RE: Who wants to be absurd?

RE: Who wants to be absurd? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Polls and Other Random Stupidity

Message

Termyn8or -> RE: Who wants to be absurd? (11/6/2011 8:30:30 PM)
"I await your decision with bated breath." Narfle the gorthok ! TWICE ! T^T

LanceHughes -> RE: Who wants to be absurd? (11/6/2011 8:54:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Termyn8or "I await your decision with bated breath." Narfle the gorthok ! TWICE ! T^T Beg pardon. I've long awaited the appropriate use of the phrase: "Oh, go Google yourself." Thanks for the opportunity to suggest that you go "look it up" where you'll find that "bated" is correct. ETA: The phrase you use is misspelled. Google helped me find that it's gArthok. LOL! NOT sure how the definitions at: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=narfle%20the%20garthok apply. Termy, can you be of assistance in clarifying your comment? And why "TWICE!"? I'm guessing you continue to enjoy "that dynamite weed" you mentioned earlier.

gungadin09 -> RE: Who wants to be absurd? (11/6/2011 9:04:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LanceHughes Now, I have to go figure out some straight lines for pam..... or would that be absurd? Actually performing duties as assigned? Yeah, that'd cement (<== 1st opportunity, m'dear, don't miss it) my position both as a member (<== 2nd) and as being absurd. Hmmmm..... cement and member, i don't know if i want to touch that one, Lance. This is what i got from Urban Dictionary: Cement mixer: performing anal sex while the recipient releases diarrhea in a slow, controlled fashion that is timed with each thrust. Traditionally, the partners work together to mix the diarrheal substance into a thick paste, although recipients often allow for the occcasional explosion of liquid stool for added flair. Additionally, if the right consistency is attained, the diarrhea acts as a very effective lubricant that is safe for use with most latex condoms. Maybe i'll just go for the easier "cement head" joke. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kb7fhrFyc3g&feature=related pam

LanceHughes -> RE: Who wants to be absurd? (11/6/2011 9:41:39 PM)
Fine, just fine! Give me a youtube joke. Now THAT's absurd; expecting me to be able to get to see that. :::SNIFF::: Wait! What's this other thing in my office? Oh, maybe if I hook that box up.... let's see XP something on the outside..... too late, too sleepy to try now..... ZZZZzzzz..... That "real job" I got with the Feds 2 weeks ago is killing me I tell you. Killing me. AND, I don't get 1st pay check (direct deposit) for another 2 weeks...... direct deposit / cement mixer.... weirder and weirder. Weird or wierd - you know how words look wrong, but are right.... I'm crashing....... YOU are hereby declared responsible for ANY and ALL of my dreams tonite, pam. Any AND all, you hear me? ETA: AND all nightmares as well.

gungadin09 -> RE: Who wants to be absurd? (11/6/2011 9:45:13 PM)
Relax. It's just a guy lifting a bag of (unmixed) cement over his head, and then the bag breaks. Cement "head". pam

