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RE: You mean we're not equals? - 5/26/2006 5:46:39 PM

texturedshroom

Posts: 27
Joined: 6/5/2004
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I've found this site largely only useful for message boards... in Ohio at least it's all money dommes (aka fake-dominants-looking-for-cash). I've had much better experience meeting sincere people at munches and encourage you to do the same.

< Message edited by texturedshroom -- 5/26/2006 5:47:20 PM >

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 21

RE: You mean we're not equals? - 5/26/2006 5:53:21 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I think I did and I apologize...lol...sorry...smiles

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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 22

RE: You mean we're not equals? - 5/26/2006 5:56:00 PM

Invictus754

Posts: 521
Joined: 12/16/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: strongnsubmissiv
Equal: Having the same quantity, measure, or value as another.
I regularly flip through profiles here at collarme, and amongst the many things in Dominant profiles that make me shake my head, one is the notion that submissives are not seen as equals. This perplexes me and i can't imagine myself being in a relationship with anyone who doesn't think of thier partner as an equal.

Perhaps it's the meaning of equal that is sort of lost in translation. Surely, by engaging in a D/s relationship, it would appear that the freedom of actions and choices of a submissive are restricted, yet i fail to see how that has anything to do with "worth" or "value".

For me, this lifestyle is all about two people in love, who's sexualities perfectly compliment each other, equally.

Is there a requirement in the BDSM handbook for "equality"? Do you honestly believe that any two people are exactly "equal"? Do you each have to be the same height, weight and age to be "equal"? Maybe the one with more education should have a frontal lobotomy to make them "equal" in brainpower. If one is stronger, should a limb be severed to "equalize" them? If the woman has been fixed, should the man (assuming a m-f pair) then be castrated as well? Gee, if not, they won't be equal...

IMHO, there are plenty of unequals whose existance is a waste of oxygen, and whose sudden disappearance would cause the world to be a better place. D/s and M/s relationships are only equals if both are looking through the same rose colored glasses. Does this mean being close to equal can't happen? No. Is that something to strive for? If that makes both happy. Some Doms and subs don't want to be equals. You are applying your moral substrate to someone else, that transformation will always yield incongruent answers.

"I regularly flip through profiles here at collarme, and amongst the many things in Dominant profiles that make me shake my head, one is the notion that so many blondes pair up with brunettes...it just isn't equal. How can a brunette be in a relationship with a blonde? It's so...so...unequal. Blondes have more fun."

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(in reply to strongnsubmissiv)

Post #: 23

RE: You mean we're not equals? - 5/26/2006 6:01:53 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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http://www.collarchat.com/m_341688/mpage_2/key_equality/tm.htm#341946
Equals

Reposted:
Everyone in any sort of intimate long term relationship needs to "equally" agree to the relationship, and work to maintain the relationship and the ideals on which it was formed. Meaning- if one doesn't, the entire thing falls apart.

That's about it. Equality after that pretty much falls apart. This is true in vanilla relationships as well- rarely are two people completely equally suited or desiring to do all the same things at all the same time.

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(in reply to strongnsubmissiv)

Post #: 24

RE: You mean we're not equals? - 5/26/2006 9:44:56 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
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quote:

texturedshroom
I've had much better experience meeting sincere people at munches and encourage you to do the same.

Thank you.. I am immersing with other lifestylers within my community slowly, but surely.

quote:

I think I did and I apologize...lol...sorry...smiles

No apology needed Juliaoceania.

M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to texturedshroom)

Post #: 25

RE: You mean we're not equals? - 5/26/2006 10:35:46 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: strongnsubmissiv

Equal: Having the same quantity, measure, or value as another.
I regularly flip through profiles here at collarme, and amongst the many things in Dominant profiles that make me shake my head, one is the notion that submissives are not seen as equals. This perplexes me and i can't imagine myself being in a relationship with anyone who doesn't think of thier partner as an equal.

My partners are equals my subs are not.

quote:

Perhaps it's the meaning of equal that is sort of lost in translation. Surely, by engaging in a D/s relationship, it would appear that the freedom of actions and choices of a submissive are restricted, yet i fail to see how that has anything to do with "worth" or "value".

