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ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer

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ORIGINAL: marieTooI do think the upper case/ lower case letter beginning a name comes in very handy on the internet.  It's just easier to know immediately who chooses a dominant preference as opposed to who chooses one of submission.

Seriously....why?  So that everyone can immediately start playing D/s roles with them?  So that it's more convenient to shop for a dating, mating or roleplaying partner?  Is there any other legitimate reason that you need to know someone's sexual orientation before engaging in social conversation with them?  Or is it strictly for the purpose of partner-fishing expeditions?


Number one, because we are in a bdsm forum and it's nice to converse and share ideas when you know which perspective they are coming from.  And, yes some people, at some times, *are* looking for partners; which is not unusual, abnormal, or uncommon.  Im not sure what "fishing expeditions" are, and I personally dont play online "Ds roles".  Nor would I necessarily call  dominance and submission "sexual orientations". And no, I dont need to know someone's sexual orientation in order to speak with them. And I do not think knowing whether someone is dominant or submissive has a single thing to do with their sexual orientation.  Sexual orientation would be gay, straight, bisexual, for instance, not dominant or submissive. 
 
PS:  I did notice that you have a profile stating both your sexual orientation as well as your ds preference.  Your post seems a bit incongruent considering your decision to fill in a profile with the very facts that you say we dont need in order to converse.  Just an observation.  :)
 
marie

(in reply to Najakcharmer)

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ORIGINAL: marieToo
Number one, because we are in a bdsm forum and it's nice to converse and share ideas when you know which perspective they are coming from.

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I did notice that you have a profile stating both your sexual orientation as well as your ds preference.  Your post seems a bit incongruent considering your decision to fill in a profile with the very facts that you say we dont need in order to converse.  Just an observation.  :)

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ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer


Ideas, perspective, great.  Immediately jumping into D/s roleplaying with a stranger, not for me thanks.  Just because someone is involved in BDSM does not automatically mean they consent to doing any kind of BDSM with you.  For me, doing BDSM with someone would include things like being called by a special title, speaking or acting in a special way that emphasized our respective roles as dominant and submissive, etc.

I dont think that using a lower case and uppercase to differentiate between those of a dominant nature and those of a submissive nature is entering into "D.s roleplaying with a stranger". 


There's certainly nothing wrong with seeking a partner.  There's also nothing wrong with *not* seeking a partner, but just wanting to make friends and share ideas in the BDSM community without feeling like you're on display in a meat market. 

"Sharing ideas in a BDSM community" without addressing who is dom and who is sub?  Its relevant to sharing ideas.  And if someone treats me like a piece of meat in a meat market, I simply do not associate with them. Mail blocking works great for that.  Any trollers are instantly blocked. 


If you don't need to know someone's sexual orientation in order to speak to them, why would you necesarily need to know their D/s orientation?  I'm honestly curious here.  I really don't know why it would be relevant to a casual social interaction.

It isn't relevant to *casual social interaction*, which is what I have all the time with non-bdsmers.  But that isn't what goes on here for the most part, or in bdsm chats. Its usually bdsm related topics. And as I said, its nice to know where everyone stands as far as their "preference", it sort of ties all the comments and posts together and someones comments make more sense when you know which view point (D or S) they are coming from. 


If folks are curious enough to want to know a little more about me, I certainly don't mind sharing that information as part of a profile that talks fairly extensively about who I am as a person, my interests, my goals in life, etc.  What I won't do is share it right up front as the sole basis for an interaction with someone.  I don't want my D/s orientation to be the single thing that someone knows about me, or even the most important thing.

Its not the sole basis that someone speaks to you, especially not out in every day life.  But this is a BDSM site and you are a member on it.  This is the place where we *can* self-identify as what we are in regards to our DS orientations. I dont see why you take offense to being recognized for your ds preferences on a ds site. Its like going to a golf club and no one talking about golf because they don't want to be defined by the fact that they're golfers. 

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It's something I've done for years and is a matter of habbit (or was that a matter of hobbit?). generally I'd rather err on the side of over politness unless I want to iunsult someone or at least show my lack of GaS.

_____________________________

Be Well
Iron Bear

Master of House Iron Bear


The Incorrigible, Irrepressible, Irreverent Grizzly



East Coast Aussie Goreans

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ORIGINAL: candystripper

For me, the use of Caps on a Dom/me's nick is simply respectful,and i cannot quite understand why some Dom/mes do not use Caps or at least nicks that convey Their place.  (Btw, submissives/slaves who use caps on their nicks also confuse me, as it would seem to reduce the potential for a Dom/me to approach.)

