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RE: How Do I Learn To Keep My Mouth SHUT ? - 5/27/2006 1:56:55 AM   
Calandra


Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesubjess
Anyone got any ideas please ? 


I would suggest that you try an experiment. When cubby gets mouthy, I remove his ability to speak for a period of time. Usually 30 minutes to an hour, however once he went four hours... it was a really baaad infraction that time.
 
We've discovered something. When cubs cannot speak, he has to communicate somehow (I mean life DOES go one) he writes on a notepad, or signs in an awkward way... We both often end up laughing. It's not some horrible oppressive punishment by any means...
 
Verbal communication is easy, fast and we take it for granted, until we can't speak and then we have to resort to more difficult ways of getting our point across. Cubby finds that he begins focusing on what really really needs to be said, rather than blathering on. He also notices that when he writes, he tends to become more formal and respectful and finds ways to discuss negative issues in ways he might not have considered if he was allowed to speak.
 
You might try taking maybe 15 to 30 minutes per day (at various times - even inconvenient times) where you are totally silent and need to find other ways to communicate. Instead of it being a penalty, it could be a training exercise...???

(in reply to littlesubjess)
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RE: How Do I Learn To Keep My Mouth SHUT ? - 5/27/2006 2:12:29 AM   
littlesubjess


Posts: 305
Joined: 2/2/2006
Status: offline 		thank you Calandra, that sounds a good idea ... i will put that to my Owners ... seems a good idea

jess xxx

_____________________________

And on the eighth day, He created Jessica ...

Anything is possible if you try hard enough ...... xxx

Only the one who hurts you can make you feel better. Only the one who inflicts the pain can take it away.

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RE: How Do I Learn To Keep My Mouth SHUT ? - 5/27/2006 2:17:07 AM   
Kedikat


Posts: 680
Joined: 4/20/2006
Status: offline 		Knowing how mouthy a sub/slave is, makes tying on that gag oh so much more pleasing :)
If they actually let you yap out, are you beating them verbally and mentally? Then they best sharpen up. If you are just yapping beyond being talked down logically and factually, then you just deserve a gag, or the boot out.
Know when you have won, or when you have been beat. Leave the losers, or shutup and enjoy.

(in reply to FloridaISIS)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: How Do I Learn To Keep My Mouth SHUT ? - 5/27/2006 2:22:25 AM   
Calandra


Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesubjess
thank you Calandra, that sounds a good idea ... i will put that to my Owners ... seems a good idea
jess xxx


I think what makes the "imposed silence" more effective than a ball gag is that you are training yourself to voluntarily not say anything, but with a ballgag, you simply cannot speak... I hope it helps... It sure helped cubs

(in reply to littlesubjess)
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RE: How Do I Learn To Keep My Mouth SHUT ? - 5/27/2006 2:58:33 AM   
ScooterTrash


Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesubjess

Anyone got any ideas please ? 
 
Thanks
Jess xxxx 
It sounds like you have already made the first step yourself...you ARE aware there is a problem. You have already had a lot of good advice on this thread, utilizing it is something you have to do...but all the training in the world, although it will point you in the right direction, won't completely fix this trait. You are the one who has control of you internally and can change it. Personally, whenever I have been in a situation where a sub/slave tends to talk too much at some point in time (and they all will now and then)...when they go into that mode, I just tell them to hush...end of problem.

_____________________________

Formal symbolic representation of qualitative entities is doomed to its rightful place of minor significance in a world where flowers and beautiful women abound.
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(in reply to littlesubjess)
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RE: How Do I Learn To Keep My Mouth SHUT ? - 5/27/2006 5:57:08 PM   
ArchangelMichael


Posts: 243
Joined: 8/21/2004
From: New Orleans, LA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesubjess

Hi A/all ...
 
After a couple of "false starts", i am now ready to settle down with my current Owners, and begin my true "Journey To Submission" ... W/we have tried this before, with little success, as it appears to be that i am too loud, mouthy, opinionated and intelligent to become a true sub/slave.... and quite frankly, i agree .... i am all of the above and more lol.
 
However, it has caused problems between myself and my Owners in the past, and i know that i will never become that "elusive" (i hate that word lol) sub, if i continue to be such a gobshite (meaning loud and mouthy) ....
 
Anyone got any ideas please ? 
 
