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got a ? for sub boys - 11/17/2011 8:49:40 PM   
LovelyLady39


Posts: 14
Joined: 11/11/2010
Status: offline 		I realize for females the challenges are different. Can the sub boys explain why (some) so many of you are so very willing to serve a female Dominant without knowing them?
My question doesn't have a tone, I'm just trying to understand how I can get emails, daily, from boys willing to meet me without knowing what I look like, or knowing me as a person at all.
I understand needing to serve, I get that. Just as badly as I want someone to serve me. But I need to get to know someone on a vanilla level as much as a bdsm level.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: got a ? for sub boys - 11/17/2011 9:06:06 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		I'd love to know the answer to this as well.

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RE: got a ? for sub boys - 11/17/2011 11:03:17 PM   
PureVenom


Posts: 5
Joined: 10/13/2011
Status: offline 		it is supply versus demand, many male subs come on for months and get no where, so obviously to get off they need to offer without taking into account their own safety.

where as girls can be more picky as guys are widely available to choose from.

I am not a sub myself but this is obvious to me, from just going into chatrooms and boards

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: got a ? for sub boys - 11/17/2011 11:23:50 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		It's not an issue of safety, PureVenom, it's that they are just not interested in who we femdoms ARE. It's insulting, it's baffling, and it's the reason so many of them are going to be looking a damned long time.



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[page 23 girl]



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RE: got a ? for sub boys - 11/17/2011 11:27:23 PM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		LadyHibiscus,I am going to assume that these might be the "do me subs" who are just looking to get a free session via the internet.I have a strong desire to submit but not just to anyone.

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(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
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RE: got a ? for sub boys - 11/17/2011 11:38:09 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		And it shows, Charles, you have a handle on who you are and what you like. Now that I have taken off any pics of myself, my mail has slowed considerably but I still get emails from random guys wanting whatever. Um, yeah, I'll get right on that...

(please dont tell me the internet is full of do me subs!)

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RE: got a ? for sub boys - 11/17/2011 11:45:59 PM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PureVenom

it is supply versus demand, many male subs come on for months and get no where, so obviously to get off they need to offer without taking into account their own safety.

where as girls can be more picky as guys are widely available to choose from.

I am not a sub myself but this is obvious to me, from just going into chatrooms and boards



I think the bolded part might be the answer. Some guys are here purely for their own sexual gratification and nothing more. The fact that they'd risk their own safety to get laid makes them ideal candidates for the chlorinated end of the gene pool.

Of the women I've talked to in r/l and on here, the vast majority are either looking for a relationship or for a play relationship with someone they trust or care about, and will take time to get to know them first.

And there are many, many 'dominant' guys on here who are just looking to get laid too, and they'll spin any kind of a line to make that happen. Those of us who are a bit more choosy will take as much time as it takes to find the right man, not just any man.



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RE: got a ? for sub boys - 11/18/2011 3:55:59 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I never understood any of this.  In theory, there are 200 sub men for every Domme.  Yet there are several damn desirable Domme women here that are single.

It's a mismatch.  The subs want a free pro Domme, outfitted with leather and a whip. The Dommes want someone who can hold a conversation.  If the guys just learned to hold a conversation, they'd be in like Flynn.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: got a ? for sub boys - 11/18/2011 5:49:49 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		Not just hold a conversation Steven...to actually make a connection.

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Profile   Post #: 9
RE: got a ? for sub boys - 11/18/2011 6:08:20 AM   
Fornica


Posts: 2986
Status: offline 		I think you should take it upon yourself to match them all accordingly.
:D
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I never understood any of this.  In theory, there are 200 sub men for every Domme.  Yet there are several damn desirable Domme women here that are single.

It's a mismatch.  The subs want a free pro Domme, outfitted with leather and a whip. The Dommes want someone who can hold a conversation.  If the guys just learned to hold a conversation, they'd be in like Flynn.




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There is no spoon.


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Profile   Post #: 10
RE: got a ? for sub boys - 11/18/2011 6:57:45 AM   
Zonie63


Posts: 2826
Joined: 4/25/2011
From: The Old Pueblo
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LovelyLady39
But I need to get to know someone on a vanilla level as much as a bdsm level.


