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RE: Coworker may unknowingly be submissive - 10/28/2011 7:38:40 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		it possibly could. I've worked at jobs where women had men fired for sexual harassment for that very same thing. He flirted with her at work, she would make small gestures to show she wasn't interested, he'd not catch on, he'd finally ask her out, she'd say no, he'd continue to bother her about it, she'd still say no till it got to a point where she had to file charges with HR.

I've also had a woman at my last job who had an attorney almost disbarred for simply asking her out. She didn't like the attorney. No other reason.

So you may think we're out to lunch on this issue but many of us have either seen it firsthand or had to deal with it.



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RE: Coworker may unknowingly be submissive - 10/28/2011 7:48:08 PM   
HannahLynn


Posts: 687
Joined: 10/16/2011
From: where its fucking at.
Status: offline 		yea, yea, whatever. 

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RE: Coworker may unknowingly be submissive - 10/28/2011 8:07:54 PM   
tj444


Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynn
fuck off with the losing your job shit. that isn't going to happen from asking her out on a fucking date. christ on a cupcake people, be realistic, he's not talking about banging her ass in the store room, he's asking about how to go about finding out  if she is the submissive he thinks she is.

fucking hell, how do any of you manage to get laid with this pessimistic worst case scenario attitude you all have? that's what i'd like to know.

That is the worst case scenario, and imo, its usually the female that is fired or forced to find employment elsewhere.

I dont have any problem getting laid when i want to get laid. But since i have gotten laid by someone i worked with, its not something i would do again. For me it was just an impulsive one night thing, i brought a co-worker home and fucked him repeatedly all night long. The next fucking day the fucking guy sends me roses and wants me to run off with him! I'm going WTF??? He totally freaked me out, that wasnt what i wanted! It was just one nice fucking night and he had to go fuck it all up by wanting a freakin relationship and thinking it was love or something. (ugh!) I didnt see him often at work but when i did, i just didnt want to be near him. So yeah, it can make things unpleasant at work.

Another reason i dont want to date anyone i work with is been there, done that. My ex and i had a business together and when you work together all day, and then live together (or date), then imo you see too much of each other. Your work life co-mingles with your personal life and the next friggin thing you know you are talking about work all the time on your personal time, you never get away from it. Give me a guy that works someplace else! Then he can come home, i can feign interest and ask him how his day was, he gives me a 2 minute general synopsis and the rest of the evening is ours to enjoy doing happy pleasant stuff.

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RE: Coworker may unknowingly be submissive - 10/28/2011 9:06:16 PM   
HannahLynn


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Joined: 10/16/2011
From: where its fucking at.
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quote:

That is the worst case scenario
no shit, that's my whole fucking point. yea it "could" possibly happen, but then again you're probably way more likely to get killed in a car accident on your way to work. hiding from worst case scenarios, really now, what the fuck sort of way is that to live your life?

quote:

For me it was just an impulsive one night thing, i brought a co-worker home and fucked him repeatedly all night long. The next fucking day the fucking guy sends me roses and wants me to run off with him! I'm going WTF??? He totally freaked me out, that wasnt what i wanted!
well that's kind of like your own fucking fault for not making things clear before you fucked him now isn't it?

quote:

when you work together all day, and then live together (or date), then imo you see too much of each other.
that's valid, i can see that. but millions and millions of people manage it just fine. ask firm and treasure, seems it isn't an issue for them so that's really a personal preference thing. that being said its a preference i share with you, i don't think i'd like that too fucking much either.

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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Coworker may unknowingly be submissive - 10/28/2011 11:05:16 PM   
tj444


Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynn

quote:

That is the worst case scenario
no shit, that's my whole fucking point. yea it "could" possibly happen, but then again you're probably way more likely to get killed in a car accident on your way to work. hiding from worst case scenarios, really now, what the fuck sort of way is that to live your life?

quote:

For me it was just an impulsive one night thing, i brought a co-worker home and fucked him repeatedly all night long. The next fucking day the fucking guy sends me roses and wants me to run off with him! I'm going WTF??? He totally freaked me out, that wasnt what i wanted!
well that's kind of like your own fucking fault for not making things clear before you fucked him now isn't it?

quote:

when you work together all day, and then live together (or date), then imo you see too much of each other.
that's valid, i can see that. but millions and millions of people manage it just fine. ask firm and treasure, seems it isn't an issue for them so that's really a personal preference thing. that being said its a preference i share with you, i don't think i'd like that too fucking much either.

I think part of the worst case thing is it depends on where you live and what company you work for and who you get involved with. There are enough nasty break-ups and divorces, and that is the time when you see what that person is really like. As i said in my first post, it does work for some people and for others its a disaster. But there are plenty of fish in the sea so imo, i dont need the added problems of dating someone i work with.

As far as that guy went, I never said or did anything to give him the idea that it was anything more than just something casual (I had a boyfriend and he knew that). Maybe he thought it would be like that every night if i was his girlfriend, guys get funny ideas when they think about sex, sex, and more sex. Its not my fault that I had that effect on him.


