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RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/25/2006 5:07:58 PM

SweetEscravo

Posts: 193
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline

Every one of us here- dominant, mistress, master, sub, slave, slut...whatever...we are all just human.

Every one of us has our baggage, our problems, fears and dreams.

A dominant should not try to become a god...he or she should become fully human.

(in reply to Varicolored)

Post #: 21

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/25/2006 5:15:57 PM

Rayne58

Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline

I support Master when He goes to the hospital, when He has to have procedures, even when He is on the dialysis machine. He has to have another surgery soon and already He is stressing. I know how nervous He gets and having me there has a calming effect for Him. If I could go into the theatre with Him I would!

He gets so frustrated sometimes with the medical profession, and His illness in general. Having someone here to vent to, cuddle with and support Him through things does Him good and makes me feel like I'm making a difference

(in reply to Varicolored)

Post #: 22

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/25/2006 5:30:42 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

I recently ended a D/s relationship because the dominant shut me out when he was depressed and down. He wouldn't let me support him, wouldn't let me be there for him. He didn't trust me to understand. He kept saying 'I'm supposed to be the strong one' and I asked him where in the rule book it said he couldn't be human. He wouldn't answer the phone, or his door, or his emails.
The fact that he didn't see that we could have worked through it together made me wonder if he saw me as inadequate and not up to the task.
There is so much talk about how the submissive needs to trust the dominant; I think the dominant needs to trust the submissive as well.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 23

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/25/2006 10:15:40 PM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

I operate with the "need to know" protocol in regards to
how much of My own human failings will be shared.
My friends, Lifestyle or otherwise, know about the back
and neck injuries, and being unable to do any heavy lifting.

There are family issues and ghosts in the past that shall
remain out of the discussion; unless a very close personal
relationship develops and sharing those issues would
benefit the present and the future of the relationship.

YMMV,

Vendaval

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314
So what are your thoughts about You as a Dominant, do you "hide" your fears, your weaknesses?

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 24

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/25/2006 10:36:16 PM

genvieve

Posts: 228
Joined: 5/14/2005
From: SF Bay Area
Status: offline

The truth of the matter is... Dom/mes are P/people too. They have weaknesses, insecurities, mood swings and the like. Where i tend to have issues is where the Dominant hides them.

_____________________________

In the quietness of myself, i find myself at the mercy of Your hand.

Musical Wishes Design

(in reply to Varicolored)

Post #: 25

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/25/2006 11:47:44 PM

brightspot

Posts: 3052
Status: offline

Dear MHOO,
Well to answer you quite simply, I can say that I have found more admiration for you after reading your OP and in no way has it caused me to doubt your ability as a Dominant. I find myself instead seeing a deeper strength of character.

I would react the same way with my personal Domina. It is a belief of mine that it takes a hellava lot more strength to share your vulnerabilities (especially with someone who looks up to you) than to suffer in silence pretending to be always strong and have it all together.

I know when I am in a relationship with a Domina there are things I look up to her for i.e. reassurance, trust, feelings of safety,
support to be the best I can be, but being Super-Human isn't one of them

.

Her sharing of vulnerabilities increases the trust and closeness. I think it's important in any relationship and I hope it get's easier for you to do, I think you will be surprised at the results.

As for the Biotch at work, I am sorry you have to deal with such non-sense and hope karma quickly bites her in the ass

.

*Brightspot

_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-TD4TwEw8crWS3GHFDcs_DK1rHmW6Dq_E;_ylt=Av2PfG9gH0wkQrMPivuMCivGAOJ3

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 26

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/25/2006 11:48:50 PM

becca333

Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline

Showing those fears and insecurities are offering the great gifts of trust and intimacy. That's not in any way demeaning, it doesn't reduce a Dom/me at all. Revealing such a part of yourself shows strength and confidence.

And if a sub can't handle that, then they've got very unrealistic expectations, and the wheels are going to fall off the relationship pretty soon anyway.

(in reply to Varicolored)

Post #: 27

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/26/2006 12:43:24 AM

Kedikat

Posts: 680
Joined: 4/20/2006
Status: offline

You are dealing with a genuine problem. It is not crushing you. You go and face it day after day. And you do it for noble reasons.
So often, the worst things in life are caused by the weak character of others.
These are the hardest to overcome, for they never come face to face with you and sort it out like a decent human being.
Be proud that you can bear their weakness and still work and provide.
Also. With this kind of worm, there is no dishonor in skillfully skewering them in any way you can. They are showing at least one weakness, maybe it and others can be turned against them.
I don't think this is your Achilles heel, it is theirs.

(in reply to Varicolored)

Post #: 28

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/26/2006 3:33:20 AM

meatcleaver

Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline

I've always thought the idea of a dom being 'strong' as a weakness in and of itself. We don't live in a society where being 'strong' in the sense I believe most people in the life style mean 'strong' is much of an asset. Our society is far too complex and political, that to have such a fixed dimension is very much a weakness. The world doesn't have fixed points and is in a constant state of flux.