gungadin09 -> RE: Who wants to be absurd? (11/6/2011 10:37:40 PM)
AS THE STOMACH TURNS... (official soap opera of the absurd club) (Cue annoying violin music) Mark: (dramatically, through the closed door): Judy, is that you? Judy: (through the door): Yes, it is I. Do you hear me? Mark, it is I, Judy, myself. Mark: (caressing the door) Oh, it is you, is it? My god, Judy, it's really you! But Judy, you must listen to me. I have... something to tell you... (long pause) Judy: Yes, Mark? Mark: Dammit, Judy, why won't you listen to me? Can you just listen to me for one freakin' minute. WHY DOESN'T ANYONE EVER LISTEN TO ME??? Is it because of me... problem? Judy: (still on the other side of the closed door) Oh, no, Mark. I love you very deeply. You just wouldn't believe how deep the love is, which love, the love I love you with. Mark: (dramatically) Then you have gotten over... Stephen? (Dramatic pause. The annoying violin music gets louder. Judy shouts something indiscernable, still from behind the closed door. She is trying to make herself heard over the music. Mark, gesticulating from the other side of the closed door, does the same. Neither can be heard over the music.) Mark and Judy (at the same time, and very loud, at the music): Shutup!!!!! (The music subsides) Judy: I don't know who i am anymore. I just don't know. I don't know anything. Mark: (shocked) You mean, you have amnesia? Judy: Yes, Mark, I've had amnesia for the last ten years! I wanted to tell you, but I was afraid I would lose you. Oh, Mark, when I first met Stephen I was a lonely, confused girl without an identity! I desperately needed someone to love me! Mark: (reacting from behind the closed door) Oh, Judy, how can you do this to me? I am INSANELY jealous. i can't stop myself... I'm going to KILL Stephen!!!! Judy: (distressed) No, Mark, wait! There's something you must know. Stephen is my ... (sob)... BROTHER!!! I just remembered right now. My memory must be coming back. Mark: Your brother!!! No!!! Not your brother! This is horrible!!!! Judy, there is something I've wanted to tell you. As i was going through the family geneology I realised something. Stephen is... MY brother too! Judy (still behind the closed door): YOUR brother? Mark: Yes, it shocked me too! I didn't even remember having a brother named Stephen, but then he was always such a shy, unobtrusive child. Judy: Mark... There is something else. Mark: Judy... what are you trying to tell me? Judy: Mark, I am with child. Mark: PREGNANT? (then, darkly...) But is it mine, or Stephens? Judy: I don't know how you can be so CRUEL!!! Of course it's yours. Remember that night at the beach house? Mark: (looking sick) The beach house??? Oh, no!!!!! (The annoying violin music gets louder.) Judy: Mark, what is it? Mark: Judy, there's something I'm not very proud of. That night at the beach house... it wasn't me you were with. Judy: (shocked) What do you mean? Mark: (caressing the closed door) Judy, it wasn't me you made love to. It was... my twin brother!!!! Judy: You mean... Stephen? Mark: No, not Stephen. My... OTHER twin brother!!!! Judy: I didn't know you had another twin brother! Mark: I told you, don't you remember? My mom always used to mix us up. I had a deep identity crisis throughout my youth. Judy: Yes, now it's coming back to me. I remember that my mother used to confuse my brother Stephen with two other kids. He always got so much attention. I didn't feel I was loved. Mark: But Judy... Judy (from behind the door): Yes, Stephen? Mark: STEPHEN!!!??? My name is MARK. Goddamn it, MARK. MARK!!!!!!! (He starts sobbing from behind the door) Judy: (from the other side of the door) Oh, I'm sorry. I always did mix you two us. Mark: Hey, you're not Judy at all. You're... MY MOTHER!!!! (At this point, Mark busts open the door.) Mark: Mom? Judy: Yes, dear? Mark: (drying his tears) You... know who i am??? Judy: Of course, dear. I always knew it was you. I just pretended to mix you children up to throw Stephen and your other twin brother off the scent. I always loved you best! Mark: (mutters, disoriented) Stephen? Judy: Mark? Mark: Is my name Stephen or Mark? Judy: Stop being childish. You know who you are. Mark: Wait, i just remembered something. I'm an only child. I only pretended to have twin brothers because i was a shy, insecure child and my mother didn't love me. Judy: Yes I did!!!! Mark: No you didn't. You always made fun of my... physical disfigurement! Judy: I don't know what you're talking about, and I'm out of patience with your games! (Judy pulls a shotgun out from beneath her skirt.) Mark: Mom!!!!! Judy: It's time you learned some manners, young man! Why can't you be polite, like your brothers? I always loved them better than you. (Judy points the gun.) Mark: Mom, don't!!! (A loud, omnipotent voice begins to speak, while the the two look around, confused, to where this voice is coming from.) Voice: Will Stephen and his mother reconcile, or will she blow his head off? What is Stephen's other brother's name? And who is the dark figure lurking outside the window? (The two of them look for a window, but can't find one.) ...Find out net time, on AS THE STOMACH TURNS!!! (Annoying violin music plays very loud and fast. The two are still looking for where the music is coming from. Gun shots are heard, breaking glass, and a scream. They Judy and Mark hide under the furniture, as the lights fade.)

gungadin09 -> RE: Who wants to be absurd? (11/7/2011 12:01:14 AM)
Slugs by David ********** Swallow a slug By it's tail or its snout Feel it slide down Feel it climb out Nibble on its feetsies Nibble on its giblets Nibble on its belly button Nibble on its riblets Breakfast? Slug juice Slug soup's great for lunch Fry 'em like potatoes Love the way they crunch Tie one on a leash Take it for a walk Take your slug to school today Teach it how to talk Hang them from a Christmas tree Mix them with your Easter sweets Carve them like a pumpkin Hand them out for trick or treats Perch one on a doorknob Or on a toilet seat Sizzle them on light bulbs Squash them with your feet Dissect a slug with scissors Poke one with a tweezer Pop one in the microwave Freeze one in the freezer Take a slug Squeeze its liver Watch it wiggle Feel it quiver Stuff it in an envelope Mail it to a friend Drop one in a blender Turn it on to blend Try a chocolate slugshake Kentucky fried slug legs Angel-slug twinkies Scrambled slug eggs Slick a slug with super glue Stick it on your sister Sue Place another, maybe two In her favorite high heel shoe Slugs are small and portable Just stuff 'em up your nose They'll fit beneath your armpits Or right between your toes Fat slugs Skinny slugs Sad slugs Grinny slugs Dimpled ones Crinkled ones Wrinkled ones Slugs are very beautiful Even chubby pimpled ones Sneeze a slug slurp a slug Squeeze a slug twirp a slug If you have a stomach ache You can even burp a slug Roast 'em Toast 'em Stew 'em Chew 'em Dump 'em in your mother's bath Ask her to shampoo 'em Suck your slugs through straws Mix them with spaghetti Drop them off your balcony Special slug confetti Use them in bananna splits Instead of ripe bananners Or put them in your father's polka dot pajammers Cover one with toothpaste Or chocolate if it's handy Then wrap it up in cellophane "Won't you have some candy?" Tie one to a bottle rocket Launch it, zappo zingo Shoot one from a slingshot Through a neighbor's window Like to play monopoly? Then try the game with slugs You'll never have to move them And they won't run off like bugs They're excellent as bookmarks For polishing antiques They're comfortable as earplugs And great for patching leaks Some are square Some have claws Some are shaped like flutes Some have hair Some wear bras Some wear three piece suits They live in houses, trailers, slums Wealthy slugs sail giant yachts Slugs are cowboys, slugs are bums Slugs are even astronauts Why, there are even slugs that know karate There are slugs as big as you And some night when you're fast asleep This is what they'll do... They'll grab you by your chin Butter you with germs Throw you out the window Mash you up with worms They'll cook you into pancakes And turn you inside out So your liver's on the outside And your brain is sauerkraut Then they'll put you back together So your navel's in your nose So your feet come out your ears So your eyes are on your toes They they'll stuff you in a garbage can And leave you overnight And after how YOU'VE treated slugs It surely serves you right!!!

