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RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/19/2011 9:11:20 AM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		I know I'm a new Domme and pretty new at checking things out with submissive men, so I may come across as naive even though I'm trying not to be. Now I ask, are you looking mainly for kink, or do you want a relationship outside of kink as well? Also I ask what sort of vanilla, non-kinky, interests you have besides kink? Then when we get that down and we decide we click as people, later on I ask about kink. It's when someone starts right out before anything else with a list of kinky things they want done to them that I sort of start to lose enthusiasm for the person, since I'm looking for a submissive rather than a bottom. I know there are guys out there that want more than just kink, I'm just wanting to get a general idea of what all that is.......

NBMG

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(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/19/2011 1:32:30 PM   
SoulAlloy


Posts: 2106
Joined: 8/23/2009
From: Preston, UK
Status: offline 		Well outside of kink, and I can only speak for myself though I suspect many others are the same, we want a relationship. Ultimately someone to share the rest of our lives with.  I remember seeing a line in a couple's profile about wanting to be together forever and end up the kinky couple in the nursing home - that always seemed a fun loving thought.

We all have different goals naturally, whether it's travel, family, being the top of our career etc... I suppose I'm struggling with the question you're asking, do you mean non-kinky submissive activities?

Edited for spelling

< Message edited by SoulAlloy -- 11/19/2011 2:07:27 PM >

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(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/19/2011 1:38:05 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

I know I'm a new Domme and pretty new at checking things out with submissive men, so I may come across as naive even though I'm trying not to be. Now I ask, are you looking mainly for kink, or do you want a relationship outside of kink as well? Also I ask what sort of vanilla, non-kinky, interests you have besides kink? Then when we get that down and we decide we click as people, later on I ask about kink. It's when someone starts right out before anything else with a list of kinky things they want done to them that I sort of start to lose enthusiasm for the person, since I'm looking for a submissive rather than a bottom. I know there are guys out there that want more than just kink, I'm just wanting to get a general idea of what all that is.......

NBMG


I don't think you are naive at all! I think some of us that have been around here as a dominant longer than you have, have seen a bit more. That is all. Hell, we may not even be correct in our take of things. Then again... we may be too correct and some might fall into disgrace and our ill humor when they send out emails or talk to us and we eat them, bones and all.

You keep doing what you do babe... you've come a long way baby! Hell, you have done things I haven't done you dominant wench... and yes... I am jealous! So there!

Love ya sweetie!


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(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/19/2011 1:47:14 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SoulAlloy
I suppose I'm struggling with the question your asking, do you mean non-kinky submissive activities?

I'm meaning actually, does a person want a relationship outside of D/s? Mainly D/s without a relationship otherwise? A Top/bottom relationship? Then later, after that was established we(he & I) would talk about specific kink and vanilla activities we'd like to share.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
You keep doing what you do babe... you've come a long way baby! Hell, you have done things I haven't done you dominant wench... and yes... I am jealous! So there!

Love ya sweetie!


I have!? Wow! Thanks!

NBMG

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(in reply to SoulAlloy)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/19/2011 2:31:32 PM   
SoulAlloy


Posts: 2106
Joined: 8/23/2009
From: Preston, UK
Status: offline 		I guess that's down to the people involved, which I know isn't helpful lol.

Personally my basic answer is yes, I do want a relationship outside of D/s and topping/bottoming. I'm not one for 24/7 as I'm not sure how I'd be able to fit that around my life.

_____________________________

"Better to be a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without" - Confucius

"It'll be alright in the end - if it isn't alright, it's not the end." - unknown

Kinky crossdressing Whovian

Host of the Preston (UK) Munch, 2nd Wednesday each month

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/20/2011 8:27:30 AM   
work4girls


Posts: 1
Joined: 5/8/2011
Status: offline 		It is not always easy to tell. Many might not really know what they really like and are seeking.

I for my part like in a D/s situation a normal woman/girl who just acts as she wants and makes the guy serving her. It doesn't mean that the guy has to expect something to be done even if he wishes it, because she rules the scene. She will start just to get advantage from him as a slave who does the daily shores for her. She might want to use tricks to get his submission deeper like denial and/or control and maybe eventually he will become hers fully to serve her an easy and happy life.

However it really depends on what type he is and of course if his ideas meet hers. You might know that chemistry what has to work between both. It's like in the vanilla world, you might know your dreams but you won't know if the other one wants to live them with you

A relation outside of D/s might be neccessary because everyone has to live the daily life and some might have relations to other people or friends that would not understand 24/7. It might be difficult to fulfill true 24/7 in a normal daily life.


< Message edited by work4girls -- 11/20/2011 8:30:11 AM >

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/20/2011 12:40:19 PM   
MissToYouRedux


Posts: 867
Joined: 1/23/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: work4girls

A relation outside of D/s might be neccessary...

[emphasis added]

For me as a lifestyle Dominant woman, that's not a "might be"; it's a given. That's the point. Regardless of the type of service he offers, I have to at least like the submissive to begin with before deciding if there might be a place in my life for him. So the more a submissive can give a sense of who he is and what he looks for beyond what kink acts he wants to do, the more he has a chance to hold my interest.

Kudos to the guys brave enough to answer the OP's question to have their heartfelt answers mercilessly analyzed. I hope to read more. I've always thought that courage is a requirement for a good submissive.

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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/20/2011 12:47:15 PM   
subinchico


Posts: 119
Joined: 1/6/2008
Status: offline 		Words that show "Open-mindedness", provide feelings that no rejection or abandonment ensues.


