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Reversing your "role" when playing... - 11/1/2011 10:34:06 AM

oneluckysub

Posts: 47
Joined: 7/26/2010
From: Chicago
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Dominants who enjoy bottoming or submissives who enjoy topping...

Do you (as a Dom or sub) get "bored" in your role and want/need/long to have things switched up occasionally?

As a sub, I have never had the urge to top my Dom but a recent conversation with my ex has brought the topic to the forefront. It has made me wonder if this is something I could do if asked. I am not sure if I would be just going through the motions because my Dom wanted me to or if I would begin to think less of him if I were to Top my Dom.

Post #: 1

RE: Reversing your "role" when playing... - 11/1/2011 11:30:48 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I was with a dom who ordered me to top him. I absolutely hated every single moment of it. I just bring myself to do it so when I was single again that was one of my top priorities....no switches, no ordering me to top. It just makes me miserable.

If for some reason Master lost his mind and ordered it of me I would do it but I'd probably break down in tears and not in a good way and I would probably be questioning us from that point on.

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Post #: 2

RE: Reversing your "role" when playing... - 11/1/2011 11:51:13 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

What Littlewonder said.

I too avoid switches because I would be horrifiied to be ever put in the position of being told to top my Master. I did walk away from a relationship which started out really well because the guy in question told me that one of my 'duties' would be to flog and cane him occasionally. Couldn't do it.

And if my Master asked me to do something 'toppy' with him, I'd have serious problems with it.

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RE: Reversing your "role" when playing... - 11/1/2011 11:58:46 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

It seems you are asking those that enjoy switching things up, which I don't, but would like to point something out that stands out to me.

The key word I am responding to is role. I am not in a role mode as a dominant. If I were to play a role by being submissive, which it would have to be a role and nothing more, I would find it something like going through the motions. It wouldn't come naturally to me. Could I enjoy a role? Maybe, once in a while, but I would have to get into the role or it wouldn't be fun and a role would be acting to me. Acting can be fun for the challenge of playing a part the way I look at it, but the bottom line... it is acting.

I think we are best when being true to who we are and a role just doesn't seem to fit into being true to myself.

Unless you are a switch... I can't see it as anything more than a role.

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Post #: 4

RE: Reversing your "role" when playing... - 11/1/2011 12:10:29 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

YEP Yep Tis not a "role" I play. It's not like I have a dom/sub light switch...Homey dont play dat

BadOne

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RE: Reversing your "role" when playing... - 11/1/2011 12:16:09 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

If he ever even remotely hinted at me doing any kind of topping over him I'd think he'd lost his mind or was an alien in disguise.
It's just not part of our relationship at all. If it did become part of it I'd probably lose respect for him and it would be the beginning of the end.
He is dominant through and through. I am submissive to him through and through.
He doesn't even like purple nurples.

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Post #: 6

RE: Reversing your "role" when playing... - 11/1/2011 12:17:47 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

I could potentially top someone else for whom I felt that chemistry, but not my Dom.

(in reply to oneluckysub)

Post #: 7

RE: Reversing your "role" when playing... - 11/1/2011 1:37:12 PM

hangemhigh1953

Posts: 245
Joined: 7/8/2011
Status: offline

My perspective is that there's aspects of the bottom and top roles that appeal to both dominant and submissive personalities. Like, a dominant person could enjoy bottoming because of all the attention and effort the top is giving them. And a submissive person would enjoy giving their bottom all that attention and working to please them.

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Post #: 8

RE: Reversing your "role" when playing... - 11/1/2011 1:55:46 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hangemhigh1953

My perspective is that there's aspects of the bottom and top roles that appeal to both dominant and submissive personalities. Like, a dominant person could enjoy bottoming because of all the attention and effort the top is giving them. And a submissive person would enjoy giving their bottom all that attention and working to please them.

I can get all the attention I want from a dominant place and don't need to bottom to get it. The fallacy that I think lazy lovers have promoted (Not saying this is you)... that the dominant serves them as they lay there and do nothing, isn't a part of my life when I am sexually active and have a partner. I have run into so many that want to be submissive so that they can be serviced and played with and there is nothing about that, that would interest me. My submissives are just as active as I am or they aren't my submissive. Tending to a bottom, lazy lover, that takes, takes, takes... isn't my idea of fun or dominance and submission and there isn't anything kinky about it.