Thanks
Jess xxxx 


I have a similar problem. I can be loud, at times. I'm defiinitely intelligent and opinionated. And I certainly don't think there's anything wrong with a submissive being all three. What I have discovered, however, is that I tend to be a know-it-all. That is, I have a tendency to look for mistakes and information that I feel is untrue, then I attempt to correct the errors. I am not currently owned, but I see this as being a potential problem in the long run, especially if I were to constantly correct my future Mistress. And it's not that I would see Her as unintelligent. After all, I want an intelligent, articulate, and opinionated Mistress. I do expect, however, to not always agree with Her. And that's okay. As many have said, it seems to be how you speak to your owner(s). As long as you speak with respect, I think that's what's important. But if you constantly correct them and try to make yourself look superior to someone who is supposed to be the "superior" in the relationship, I can definitely see that as a problem.

I'm trying to discover my balance between being able to remain opinionated and able to speak my mind while not coming across as a know-it-all who who tries to feel superior. I think I do this to impress people, to let them know that I'm intelligent, that I'm not just some wanker or wannabe. For some reason, I feel a strong need to prove myself. But that's my issue.

Are you constantly feeling the need to prove yourself? If so, is it because it's your issue or because your owners make you feel that way?

I admit that many times, I do also need to learn when to keep my mouth shut! A gag should work wonders for me, too.

< Message edited by ArchangelMichael -- 5/27/2006 6:02:11 PM >

_____________________________

"Open up your mind; Let your fantasies unwind." -The Phantom, Phantom of the Opera

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." -Toulouse-Lautrec, Moulin Rouge

(in reply to littlesubjess)
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RE: How Do I Learn To Keep My Mouth SHUT ? - 5/27/2006 6:32:10 PM   
darkthunder


Posts: 11
Joined: 5/29/2005
Status: offline 		The problem may not be so much with you as your choice of Master you submit to...No Master has the power to make you do anything if you don't desire to do it...What He can do is teach you  how to bring out your desires, how to trust,love and surrender cotroll of thing like your mouth to Him...When you find the right Master that is willing to take the time to teach and mentor you how to be His, befor you become His you find your mouth won't be a problem, you be to busy with becomming all you ever desire to be,to let that be a problem...

(in reply to piscess)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: How Do I Learn To Keep My Mouth SHUT ? - 5/27/2006 6:47:37 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		You might wish to be more carefull how you state things it comes across that your post implies true subs are not intelligent or can not have a mouth or opnions or mind of their own.


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesubjess

as it appears to be that i am too loud, mouthy, opinionated and intelligent to become a true sub/slave.... and quite frankly, i agree .... i am all of the above and more lol. 
 

(in reply to littlesubjess)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: How Do I Learn To Keep My Mouth SHUT ? - 5/28/2006 1:55:15 PM   
genvieve


Posts: 228
Joined: 5/14/2005
From: SF Bay Area
Status: offline 		Being a "mouthy" subbie muhself, i can sympothize with you completely.  This is a trait in muhself that can sometimes be a virtue, and other times it can be a vice.i hear constantly from my Dominant "I don't always want to hear discussion, girl" or "Sometimes, I think you'd argue the color of the sky"...and i laugh it off. 
 
Let me clarify that this does not mean that He NEVER wants discussion, quite the contrary.  One of O/our favorite passtimes is discussing D/s, movies, hell life in general.  He embraces my intellect and welcomes my opinion perhaps more than He should at times.  Heck... W/we even like to banter.

 
But the truth of the matter is, intelligence doesn't play into the scene here.  Please do not misunderstand, i am in no way saying that submissive should not be intelligent, nor am i implying that they are unintelligent by default.  Rather, i am stating that it has absolutely nothing to do with one's intelligence.  It has to do with tact, communication, and sometimes even misinterpretation.
 
i would say to you, however, lilsubjess... that if this is a constant problem not only with your Dominant but with employers as well, perhaps the issue is with common etiquet.  i have to assume such since presumably your employer and your Dominant would have nothing else in common besides you.  Maybe...ask your Dominant "What specifically about me makes you feel that I am mouthy?"  And try to listen with open ears.  Try to stay away from accusations and ask He or She to be very very very specific eg "When you say this, I hear this." 
 
However, since it is not one Dominant or even Dominants at all who only feel this way about you, please note that more than likely, this is how MOST people will react to what you are saying. 
 
my fellow mouthy sub, my heart goes out to you.  Good luck in your submissive journey, and your self-improvement mission.
 
-genvieve

< Message edited by genvieve -- 5/28/2006 1:58:04 PM >

_____________________________

In the quietness of myself, i find myself at the mercy of Your hand.

