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RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 6/2/2006 9:54:53 AM   
iliv2servher


Posts: 228
Joined: 5/17/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dogobedience

Ok my profile is average, my many pics to prove am not cyber and that is all.

NOW, please help me with the perfect profile.The one that all girls MUST WANT TO MEET.

[snip]

Ok, please help me, I know WE can build the perfect profile......come on girls I know you read them daily .......share .......and laugh even IF it is at my expense........enjoy the joy of life and BDSM.....


I don't believe there is any such thing as a "perfect profile."  Someone will always criticize whatever you include or fail to include.  However, I do think that there are a few common rules to follow:

1.  Be polite and not crude.
2.  Be very specific about who and  what you are seeking.
3.  Your profile should not consist of only one paragraph.  Be conscise, but not overly verbose.
4. Includes a recent, non-offensive photo (see CM guidelines for posting photos)  of yoursef if you possibly can.
5. Include as much information as you can without compromising your privacy.  (Remember, anyone who signs on to CM or any other site can read everything you write about yourself.)
6. Be honest.

Note: I constantly update and revise my profile to include information that may have been left out.

(in reply to dogobedience)
Profile   Post #: 121
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 6/2/2006 10:07:02 AM   
dogobedience


Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline 		You will sign a contract for 5 year trial beginning the second email. Failure to do so will mean I WILL NOT  TALK TO YOU, and I know how that effects slaves. 
You will go the the back of the 987543459069587436566789 slave list line. I will force you to have a cyber relationship with a poser cyber dom.......PICK ANYBODY, ALL A FAKE CEPT MINE

_____________________________

I start and/or reply to posts to further my abilities and share my experiences in this fantastic lifestyle.

I hope I am an intellectual instigator, making people think and or laugh and nothing more.

Tiger, proud owner of kali aka Tigerproperty

(in reply to LadyAlexa)
Profile   Post #: 122
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 6/3/2006 2:58:48 PM   
dogobedience


Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline 		my new perfect profile will be on here in a few days..........so all the fake fakers, real fakers, cyber gods, and married liars can go on vacation........any last ideas........and remember this profile is JUST  FOR YOU girl!!!

_____________________________

I start and/or reply to posts to further my abilities and share my experiences in this fantastic lifestyle.

I hope I am an intellectual instigator, making people think and or laugh and nothing more.

Tiger, proud owner of kali aka Tigerproperty

(in reply to dogobedience)
Profile   Post #: 123
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 6/3/2006 3:12:55 PM   
FunSeeker


Posts: 2
Joined: 3/9/2006
Status: offline 		Hmmm, I prefer very verbose profiles, the longer the better. But I wound up choosing the man who had a very short, non-specific profile in which every other word was mispelled (something I had vowed was a deal-breaker but in reality turned out not to matter at all). Others sounded good "on paper" but weren't what I was looking for in reality. Reality just isn't on paper, I guess!

Major profile turn offs:
cliched phrases such as "no fakes"
people who sound as if they are already pissed off at the world
people who seem unsure of what they want, or change their story halfway through

Major profile tun ons:
recent photo (I don't care if you're cute, I just like to know what you look like)
some sort of optimism and goodwill evident, even if you *have* been burned in the past
some idea of what you like besides hanging out in BDSM sites 

(in reply to dogobedience)
Profile   Post #: 124
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 9/23/2006 11:04:39 PM   
dogobedience


Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline 		I have some great new lines that dom's who can only look at pics and not read profiles have used to attempt to attract my property kali. I had no idea how many rocket scientists were on collarme. 

_____________________________

I start and/or reply to posts to further my abilities and share my experiences in this fantastic lifestyle.

I hope I am an intellectual instigator, making people think and or laugh and nothing more.