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To stamp out?  No.  I don't care what you do with other consenting adults who want to act out their D/s roles by using weird capitalization, titles, etc.  I just don't give my personal consent to participate.  If someone really does not want to talk to me in a friendly way outside of role, then they can easily go find someone else to talk to who does consent to play those games.  Last I checked, consent and limits were actually supposed to mean something in the BDSM community.  You get to do what you want with your consenting partners, and I get to say what I do and don't consent to for myself. 

Najakcharmer

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ORIGINAL: talibahh

ooo... i love Joe Pesci... now He makes me laugh... just like You did Level... and You're welcome for the kind words... and i see You're still up... when You gonna sleep?
 
tali

I'm glad I made you laugh .... and I just finished sleeping... but I plan on doing it again tonight hehheh.

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ORIGINAL: cynthiamarie
I started off here as a sub...very innocent and just incredulous that I finally had words to express what I was feeling.  I delighted in capping some things to both show generic respect (same as I would give an honorific to a President or to a king, even if I disrespected him, just pecause I respected the position he holds), and to advertise who I was so there would be no confusion...and it opened non-sexual gates to feelings I needed to learn to deal with and understand better.  It also drew many sweet, daddy/uncle type Doms who watched over me like I was a little kid, and gave me pm's with sites like Castlerealm.  I had a safety net and kindness because I called them "You".

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This past year something happened to me, and I understand the teachings of my mentor better...it's part of my instincts now; when I see a sub in trouble...if I can see them, they're in my "territory"...I take on the responsibility of helping or protecting them if I can; to educate them about safety, safe words, safe calls, and studying enough about BDSM play they might be wading into soon so they will know when to safeword.  So...like it or not, and even if no other Dom/me will admit to feeling this way...lowercase typing by submissives affects me in the same way that lowered eyes, emotionally provoked stuttering, bared neck, blushing, etc. affect me r/t.

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The diversity of beliefs I've found here has forced me to learn more about the beliefs of many different subcultures within D/s, and I'm grateful for that.  I also learned that with a little patience I can actually read through all the W/we, Y/you, A/all, U/us and understand the full layers of meanings someone is trying to express.  How can I complain, when the times I see it used to show unity and pride a Dominant/submissive couple have in each other just melts me into a puddle?  The subs wear their new collars like new brides wear their wedding rings, and their Dominants...*wide grin*.  I would rather have these couples here, annoying the heck out of some of us, rather than going silent while they're in their honeymoon phase or discovering that their circle is complete and they don't need their internet friends anymore. 

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ORIGINAL: DragonDiver

So to all my fellow Dominus and Domina, to all those Dominatrix and Domitrix from this humble Dominator, I bid you adieu.

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Hm, these discussions certainly get heated, don't they?  Reminds me of the chatroom lobby. *smiles*
 
Time for me to toss in my own two cents...
Quote from Najakcharmer:
"There's certainly nothing wrong with seeking a partner.  There's also nothing wrong with *not* seeking a partner, but just wanting to make friends and share ideas in the BDSM community without feeling like you're on display in a meat market."
Sometimes I've come here merely to chat with friends, and other times to be seen because I was looking for an eventual partner.  I've enjoyed making friends and enjoy good (and sometimes heated) conversations and debates, but...when I come to a site where people meet for partners, I expect to be treated like meat by some.  This is where some manners training in pm can be appropriate, and done politely...or we can always choose to do a quick iggy to be left in peace.  To each his own, and I respect your choice in how you deal with it. 
 
As much as I dislike the vanillas who soak their minds in BDSM porn, maybe because they've already gone through all the vanilla porn and are bored, and then come here and try to force every female, whether Domme or sub, to roleplay/cyber with them...there are others who have only found another way to express some of what is in their souls...and I can't reprimand them for it.  If someone refers to me as You or Ma'am, it doesn't bother me any more than being called Ms. in my vanilla life.  In vanilla, I'm a Ms., not a Mr., and I also have a designation in D/s.  (So okay, I can feel both sides so technically I'm a switch but...grins...I am NOT exploring my subbie side at the present time.)
 
I don't prefer all the cap changing, but taking my time to read something like W/we, Y/you, A/all, O/our isn't that much of an effort...and it's a bit of a challenge.  Challenges don't bother me, and I have a lot of patience. 
 
When someone addresses me as Mistress, I gently explain IN PRIVATE what my preferences are...my name, or Ma'am, and I explain why.  I make exceptions for Gorean slaves, and yes, I ask. 
 