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Post #: 9

RE: Reversing your "role" when playing... - 11/1/2011 2:13:57 PM

Ninebelowzero

Posts: 3134
Joined: 8/5/2011
Status: offline

Marry me, come to my chilled man cave & be happy.
xxx

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

quote:

ORIGINAL: hangemhigh1953

My perspective is that there's aspects of the bottom and top roles that appeal to both dominant and submissive personalities. Like, a dominant person could enjoy bottoming because of all the attention and effort the top is giving them. And a submissive person would enjoy giving their bottom all that attention and working to please them.

I can get all the attention I want from a dominant place and don't need to bottom to get it. The fallacy that I think lazy lovers have promoted (Not saying this is you)... that the dominant serves them as they lay there and do nothing, isn't a part of my life when I am sexually active and have a partner. I have run into so many that want to be submissive so that they can be serviced and played with and there is nothing about that, that would interest me. My submissives are just as active as I am or they aren't my submissive. Tending to a bottom, lazy lover, that takes, takes, takes... isn't my idea of fun or dominance and submission and there isn't anything kinky about it.

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Post #: 10

RE: Reversing your "role" when playing... - 11/1/2011 2:16:40 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I am a dominant ALL the time, no matter what. Back in the day, I bottomed very heavily, and always switching with the same people. It amused us. I was in it for the physical challenge, and the search for endorphins...at least I got some exceptionally cool marks out of it, lord knows those endorphins are elusive little suckers...

There are some masochistic things that I still enjoy in the right circumstances, and EXACTLY the way I want it. I have really startled partners in the past when I got up and said NO you're doing it wrong!

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Post #: 11

RE: Reversing your "role" when playing... - 11/1/2011 2:17:59 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

OP, your question isn't very accurate. A dominant bottoming isn't "switching their role" at all or vice versa (submissive topping). Switching one's role would be a dominant submitting or a submissive dominating. Who tops or bottoms has no direct correlation to one's D/s role.

I, as a dominant, enjoy both topping and bottoming. In neither do I switch my role as a dominant and so, no, I do not do so out of any getting "bored" with my role. I top because I like using sharps on people. I bottom because I find getting flogged to be nice feeling. During any and all, I am still dominant.

< Message edited by RumpusParable -- 11/1/2011 2:20:52 PM >

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Post #: 12

RE: Reversing your "role" when playing... - 11/1/2011 2:22:51 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I am a dominant ALL the time, no matter what. Back in the day, I bottomed very heavily, and always switching with the same people. It amused us. I was in it for the physical challenge, and the search for endorphins...at least I got some exceptionally cool marks out of it, lord knows those endorphins are elusive little suckers...

There are some masochistic things that I still enjoy in the right circumstances, and EXACTLY the way I want it. I have really startled partners in the past when I got up and said NO you're doing it wrong!

Damn... I forgot about that aspect of things.

Wake up Lockit! I may need to marry and go to a cooled man-cave and get all nurtured up cause I'm sick and forgettin stuff. Shall I book a flight for two? hehe Freak that dude out!

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Post #: 13

RE: Reversing your "role" when playing... - 11/1/2011 2:31:40 PM

Ninebelowzero

Posts: 3134
Joined: 8/5/2011
Status: offline

That would put the biggest grin on that dudes face for a long time. I doubt he would freak at all.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I am a dominant ALL the time, no matter what. Back in the day, I bottomed very heavily, and always switching with the same people. It amused us. I was in it for the physical challenge, and the search for endorphins...at least I got some exceptionally cool marks out of it, lord knows those endorphins are elusive little suckers...

There are some masochistic things that I still enjoy in the right circumstances, and EXACTLY the way I want it. I have really startled partners in the past when I got up and said NO you're doing it wrong!

Damn... I forgot about that aspect of things. Wake up Lockit! I may need to marry and go to a cooled man-cave and get all nurtured up cause I'm sick and forgettin stuff. Shall I book a flight for two? hehe Freak that dude out!

_____________________________

More come backs than Frank Sinatra

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 14

RE: Reversing your "role" when playing... - 11/1/2011 2:33:56 PM

Ninebelowzero

Posts: 3134
Joined: 8/5/2011
Status: offline

http://www.search.staffspasttrack.org.uk/engine/resource/default.asp?resource=182

Ladies this is the manor House awaiting your presence

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Post #: 15

RE: Reversing your "role" when playing... - 11/1/2011 2:35:22 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

LOL That reminds me of the Keeping Up Appearances where Hyacinth gets her odd little flat in the country!!