Tiger, proud owner of kali aka Tigerproperty

(in reply to iliv2servher)
Profile   Post #: 125
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 9/23/2006 11:32:06 PM   
Frank01


Posts: 270
Joined: 9/7/2006
Status: offline 		After I won the six trillion dollar lottery I had way too much time on my hands. So I decided to come here to find some unworthy but cute play things. You must be a ten, hwp and double jointed. I will expect you to be able to do tripple backflips, execute the splits in mid air, and impale yourself on my humongous cock with exact precision.

Slaves must never talk back, but only answer "Yes Grand Poohbah, by your command!!!!!" I have only ONE limit-I'm the drama king-you don't get to do that-ever. Drama will be punished by holding a sharpie in your asshole, and writing "otto otto otto" on the walls 1,000 times. Then you have to go back and remove the writing with q-tips and alchohol. And I will laugh at you the entire time, "mwhahahahahahaah-idiot!"

You are not allowed to have any baggage. Your life began when you met me-forget the rest, it doesn't matter. (that includes kids and relatives) all slaves will memorize the "240 slave rules"

There will be pop quizzes on the rules!!!!! failure to pass the test %100 percent will mean memorizing 240 MORE slave rules!!!!! My dick is sacred!!!!!! he will be addressed as 'COMMANDER' before worshiping him!!!!!!! he must be worhopped whenever he stands up!!!!!

(in reply to zumala)
Profile   Post #: 126
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 9/23/2006 11:34:59 PM   
TIGERproperty


Posts: 23
Joined: 5/28/2006
From: here
Status: offline 		you had me at hello!!!!!!!!!

(in reply to Frank01)
Profile   Post #: 127
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 9/23/2006 11:36:11 PM   
Owned1


Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline 		Shoot what kind of Dominate are you anyway you have not even asked me for my passwords to all my computer email/chat systems.  After all if you are real you would want to control all aspects of me.  Then once you cyber collar me I will provide you with my all my banking information, secret words, and forward all money I have and will have to you as I will not need anything.  You will provide me with all that I will need, which will be virtually nothing.

And here I thought you were the Dom o my Dreams.......

Owned

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to Frank01)
Profile   Post #: 128
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 9/23/2006 11:36:32 PM   
TIGERproperty


Posts: 23
Joined: 5/28/2006
From: here
Status: offline 		ops that was for MASTER TIGER

(in reply to iliv2servher)
Profile   Post #: 129
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 9/23/2006 11:38:37 PM   
Frank01


Posts: 270
Joined: 9/7/2006
Status: offline 		What? You think I would let you out of the closet long enough to use passwords?

(in reply to Owned1)
Profile   Post #: 130
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 9/23/2006 11:40:04 PM   
dogobedience


Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline 		Good girl MY property kali (tigerproperty is owned and managed by dogobedience), NOW otk get ready.

_____________________________

I start and/or reply to posts to further my abilities and share my experiences in this fantastic lifestyle.

I hope I am an intellectual instigator, making people think and or laugh and nothing more.

Tiger, proud owner of kali aka Tigerproperty

(in reply to TIGERproperty)
Profile   Post #: 131
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 9/23/2006 11:41:40 PM   
Frank01


Posts: 270
Joined: 9/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dogobedience

I have some great new lines that dom's who can only look at pics and not read profiles have used to attempt to attract my property kali. I had no idea how many rocket scientists were on collarme. 


Uh huh........it's fun to mail back that "this profile is a lure for a big gay fister,and I know where you live now, lil boy-be seeing ya.."

< Message edited by Frank01 -- 9/23/2006 11:42:17 PM >

(in reply to dogobedience)
Profile   Post #: 132
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 9/23/2006 11:42:33 PM   
dogobedience


Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline 		GREAT IDEAS

_____________________________

I start and/or reply to posts to further my abilities and share my experiences in this fantastic lifestyle.

I hope I am an intellectual instigator, making people think and or laugh and nothing more.

