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slave versus custody/visitation - 11/8/2011 9:55:02 PM

onedeceptivesub

Posts: 3
Joined: 11/7/2011
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i know about situations where a Dom was trying for custody/visitation and the lifestyle was used against him to keep him away from his kid.

so, if a slave knows this is going on, is it good for her to back away so that her presence doesn't mess with his ability to win parental rights? i think so, even if he wouldn't want her to.

Post #: 1

RE: slave versus custody/visitation - 11/8/2011 10:14:37 PM

SuzeQ

Posts: 253
Joined: 10/16/2011
From: Under her wing
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My instinct is that it would be his decision, not hers.

(in reply to onedeceptivesub)

Post #: 2

RE: slave versus custody/visitation - 11/8/2011 10:19:34 PM

Epytropos

Posts: 699
Joined: 7/23/2011
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Being a slave is about obeying. It is not about making choices for your dominant, even when those choices are appealingly self-sacrificial. Let him make his own choices, and abide by them.

_____________________________

They're only words. Don't dwell on them. They never mean what you think.

I speak only of My Way. Think it not an indictment of Your Way.

(in reply to SuzeQ)

Post #: 3

RE: slave versus custody/visitation - 11/8/2011 10:53:53 PM

SoulAlloy

Posts: 2106
Joined: 8/23/2009
From: Preston, UK
Status: offline

His choice ultimately, to be honest I think with difficult situations like this he will want as much support as possible rather than a backing away.

I haven't heard of anyone succeeding at keeping their kids away from parents by complaining about their kink, the closest I've heard of is someone proving how secure they keep all the unusul gear.

_____________________________

"Better to be a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without" - Confucius

"It'll be alright in the end - if it isn't alright, it's not the end." - unknown

Kinky crossdressing Whovian

Host of the Preston (UK) Munch, 2nd Wednesday each month

(in reply to Epytropos)

Post #: 4

RE: slave versus custody/visitation - 11/8/2011 11:50:19 PM

weaselwelder

Posts: 72
Joined: 6/22/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SoulAlloy

His choice ultimately, to be honest I think with difficult situations like this he will want as much support as possible rather than a backing away.

I haven't heard of anyone succeeding at keeping their kids away from parents by complaining about their kink, the closest I've heard of is someone proving how secure they keep all the unusul gear.

You have never been in the bible belt, have you?

As others have said, supporting, not bailing on, your dominant is the way to go. If the kinky cat is out of the bag, the reasoning "well, I'm not tying anyone up RIGHT NOW" is not going to do much good anyway.

_____________________________

If you're on here asking for relationship advice, you're talking to everyone except the one you should talk to.

(in reply to SoulAlloy)

Post #: 5

RE: slave versus custody/visitation - 11/9/2011 6:08:59 AM

winspiritsbaby

Posts: 141
Status: offline

I'm on board with everyone else. It is his decision to make and she should abide by it. She should trust that her dominant knows what he is doing and ask him how she can best support him at this time.

(in reply to onedeceptivesub)

Post #: 6

RE: slave versus custody/visitation - 11/9/2011 6:14:47 AM

LillyBoPeep

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i agree with the others; it's his decision -- she shouldn't make it for him.
and as weaselwelder pointed out; "backing away" could definitely feel like "bailing" to the person needing support.

_____________________________

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"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to winspiritsbaby)

Post #: 7

RE: slave versus custody/visitation - 11/9/2011 6:29:24 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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He should consult with his lawyer. If he is in a conservative community and you have a reputation as a woman of ill repute, it might be wise for you to back off. Otherwise, stand by your man.

(in reply to onedeceptivesub)

Post #: 8

RE: slave versus custody/visitation - 11/9/2011 6:59:08 AM

LadyHibiscus

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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Stand by the dominant's decision. It might be wise to "hide the gear" as it were, and I agree with consulting with the attorney. Cohabitation is viewed differently in different areas. I know of some cases where the kid(s) are under no circumstances to be in the presence of the new significant other.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 9

RE: slave versus custody/visitation - 11/9/2011 8:07:03 AM

Iamsemisweet

Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
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The lawyer should be the one to decide. He knows the court, and their response to situations like this

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 10

RE: slave versus custody/visitation - 11/9/2011 8:09:42 AM

LillyBoPeep

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that's a good point, Iamsemisweet. the OP doesn't specifiy if she means going to court with him, or just being around his house.
does it matter either way?

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 11

RE: slave versus custody/visitation - 11/9/2011 8:11:46 AM

Iamsemisweet

Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline

The lawyer should still decide what factors, at home or otherwise, will affect the court's decision. That is what she is getting paid to do.

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 12

RE: slave versus custody/visitation - 11/9/2011 9:58:06 AM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

There is also the fact that chances are the one trying to "use" the information against the other also has involvement in the "lifestyle." Dirt cuts both ways and both dominants and slave/submissives will use what they can regarding custody visitation in court.

