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RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 5/5/2007 8:07:14 PM   
Stazia


Posts: 49
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Llyren

quote:

ORIGINAL: KurtKaboom

      My profile is the standerd yours will be measured against.  Look and learn



He's got a very valid point.  Except that he forgot to mention that he is a twu dominant, because he bought handcuffs and vinyl trousers from Hot Topic.


LMFAO that was great.. this thread is wonderful it makes me giggle quiet often!

(in reply to Llyren)
Profile   Post #: 161
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 5/6/2007 6:28:24 AM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KurtKaboom

       My profile is the standerd yours will be measured against.  Look and learn



Oh, i did, i did. Well i looked and laughed, does that count?

(in reply to KurtKaboom)
Profile   Post #: 162
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 5/6/2007 6:41:11 AM   
shyinini


Posts: 550
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Llyren

quote:

ORIGINAL: KurtKaboom

      My profile is the standerd yours will be measured against.  Look and learn



He's got a very valid point.  Except that he forgot to mention that he is a twu dominant, because he bought handcuffs and vinyl trousers from Hot Topic.



NO !!  he is a twu DOMINATE !! 

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.


(in reply to Llyren)
Profile   Post #: 163
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 5/6/2007 9:16:50 AM   
knowbodystoy


Posts: 12
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline 		to go along with the cam line, there must be a command to reveal all deeply personal information, shopping list style, in your first communictation.......
breast size...check
experience..check
abiltiy to swallow..check, check

winks and wiggles,
~toy

(in reply to sweetnessforsir)
Profile   Post #: 164
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 5/6/2007 5:07:50 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		It is a gross waste of time to command a girl to her knees if you don't know whether or not she swallows, first email is swallowing, second is positions.   That is from a real-life true dominate.  Like them ones P has without the tongues, one shouldn't dismiss them out of hand, they might be very enthusiastic, but if they don't swallow? You are outta here, clown!!!!!!


Ron



_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to knowbodystoy)
Profile   Post #: 165
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 5/6/2007 5:53:24 PM   
Kitte9


Posts: 411
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lisa1978

LOL!

You forgot to insist on being called SirMasterLord


Or was that SirMasterBator?

_____________________________

I am stronger than yesterday

(in reply to lisa1978)
Profile   Post #: 166
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 5/6/2007 5:57:01 PM   
Kitte9


Posts: 411
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline 		This is far too much fun...I shall have to read all the posts and make numerous inane replies!

_____________________________

I am stronger than yesterday

(in reply to dogobedience)
Profile   Post #: 167
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 5/6/2007 6:00:47 PM   
Griswold


Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dogobedience

Ok my profile is average, my many pics to prove am not cyber and that is all.

NOW, please help me with the perfect profile.The one that all girls MUST WANT TO MEET.

I will start with this (oh remember miss spelling is inpatient)  , 
I am 35 years old  43 years of experience. I am a grand PUBA to the 9th level. My mommy beat me as a boy, and I need to take this out on girls to make me happy. my daddy used me and shared me with the neighbors daily. I need a slut just i was treated like. i am available today, i can only borrow my daddies belt for today. I have no phone, no im, and can meet you NOW!!and you will drop to your knees NOW even while reading this and begin to worship my small winnie...... 

Ok, please help me, I know WE can build the perfect profile......come on girls I know you read them daily .......share .......and laugh even IF it is at my expense........enjoy the joy of life and BDSM.....


Personally...I think you should just put the above in your profile...as your entire profile.

< Message edited by Griswold -- 5/6/2007 6:06:11 PM >

(in reply to dogobedience)
Profile   Post #: 168
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 5/6/2007 6:10:52 PM   
Stazia


Posts: 49
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline 		oh i just thought of this one
"i will be your on-line dom by the end of the week i expect you to be iming me four times a day, you will always keep your cam on so that i may look in on you at any time of the day.  you must submit to me and allow me complete access to your cm mail/email/myspace/any other boards you belong to as soon as you reply to my message.  i must know what you are doing every second of the day and it must be up to my standards"

(in reply to Griswold)
Profile   Post #: 169
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 5/6/2007 9:28:29 PM   
Slavetrainer2007


