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When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/25/2006 8:18:24 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
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This results from a real life experience and I'd like to hear ideas, thoughts and comments--all of us are human, with real needs, wants, fears and issues--we talk often of the Dominant being the "strong one", the all powerful guiding force in the relationship---(don't flame here, focus on the question)--but we all have an "achilles heel" somewhere--(maybe we aren't supposed to have one)--so here goes: I have one--for all the confidence I rule My life--I have an achilles heel--fear at My age of loss of My job and the effect that will or could have on My child--things recently for Me have been very hard for a variety of reasons--work has been the worst with a manager who delights in making My life hell--wherever she can--although she cannot attack My work skills and work ethics---she attacks Me in other areas--nothing HR can do anything about--the only way I can manage this is to get it out of My system, talk it out--and when I feel it is the greatest, I feel a sense of hmmm fear I guess is the best word--this is not the focus of My life day to day, but lately I have had a few moments that were the worst--and sharing this with a submissive, makes Me feel I appear less than competent, less than capable, less than---hmm Dominant--

So what are your thoughts about You as a Dominant, do you "hide" your fears, your weaknesses? Submissives--how do you feel when a Dominant has a weakness, an achilles heel where life can control them?

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

Post #: 1

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/25/2006 8:21:41 AM

spankingglo

Posts: 7
Joined: 3/27/2006
Status: offline

for me it isn't wether or not someone has weaknesses but how they confront and harness them. Courage isn't not being afraid it's doing what needs to be done regardless of how you feel. Knowing a persons fears can make me feel compassionate towards them. Watching them confront those fears...even use those fears to their own advantage and growth makes them someone I respect.

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 2

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/25/2006 8:29:26 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

As usual, it's better when things are out on the table. If somethings wrong, it will be sensed and cause more problems than if it's just brought out into the open.

After it's on the table, where you go from there depends on the relationship and specific issue.

But a submissive who goes into a relationship expecting someone without faults, weaknesses, and securities, and a dominant who allows a submissive to have that perception- are only setting themselves up to fail in the long term.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 3

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/25/2006 8:30:09 AM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
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Hey MH
To share a weakness with a submissive shows a true sign of confidence and strength in my opinion. It shows that you have enough self esteem to share your frailties with one that you are in a relationship with. It allows them to see the full essence of your human nature and shows them that they too should be able to share thier vulnerabilities with you, without feeling ashamed of them. Why would this make you feel less Dominant? I think it makes you a better, wiser, more caring, more understanding and a stronger Domme.

I know how you feel. I often fear what would happen to me if I loss my job. I know I could find another one, but I love the money I make and the people I work with here. I'd have to start all over again and that is a fear most of us have..I think.. I'm also afraid of the dark, but not too many people know that. They just think I'm pure kinky and always want to have sex with the light on for the visuals........winks, Kevin

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 4

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/25/2006 8:56:31 AM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
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MHOO Ma'am...... as usual another interesting post. I for one, am up front and will ask a Dominant one about any fears and or weaknesses that I should be made aware of. And I think knowing about them helps me to understand when something isn't going right. It helps me be a better sound board when he needs to vent. It also help me know it's not me.... it's something.....someone else. I cn sit and listen and not be on edge. I can give feed back when asked because I was able to listen better.

First Example: My former owner was ...is...allergic to alcohol. But when he would get around his former running buddies... bottles would be past around. And yes, the fight would be on. First time I ever slapped a Dom across the face. Knocked his glasses across the yard. His buddy (a biker) said he was his friend and could do what ever he wanted....I rared back...that may be so... but you're not fucking him and gonna have to clean up the mess and pay DR bills for this either. Well...for the next 5 years that man never drank from another bottle. After leaving the ER.... told him I was outta there...took him 3 weeks of chasing me to get me back. But he knew....the next time.... I would leave him to his buddies. Because of knowing of his weakness, I was able to ward off more damage than had I of not known. The DR said had I of not been there.....he would of died.

I find nothing wrong with any dominant that shows a weakness, fear. His weakness was drinking, his fear was not having me (at that time anyways...lol) It helps remind me that a dom is human too. Built up anger, hurt, etc...is dangerous. Causing all kinds of reactions from ulcers, to strokes. Venting usually helps. Be it verbally, punching back hanging in basement or backyard works too. Then there is that little added pleasure of being used to vent on. And no i'm not talking about being used as the punching bag and being abused in any way shape or form.

Even now, I talk with a dom that I have to sometimes bark back at when he's using me as a sounding board to vent about his job. I tell him...luckily we've been friends longer than he's been a dom...lol

Bottom line is....superman/wonder woman..... are comic book characters. Dominant men and ladies are human..... to think of them any other way.... or for them to think of themselves as anything other than human....is actually kinda sad...IMO. Because when one can't share thoughts....fears....needs.....wants.....etc...... there's something lacking. And when something is lacking.... well....you know how this end....