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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Coworker may unknowingly be submissive - 10/28/2011 11:58:52 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynn

quote:

when you work together all day, and then live together (or date), then imo you see too much of each other.
that's valid, i can see that. but millions and millions of people manage it just fine. ask firm and treasure, seems it isn't an issue for them so that's really a personal preference thing. that being said its a preference i share with you, i don't think i'd like that too fucking much either.


Very true, but if they broke up, I bet it would be a whole lot different. The OP is also under the impression that the company "encourages" employees to date. I'm sure he misunderstood, because no company encourages their employees to hook up, the odds of it making the workplace and emotional nightmare are too high.

Being he likely misunderstodd that, I'm thinking he also misunderstood his co-worker. They are in the south, he is 40-50s (remembering her profile). The term "sir" and "ma'am" are so common place in the south, especially when talking to those older than you that you don't know well.

Believe me, I'm not a "worse case" live my life in fear kind of girl. But there are some things I don't mix. Sex with coworkers is one of them, along with things like drinking and driving, doing illicit drugs and anything that will land me in prison.

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RE: Coworker may unknowingly be submissive - 10/29/2011 12:19:03 AM   
insertclevername


Posts: 21
Joined: 8/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chesterfieldmale

Hi, all!

I have a coworker whom I suspect may be a submissive at heart and not know it. From our conversations, I infer that she has lived a somewhat sheltered life and doesn't know that BDSM exists. The 1st day I worked with her, she was calling me "sir" even though we are close to the same age. (In a BDSM relationship, that's OK, but in the vanilla world it annoys the heck out of me!) that's been addressed, but when I tell her that she CAN do something, somehow she ends up asking me if I want her to do it even though I've done everything I can to make it clear that she has options. We work in a very public setting where "personal" conversation is not practical, and our work schedules aren't conducive to meeting away from work at the moment. On the positive side, I like her, and she is "my type" physically. I'd really like to figure out if she is in fact a submissive but given the context of the above am not sure how to go about it. Even if she is, I really don't think she knows it. Any thoughts/suggestions?

Thanks!

Allen


I think people are getting a little too worked up over the legal stuff. On the other hand, I think you should ramp down your hope/expectation that this women is into BDSM. I've known plenty of women who had a submissive or pleasing personality who had no interest in all the kinky BDSM stuff. If you decide to go out with her, focus on having a conversation with someone you want to get to know; don't go in with the adgenda of being a detective to find out if she has BDSM leanings.

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RE: Coworker may unknowingly be submissive - 10/29/2011 12:45:54 AM   
NocturnalStalker


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Joined: 12/4/2010
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quote:

As far as that guy went, I never said or did anything to give him the idea that it was anything more than just something casual (I had a boyfriend and he knew that). Maybe he thought it would be like that every night if i was his girlfriend, guys get funny ideas when they think about sex, sex, and more sex. Its not my fault that I had that effect on him.


Why did you cheat on him?


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RE: Coworker may unknowingly be submissive - 10/29/2011 1:13:02 AM   
tj444


Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker

quote:

As far as that guy went, I never said or did anything to give him the idea that it was anything more than just something casual (I had a boyfriend and he knew that). Maybe he thought it would be like that every night if i was his girlfriend, guys get funny ideas when they think about sex, sex, and more sex. Its not my fault that I had that effect on him.


Why did you cheat on him?


we had a cuckold type of relationship.

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RE: Coworker may unknowingly be submissive - 10/29/2011 1:18:37 AM   
HannahLynn


Posts: 687
Joined: 10/16/2011
From: where its fucking at.
Status: offline
quote:

The OP is also under the impression that the company "encourages" employees to date
no he fucking isn't. go back and read what he actually said.

quote:

I'm sure he misunderstood
well that's a bit of a fucking laugh isn't it, since you're the one who seems to be doing the misunderstanding here.

quote:

Being he likely misunderstodd that, I'm thinking he also misunderstood his co-worker.
being as there's no evidence whatsoever that he misunderstood anything, but rather that all the evidence available points towards you being the one who misunderstood, i'm thinking you're quite probably just pulling stuff out of your ass here.

quote:

Believe me, I'm not a "worse case" live my life in fear kind of
girl.
well you sure as fuck hide that fact on here.

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RE: Coworker may unknowingly be submissive - 10/29/2011 1:21:34 AM   
HeatherMcLeather


Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline
quote:

Why did you cheat on him?
That's a good question NS. I think maybe the answer is that some girls get funny ideas when they think about sex, sex, and more sex. Its not the office hook-up's fault that he had that effect on her.

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RE: Coworker may unknowingly be submissive - 10/29/2011 6:43:30 AM   
Awareness


Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline 		  Dude, I'll make this simple.

Presume every woman is submissive until proven otherwise.  99% of the time, you'll be correct.


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RE: Coworker may unknowingly be submissive - 10/29/2011 7:18:26 AM   
kalikshama


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RE: Coworker may unknowingly be submissive - 10/29/2011 7:32:18 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

fucking hell, how do any of you manage to get laid with this pessimistic worst case scenario attitude you all have? that's what i'd like to know.