Posts: 231
Joined: 12/2/2006
Status: offline 		NOTICE: 2 all slaves:  by readin this you have become automaticaly my slave. u have no choice. i have captured u by readin this so you must message me NOW
2 ALL SUBMISSIVES: u have ben colored and r now a slave of mine. u must also send me a message write now u have been captered as a slave. this is not a choice. this is how bsdm and slavry works get use 2 it my worthles bredin hore!
al doms : if i captured ur slave or if u r tryin 2 steal 1 of mine u cant. my colors r made of a imbrakable diamond aloy .the only way 2 remove the color is by removing the slaves head. So 2 bad for u. u should be a real master like me and color automaticaly and use diamond alloy colors. and keep ur slaves in cages so them due not wonder. u r not a good master (an probaly fake) if i captered ur slave. u wil never get her bak unless u by her from me which  i mite let u if u give me lots of money 4 her to teach u a leson on how to be a tru master!
i am a sertafried slave trainer. I  has a certifick  from the asystant granmaster of the 3rd house of the5th order noterised by the granmaster of the 1sthouse of the 2  nd ordear. ihave23 slaves all in cages inmy barn.thesesluts r bein traned to be my breeding bytches.i am otherized  by the granmaster of the 2ndhouse  to make u my slave. u must obeythis or u can nevr be a slave. u wil 1st give me all ur personel info and then u wil sel all your pocessoins and send me the doe. u wil then move hear and be slave 24. u hav no choice in this mater u must obey or  u wil never be alowed to be a slave.

UWILL be traned to be a bredin bytch u will be kep n a cage all the time evn when bein used. u wil be nakid all at times. u willll also work and sign you cheks over 2me . uhav none limits cause i demands it. iwillbeat you when i plz. it is ur dutys as my proporty  u wil alsways do as iwant w/o me ever telin u half 2. if u do not u wil go agains my odors code an i will hav to removie my colar and relese you nakid and w/o any thing .n u dont want 2 be relesed nakid do u? DO U BYTCH!!!!!!. then obey as is comanded by me house and sen me an email NOW!!!!.

ps if you read my hole profile,an i look 2 2 sea who is readin it/  and u do not email me i wil have you permamenly baned from  colarme and all bsdm sites as my odor runs all bsdm personel sights and boreds.and udue not want that cuz then u wil never be a tru slave likeu was born 2 be. so u must write me NOW and accept my  color or  u wil never be a slave and u be dommed to be misserible the rest of ur pathatick life BYTCH!

send me a message now and i xpect u to be on ur knees and ready 2 worship me when you messige me to let me no u have been colored! 

_____________________________

Life is given, Everything else is earned.

(in reply to Stazia)
Profile   Post #: 170
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 5/6/2007 9:51:47 PM   
shyinini


Posts: 550
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline 		OH mercy !! pwese  steal me away   I need only YOU sir massa
my phone number is 1-888- iam- yurs
 
my poor worthless cunt is filled to overflowing ..... take me use me i am YOUR ho

I may seem conflicted in who I respond to...but know I am wishy washy and need to spanked....beat me beat me beat me !

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.


(in reply to Slavetrainer2007)
Profile   Post #: 171
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 5/12/2007 11:40:17 AM   
dogobedience


Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline 		 When we first meet, which will be within 24 hours of our first contact on collarme, you will wear a collar that I told you to get at walmart. U will tell the checker there that u need it because your MASTER said so!
When we meet you will have a spare key to your place for me, and your SSN and drivers licence info.  upon hour (miss spelling is im potent) first talk u will begin to gather all monies to redirect to my bank. as u know I will take all you money and then INVEST it for you (because as a dom I am also a global player in investments). After we meet u will begin to TELL EVERYONE that you life has changed and you are now property!!!!!     

_____________________________

I start and/or reply to posts to further my abilities and share my experiences in this fantastic lifestyle.

I hope I am an intellectual instigator, making people think and or laugh and nothing more.

Tiger, proud owner of kali aka Tigerproperty

(in reply to dogobedience)
Profile   Post #: 172
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 5/12/2007 11:52:27 AM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Slavetrainer2007
UWILL be traned to be a bredin bytch


Ahem.... So, oh great Master who is the be-all and end-all of my existance. How do you propose to reverse the total hysterectomy I had over 10 years ago so I can be the "bredin bytch" you require? Or do your God-like powers include the ability to reverse such surgeries so that I can become Madonna-like in being able to bear children when it is anatomically impossible?

(in reply to Slavetrainer2007)
Profile   Post #: 173
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 5/12/2007 11:57:53 AM   
dogobedience


Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline 		 You will do whatever I say even if it is inpossible.
When i got my grandpuba to the universe level (the highest level ever!) DOM (or is that dumb), i was taught that a girl will do whatever she has to do to make her owner happy. So if i need to breed her she will shove eggs in her IF she does not have them. 