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Post #: 16

RE: Reversing your "role" when playing... - 11/1/2011 2:37:18 PM

Ninebelowzero

Posts: 3134
Joined: 8/5/2011
Status: offline

Doesn't it just.
Lol.

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Post #: 17

RE: Reversing your "role" when playing... - 11/1/2011 3:15:25 PM

Clickofheels

Posts: 603
Joined: 10/23/2011
Status: offline

Good Afternoon, P/posters! <Smiles>

First of all, whatever I post is in NO WAY begrudging people their interests, merely stating my own opinion!

(I am a Dominant woman who switched just once in her life, and lasted a whole 10 minutes as a submissive! <LMAO> I couldn't run back fast enough to my Dominancy!)

And although my profile states that I am NOT interested in Switches, for some reason much of my mailbox here contains messages from them... DAILY!
I try to write a nice "no thank you" to each, but then I get messages back that say "I am actually more of a submissive than a Dom." Or "Couldn't I just try it and we can see what happens?" WHAT???

In my opinion, Switches are people who can't make up their minds as to what they are. And I am not here as an available "benefit" of this website for them to experiment with! <laughs> Do I REALLY look like a test tube? ??? I think not!

I know who I am....and I want a D/s partner who does as well. And I honestly don't feel it is either too much nor too outlandish to expect.

Respectfully,
Clickofheels

(in reply to Ninebelowzero)

Post #: 18

RE: Reversing your "role" when playing... - 11/1/2011 3:30:32 PM

oneluckysub

Posts: 47
Joined: 7/26/2010
From: Chicago
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RumpusParable
I, as a dominant, enjoy both topping and bottoming. In neither do I switch my role as a dominant and so, no, I do not do so out of any getting "bored" with my role. I top because I like using sharps on people. I bottom because I find getting flogged to be nice feeling. During any and all, I am still dominant.

This is what I think my ex was getting at but I have not been able to wrap my mind around it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: hangemhigh1953
My perspective is that there's aspects of the bottom and top roles that appeal to both dominant and submissive personalities. Like, a dominant person could enjoy bottoming because of all the attention and effort the top is giving them. And a submissive person would enjoy giving their bottom all that attention and working to please them.

This is what I wondered how I would feel if I were to top my Dom. Would I be acting and find enjoyment or would I be finding enjoyment because he asked me to Top him. Or would I hate every minute of it and have this issue cause a rift in the relationship.

(in reply to RumpusParable)

Post #: 19

RE: Reversing your "role" when playing... - 11/1/2011 3:35:48 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: oneluckysub

quote:

ORIGINAL: RumpusParable
I, as a dominant, enjoy both topping and bottoming. In neither do I switch my role as a dominant and so, no, I do not do so out of any getting "bored" with my role. I top because I like using sharps on people. I bottom because I find getting flogged to be nice feeling. During any and all, I am still dominant.

This is what I think my ex was getting at but I have not been able to wrap my mind around it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: hangemhigh1953
My perspective is that there's aspects of the bottom and top roles that appeal to both dominant and submissive personalities. Like, a dominant person could enjoy bottoming because of all the attention and effort the top is giving them. And a submissive person would enjoy giving their bottom all that attention and working to please them.

This is what I wondered how I would feel if I were to top my Dom. Would I be acting and find enjoyment or would I be finding enjoyment because he asked me to Top him. Or would I hate every minute of it and have this issue cause a rift in the relationship.

Personally, I don't get the women who would "lose all respect" for their man if he wanted something or other. If you even suspect that you have that in you, don't even try it. Personally, I think having my back flogged feels great (as long as they follow freakin directions!) and what's the big deal if he lies on the bed and you get a workout? To ME, it's the same as a massage.

I would like to think that making him happy would be good, and you would dig that. You could also find that you like topping. Who knows, maybe you're a secret sadist!! It's been known to happen--actually, some of the most creative tops I have ever met were submissive.

Trust your gut, and don't be afraid to NOT take a chance if you think that things might change in a bad way.

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Post #: 20

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