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susannah -> RE: is romance dead? (10/25/2004 11:16:21 AM)
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"Someone who can give me a look from across the room that makes my heart flutter, but at the same time lets me know I am His. Is there something wrong with wanting that, or am I looking in the wrong place? I hate to think I am". You are NOT alone, rest assured.
I am looking for this, too (trying to revive it, and it has it's "ups and downs" in that regard(and my partner would agree with this, too). I think everyone is looking for this, in some context. Sometimes, I go and re-read a thread, if I am trying to resolve something, and many times, because I just love this forum, and am so glad it exists - there is so much food for thought, and so many perspectives, I think it's fascinating! Maybe I have a "communication fetish" (ha!) but I just am thankful it's here.
Glad I re-read this entire thread because...I revised my notion of what's "romantic" to just a general thing: "Giving the person you are in a relationship with (or hope to be) the benefit of the doubt." Ask for what you want (but be nice about it). I haven't always done this, but am a sucker for traditional notions of "romance" - I save things, especially romantic cards and notes from my partner (and when I die, someone is going to find my whole romantic note and card collection in my filing cabinet - now that should be interesting, hehe! This doesn't happen often, but my partner did bring me flowers last month, from the grocery store. I just acted like I was bowled over by it (because otherwise he won't do it again, maybe).
Trusting that a partner does in fact, want to make you happy I think is key, and although it may be trying at times, to try to revive tradtional romantic gestures, I think I maybe can't go wrong with believing in the notion "If You build it, they will come" (excuse the example, but I just watched that movie, "Field of Dreams", with Kevin Costner).
I really appreciated, in this post particularly the perspective of Mistresses, and them trying to help us revive belief in the notion (this is a personal opinion, but I think they know a lot about what works, and I read their opinions a lot on this board). I think of course, that Doms and Masters know a lot, too and gee - a Dom/Master personality - they want to take over and be trusted and appreciated as much as a submissive, and I think: Let them. Tell them they are wonderful if they are trying to do something thoughtful. Nobody who is "putting themselves out there", I don't think deserves to have their efforts "quashed" - in any partnership, or attempted one and I am a (sometimes "opinionated" I suppose) sub, and am saying this in general terms, as it applies to developing and trying to maintain partner relationships), so please take this idea that way).
*Sensual pet: There is no need to be defensive for asking a simple question. Everybody here is coming from a different place (because we are all different).What would you have to be defensive about? You like football? I say sell your good qualities in your profile ("Willing and want to watch football with you!" (wow - some men would give their right arm for that one, I am sure). Maybe make an objective list of your great qualities, and get 'em in there! And - if you know at this point - what else as far as bdsm activities you would be willing to try (or have done in the past).
**I really appreciated what Goddess Dusty had to say about profiles (I always read 'em if I have not before, when I read a post from someone on a board, and assume they can change, too). I think hers is very descriptive, and specific. I think the more inviting, and specific it can be, as far as stating what someone wants and has to offer, the better for them. I may or may not be able to use a pic in mine (because I do volunteer work with kids, and although I would never, ever harm them in any way well - it may not be a great idea. Still deciding on that one.I may end up just making it blurry, or a shoe or something). Anyway, I have heard folks say say "know what you are looking for" to eachother and I think, as Compes mentioned, I agree this really really applies to profiles. I think everyone has a "filter", and often may end up filtering out someone unintentionally, (although a lot is intentional, and rightly so).
One can revise them, if necessary, as often as one would like, I suppose. I am "updating" mine soon, even though I am on these boards looking for friendship only (and am monogamous) - I am thinking of doing it just because I heard somebody say "practice practice" and I may I need the practice stating to myself what I need, etc., and how that fits my partners needs. I think it's fun (then again I was a marketing major).
Advice. People love to give advice, and everyone has an opinion, and they are worth exactly what you pay for 'em but give folks the benefit of the doubt (it's better than feeling hurt, isn't it)? Doms are (a lot of the time) problem solvers. Give a Dom-Master a problem - they will try to help you solve it. Of course subs do this, too. And of course "romantic" definitions are in the eye of the beholder (fun to put the idea out there and get folks thinking about it for those of us who miss it though...sigh).Everyone, I believe is genuinely trying to communicate and help, but we are all different (which I know you already know, and I don't mena to beat it to death). Sweetie, did you know (you probably do, and I am making a fool of myself here) **That if you want to write someone (you may already know this, you can write them e-mail notes at the bottom of the screen on their profile, and "chat" back and forth. Maybe how to do that should be highlighted in another post, if people don't know how that technically works (if they don't there is a section on collarme where they can ask, but maybe somebody will toss the instructions in here, who knows)? I have seen several attempting to describe themselves further by conversing (or trying to convers) this way. If you have time, and are in the mood and interested, maybe chat with 'em?
I appreciated what everyone said, and after I re-read it, I counted at least five Doms trying to revive our belief in the notion that romance is not dead: Compes, Graybeard, Inside YourMind (and Cynnacent) and Happy Pervert. I really liked NoCalOwner noting that all Doms are different, and highlighting the difference between "service-oriented" and non-sadistic Doms, and slaveowners and others (all are fine, of course). In a bdsm or D/s relationship context, I really appreciated this thought from Graybeard about someone has to give their submission willingly. I think men (Doms or not, and of course this applies to everyone, no matter who they are trying to get together with, or are with, probably) can be just as nervous about "putting themselves out there" when trying to get to know someone as women (or, if two men or two women, either partner). There are supposedly 57,000 or something members of collarme. com. And after I re-read this thread, I counted:five Doms valiantly trying to revive our faith in the notion that romance is not dead, three wonderful Mistresses trying to do the same, several subs and/or slaves trying to do the same, two couples, and a switch. So, no matter where someone is "coming from" - hope is alive! Hope everyone has a great day. - susannah
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