play or even scenes i would love to try. i have noticed that in the past.. i have always been a bit shy or timid in bringing them up though. i didn't want to feel as though i were topping from the bottom

I would imagine everyone does have some fantasies. I like to know what a boy likes so that I may deliver or withold depending on how well he's behaved.

quote:

To go along with this a bit.. how about if maybe i am in a darker mood than my Master.. such as i need a stronger type of play that day. Sometimes the flogger isn't enough.. i need it a little rougher. Is it okay to bring this up also?

It is absolutely okay, but only if you bring the topic up politely by asking your master if it's okay for you to express some thoughts/ideas, or beg sincerely(a huge turn on for me to play) and accepting whatever response you get graciously.
YMMV, so it is dependent on each person/dom... I happen to enjoy knowing what makes my man/slave tick. M

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RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/24/2006 11:16:11 PM

MrKHyena

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If you do not know what a subbie likes or dislikes then how would you know how to reward or punish them?

If you close communication down in a relationship you are asking for it to end in most circumstances. However, if the relationship originally started with this as a stipulation then you risk breaking some rules, and therefore risk the consequences of those rules being broken.

I insist on clear, honest communication at all times in my relationships, of course if I insist on silence from my subbie then it might be a good idea for them to wait to discuss their submissive wants. I like hearing the likes & dislikes of people as it gives me more ammunition with which to play with, and I always reserve the right to play when I want. So for me, I would never see this as topping from the bottom as I would make sure that the information gets used how and when I want to use it.

MrKHyena.

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RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/24/2006 11:21:01 PM

CanadianGuy

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In general I think it's a good thing for her to communicate her needs and wants. There's a risk of going too far, asking too much, and possibly trying to control the play and our interaction. But mostly I do like it if she drops hints like putting her wrists into my hands and kneeling, or laying across my lap with her panties half down... that's pretty obvious but it works. :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
Do yourself a favor, stop asking yourself if something is ok or not.

Do is ALL a favour and just stop posting here. Negative negative negative. I'm so sick of reading your posts and I know a lot of others are too.

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RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/24/2006 11:41:56 PM

talibahh

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Do yourself a favor, stop asking yourself if something is ok or not.

For once i'm sorry but i don't agree with you LA

butterfly... never stop asking questions... it's the only way to learn and grow. And never stop asking questions of yourself, it's the only way your going to learn who you are and what you truly seek.

i agree totally with Fastlane on this...* there is no such thing as a stupid question*

the One i am currently *under consideration* with tells me the same thing over and over again. i feel so comfortable with Him that i ask Him things i have not dared ask others and He never makes me feel stupid for asking. He encourages me and tells me to ask Him anything, anytime.

The only suggestion i have, is when you are ready, find One who enjoys your inquisitive mind and nutures your growth... and of course, always be respectful in your approach... (for example, i say *may i ask?* and He says *sure... shoot*).

i wish you every luck and happiness... and keep those questions coming

smiles, tali

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RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/25/2006 12:50:44 AM

HarryVanWinkle

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CanadianGuy
Do is ALL a favour and just stop posting here. Negative negative negative. I'm so sick of reading your posts and I know a lot of others are too.

Funny, I find LA's posts in general to be informative, insightful and well thought out. I wish I'd be half as wise as her when I was her age. I don't always agree with her, although I do a lot more often than I agree with you.

If you're sick of reading her posts, why don't you try the "block" button right below her icon.

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RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/25/2006 1:02:12 AM

candystripper

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
Do yourself a favor, stop asking yourself if something is ok or not.

quote:

Do is ALL a favour and just stop posting here. Negative negative negative. I'm so sick of reading your posts and I know a lot of others are too. [:****]
CanadianGuy

LA will never leave these boards and her clique here. She evidentially will never be a source of positivity either. Use Your block button and be at peace.

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 5/25/2006 1:03:44 AM >

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RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/25/2006 1:13:14 AM

MasterGentry

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Who stepped on your colostomy bag, or did they trip and pull your Foley out.?
And who are you to tell anyone that asking questions, or responding is reason enough for them to unscribe from a thread?
Discouraging another is tantamount to censoring!
Gentry

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RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/25/2006 2:40:27 AM

candystripper

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quote:

Who stepped on your colostomy bag, or did they trip and pull your Foley out.?
And who are you to tell anyone that asking questions, or responding is reason enough for them to unscribe from a thread?
Discouraging another is tantamount to censoring!
Gentry

Gentry, Your post says "in reply to Canadian Guy" but seems more apt for LA. Not long ago, in another thread, she complained about newbies (however she feels she can detect that) posting stupid questions to the boards. In another, she flamed me, which she has a habit of doing to T/those who have (as she seems to perceieve it) wronged her, and an obedient bunch of (submissive?) posters follow her around to join in the flaming. i have rarely seen her post anything of value, and such conduct, imo, does detract from the boards.