Musical Wishes Design

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RE: How Do I Learn To Keep My Mouth SHUT ? - 5/28/2006 2:12:02 PM   
theprofitprinces


Posts: 20
Joined: 7/30/2005
From: USA
Status: offline 		well yes the mouth can get us into a lot of trouble. I have opened my mouth far too many times and gotten myself into ditches. Just think before you speak. Before you say something think carefully about what impact it may have. Slaves and submissives can be bright! That comment right there would have ticked some people off. You have to be really careful as to how your phrase things and how you communicate with others. A sllight change of diction can change how something is interpreted. Everyone isn't so easygoing and can take offense to your comments easily. Trust me I have been down that road!

_____________________________

http://www.theprofitprincess.com
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RE: How Do I Learn To Keep My Mouth SHUT ? - 5/28/2006 2:46:44 PM   
Proprietrix


Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesubjess
However, it has caused problems between myself and my Owners in the past, and i know that i will never become that "elusive" (i hate that word lol) sub, if i continue to be such a gobshite (meaning loud and mouthy) ....  
Anyone got any ideas please ? 


Sure. :)

You haven't really commented about how willing or unwilling your Owners are to work on this issue with you, so I'm spitting out ideas that might or might not apply to your particular situation.

  • They can tape record or video record you going into one of your little diarrhea of the mouth fits. When you listen or watch yourself acting in such an unbecoming manner, it hits home a bit more than someone telling you about it.
  • They could tape record it and then sit you down and have you write out the entire conversation long hand. As you're reliving it and writing it down, you might realize the monopolizing of air way you're engaging in, or how your words aren't coming out as you intended.
  • Calandra's silence order (and Scooter's "hush") were basic, simple, yet effective suggestions. When one has to restrain themselves to silence, they become much more aware of all those thoughts running through their head and a better conception of what ideas they really "need" to express vs. what they "want" to express vs. what they "inadvertently" express.
  • Write it before you say it. If your hand is getting tired, it's probably a good guess that so are you're Owner's ears. This also helps with the basic concept of "think before you speak".
  • Sometimes people who have a high rambling tendency, also have a certain amount of anxiety going on inside. You may want to see if engaging in regular inner calming (meditation, prayer, bubble baths, whatever) has a side affect of diminishing your need to talk so much/so loud.
  • Whisper all your words for an entire day. It's somewhat difficult to be mouthy, loud and over-opinionated when your own voice is soft spoken, quiet and civil.
  • Your Owners could make you ask permission to speak. Some M/s households do this routinely anyway.
  • Limit your answers to 1 well structured, non-runon sentence. "What do you think of rat-poison play?" might invoke a strong response in you, but if you only get one sentence to express your opinion, you'll learn to make it count. "I believe that rat poison play could be very dangerous and potentially deadly."
  • Pay attention to the question. If someone asks you "What's your political party?" Your answer could simply be "I'm a XYZacratipublican." That's a much more direct answer than spouting off all your political views and flaming the other party.
  • Turn the conversation to ask the other person about their opinion. If your Owner asks what you thought of the wonderful hotel service (that you thought sucked) reply "I think they could have done a much better job. What in particular did you like about the service?"
  • And, as I always tell my kid...

When you are engaging in conversation, spend your time *listening to the other person* instead of waiting your turn to speak.

Good luck.  :)



_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

(in reply to littlesubjess)
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RE: How Do I Learn To Keep My Mouth SHUT ? - 5/28/2006 4:08:06 PM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesubjess

Hi A/all ...
 
After a couple of "false starts", i am now ready to settle down with my current Owners, and begin my true "Journey To Submission" ... W/we have tried this before, with little success, as it appears to be that i am too loud, mouthy, opinionated and intelligent to become a true sub/slave.... and quite frankly, i agree .... i am all of the above and more lol.
 

To intelligent to be submissive?  Interesting.  I’d hope that was just sloppy typing on your part.  

In terms of mouthy and opinionated well at its base sense you need to stop talking so much.  Another way to put it is to think more before you actually talk.  One way to approach changing is to count to three or five before you actually say something.  Also, look back on incidences where you’ve been to mouthy and think concretely on what would have been a more appropriate response.  What will be key is your actual desire to adjust to their vision of submission.  That in of itself will probably be a fairly significant test of your submission.  

Good luck,  
C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

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The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
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(in reply to littlesubjess)
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