Love seeing you again Ma'am..... hope all goes well for you....and (laughs)....when the boss gets to being to much... make them wonder why you're smiling at them.....because in your mind... you see them strung up and being whipped....

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 5

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/25/2006 9:05:55 AM

babyblues

Posts: 80
Joined: 8/10/2005
Status: offline

i think that many submissives are very nurturing people.....by opening up with your fears you would allow this quality to shine....no worthy submissive would think less of you for being human, they would love you all the more and be proud that you trusted them with your fears....

Fastlane, if my Dominant were to share with me that he was afraid of the dark, i would shower his feet with kisses in gratitude that he could confide so deeply in me....

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 6

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/25/2006 9:14:00 AM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

This results from a real life experience and I'd like to hear ideas, thoughts and comments--all of us are human, with real needs, wants, fears and issues--we talk often of the Dominant being the "strong one", the all powerful guiding force in the relationship---(don't flame here, focus on the question)--but we all have an "achilles heel" somewhere--(maybe we aren't supposed to have one)--so here goes: I have one--for all the confidence I rule My life--I have an achilles heel--fear at My age of loss of My job and the effect that will or could have on My child--things recently for Me have been very hard for a variety of reasons--work has been the worst with a manager who delights in making My life hell--wherever she can--although she cannot attack My work skills and work ethics---she attacks Me in other areas--nothing HR can do anything about--the only way I can manage this is to get it out of My system, talk it out--and when I feel it is the greatest, I feel a sense of hmmm fear I guess is the best word--this is not the focus of My life day to day, but lately I have had a few moments that were the worst--and sharing this with a submissive, makes Me feel I appear less than competent, less than capable, less than---hmm Dominant--

So what are your thoughts about You as a Dominant, do you "hide" your fears, your weaknesses? Submissives--how do you feel when a Dominant has a weakness, an achilles heel where life can control them?

I would feel, "Wow, she's a human being!" I would also feel honored that she trusted me enough to show me her vulnerability.

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 7

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/25/2006 9:40:15 AM

Submotive

Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Submissives--how do you feel when a Dominant has a weakness, an achilles heel where life can control them?

First of all, MH, You know i adore You. ~smiles~.

my Master is very human and my service to Him encompasess everything. Afterall, other words for submission are love, care, respect, devotion. It is my understanding that the words "power exchange" reflect that both parties have power to exchange. It's not power transfer.

When He talks to me about His doubts, insecurities, challenges, problems, fears, hopes and dreams, i feel so blessed because it helps me understand Him better and know how to serve Him well. i don't experience Him as less of a Master when He rests His head on my breast and needs to feel accepted and loved, than i do when He's whipping me. It's all part of Him, me, U/us.

Scotch Master and i focus on and work toward creating a deeper and deeper intimacy and trust. This can only happen, IMHO, when both parties feel permitted to be who they are, and not feel required to measure up to some fantasy of power and control. i believe a good submissive will focus on her/his Dominant's strengths but be ready to offer strength and support when He/She is facing difficult challenges, wounds, fears and doubts of their own.

If i don't know what's really going on with Master, then His attitudes, feelings etc. will be very confusing to me. i'll feel like He doesn't trust me and will begin to withdraw as well. Trust needs to be a 2-way street. i cannot trust another completely who is not willing to reveal themselves to me as well as accept and receive all of who i am.

_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 8

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/25/2006 10:32:48 AM

Proprietrix

Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline

I don’t try to hide my fears, doubts, and weaknesses. I fight constantly to break the "Dominatrix mold." that’s out there. That not only includes how we look, but also how we function in daily life. My subs/slaves need to have a realistic perspective of me as a person. As a human being, I’m going to have flaws, weaknesses, and fears. If they expect me not to, they are expecting an unrealistic relationship with a fantasy. If they think less of me because I don’t fulfill that fantasy role, then there’s little left to try to work with and they need to be on their merry way.

_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 9

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/25/2006 10:35:09 AM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix

I don’t try to hide my fears, doubts, and weaknesses. I fight constantly to break the "Dominatrix mold." that’s out there. That not only includes how we look, but also how we function in daily life. My subs/slaves need to have a realistic perspective of me as a person. As a human being, I’m going to have flaws, weaknesses, and fears. If they expect me not to, they are expecting an unrealistic relationship with a fantasy. If they think less of me because I don’t fulfill that fantasy role, then there’s little left to try to work with and they need to be on their merry way.

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to Proprietrix)

Post #: 10

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/25/2006 10:39:16 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

I feel like most submissives...I would be honored that He thought enough of me to confide His fear(s).

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 11

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/25/2006 10:47:55 AM

Oumae

Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix

I don’t try to hide my fears, doubts, and weaknesses. I fight constantly to break the "Dominatrix mold." that’s out there. That not only includes how we look, but also how we function in daily life. My subs/slaves need to have a realistic perspective of me as a person. As a human being, I’m going to have flaws, weaknesses, and fears. If they expect me not to, they are expecting an unrealistic relationship with a fantasy. If they think less of me because I don’t fulfill that fantasy role, then there’s little left to try to work with and they need to be on their merry way.