Tiger, proud owner of kali aka Tigerproperty

(in reply to Frank01)
Profile   Post #: 133
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 9/24/2006 6:19:01 AM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Oh I loved the one I got that said that the limits I had in myprofile didnt matter and that he now owned me and I would do as he pleased no matter what... yes I got that as an e-mail and yes it was the FIRST e-mail and yes it was after i was already owned!!!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to dogobedience)
Profile   Post #: 134
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 9/24/2006 10:20:59 AM   
submissiveone45


Posts: 2
Joined: 5/17/2004
Status: offline 		i am so pleased to get replies from other countries, when it is stated clearly in my profile not into cyber, i am of course to sell everything i own and send to my new Master who i have never met and emailed only one time, so He can decide my flight information.  of course i will need to take no bagage on this flight, as i will be kept naked 100% of the time, hmmmm....this should make grocery shopping intresting.  i am sure all girls who are as lucky as me to have been chosen to fly to another country, can't wait to jump at the chance.  Too bad, that will leave no girls left in the US of A.  i guess we can all just fly on his big slave plane.  i often wondered about when i see someone naked sitting on the floor in the airport, now i know, they are going to meet for the first time, their new Master, whom they have never met.

(in reply to iliv2servher)
Profile   Post #: 135
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 9/24/2006 10:40:26 AM   
TIGERproperty


Posts: 23
Joined: 5/28/2006
From: here
Status: offline 		Master Tiger...

unbelieveable  Sir...  Yes - this time it is Really me.    i guess i should have stayed awake lastnight. 
Sir, sorry Sir...wont happen again..honest..

 

(in reply to submissiveone45)
Profile   Post #: 136
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 9/24/2006 10:43:59 AM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: submissiveone45

i am so pleased to get replies from other countries, when it is stated clearly in my profile not into cyber, i am of course to sell everything i own and send to my new Master who i have never met and emailed only one time, so He can decide my flight information.  of course i will need to take no bagage on this flight, as i will be kept naked 100% of the time, hmmmm....this should make grocery shopping intresting.  i am sure all girls who are as lucky as me to have been chosen to fly to another country, can't wait to jump at the chance.  Too bad, that will leave no girls left in the US of A.  i guess we can all just fly on his big slave plane.  i often wondered about when i see someone naked sitting on the floor in the airport, now i know, they are going to meet for the first time, their new Master, whom they have never met.


ah yes this is how you form instent kinship!! you have something in common wasnt that nice of your new Master to set up!! LOL

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to submissiveone45)
Profile   Post #: 137
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 9/24/2006 1:00:48 PM   
BD123


Posts: 201
Joined: 8/12/2006
Status: offline 		You will bw kept at all tines naked except for a chasity belt and nipple clamps, chained to the dungeon wall awaiting the pleasures of your lord and master.

(in reply to dogobedience)
Profile   Post #: 138
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 9/24/2006 1:07:43 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I dont think there is a perfect profile. Mainly becasue if everyone was looking for the same thing, tis game wouldnt be interesting anymore. As long as someone doesnt sound like a "do-me" Dom or sub, tey have potential. The thing I hate are the ones what go through their entire profile, and then on their first email happen to mention they are under consideration or already owned. Put it in your profile, people!
Aside from that, its nice to see wat your assumed limits might be, and a good dose of reality where you arent asking to be the dirt under my shoes or some such nonsense like that. If you are going to proclaim how worthless you are, chances are I'l agree.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to BD123)
Profile   Post #: 139
RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! - 9/24/2006 8:08:30 PM   
Vargus


Posts: 24
Joined: 11/24/2005
Status: offline 		Gee!   At the CM school for Dummy Doms.They told me to write the perfect profile you have to be nice, respectful, polite and funny... Now you girls are telling me that it was all a LIE! That all I need to write the perfect profile is... to say things like;
OBEY! ON YOUR KNEES BITCH NOW!
  I should have known better than to trust the advice of an intructor whose nick is MSTConMan.
Girls... I'm still rather skeptical as to whether your advice works, but I'll give it a try.

      OBEY! akisha  WRITE...SOON! 


(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 140
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