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ORIGINAL: bostondom55
So... vanilla stuff about me: I like to travel, I truly love music and my good friends, I used to sew and design leather goods, I am a poet and blues man, I like to have interesting dreams...   

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You have proven younger subs do come here, but I still think you are the exception. Or maybe just exceptional?

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ORIGINAL: kalikshama

Boston has an active Scene - have you tried Fet for local events? Are you in Boston proper? I know people who go to North and South shore events.

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ORIGINAL: bostondom55

Hello. I have a question for the subs. I have sent messages to subs here (and elsewhere), received nice replies, even chatted with them and been encouraged then... nothing. It just annoys the hell out of me. I'm older, somewhat traditional in terms of manners. Even if I have asked for a simple, polite "I'm pursuing other options" reply... nothing.

Why? Is it that you are so enthralled with another prospective Dom? Blocking my messages for... some reason? What is the reason? Not wanting to let somebody know they're a stuffed shirt? You see this as polite? Please give me some inclination why you choose to do this.

When I was young, I thought I was a great kisser. Only with a patient GF did I find most women are not into a hard tongue invading their mouth. Why not give us oblivious guys a hint?

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ORIGINAL: strongbottom88

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ORIGINAL: LaughingVampire

Remember, for men on this site, you will only get a return of 5% (if you're lucky) on all the effort you put in (as in; for every hundred words you write only expect to receive 5 in return). And way less than 1% of all contacts you make stand a chance of resulting in a real world encounter. If this reality is too much for you to bear, give up and save yourself a lot of stress.

Now that is just depressing. I am almost as new to the site as you are and have only been sending out "words" for a few weeks. I have to say, this has not been my experience at all on the site. Sure, there are some women who will not reply to a post or may never read it, but I have found that experience to be the exception more than the rule and I think you are right that when it does happen we have to be able to chalk it up to the realization that women on these sites are way more inundated with email than guys are- but 5% return if you are lucky - wow I hope my experience does not even out over time. I would say that several of the women I have contacted have been especially thankful for a well thought out email, even noting that is a rare experience for them on this site.

There is no doubt some of my emails have been more well thought out than others, but I am not painstakenly choosing every single word in any of them. This leads me to believe that guys are just shooting from the hip with almost no thought about who they are contacting and why. If you share nothing in common with a woman other than finding her picture attractive or being on the opposite side of the dominant/submissive side than her or you are not paying any attention to her profile/journal, then you are not thinking through the email enough - including the choice of whether or not to make it. (I am not suggesting you are doing this, but speaking more generally)

And yes, I realize I have probably jinxed and cursed myself going forward. Oh well.

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ORIGINAL: bostondom55

But it is annoying when they respond with silence. What happened to the courtesy of letting a guy down gently? Especially if he hasn't been a jerk? (sighs). It's part of my nature to seek closure, so this issue resonates with me.

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ORIGINAL: Endivius


Maybe try rubbing one or two out before you try to send out a message. Then all those wacky hormones won't be interfering with you, and you can function like an adult.

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ORIGINAL: Hisprettybaby

K, you said sub and I'm a switch, but here goes anyway. I perved your profile and there is not one single vanilla thing listed on the left side of your profile. Also, all you talk about in the essay portion of your profile is kinky shit. You're profile is very dick-centric and that alone would keep me from writing back to you in the first place.

Women get a lot of mail on these sites, no matter which side of the kneel they're on and, honestly, a woman can get dick just about any time. I want to know what makes a person unique and special, and what makes him stand out from the rest. A person's profile is supposed to let people know who you are and what you're looking for and, if it's totally dick-centric, well there ya go.

~edited to add~
I used to always write back to every cmail I got, no matter how one-liner, rude, "on your knees bitch," dick-centric or whatever it seemed, just to politely say "No thank you." Now I don't anymore because they will argue and try to persuade me that their bullshit is something I really do want, regardless of what I think. No more. I just got tired of fighting a losing battle. Now it's just BLOCK! DELETE! NEXT!!

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ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Endivius, your post was exceptional!

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ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

Well done, Endi!

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ORIGINAL: Endivius


I am pretty sure my previous response was more than adequate for pointing out the lunacy of expectations people have regarding online interactions.


This particular discussion has gone in a new direction, so I will relate my advice to those who are having a hard time understanding thier success/failure rates with women (to an extent, much of this can probably be applied to women as well as men) :

Go against every natural instinct and stop trying to be someone you are not. A woman is not interested in who you project yourself to be. Women are not puzzle boxes with complicated cyphers that you have to deduce in order to interact with them. They are people, just like the girl that works the counter at the drug store, the police officer that gave you that ticket, or the model in the billboard advertisement you drove by at work today. They have real needs, real opinions, real interests, and real fears. Most importantly, women are not fetish delivery systems that you can just snatch out of the air on a whim. You have to offer something of substance to even be considered, and the number of men far exceeds the number of women regardless of wich side of the D/s dynamic you fall. Key note here : Substance is not money.

Just because your dick gets hard when you started flipping through the profile pictures, does not mean that a woman is any more likely to respond to you. You have to engage a woman with more than your hormones, seduce her. Every woman is different, and no one way will work with each of them. For this reason, you must be creative, thoughtfull, and most importantly, interesting. I'm sure you thought it was an awesome idea to post a pic of your penis, but guess what, women aren't attracted to penises. A picture of you all hot and sweaty after an exhaustive work out wearing a pair of trunks is far more sexy than a picture of your penis. And besides, most of you poor bastards have small cocks anyway, so stop embarrasing yourselves.

Be honest and direct with your thoughts, convey them with complete sentences, use your spell checker, and for fuck sakes, be funny. Humor is one of the few things in the world that is pure, it is like music; in that it crosses all the boundaries that speech is normally limited by. Because you are using text and not sound to communicate, do so with style. Your style, whatever that may be, is far better interpretted when it is light hearted and interesting.

In closing, I have not taken CM seriously in terms of trying to find the woman of my dreams. I have very patiently and casually sent out messages randomly to women that I found to be interesting, most commonly from posts on the forums. With the exception of 2 of them, I have had long conversations with all the rest, and have never ended one on a sour note or been blocked. If you continue to struggle with success, keep in mind that the common denominator is YOU.