I am not as sensitive as some to power exchange, evidently, because most people who defer to me do not increase any Dominant (it is my preference to cap that word to give it a lifestyle definition in my own mind) feelings of my own.  It takes a special submissive, with whom I feel some kind of rapport before that happens.  Maybe I watched too many Hollywood movies as a child, but...hm...going into someone's house over 100 years ago and experiencing the friends' servants waiting on me and referring to me in polite honorifics would not make me feel like they were MINE.  I could enjoy their services without feeling intimacy as well. 
 
In the past, I've had to refer to teachers and others as Sir or Ma'am; it was a polite interaction that reminded each of us of our proper place and did not feel like an intimacy.  Each person in the chatroom is a stranger to me until they get to know me better and we have a chance to become friends or more, so pm's with someone greeting me as Goddess or Mistress with them dropping on the floor at my feet sometimes offends me or makes me laugh to myself...but I'm polite to them and explain that what they are doing is roleplay, and that it's too intimate for me to do with just everyone.  I want to have a real conversation to get to know them. 
 
Feeling Dominant or submissive toward someone is a very intimate, bonding thing for me, and if someone else's Dominant feelings are triggered by any submissive living out their role in life then I could see how it could feel like an invasion.  I try to keep my feelings under control as well, and will avoid online chat if I go into frenzy...but those are usually provoked by IM's with people I'm very attracted to, not ever by chatroom lobby antics or random pm's. 
 
The many signals submissives and Dom/mes give out online, including capping and rituals, remind me of other signals people give out in r/t to size each other up and attract mates; perfumes, colognes, hair styles, body language, tone of voice, and the choice of clothing to tell the world "this is who I am."  I size up friends and acquaintences daily, without conscious thought, and it's part of who I am.  I know what's mine and what isn't.
 
Some are wankers, I won't argue about that, lol.  But many are just new and nervous and trying to be what they think everyone expects them to be...and they're a delight once we get to know them and get them to relax and open up.  The wankers/HNG's either leave soon or throw an easily dealt with tantrum when they don't get what they want.  No big deal; if I could outlast my own child during r/t tantrums, I can certainly deal with pouting wankers.
 
I started off here as a sub...very innocent and just incredulous that I finally had words to express what I was feeling.  I delighted in capping some things to both show generic respect (same as I would give an honorific to a President or to a king, even if I disrespected him, just pecause I respected the position he holds), and to advertise who I was so there would be no confusion...and it opened non-sexual gates to feelings I needed to learn to deal with and understand better.  It also drew many sweet, daddy/uncle type Doms who watched over me like I was a little kid, and gave me pm's with sites like Castlerealm.  I had a safety net and kindness because I called them "You".
 
In the lobby, I signal that I'm Domme by altering my name to CynthiaMarie.  Doms respect this and do not hit on me...it saves me time that I don't have to tell them my orientation and that I'm not interested in them other than as a friend.  Too bad being in small letters didn't have the same effect on the deluge of male subs I used to have to brush off. 
 
This past year something happened to me, and I understand the teachings of my mentor better...it's part of my instincts now; when I see a sub in trouble...if I can see them, they're in my "territory"...I take on the responsibility of helping or protecting them if I can; to educate them about safety, safe words, safe calls, and studying enough about BDSM play they might be wading into soon so they will know when to safeword.  So...like it or not, and even if no other Dom/me will admit to feeling this way...lowercase typing by submissives affects me in the same way that lowered eyes, emotionally provoked stuttering, bared neck, blushing, etc. affect me r/t.   
 
The diversity of beliefs I've found here has forced me to learn more about the beliefs of many different subcultures within D/s, and I'm grateful for that.  I also learned that with a little patience I can actually read through all the W/we, Y/you, A/all, U/us and understand the full layers of meanings someone is trying to express.  How can I complain, when the times I see it used to show unity and pride a Dominant/submissive couple have in each other just melts me into a puddle?  The subs wear their new collars like new brides wear their wedding rings, and their Dominants...*wide grin*.  I would rather have these couples here, annoying the heck out of some of us, rather than going silent while they're in their honeymoon phase or discovering that their circle is complete and they don't need their internet friends anymore. 
 
Btw, I'm glad that not everyone's ways are my own...it allows me a private arrogance to believe that mine are better.

cynthiamarie

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Uhhh, that would be "To all my fellow Domini and Dominae, to all those Dominatrices and Domitrices ..."  You have to do more than just look up words in a dictionary; you have to know how to use them, too.

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*Looks in her very old dictionary and doesn't see "internet" as being a noun either, and is surprised that she can't see "shit" (gosh, that's not a noun?) nor "fuck" (verb, right?) nor "asshole" (I swear I thought that was a noun too) either.