I agree with this, as I'm the same way. Some guys are different; we don't all fall into the same category or personality type. However, I know that there are some guys (regardless of whether they're sub, dom, or vanilla) who are constantly on the lookout to try to hook up with any female on their radar. They might send out 100 e-mails, but they only need one to respond. Nature hardwired us a certain way, and with some guys, it manifests itself in all kinds of strange and inexplicable ways.

Some of this may be due to the dynamics of the site itself. I can't speak for other guys (realizing that I'm a bit of an oddball, even for a sub male), but looking at this site from a male point of view, it's pretty easy to tell why many guys get the wrong idea and start sending out e-mails indiscriminately. When a male is in a "haze of horniness," our brains don't operate at full capacity. Maybe it's some sort of chemical imbalance that goes on inside of us. I don't know. That's our cross to bear, I suppose, but I agree that it's rude and insensitive to just send out e-mails to complete strangers like that. Also, when people are online, they might feel more insulated and safe, losing their inhibitions (which may even be amplified if they're drinking, so that's something else to keep in mind).


(in reply to LovelyLady39)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: got a ? for sub boys - 11/18/2011 8:46:46 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		It's a realtime issue, Zonie, not just a site one. Lots and lots of men know how to bait the hook, then the bait turns out to be one of those plastic lures, instead of something tasty.

I love playing (or did). I am flexible, I can relate to bottom players or actually submissive people. What I am not interested in is "players" who think they are doing me a favor by offering up their meat for me to mess with. On their terms. THAT is a hurdle I am no longer inclined to jump.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: got a ? for sub boys - 11/18/2011 11:14:14 AM   
LovelyLady39


Posts: 14
Joined: 11/11/2010
Status: offline 		Yeah they act like they're doing me a favor, as if I don't get a shit ton of emails stating the same thing. Don't get me wrong, if I can get a guy to talk to me alot, and I mean alot...I would probably meet him after only a week. That doesn't necessarily mean I'll beat on him, I'll meet him though.
I sure wish I could find someone SINGLE, LIVES NEARBY, and will talk to me not only about bdsm but also about their vanilla life. Ugh, its been a long journey so far with not much in site...

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: got a ? for sub boys - 11/18/2011 11:23:10 AM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LovelyLady39
I realize for females the challenges are different. Can the sub boys explain why (some) so many of you are so very willing to serve a female Dominant without knowing them?
My question doesn't have a tone, I'm just trying to understand how I can get emails, daily, from boys willing to meet me without knowing what I look like, or knowing me as a person at all.
I understand needing to serve, I get that. Just as badly as I want someone to serve me. But I need to get to know someone on a vanilla level as much as a bdsm level.



I presume it's part of their fantasy, the thrill of submitting to a person they don't know AT ALL... but these same people very rarely dare to step out from behind the internet. They don't actually want/need to serve, they just want the selfish internal thrill of jumping off a cliff with a stranger, eventhough they're perfectly safe because we all know they're not actually going to leave their desk.

It is annoying. I always ask them why they think I'm so perfect for them and they always give the same BS answer, but when you go "ok, put your money where your mouth is and meet me" they chicken out and want to know all sorts of things they apparently didn't need to know before, like what I look like and what kind of car I drive, what I work as etc. Silly boys.

(in reply to LovelyLady39)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: got a ? for sub boys - 11/18/2011 11:52:24 AM   
switchblademoi


Posts: 26
Joined: 7/26/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LovelyLady39

I realize for females the challenges are different. Can the sub boys explain why (some) so many of you are so very willing to serve a female Dominant without knowing them?
My question doesn't have a tone, I'm just trying to understand how I can get emails, daily, from boys willing to meet me without knowing what I look like, or knowing me as a person at all.
I understand needing to serve, I get that. Just as badly as I want someone to serve me. But I need to get to know someone on a vanilla level as much as a bdsm level.



The answer is simple: It's hard for a male sub to find a female domme, so a lot of subs will throw the dice and be willing to meet any domme just to see what happens.

