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RE: In a pickle - 5/26/2006 8:55:42 AM

BlouLady

Posts: 170
Joined: 2/8/2005
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Thank you to all who replied! Seeing the different views really helps. I feel the need to clear up some minor confusion though. When I state my mother is domineering I mean that in the most literal sense. last year, after Sir quietly suggested quite a few times that I leave the room during what was fast becoming a hostel situation with my mother, he finally demanded that I go to my room in that tone that leaves no room for argueing. He felt then and feels now that my mother pushes me too far and that I let her because i have let her my whole life. It was for my benefit that he made me listen. ( Sir could tell I was stressed even though I seemed calmed because my knuckles turn red and start bleeding alittle, weird I know but there you have it..)
However looking at it from the different perspectives here help me understand alittle better her point of view. Thank you all again for writing! ~ Lady

(in reply to BlouLady)

Post #: 21

RE: In a pickle - 5/26/2006 5:52:59 PM

Sensualips

Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

I have a generic thing I say to my mom that applies here as well.

"Mom, I so appreciate your concern for me. But you raised me in a way that I am totally comfortable hadling this situation (or making this choice) on my own. Thank you!" Quick hug and change the subject.

(in reply to BlouLady)

Post #: 22

RE: In a pickle - 5/26/2006 7:20:27 PM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
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quote:

Thank you to all who replied! Seeing the different views really helps. I feel the need to clear up some minor confusion though. When I state my mother is domineering I mean that in the most literal sense. last year, after Sir quietly suggested quite a few times that I leave the room during what was fast becoming a hostel situation with my mother, he finally demanded that I go to my room in that tone that leaves no room for argueing. He felt then and feels now that my mother pushes me too far and that I let her because i have let her my whole life. It was for my benefit that he made me listen. ( Sir could tell I was stressed even though I seemed calmed because my knuckles turn red and start bleeding alittle, weird I know but there you have it..)
However looking at it from the different perspectives here help me understand alittle better her point of view. Thank you all again for writing! ~ Lady

i certainly realise some parents are abusive -- to me what you describe is emotional abuse. i do not mean to suggest that A/anyone should accept abuse in their lives.

candystripper <whose family also puts the "fun" in dysfunctional.>

< Message edited by candystripper -- 5/26/2006 7:23:24 PM >

(in reply to BlouLady)

Post #: 23

RE: In a pickle - 5/26/2006 8:59:28 PM

krikket

Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

this slave would agree with the folks that are advising you to stand up to your mother and let her know that her domineering behavior isn't appreciated in your household...and would vehemently disagree with those encouraging you "act" vanilla or "avoid" the visit.

This is great advice, but i do have one bit of thought for You both..when (if) you make such statements please be fully aware of their possible consequences, not all of which You might have some imput into. Think if the best that can possibly happen, then worse, perhaps several things that will fall into the middle, but above all be prepared for the fall out, no matter how it comes out.

Only the 2 of you can come up with Your own answers and and what you can accept or tollerate as their reponses.

Good bless
jimini

< Message edited by krikket -- 5/26/2006 9:00:54 PM >

_____________________________

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by A. Nin

When your heart speaks take good notes.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 24

RE: In a pickle - 5/26/2006 9:16:42 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Dear BlouLady, Ladies and Gentlemen;

My personal opinion based on your post, as we all know there are two sides of the story however, that said, may I offer these ideas.

Advise your mother, your husband learned from the very best on behavior--her (mother).

If she doesn't like it, she is looking at a mirror of her behavior that you had to put up with as a child. Now you didn't have a choice then but, you have a choice now.

No mother likes to be out manipulated and not in control. Perhaps telling your mother, you just traded up for a newer and male model.

Respectfully submitted with a wee bit of humor,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to BlouLady)

Post #: 25

RE: In a pickle - 5/26/2006 9:20:58 PM

HoosierScorpio

Posts: 164
Status: offline

The problem is the little girls come out when your mom is around or talks with you. What tells me if you tell her what your relationship is based on she might freak out. To test her reaction why not get the movie Secretary and play it for her before you say any thing to her. If she takes it favorable it will open the door for you to explain to her what your relationship is based on. The other problem that could happen is that she will think you are in an abusive relationship and try to intervene in it. Not every one will react to being told what people are into. I wish you luck.