I remember watching a documentry about prisoners of war and apparently it was the strong 'he man' types were the first to crack because they were least equiped to cope with such a stressful situation. We usually think of strong as proactive but that is a very limited view. Sometimes you have just got to take a step back and let the world wash over you. Fighting battles you cannot win is not a strength but an abject weakness.

I'm so laid back I might as well be on my back but I do take advantage of opportunities when they arise and I don't let myself be walked over by people I think have taken advantage of my apparent easy going nature. Fear of losing a job I've never considered as something to get worked up about, I've walked out of so many jobs because I thought I was being taken advantage of. There is always some way to make a better living than always fearing the axe. Now I work for myself which is something I should have done years ago which brings more stress because I have commitments I am and feel obliged to meet.

But then I guess I don't consider myself a dom, more a top. I'm into kink and not so much into power exchange outside of play.

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 29

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/26/2006 7:32:31 AM

spectreandnectre

Posts: 401
Joined: 3/20/2006
From: nebraska
Status: offline

i do think that alot of Dominants out there are afraid of showing that side but in my humble opinion i think i could better serve Him if i knew all of those weaknesses. i would encourage a Dominant to open up to me and tell me their fears (as well as there dreams, goals and whatever else)

i think that openess makes things easier to deal with. Would make me wonder "hhhmmm He's not Himself what is the problem" How could i make things better if i dont know and then i would feel as if i am not doing my job. But again only my opinion.

_____________________________

"When I see you, the world stops as if the only purpose in life was for me to please you."

(in reply to Varicolored)

Post #: 30

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/26/2006 8:48:42 AM

GddssBella

Posts: 343
Joined: 2/24/2004
Status: offline

G'morning all:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix
I don’t try to hide my fears, doubts, and weaknesses. I fight constantly to break the "Dominatrix mold." that’s out there. That not only includes how we look, but also how we function in daily life. My subs/slaves need to have a realistic perspective of me as a person. As a human being, I’m going to have flaws, weaknesses, and fears. If they expect me not to, they are expecting an unrealistic relationship with a fantasy. If they think less of me because I don’t fulfill that fantasy role, then there’s little left to try to work with and they need to be on their merry way.

Well said.

I've often thought inner strength is displayed when you can admit your vulnerabilities, deal with them AND seek support when you flounder. We're all human. It's not debilitating to face that. What is going to undermine your resolve is allowing this to remain under the surface and poison your peace of mind. Vent, debate, discuss, get opinions, consider advice, even with your submissive. It's healthy. You may find that when you give this window of insight to him, that his regard for you will deepen.

As to your career status? I'm not sure what the E.E.O. regulations in your area may be, but there may be some recourse under the "hostile work environment" issue. Seek legal advice "out of agency". Don't look for resolution within your workplace. Explore what options you have through City/State/Federal departments. Give no specifics as to your company's name, your own, or the manager involved. Do provide them with pertinent details as to your situation. See if you have a case.

Stay safe, play nice, & share your toys w/ others...

Bella

_____________________________

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly shouting..."Wow! What a ride!"

(in reply to Proprietrix)

Post #: 31

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/26/2006 9:33:47 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

MH

In Australia I know that some companies set up an EAP (employee assistance program) and the employee has access to 3 - 6 free sessions of couselling. The employer is only told that a person attended and on what date, no other information is provided back to them. Is there anything like this in the USA?

Also, I would feel honoured if a dominant trusted me enough to share their fears or concerns and would hope that if nothing else, then simply by listening I was providing some support.

wanders

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 32

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/26/2006 9:41:57 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wandersalone
MH

In Australia I know that some companies set up an EAP (employee assistance program) and the employee has access to 3 - 6 free sessions of couselling. The employer is only told that a person attended and on what date, no other information is provided back to them. Is there anything like this in the USA?
wanders

Some employers have programs like this, but it's not a mandatory thing.

Although most areas do have counseling centers that people can go to for free or low cost.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to wandersalone)

Post #: 33

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/26/2006 10:53:05 AM

Dustyn

Posts: 1044
Joined: 4/5/2006
Status: offline

My 'heel' never involves my bdsm activities. My daughter is my one true weakness. Everything else may very well hurt like all Hells if it's attacked, but the retribution I deliver back to the offender is often enough to counterbalance things for me. My fears are for her and the impact of my past.

_____________________________

Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.

Murderer?! Murderer! Let me tell you something about murder. It's fun; it's easy; you gonna learn ALL about it. - Tin Tin

Can you be more amusing?