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 5/25/2006 2:47:02 AM >

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RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/25/2006 4:03:46 AM

Level

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I've seen LA be positive, and give excellent advice, and I've seen her be snarky. No matter what, she has a right to be here. I'd agree, if anyone finds a particular poster aggravating, block them.

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RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/25/2006 4:31:22 AM

LaMspeach

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quote:

ORIGINAL: talibahh

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Do yourself a favor, stop asking yourself if something is ok or not.

For once i'm sorry but i don't agree with you LA

butterfly... never stop asking questions... it's the only way to learn and grow. And never stop asking questions of yourself, it's the only way your going to learn who you are and what you truly seek.

i agree totally with Fastlane on this...* there is no such thing as a stupid question*

the One i am currently *under consideration* with tells me the same thing over and over again. i feel so comfortable with Him that i ask Him things i have not dared ask others and He never makes me feel stupid for asking. He encourages me and tells me to ask Him anything, anytime.

The only suggestion i have, is when you are ready, find One who enjoys your inquisitive mind and nutures your growth... and of course, always be respectful in your approach... (for example, i say *may i ask?* and He says *sure... shoot*).

i wish you every luck and happiness... and keep those questions coming

smiles, tali

I think what LA meant in this post is ....stop asking yourself these sort of questions. You cant find the answers until you find your Dom/Master, then and only then can you set the rules.

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RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/25/2006 5:45:17 AM

mastersayed

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communication, communication, communication is the single most important factor to make a d/s relationship work. trust me, your master will probably like any dark ideas you have. My slave told me recently that she wants me to put out cigarettes on her body, its something that I've always wanted to do but I thought it would be too abusive even for my property. but since she communicated, now we are gonna have alot more fun.

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RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/25/2006 6:34:17 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

butterfly... never stop asking questions... it's the only way to learn and grow. And never stop asking questions of yourself, it's the only way your going to learn who you are and what you truly seek.

I never said "Stop asking questions"

I never said "Stop asking yourself questions."

I said "Stop asking yourself if something is ok or not."

If it's ok for you- then it's ok.

Now, if you aren't sure if something is ok FOR YOU, then obviously you need to do some more self-examination on that.

But asking OTHERS if it's ok FOR YOU to feel/want/think/desire something is meaningless and it will only open the door for others to try and take advantage of your confusion, and distract you from the only place the answer can be found- within you.

I'd never tell someone to stop asking questions, nor to stop asking questions of themselves.

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RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/25/2006 6:35:50 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMspeach
I think what LA meant in this post is ....stop asking yourself these sort of questions. You cant find the answers until you find your Dom/Master, then and only then can you set the rules.

Good enough interpretation. I don't think a dom/master can tell you what's ok or not ok for you (for example, he can't tell you that you're heterosexual when you know you're homosexual), but asking random other people if something is ok or not for you isn't very productive.

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RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/25/2006 10:25:36 AM

babyblues

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i think it's ok to bring up anything, as long as you do it respectfully...many of us submissives have nasty thoughts, needs, desires....why not share them and open your relationship up to a whole new range of possibilities...

btw, i'm sighing at the personal attacks further along in this thread....is there one drama-free topic anywhere on these boards?

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RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/25/2006 11:23:24 AM

candystripper

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quote:

But asking OTHERS if it's ok FOR YOU to feel/want/think/desire something is meaningless and it will only open the door for others to try and take advantage of your confusion, and distract you from the only place the answer can be found- within you.

LuckyAlbatross

i respectfully disagree. Posting a question such as the Op's give one access to the viewpoints of others, and has been highly educational for me.

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 5/25/2006 11:24:33 AM >

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RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/25/2006 11:37:12 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper
i respectfully disagree. Posting a question such as the Op's give one access to the viewpoints of others, and has been highly educational for me.

candystripper

I'd answer but you wouldn't understand the very basic logic of it and it would only give you fire to the idea that I care what you think, put energy into flaming you and that anyone who might happen to agree with me is somehow part of "my clique" continuing our ongoing "Drive Candy Crazy" mission.

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