(in reply to BlouLady)

Post #: 26

RE: In a pickle - 5/28/2006 3:15:10 PM

Coolhanded

Posts: 5
Joined: 5/27/2006
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I have a little different take on it. Your Sir should take control of the situation and put your mother in her place. As a Dom I would not tolerate anyone coming into my home and complaining about how we live or interact with one another. You as a sub are use to submitting to your Sir, and to your mother. This puts you in a no win situation. By your Sir dealing with the problem you and your mothers relationship can continue on without confrontation between the two of you. Your mother can vent her anger or frustration at your Sir. This should have no real effect on him. There is nothing like to doms going at each other. It is a Doms responsibility to protect his sub from whatever he feels is not in her best interest.

(in reply to babyblues)

Post #: 27

RE: In a pickle - 5/28/2006 7:04:31 PM

PearlyKay

Posts: 2
Joined: 5/4/2006
Status: offline

You have some options and must deal with her before she arrives at your home.
--Write her and send a list of nearby hotels for her to stay at next visit because it's obvious she's not comfortable staying at your house.
--If you let her stay at your house, the FIRST time she looks disapproving or says something, you have to go Broken-Record-Domme on her. Don't be afraid - she no longer has power over you. Look her straight in the eye, take a very deep breath, and in a very firm voice say ,"This is MY house and it is run the way I choose. YOUR comments are NOT welcome". She will sputter and get angry. Just keep repeating the 2 sentences until she shuts up. Do not say anything except the 2 sentences. Practice them in front of the mirror before she arrives until you can say them without stuttering. Maintain eye contact with her and do not blink while you're speaking the 2 sentences. You can blink after.

Even though you are submissive, the submission is your choice, your Dom is behaving the way you choose, obeying Him is your choice. The time is long overdue for you to go Domme on your mother. She's earned it and will never respect you or your husband until she hears it from your mouth. She already doesn't like him too much and YOU are the only one who can straighten her out.

(in reply to HoosierScorpio)

Post #: 28

RE: In a pickle - 5/28/2006 9:58:42 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

I would quietly remind her that your 18th birthday was 8 years ago, and she can either accept your life the way you live it or she can stay home

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(in reply to BlouLady)

Post #: 29

RE: In a pickle - 5/29/2006 12:37:43 AM

leakylee

Posts: 747
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline

I can totally sympathize with your situation. My own mother is controlling. I cured that though. I fessed up, came out of closet so to speak. She and my father are aware of my lifestyle choice, I never went into details. She never met my former owner, but she did speak to him on the phone a few times. That was scary, let me tell ya. We have simply agreed to disagree. My reasoning for telling them was simple. I love and respect and honor my parents. I was confident in the fact that they would still love me.

Mayhaps part of your mothers concern is that her radar is sensing that something is different. If you think that she would be understanding, then maybe giving her a chance to come more into your life might help. Now I dont know about all this cuz I aint crossed that bridge. It is one that I truly look foward to, but dread at the same time. My family is to important to me to ever sacrifice. I am sure that you are much the same.

Mama's are a precious commodity even when they do drive us nuts.

ok I will stop rambling now..

love and light
lee

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I am so not right, that I left..

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 30

RE: In a pickle - 5/29/2006 7:21:28 AM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
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With a mother as domineering as this one seems to be, dominating her, telling her in unkind ways that her opinions are not welcome will most likely be very detrimental to the mother/daughter relationship. As a child of extremely dominating parents, I am quite familiar with how to handle them. These suggestions, though well-intentioned, are simply not feasible without tearing a gaping hole in the relationship. A little quiet time, gentle and very respectful discussion regarding behavior and comments will go much further. The OP's problem is more one of finding the strength to actually have the conversation.

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Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to leakylee)

Post #: 31

RE: In a pickle - 5/29/2006 7:48:38 AM

PearlyKay

Posts: 2
Joined: 5/4/2006
Status: offline

My mother could give lessons in domination and getting in her face with a broken-record phrase was the only thing that worked. Trying to reason didn't work. Being understanding didn't work. Being nice didn't work because she viewed it all as weakness. It wasn't until I showed some balls that she backed off and started to accept the fact that her little girl was an adult who could look after herself.

(in reply to feastie)

Post #: 32

RE: In a pickle - 5/30/2006 9:32:28 AM

BlouLady

Posts: 170
Joined: 2/8/2005
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Thank you for your thoughtful replies. i appreciated the humor and the caring that can come from people you've never met. i wish that people i did know would be more understanding. i have tried to speak to my mother about this, and after stating that he has me brainwashed, she opted to ignore the situation. Hopefully things will remain calm and we can survive the two weeks with as little emotional pain as possible. I have to agree with feastie though in so far as my mother does NOT do confrintation, and is far better then i am at getting what she wants. Being gentle or taking her que and ignoring her outbursts seems to be the way to go. i have through trial and error learned that looking her in the eyes with that look that says "Do you feel better now?" blows her mind and she doesn't know what to do with me if she can't make me scream back at her. So I may have to handle it like that.
Again thank you all for the heartfelt advise ~ Lady