My subs are one of my most valuble posessions and are very valuble to me. But demanding the nilla standard of equal has been grounds for dismissal.

quote:

For me, this lifestyle is all about two people in love, who's sexualities perfectly compliment each other, equally.

I would say that my subs are a compliment...kind of like ketchup. It's a complimentary companion, it's good but you wouldn't eat a whole bottle of it alone.

< Message edited by theRose4U -- 5/26/2006 10:44:37 PM >

(in reply to strongnsubmissiv)

Post #: 26

RE: You mean we're not equals? - 5/26/2006 10:56:25 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Invictus,

I remember the last time I posted to an "equal" debate thread, and I will say the same to you.... You are right, no one is exactly equal, but I think the intent of her post is that some doms expect a submissive to be inferior to them just because the submissive has a serving nature. It would be silly for anyone to expect to be equal to everyone in every way, but in essense, as others have pointed out we are equal in our humanity.

I do not care what others want personally, but I know in some ways I will be superior to my dom, and other ways inferior. My strengths can be used by my dominant, and my weaknesses can be compensated for, but in my humanity I am always an equal. Together we form something intrinically better than we make individually.,.. at least that is the kind of relationship I seek to build. It is not about who is better, or has the authority, or who wears the dom pants... it is about "us".

What is more important on a car? A steering wheel or the engine? I believe they are both necessary to make a car go, they perform different functions. I see this as the same thing with D/s ... we are both essential parts of a whole, and we are not going anywhere without each other.

No, no one is exactly equal to anyone else. I bet if you looked around at D/s relationships far and wide you would see doms that were superior in most ways to their subs, and you would see subs that were in most ways superior to their doms.... Just like in the vanilla world.

You only high lighted the parts of the opening post to make your point, you did not address her OP really. He was addressing dom profiles that seem to think all submissives were not equal intrinsically to dominants... and as a sub I have seen this attitude more times than I care to think about. It doesnt bother me necessarily, for when i was looking for a dominant I would pass these profiles up knowing they would be ill-suited for me. But I understand his point, and I can sympathize

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 5/26/2006 11:00:07 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Invictus754)

Post #: 27

RE: You mean we're not equals? - 5/26/2006 11:26:05 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

Of course it's not equal. I do what I decide and she does what I decide. How is that equal?

(in reply to strongnsubmissiv)

Post #: 28

RE: You mean we're not equals? - 5/27/2006 4:41:36 AM

sabswife

Posts: 188
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

both are equally important. very simply-- what is a Dom without a sub, and what is a sub without a Dom? both enable and fulfill the other.

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(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 29

RE: You mean we're not equals? - 5/27/2006 2:22:12 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Of course it's not equal. I do what I decide and she does what I decide. How is that equal?

....grin.......I know a man that says the same thing..lol

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 30

RE: You mean we're not equals? - 5/27/2006 4:15:44 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster
Of course it's not equal. I do what I decide and she does what I decide. How is that equal?

....grin.......I know a man that says the same thing..lol

Not surprisingly, neither you nor LaM's girl think this is a problem within a D/s or M/s relationship go figure... I wonder if this is one to be listed among the differences between men and women within BDSM. M

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""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 31

RE: You mean we're not equals? - 5/27/2006 4:20:07 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

What is more important on a car? A steering wheel or the engine? I believe they are both necessary to make a car go, they perform different functions. I see this as the same thing with D/s ... we are both essential parts of a whole, and we are not going anywhere without each other.

Exactly, the point of view is sometimes skewed by which end of the looking glass you're on.

< Message edited by theRose4U -- 5/27/2006 4:22:12 PM >

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 32

RE: You mean we're not equals? - 5/27/2006 5:50:09 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
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I don't think sex or gender have much to do with it. It's just a question of what works for you. There are plenty of dommes in unequal relationships. Look at the profile of someone like GoddessDustyGold, whose frankness I've always admired. She doesn't do equal relationships either.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster
Of course it's not equal. I do what I decide and she does what I decide. How is that equal?

....grin.......I know a man that says the same thing..lol
Not surprisingly, neither you nor LaM's girl think this is a problem within a D/s or M/s relationship go figure... I wonder if this is one to be listed among the differences between men and women within BDSM. M

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 33

RE: You mean we're not equals? - 5/27/2006 5:59:17 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

I'm perfectly happy being unequal to Master in regards to his dominance in the relationship...just as he is unequal to me in regards to my submission in the relationship.

