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losttreasure -> RE: Girls, why did it fail? (5/26/2006 9:59:26 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: dogobedience
When did you become aware that the one you choose was a mistake.
Tiger, I'm wondering if perhaps what you are asking isn't so much when do we become aware that we've made a mistake, but what it is that happens to make us first believe we've found our "one", only to have that change?
In that respect, I can only float a theory. Please note that this is purely my opinion... based on my own experience, observations made of others, and a healthy dose of common sense about the nature of people. There is also the assumption here that both dominant and submissive are “genuine” and seriously looking for a relationship. As always, your mileage may vary.
When a "newbie" submissive first places a profile on a site like CollarMe, she possesses only a limited amount of information about the D/s lifestyle, and most often only her "gut" feeling about what it is that she is seeking. She has most likely devoured a large number of writings on the lifestyle from various online sources (hence the limited information), and almost assuredly has quite a bit of confusion as the information she has found is often contradictory.
Those first contacts she receives may honestly scare her. It is both flattering to receive so much attention at the start, and a bit alarming. We've made a "cry into the dark" for the dominant who haunts our dreams and stirs our soul, and many have answered.
As with any activity or situation that is new and largely unknown to us, anyone who possesses knowledge and comfort can seem "larger than life" and a bit intimidating. But, for a submissive spirit, that can be so appealing and a submissive at this stage is very easily influenced and even more susceptible to "sub frenzy".
Add to this a dominant who is suffering from what my dearest, FirmhandKY, has termed "Dom Discombobulation" (a dominant condition similar in nature to "sub frenzy" that I'm sure he will explain at a time of his own choosing), and a budding and otherwise promising relationship can leap forward to premature professions of having found "the one" for both.
The progression toward this failure you describe is not assured, but becomes a possibility as the reality of maintaining that elevated level of passion begins to wear. I believe this typically happens for the dominant first and leads to the dominant taking steps to back off and slow the relationship down. Any negative response on the part of the submissive to the loss of attention from the dominant can further cause the dominant to reconsider. This circuitous process will fairly rapidly degrade the entire relationship, if there isn't a "Dom Diaspora"* before a complete breakdown happens.
What you end up with is a guarded submissive and a wary dominant... both licking their wounds and changing their profiles. However, the good news is that with each encounter there is the potential for learning and growth... and much wiser partners for some future dominant and submissive.
So fear not, Tiger... your "one" may not end up polluted but rather enlightened by the time you find her.
LostTreasure
* "Dom Diaspora" denotes that online phenomenon of the disappearing dominant... not to be confused with the anomaly of the "scattering submissive" which typically happens prior to the establishment of any relationship beyond a communication or two.
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