(in reply to BlouLady)

Post #: 33

RE: In a pickle - 5/30/2006 9:40:36 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

Maybe a compromise would be for your Dom not to say this stuff within earshot of her. Perhaps take you aside and whisper in your ear or something. I do know as a parent, even a kink aware parent, if I heard someone say this to my daughter I'd be a bit pissed too. Afterall she's my child and my world and I dont want anyone messing with her regardless if he's husband/Dom etc.
So remember Mom has alot of emotions going and to try and change her now is only going to cause hard feelings. Do you really want to tell your Mother, Don't come here anymore? No because our parents are only around for so long and if she died unexpectedly, I suspect you might have some guilt feelings.
Speaking as a Domme if it were my sub's Mom, I would tell him things privately as not to upset his Mother. I wouldn't view it as taking away from my authority or anything like that. People get older and set in their ways, there's not much to be done about it except to kinda humor them a bit.

~Lashra

(in reply to babyblues)

Post #: 34

RE: In a pickle - 5/30/2006 9:44:31 AM

BlouLady

Posts: 170
Joined: 2/8/2005
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Thank you Lashra...

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 35

RE: In a pickle - 5/31/2006 11:55:18 AM

Darkraven6

Posts: 26
Joined: 3/5/2006
Status: offline

I totally agree with feastie, having come from such parents. It takes alot, and isnt easy...but...you did quite well here, in stating what you felt and such...I see nothing wrong with doing the same with your parents should the time come. I would point out as well, that your obviously happy and have been for quite some time. Maybe if anything...it will give them something to think about and see for themselves.

(in reply to BlouLady)

Post #: 36

RE: In a pickle - 5/31/2006 1:34:40 PM

BlouLady

Posts: 170
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline

I'm hoping to get her to accept things. I spoke with Sir last night about things and man I really love him. I told me that he would be more discreet and that it won't change things between Him and I. Fortunatly even if mom chooses to not except how things are, my Sir is man enough to realize that some people just won't change and no matter what she is my mother and I love her. That alone is enough for him to be discreet, also the fact that he is when all is said and done a gentleman, not some hood rat that feels like he has somethings to prove. As he pointed out to me, he knows who he is and I know who I am, and we're not only comfortable with that but happy as well. Anyone who doesn't understand isn't our problem, but we can and will be respectful of others. Thank God for him. And Thank you all so very much. God Bless. ~ Lady

(in reply to Darkraven6)

Post #: 37

RE: In a pickle - 6/1/2006 12:01:15 AM

Wolfie648

Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

She was obviously your Domme before. Now you have a Dom. It should not be difficult to decide.

I do not mean to be disrepectful in my answer.

D (owner of j).

_____________________________

Possibly.

(in reply to BlouLady)

Post #: 38

RE: In a pickle - 6/1/2006 6:45:34 AM

MLskajira

Posts: 275
Joined: 2/17/2006
Status: offline

personally this girl enjoys the "shock factor" and she would give her mother all the juicy details, maybe even include some photos as informative devices and interviews with O/our BDSM friends, so she would understand completely where this girl stands (or lies) in her relationship with her Master. that would probably put a stop to her trying to control O/our relationship.
this girl must add here that her mother is also a slave and completely understands who and what she and her Master are.

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(in reply to babyblues)

Post #: 39

RE: In a pickle - 6/1/2006 3:23:12 PM

TolerableCruelty

Posts: 447
Joined: 2/4/2005
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I didn't go and read all two or three pages of repsonses you've gotten on this question, Blou... and I'd imagine that you've probably gotten the same answer already that I'm about to give you... but here's a little story of My Dad's best friend and how he dealt with his mother-in-law once and her domineering behavior...

Dad's friend and his wife had two lovely little mini-dachsunds, fred and spook, that were basically the little kings of the household. While the mother in law was visiting one day, fred happened to jump up on the couch and settle into his favorite spot, much to the mother in laws shock... as she was obviously not a "pet" person and was sitting on the couch as well (though at an opposite end). She looked at My Dads friend and said coldly " You need to remove this animal from the furniture..." to which he just as coldly replied " look... the dog lives here... you're just visiting."

I'm sure you can put your own spin on that and perhaps come up with something to tell your mother when the issue of your and your Sirs' way of conversing come up...

T.R.

_____________________________

Never explain~~Your friends do not need it, and your enemies will not believe you

I'm sorry if I've offended you.... but maybe you needed to be offended

(in reply to BlouLady)

Post #: 40

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