I dont see the need for people to defend human qualities and characteristics in regards to equality within bdsm, that has nothing to do with the roles we take up.

_____________________________

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Different Strokes for Different Folks

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(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 34

RE: You mean we're not equals? - 5/27/2006 6:18:25 PM

LaMspeach

Posts: 794
Joined: 12/4/2004
From: Philadelphia area, PA
Status: offline

I am also perfectly happy being unequal, . If i wanted to be equal with in my relationships i wouldn't have chosen a M/s relationship. It doesn't mean he values me less as a human. It simply means i am not equal with in our relationship. He leads, i follow.

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Post #: 35

RE: You mean we're not equals? - 5/27/2006 6:42:28 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster
I don't think sex or gender have much to do with it. It's just a question of what works for you. There are plenty of dommes in unequal relationships. Look at the profile of someone like GoddessDustyGold, whose frankness I've always admired. She doesn't do equal relationships either.

I know what you're saying, and I certainly haven't statistical data to back this opinion up, but just tend to notice a lot more female submissives on these boards who have a wonderful grasp of D/s or M/s relationships, and are okay with the inherent inequality/imbalance within such a relationship. The men tend to resent uppity women who want to boss them around/tell them what to do with theirs, especially if not for sexual service, lol. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 36

RE: You mean we're not equals? - 5/28/2006 10:05:41 PM

strongnsubmissiv

Posts: 197
Joined: 9/8/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

... notice a lot more female submissives on these boards who have a wonderful grasp of D/s or M/s relationships, and are okay with the inherent inequality/imbalance within such a relationship. The men tend to resent uppity women who want to boss them around/tell them what to do with theirs, especially if not for sexual service, lol. M

... a wonderful grasp of D/s relationships according to whom? To me this sort of implies that there is a wrong way to grasp it. If two people are in agreement and find a compatibility between them by calling what they have a successful D/s relationship, who's to say they've grasped it wrong? As for me, i don't resent "uppity women" and although my submissive orientation is linked to my sexuality, i'm not here looking for sexual service so i'm glad i don't fall into that category.

It's obvious we're all different. DNA kind of takes care of that, which wasn't the original intent of my post. It just seems to me, that if someone goes out of their way to state that the partner they are looking for will not be an equal, they are implying worth or value. For me, i wouldn't engage in a relationship with someone who looks at other human beings in such a manner. Perhaps that inherent inequality in a relationship is a need for some, it's just not that way for me.

Still, without explanation, i suppose the context in which the word "equal" is being used, may not necessarily mean worth or value, but more describe the power dynamic between the two.

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Post #: 37

RE: You mean we're not equals? - 5/28/2006 10:11:47 PM

dombill32

Posts: 43
Joined: 4/15/2005
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A dom and sub together is two sides of the same coin.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 38

RE: You mean we're not equals? - 5/28/2006 10:17:57 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: strongnsubmissiv
i suppose the context in which the word "equal" is being used, may not necessarily mean worth or value, but more describe the power dynamic between the two.

I think that you are saying you understand what dominants mean when they say they aren't looking for equals within a relationship... I mean who among us is looking for someone to look down on?

I mean anyone who is so flawed as to enter a relationship with someone who cannot care for or respect him/her has issues he/she should deal with before even asking why some dominants (or submissives) come accross as obnoxious and condescending.

quote:

a wonderful grasp of D/s relationships according to whom? To me this sort of implies that there is a wrong way to grasp it.

Obviously there is no big book of how to do it right, but being one who likes definitions and try to do my best to comunicate that my kink is largely dominance/submission related, I prefer people who've read from similar books or go with the dictionary's definition of what it means to submit, where submission is not a dirty or debasing word (unless we want to make it that way later). M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to strongnsubmissiv)

Post #: 39

RE: You mean we're not equals? - 5/28/2006 10:18:00 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
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What about a dom with two subs?

quote:

ORIGINAL: dombill32

A dom and sub together is two sides of the same coin.

(in reply to dombill32)

Post #: 40

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