Custoday is a huge issue when it comes to divorce and whether people are "lifestyle" or not is a small part of the dirt that can slung back and forth. I've frequently seen people want the new SO to never be around the children, and I've rarely seen it work. Claims of abuse, drugs, promiscuity, alcoholism and just plain neglect are rampant in a custody case. Sadly, the anger people are feeling about the divorce they use the children as weapons of destruction to the emotions of each other.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 13

RE: slave versus custody/visitation - 11/9/2011 10:05:05 AM

SoulAlloy

Posts: 2106
Joined: 8/23/2009
From: Preston, UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: weaselwelder
You have never been in the bible belt, have you?

True, never been that way, can only speak from experiences here in the UK

_____________________________

"Better to be a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without" - Confucius

"It'll be alright in the end - if it isn't alright, it's not the end." - unknown

Kinky crossdressing Whovian

Host of the Preston (UK) Munch, 2nd Wednesday each month

(in reply to weaselwelder)

Post #: 14

RE: slave versus custody/visitation - 11/9/2011 4:44:00 PM

straponprincess1

Posts: 48
Joined: 11/19/2010
From: Tampa
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Epytropos

Being a slave is about obeying. It is not about making choices for your dominant, even when those choices are appealingly self-sacrificial. Let him make his own choices, and abide by them.

I agree

_____________________________

StrapOnPrincess
Strap On Sessions

(in reply to Epytropos)

Post #: 15

RE: slave versus custody/visitation - 11/9/2011 4:49:34 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If you don't feel comfortable being subpoenaed and having lawyers ask you in court, under oath, about your sex life, which is open information to anyone who cares to find it, then I can see why you wouldn't want to be involved with him.

It isn't just his custody issues at stake. It's also about how it would effect her life - family, job etc. And who's to say the ex won't send copies of the juicy stuff to your mom or your boss. Or to the next job you apply for three years from now. Because if they're arguing about custody now, it means the divorce isn't final and the wife could well blame you for him leaving her. And God knows there are a lot of vindictive people out there.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to straponprincess1)

Post #: 16

RE: slave versus custody/visitation - 11/9/2011 4:55:36 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

If you don't feel comfortable being subpoenaed and having lawyers ask you in court, under oath, about your sex life, which is open information to anyone who cares to find it, then I can see why you wouldn't want to be involved with him.

It isn't just his custody issues at stake. It's also about how it would effect her life - family, job etc. And who's to say the ex won't send copies of the juicy stuff to your mom or your boss. Or to the next job you apply for three years from now. Because if they're arguing about custody now, it means the divorce isn't final and the wife could well blame you for him leaving her. And God knows there are a lot of vindictive people out there.

Less than 1% of divorces go to trial, so the chances of being receiving a subpoena or testifying is pretty slim. That's pretty much for television and the very wealthy.

Also custody issues that arise from a bad divorce will continue long after the divorce is final. Thinking it is over once the divorce is final is naive. Actually making a statement that it is would be based on ignorance.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 17

RE: slave versus custody/visitation - 11/10/2011 3:48:35 PM

onedeceptivesub

Posts: 3
Joined: 11/7/2011
Status: offline

thank you to everyone for all of your caring advice and talking issues. it is complicated because he was not married to the mom who was a sub and the boy is now with his grandparents who are not honoring the visitation that was previously awarded so it is a big mess.

he's had to fill out this huge questionnaire and yes, i know it all should be his decision but if i go there and am new to the mix i can't help but feel it would possibly mess things up worse and then even worse if i ended up getting that kind of questionnaire to answer.

thank you again for everyone who shared advice.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 18

RE: slave versus custody/visitation - 11/10/2011 3:54:30 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: onedeceptivesub

thank you to everyone for all of your caring advice and talking issues. it is complicated because he was not married to the mom who was a sub and the boy is now with his grandparents who are not honoring the visitation that was previously awarded so it is a big mess.

he's had to fill out this huge questionnaire and yes, i know it all should be his decision but if i go there and am new to the mix i can't help but feel it would possibly mess things up worse and then even worse if i ended up getting that kind of questionnaire to answer.

thank you again for everyone who shared advice.

So what you are saying is that neither parent was given custody of this child. Their lack of marriage doesn't really complicate things as much as you think. However, the fact that custody wasn't given to this man you are considering involvement with should be of concern.

Bible belt or not, parents will still be a first choice over grandparents unless there is a reason. If the court didn't deem him competant, why not? If he chose not to pursue custody, why not? If he isn't competant to raise his own kid, how competant can he be to "master" a sub? If he let his own kid go, sorry, but my opinion is that is a scummy person. Also, exactly how attached, dedicated and loyal do you think a person who has no dedication to their own offspring can be to you?

(in reply to onedeceptivesub)

Post #: 19

RE: slave versus custody/visitation - 11/10/2011 4:45:14 PM

onedeceptivesub

Posts: 3
Joined: 11/7/2011
Status: offline

first of all he is NOT scummy.
he IS capable. VERY.
he IS responsible.
he IS smart.
he IS committed to being able to have visitation.

as for the circumstances of the past, they are the past but the grandparents will not be reasonable.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 20

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