However, that doesn't mean the sub won't change his mind if he meets the domme and finds her unattractive.

If someone volunteers to "serve" you without knowing you, they aren't really interested in serving. They are interested in having some kinky fun. And they will disappear as quickly as they arrive when they stop getting what they want.

A person demonstrates what they want by their actions. A lot of men will say anything just to get the meeting. And a lot will connect with almost any domme for a little fun. Doesn't mean they intend to stick around. So the best thing is to put the brakes on, and not focus on kinky or service. Start on the vanilla if you want long term. The people who only want kink will get bored and disappear quickly.

I'll tell you, the dommes I met online who turned into something generally didn't talk about BDSM at all online.

(in reply to LovelyLady39)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: got a ? for sub boys - 11/18/2011 7:46:21 PM   
atursvcMaam


Posts: 1195
Joined: 5/10/2004
Status: offline 		taking You on blind faith, Ma'am, and believing that You are exquisite and getting better every moment, why would one not want to drop everything to serve You? Over a period of time, one might tend to find that the reality is different than that spectacular profile intro. if i were hunting i can see making as big an offer as i could imagine to sech an exquisite Domme. The realities involved with a poly family caused me a great deal of hesitation and confusion and several false missteps when i first encountered a working poly system, and a couple of bad moments when i encounter some dysfunctional ones.
my guess is that the boys are trying to offer You what they think You want, while fantaszing and imagining what they might want.

_____________________________

live hard, die young and leave a good looking corpse when you die.
Love ya, but, when the zombies start chasing us, i am tripping you.
The glass is always full, the question is, "with what?"

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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: got a ? for sub boys - 11/20/2011 9:08:20 AM   
summersub


Posts: 22
Joined: 3/7/2004
Status: offline 		I find its the women who don't want to meet in real life and disappear for no reason and alot here are prodommes.

After a few emails I think if someone is really looking for a partner then they would be interested in talking or meeting for coffee or something that used to be called a date.

Then you have the distance factor and all the other vanilla factors.

To answer the OP question men are a lot more interested in sex without committment so they are more willing to "say anything" to get into a woman's pants.  For the same reason there are so many one line emails, its economically more advantageous for a man to send out 100 one line emails than to send one 100 line email.

Now I am not saying men especially sub men don't want committment because after being alone they probably want a committment (or need committment) as much as the ordinary woman.

I also think its women who often aren't saying what they want, if they know what they want.

(in reply to atursvcMaam)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: got a ? for sub boys - 11/20/2011 10:49:00 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		Have you tried asking the guys who do this?

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This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: got a ? for sub boys - 11/20/2011 11:03:23 AM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LovelyLady39
I understand needing to serve, I get that. Just as badly as I want someone to serve me. But I need to get to know someone on a vanilla level as much as a bdsm level.

This. ^^^^ I would love to have a sub to actually be mine and serve me. It's a matter of being realtime though, for me, which means he needs to be within a reasonable distance. We also need to click on a vanilla level and have some similar interests outside of bdsm. I mean, we aren't going to be doing kinky stuff 24/7 now, are we? Well, not in my ideal relationship anyway.

If a guy doesn't care about who I really am or what makes me me, I know he's just into it to get his kink satisfied. My problem is, I am writing to more than one sub that seems perfectly wonderful but we are so far apart.

I think, on BOTH sides of the kneel, it's a matter of everything connecting: Distance, age, interests, what each wants out of the situation, etc etc. Add to that the fact that there are zillions more male subs than there are female Dommes, and that adds to the guys' being willing to hook up with someone they don't really know.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: got a ? for sub boys - 11/20/2011 6:34:50 PM   
experiment2


Posts: 208
Joined: 11/7/2007
Status: offline 		i agree wiht some of the prior comments that there are many more subs that Dommes. most subs are willing to take a chance in the belief the Domme will not hurt or injure them seriously if they have made a mistake in the first place.

Males tend to be easily excited and controlled by there balls rather than there brain and will take a greater risk than most females will. to a sexually stimulated male logic takes a back seat.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
Profile   Post #: 20
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