Very nicely put!

I don't like spiders/creepy crawlies, if I am on my own I deal with them, if I am in the company of a sub they are asked to deal with it, while we may have laughed about it not one has ever objected to rescuing me.

The above is only a small thing but the subs enjoyed serving and feeling like a hero for a few minutes.

I don't lean on people easily so if I shared a big fear I was having a sub should take it as a sign of my trust in them.

Oumae

_____________________________

Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

(in reply to Proprietrix)

Post #: 12

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/25/2006 11:07:08 AM

MrrPete

Posts: 614
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

If you hold back your fears and "achilles heel" how is that being honest
with your partner? She will serve you the better for the sharing.

Mr. Pete

avaiable n looking

Boycott Tequila

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 13

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/25/2006 1:13:03 PM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I don't lean on people easily so if I shared a big fear I was having a sub should take it as a sign of my trust in them.

Well said---I am the same, I just don't lean well and when I need to, I feel as if Im frightfully human----LOL (please don't think I think I have to be perfect, its just one of My "achilles heels"--

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 5/25/2006 1:14:49 PM >

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to Oumae)

Post #: 14

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/25/2006 2:32:31 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

So what are your thoughts about You as a Dominant, do you "hide" your fears, your weaknesses? Submissives--how do you feel when a Dominant has a weakness, an achilles heel where life can control them?

I hard dishonesty and yet I do find that I hide things about myself or dislike/hate myself for some things.

I hate needing help -- any kind of help. Very difficult to negotiate the line between wanting service and needing help sometimes. Especially when I'm sick or injured -- to make up for my needing help I can become a real bitch.

I worry that some of my desires and fantasies are scary so I withhold them until I'm more comfortable around someone. Why? Because I'm not scared of my doing these things -- geesh, how much self-control and morals do I have? -- but I fear scaring off a person. I bond tightly to people and it bloody hurts my heart to have someone run from me.

I also hate feeling unuseful. See, even though I know its total crap, I was raised with the belief that the only reason my mother was alive was because of me. Everything I did either gave her another day to live to would end her life. I was the center of this sick little world by being good, being useful, being needed. (TMI probably) So the result is that I do a lot of things that I fantasy a lot of other dominants and slave owners do not -- household stuff, household management, social management -- that can wear me out but which I'm afraid to give up.

Are those enough fears?

I'm a very human dom/top.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 15

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/25/2006 2:37:49 PM

Fawne

Posts: 462
Status: offline

Gracious thanks to all who are brave enough to be open.

humbly, fawne

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 16

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/25/2006 3:14:37 PM

iliv2servher

Posts: 228
Joined: 5/17/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

Submissives--how do you feel when a Dominant has a weakness, an achilles heel where life can control them?

If a submissive thinks that a dominant cannot have faults, then they are not living in the real world. If that person really needs to believe that the dominant is all powerful and cannot make mistakes in order for them to submit, then the submissive is living in the fantasy world rather than the reality.

So what does one do? Try couples counciling with a KAP* (Kink-Aware Professional) in your city. If there is a therapist you can trust, and who is sensitive to the issues of the S&M community, you might be able to salvage your relationship. Otherwise, I think the relationship is doomed to failure. After all, who wants to live a lie?

*http://www.ncsfreedom.org/kap/

< Message edited by iliv2servher -- 5/25/2006 3:22:14 PM >

_____________________________

Dating sucks!

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 17

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/25/2006 3:32:52 PM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

Hugs to you MH, you know my weakness. I'm sorry you are having a hard time. This too shall pass my friend. If you need a shoulder, you know mine is here for you.

< Message edited by MistressOfGa -- 5/25/2006 3:34:29 PM >

_____________________________

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 18

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/25/2006 3:52:03 PM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

I have never understood the assumption...by anyone...that because a person is dominant, he never experiences fear, worry, doubt, insecurity or any other emotion that the rest of humanity feels.

It's ok to be human. Really, we prefer you that way.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 19

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/25/2006 5:02:25 PM

Varicolored

Posts: 7
Joined: 3/8/2006
Status: offline

Fears are something we all have. I think with the dominant personality, there is a tendency to think that having fears/concerns makes you less in control. Recently, Mistress and I had a similar conversation. As her slave I need and want to know these things. I exist to lift her up, to ease her life, not to make it more burdensome. If I don't know these things, I can't act to alleviate them. I want to be proactive in Mistress' life. I want, more than anything, to see that smile in her eyes. It's truly a wonderful thing to behold. Knowing that Mistress is human, does not, for me, diminish her in any way. It opens things between us. I know a thing or two about relationships where communication becomes one sided, then, no sided.

That's a no win scenario. Frankly, I would not want to belong to someone who was unable to communicate with me in trust. After all, as a slave, I am placing a lot of trust in Mistress. I need to know she trusts me too. We're all human. Being that doesn't diminish us at all.

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 20

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