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 34

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/26/2006 12:17:19 PM

Slipstreme

Posts: 817
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline

I can't hid my fears and weaknesses. I'm not biologically capable, and as much as I tried, I keep crumbling. So I don't try to keep them to myself any longer. I usually bring it to my friends, and if it is a matter about BDSM, it usually ends up here (note my thread about pain play and inexperience recently). I tend to constantly worry and question, something that my friend keeps trying to console me in. She keeps trying to get me to trust myself, which is something I have always had a hard time doing. I'm a mess, and my friends know it.

_____________________________

Living the Dichotomy

Painslut? How about "Endorphin Junkie"?

For information about "the furry thing" please check out my profile journal entry for: 1/17/2006

Alpha of a leather family of four. Master to the slave z.

(in reply to Varicolored)

Post #: 35

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/27/2006 11:17:32 AM

Dustyn

Posts: 1044
Joined: 4/5/2006
Status: offline

Self confidence is often the hardest thing to find in the universe...

_____________________________

Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.

Murderer?! Murderer! Let me tell you something about murder. It's fun; it's easy; you gonna learn ALL about it. - Tin Tin

Can you be more amusing?

(in reply to Slipstreme)

Post #: 36

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/27/2006 2:16:17 PM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

Bottom line is....superman/wonder woman..... are comic book characters. Dominant men and ladies are human..... to think of them any other way.... or for them to think of themselves as anything other than human....is actually kinda sad...IMO. Because when one can't share thoughts....fears....needs.....wants.....etc...... there's something lacking. And when something is lacking.... well....you know how this end....

quote:

ORIGINAL: Submotive

my Master is very human and my service to Him encompasess everything. Afterall, other words for submission are love, care, respect, devotion. It is my understanding that the words "power exchange" reflect that both parties have power to exchange. It's not power transfer.

When He talks to me about His doubts, insecurities, challenges, problems, fears, hopes and dreams, i feel so blessed because it helps me understand Him better and know how to serve Him well. i don't experience Him as less of a Master when He rests His head on my breast and needs to feel accepted and loved, than i do when He's whipping me. It's all part of Him, me, U/us.

Scotch Master and i focus on and work toward creating a deeper and deeper intimacy and trust. This can only happen, IMHO, when both parties feel permitted to be who they are, and not feel required to measure up to some fantasy of power and control. i believe a good submissive will focus on her/his Dominant's strengths but be ready to offer strength and support when He/She is facing difficult challenges, wounds, fears and doubts of their own.

If i don't know what's really going on with Master, then His attitudes, feelings etc. will be very confusing to me. i'll feel like He doesn't trust me and will begin to withdraw as well. Trust needs to be a 2-way street. i cannot trust another completely who is not willing to reveal themselves to me as well as accept and receive all of who i am.

Wonderfully said, true and submotive. Goes a long way to summing up how I think about it.

Very good thread, MH.

< Message edited by Level -- 5/27/2006 2:30:14 PM >

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 37

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/27/2006 3:20:15 PM

BreakingGlass

Posts: 565
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Spider-Skull Island
Status: offline

I fell in love with him first as a person...only after some time did I realize my submissive tendencies, and these only flower around him.

I know his frailties, as he knows mine. I also know his strengths, and part of my strength comes from knowing he can tell me what he needs to, that he trusts me enough to let me see what others shouldn't. Part of carrying his burden is what makes me feel special when I'm with him, and I'd carry more of it if I could.

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 38

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/27/2006 5:01:23 PM

LadiesBladewing

Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: spankingglo

for me it isn't wether or not someone has weaknesses but how they confront and harness them. Courage isn't not being afraid it's doing what needs to be done regardless of how you feel. Knowing a persons fears can make me feel compassionate towards them. Watching them confront those fears...even use those fears to their own advantage and growth makes them someone I respect.

I agree completely. There is nothing I could add -- this is exactly how I feel... compassionate, and proud of the person's courage in expressing the fear, and very humbled that they would trust me enough to share this with me as a confidante.

Da'Avatar ZWD

www.klashaan.org

_____________________________

"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.
Bladewing Enclave

(in reply to spankingglo)

Post #: 39

RE: When a Dominant has an achilles heel - 5/27/2006 6:35:54 PM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kedikat

You are dealing with a genuine problem. It is not crushing you. You go and face it day after day. And you do it for noble reasons.
So often, the worst things in life are caused by the weak character of others.
These are the hardest to overcome, for they never come face to face with you and sort it out like a decent human being.
Be proud that you can bear their weakness and still work and provide.
Also. With this kind of worm, there is no dishonor in skillfully skewering them in any way you can. They are showing at least one weakness, maybe it and others can be turned against them.
I don't think this is your Achilles heel, it is theirs.

Very well said Sir. Your point went to the heart of the matter.

MHOO314; anything You think of, anytime, that might make me useful to You in any way is Yours -- You need not pay, nor ask twice.

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 5/27/2006 6:38:51 PM >

(in reply to Kedikat)

Post #: 40

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