GreedyTop -> RE: Who wants to be absurd? (11/7/2011 12:33:58 AM)
http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/im-comic-sans-asshole

gungadin09 -> RE: Who wants to be absurd? (11/7/2011 2:00:47 AM)
Goldilocks it's known had lots of guys And Pinochio's one, i do surmise She'd sit on his face Stick his nose in that place Then make the poor puppet tell lies. author unknown pam

Delilya -> RE: Who wants to be absurd? (11/7/2011 3:08:40 AM)
Big Bad Wolf http://youtu.be/XKMoVAObbhE

gungadin09 -> RE: Who wants to be absurd? (11/7/2011 9:15:39 PM)
Three cheers for Denmark and State Sponsored porn! http://www.finlandforthought.net/2005/09/19/danish-disabled-and-elderly-watch-porn-and-have-sex-with-prostitutes pam

DaNewAgeViking -> RE: Who wants to be absurd? (11/7/2011 9:20:19 PM)
On Saturn the sexes are three which is strange, I'm sure you'll agree. For performing con-brio you'll be needing a trio and it even takes two just to pee. [sm=dancing.gif]

gungadin09 -> RE: Who wants to be absurd? (11/7/2011 9:52:25 PM)
Entomology time again. Give the common name and the scientific order. EXHIBIT A [image]local://upfiles/972018/C7E9A731FA0E4FFB95444EFEA6DA553B.jpg[/image]

gungadin09 -> RE: Who wants to be absurd? (11/7/2011 9:58:32 PM)
EXHIBIT B [image]local://upfiles/972018/918AC96249E449A7B8B4B98BA6A6F3E0.jpg[/image]

gungadin09 -> RE: Who wants to be absurd? (11/7/2011 10:04:31 PM)
EXHIBIT C [image]local://upfiles/972018/9EF1EFAEE1FD4993B23981A7FDCA4D56.gif[/image]

gungadin09 -> RE: Who wants to be absurd? (11/7/2011 10:53:24 PM)
I Hear the Wind Blow- TMBG http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARLeqUGu8UE pam

gungadin09 -> RE: Who wants to be absurd? (11/7/2011 11:18:56 PM)
Spaghetti Cat- Parry Gripp http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXHqoPHZCUM pam

gungadin09 -> RE: Who wants to be absurd? (11/7/2011 11:30:22 PM)
Llama Song- Albino Black Sheep http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMYN4djSq7o&feature=related pam

isoLadyOwner -> RE: Who wants to be absurd? (11/8/2011 4:25:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gungadin09 quote: ORIGINAL: isoLadyOwner quote: ORIGINAL: MadAxeman Ripped off by Boy George and now Lady Gaga. This guy lived it. Speakers on people. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AzNobpw34QQ&feature=related Leigh Bowery knew Jobriath's name: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Lp_e4wUnz4 isoLadyOwner, i wasn't sure if this was meant as an application for membership. Perhaps you would be good enough to clarify. We would love to have you, if you're interested. pam Thank you! I'll go ahead and link one of the most absurdly grim music videos in existence. It has flies, honey, and Marc Almond. Coil - "Tainted Love" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eo3TUtRnZi4 RIP Jhonn --- RIP Sleazy.

VirginPotty -> RE: Who wants to be absurd? (11/8/2011 8:04:44 AM)
If this isn't absurd you can paint purple polka dots on my ass, call it a dress & take me out in public. http://www.collarchat.com/m_3886894/tm.htm

Page: << < prev 20 21 [22] 23 24 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875