Working in male-dominated blue color jobs in my teens and 20s made it real easy to indulge my inner slut. Sadly, the more education and better paying jobs I obtained, the harder it was to find sexual partners at work.

Then I discovered BDSM and got really picky, further limiting the pool of partners.

I made a detour into an ashram and while I couldn't find anyone who knew how to use a whip, did have a steady stream of fresh meat. I haven't fucked a coworker since then (7 years).

(in reply to HannahLynn)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Coworker may unknowingly be submissive - 10/29/2011 8:26:34 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Hey, the dude can take all the chances he wants. If it's just a retail setting, well, there are plenty of those jobs around, right, if things get sticky-in-a-bad-way.

Where I think he has the wrong idea is the Oh, she's a submissive bit. WTF is it with people who think that everyone is kinky, and that everyone acts their sexual role everywhere? This gal could be devout Christian with no CLUE about kink, who is shy and polite!

Ask her out on a vanilla date, and if she is vanilla, leave her the fuck alone! People have watched Secretary too many damn times.

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RE: Coworker may unknowingly be submissive - 10/29/2011 8:29:13 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		finding men to fuck and/or date was always easy for me when I was young. I never had to rely on work to find one. It was a small town, I grew up with a lot of guys around, friends know friends who know friends, parties, grocery stores, libraries, bookstores...with all the places to meet another person the last place I ever needed to meet one was at work and I sure as hell never wanted to date men at my work where all we'd ever have to talk about was work. I'm the type of person who goes to work, does her work and goes home and never ever ever wants to talk or think about work from that point on. Blah.




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RE: Coworker may unknowingly be submissive - 10/29/2011 8:38:24 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Me too, Littlewonder. I love my work, but it's not all there is. That's why I admire couples who work together day in day out...I need other social outlets, and time to not even THINK about work.

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RE: Coworker may unknowingly be submissive - 10/29/2011 9:07:51 AM   
tj444


Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather
That's a good question NS. I think maybe the answer is that some girls get funny ideas when they think about sex, sex, and more sex. Its not the office hook-up's fault that he had that effect on her.

oooohhhh, arent you just the little smarty pants!

It wasnt him actually, it was the smell of pot on him. He had just come back inside from a "smoke" break and he had fresh pot smoke smell on him.. which acts as an aphrodisiac on me... seriously, it does...

fuck give me a break, i was only 20!

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RE: Coworker may unknowingly be submissive - 10/29/2011 11:26:45 AM   
HannahLynn


Posts: 687
Joined: 10/16/2011
From: where its fucking at.
Status: offline
quote:

fresh pot smoke smell on him.. which acts as an aphrodisiac on me... seriously, it does...
note to self - wear the old green sweater and the brown leather jacket when meeting tj. they look like shit, but she'll be creaming her jeans at the smell of them.

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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Coworker may unknowingly be submissive - 10/29/2011 11:36:12 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynn

quote:

The OP is also under the impression that the company "encourages" employees to date
no he fucking isn't. go back and read what he actually said.


Here is what he "actually" said:

quote:

ORIGINAL: chesterfieldmale

@MissImmortalPain: A very large retail chain. In the training videos, they actually show an approved dating relationship between coworkers.


Approved and encouraged are not the same thing. The company recognizes that sometimes employees are going to want to date. So they have "rules" about how that occurs. That does not equal, "encouraging" them to date.

quote:

quote:

I'm sure he misunderstood
well that's a bit of a fucking laugh isn't it, since you're the one who seems to be doing the misunderstanding here.


I'm not misunderstanding anything. Unlike you, I live in the real world and have worked for actual companies that have policies on things. I've also been around long enough to know that people easily see a video with co-workers dating and jump to the idea it is "encouraged."

quote:


quote:

Being he likely misunderstodd that, I'm thinking he also misunderstood his co-worker.
being as there's no evidence whatsoever that he misunderstood anything, but rather that all the evidence available points towards you being the one who misunderstood, i'm thinking you're quite probably just pulling stuff out of your ass here.


Really? The OP's "evidence" that she might be submissive:

On their first day of work together, she called him "sir." He's 56 years old. He doesn't mention how old she is, but I'm willing to be she was younger than him. In the south, calling someone you don't know who is older, "sir" is the norm. She probably couldn't remember his name and "sir" is better than "hey you."

He tells her she "can" do things, implying that he is either training her or giving her direction in her job. Is that part of his job? In any case, she is new and doesn't want to make mistakes, so she is deferring to him for that direction.

You are great at parsing out the sexual bullshit, but when it comes to real world work related things, your experience and knowledge is sorely lacking.

What myself and others see here is a recipe for this guy to lose his job or at least get disciplinary action for sexual harassment. Yet, we all have told him to get to know her and lay off the whole detective search to determine if she is submissive. That if after getting to actually know her, finds she is more than just his physical type, to go ahead and date her as per company policy.

You view it any way you like, and take whatever risks in life you feel are worth it. The OP can do the same. However, when it blows up in his face, the majority of people here will not be surprised. I'm sure you won't either, but then again, you couldn't care less what effect your "advice" has on his life.

(in reply to HannahLynn)
Profile   Post #: 60
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