_____________________________

I start and/or reply to posts to further my abilities and share my experiences in this fantastic lifestyle.

I hope I am an intellectual instigator, making people think and or laugh and nothing more.

Tiger, proud owner of kali aka Tigerproperty

(in reply to sublizzie)
Profile   Post #: 174
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 5/12/2007 9:25:01 PM   
MadameDahlia


Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer

I R TEH DOMINATE.  U WILL OBAY ME & DO ONLIE WHAT I/i TELL U.  IF NOT THEN U/u R NOT A REEL SLAVE.  U/u WILL NEVUR WEAR N E CLOTHIS & ALL WAYS B NEKKID.  THAT IS WHAT A REEL SLAV BOY DOES.  ALL TEH TIME.  U/u WILL ALSO SEND M/me ALL OF UR/ur MONEYS B CAUSE REEL SLAVE BOYS R NOT ALLOWID 2 OWN N E THING. U WILL B COLLARID & BRANDID.  ON TEH FORE HEAD.  B4 WE MEET.

WHEN EVER U/u RITE 2 ME U/u WILL ALL WAYS HAVE A CUCUMBER UP UR/ur BUTT.  A REELY BIG 1.  WITH WASABI RANCH DRESSING.  AND CROUTONS.   THIS IS A SEEKRIT VICTORIAN RITUAL OF M/my ANCENT DOMINATRIX HOUSE.  WHICH HAS BEEN KEEPING & TRAINING REEL SLAVES FOR 100 YRS.  B CAUSE REEL DOMMES DONT EAT QUICHE.  ONLY SALAD. 

I KNOW THE 159 REEL SLAVE RULES WHICH R THE ONLY REEL SLAVE RULES WHICH EVERY BODY SHOULD KNOW.  IF U/u WANT 2 KNOW THEM U/u WILL SUBMITE 2 ME.  I AM TEH ONLY REEL DOMINATE ON THIS SITE.  U/u R NOT ALLOWID 2 EVER TALK TO ANY BODY ELSE OR QUESTIUN M/me.  U/u MUST DELET EVERY BODY ELSES MAIL W/OUT READING IT.  B CAUSE EVERY BODY ELSE HERE IS JUST A FAKE.  THEY ARE NOT REEL LIKE ME.  U BE REEL 2 AND SUBMITE  2 M/me.  ALL OF YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US.


Did that hurt you as much to write it as it did me when I tried to read it? I think I've gone cross-eyed. Or maybe blind. I must go purge such images with super hot porn.


_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to Najakcharmer)
Profile   Post #: 175
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 5/12/2007 11:18:16 PM   
daniL


Posts: 46
Joined: 4/12/2007
Status: offline 		can only be sent to a domme:

u reddy 2 b my slave, u whor??? will make u cum with my puwerful dominence

ps---do u hav cam??? must have cam...

(in reply to LadyAlexa)
Profile   Post #: 176
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 5/13/2007 7:34:48 AM   
marksl


Posts: 42
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Perfect profile is subtle humble and full of humility. Just like mine. Honest and true.

(in reply to dogobedience)
Profile   Post #: 177
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 5/13/2007 11:31:59 AM   
dogobedience


Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline 		I agree with you, however on the net and in the BDSM world a boy with a stick becomes a god and master of the universe......now girls bow and say yes master.............good girl! :) 

_____________________________

I start and/or reply to posts to further my abilities and share my experiences in this fantastic lifestyle.

I hope I am an intellectual instigator, making people think and or laugh and nothing more.

Tiger, proud owner of kali aka Tigerproperty

(in reply to marksl)
Profile   Post #: 178
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 5/13/2007 6:04:11 PM   
OO8OO88O8


Posts: 73
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline 		My favorite is from only a few weeks ago, "I am coming to your town in the next few weeks. I demand you reply and schedule a session! You know you want to give me your money you filthy pig!" 

(in reply to dogobedience)
Profile   Post #: 179
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 5/13/2007 11:32:52 PM   
dogobedience


Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline 		is a check ok, or is cash better ?

_____________________________

I start and/or reply to posts to further my abilities and share my experiences in this fantastic lifestyle.

I hope I am an intellectual instigator, making people think and or laugh and nothing more.

Tiger, proud owner of kali aka Tigerproperty

(in reply to OO8OO88O8)
Profile   Post #: 180
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