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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/20/2011 12:50:39 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Thinking back to the friends I've nade on the dating side v. The forums, kink has never been the thing that linked us. It's always been some other interest, a shared laugh, something to do with LIfe When We Are Dressed.



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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/20/2011 7:14:58 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Oh, JJ. In a parallel universe, you, me and Niney are a fucking hot triad.


Don't know who Niney is (but I've always trusted your judgement).

I'm considering setting up some rather (extremely) large magnets on opposing ends on my 5 acres (375 lineal feet is required for maximum result)....I'm fairly confident that will open a small tear in the time continuum.

(I'll be ready when you are).

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/20/2011 7:15:58 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		RIGHT NOW DO IT NOWWWWWW!

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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/20/2011 8:43:04 PM   
strongbottom88


Posts: 40
Joined: 9/10/2011
Status: offline 		I know this answer will seem as vague as the emails the op seems to be questioning, but I think most reasonble people are looking for compatability (be it kinky interests, vanilla interests, physical attraction, personailities, and relationship goals). The problem is that it is impossible to capture all of that in effective detail on a profile or in an initial email or two. Really gaining a sense of the level of compatability takes extensive communication and time.

Furthermore, I think a lot of us are open to having flexible interests. I may have certain relationship goals, kinky interests, and ideas of what types of friendships I desire, but that doesn't mean through communication and meeting I am not capable of having some of those interests alter and therefore some of my compatability measures may change somewhat over time.

If you have a really concrete idea of what you are looking for, then all you can do is be as clear as possible in your profile and in any communications with potential "prospects." Many of us are reaching out to people we see some level of potential compatability with while not having an absolute or fixed idea of what we may ultimately be interested in or compatible with regarding that person. If your vision if concrete and fixed, the sooner you communicate that, the sooner someone else should be able to tell if there is any potential fit.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/20/2011 9:17:10 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		There are some good responses here. It does take communication and being willing to communicate, even if someone is confused, they can communicate that. I wouldn't expect someone to know what kink they like if they have had little kink in their life. How can you communicate what you don't know?

Knowing some of the domina's around here as I do... I do believe that most are fair and will discuss things and be understanding. We may have areas we will not budge in, like how someone presents themselves and how they act with us, but I think most of us without catering to someone, will work things in a positive manner in most areas. You ruffle our dominant feathers... it is typically done in certain ways. Those ways should be evident to most men of an adult age with normal amounts of adult relationships.

Don't treat her like a service delivery system... don't disrespect women or yourself... have some manners and for gods sake... don't lie! lol I think most of us enjoy talking to submissives and with the number of men we actually talk to and play with on the boards, that is clear for everyone to see... we aren't vultures waiting for you to spill your jewels so that we can grab them up, simply because we can. We like to have fun! Dominance can be fun... a great deal of fun... but there is also some seriousness as well. Know when to play and when to get serious and communicate when confused. It really isn't that hard. We don't want you afraid of us.. unless in play time of course! Then that can be fun too!


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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/21/2011 1:24:07 PM   
experiment2


Posts: 208
Joined: 11/7/2007
Status: offline 		There are many answers to the question as to what Subs are looking for. From my point of view it involves pleasing a Domme and getting some encouragement from Her is the feedback that makes it all worthwhile. It is about giving away control over yourself to a female that desires it. As a sub, I do not expect nor am I entitled to the activities that I want to obtain physical pleasure. From my limited experiences, a skilled Domme will learn very quickly what turns on their sub/slave and the right buttons to push, just to give him enough rewards or satisfation to want to remain as in his position.

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/21/2011 2:35:50 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline 		What do I want out of a D/S Situation?

Friendship for one. I have to know I can trust the person I am playing and not only that I want to have fun with them. So that means being able to joke, laugh and discuss things in and out of the D/s side of things. This is also the doorway to begin to understand your partner. A chance to listen and a chance to talk about the things you like and the things your partner likes.

I want to release the inner rage in me. There is a rage the lies deep inside me. I want my mind and body broken to the point it is released. This might sound selfish but its one my deep desires I have. It gets me into deep sub space and something I enjoy.

I want to be able to release the inner rage of my partner. I want to see the fire in her eyes, the lust in her heart, the electricity her touch. I want to know she is truely enjoying herself even if it means I will endure pain to do so. I know what sub space is like for me, I can only image Domme space would be the same for my partner and I would want to know how I can get her there and how long I can keep her there

I think your question varys for many people depending on where they are at in life. Are they fairly new to the scene? Are they looking for a life long partner? Are they looking for a casual distraction? In my particular case, I am a widower and I am looking to delve into the deeper side of my D/s desires. I no longer am seeking a life long partner. If that were to happen, great, but is no longer my goal. So I think with age, relatioship status and other factors what a person wants out of a D/s relationship will change greatly.




< Message edited by mummyman321 -- 11/21/2011 2:53:38 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/21/2011 3:38:02 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		~FR~
I like hearing all the replies. I know everyone's answers will be different, depending on what they want, but I was just wondering if I was asking too much, to have someone for a sub that I enjoy being around other than only for D/s....someone I could relate to on a vanilla level also.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to mummyman321)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/21/2011 6:42:07 PM   
experiment2


Posts: 208
Joined: 11/7/2007
Status: offline 		it seems You are interested in a relationship with Your sub that is more involved and complicated than just a Domme/s. perhaps it is our human need to form relationships.

there was a book written by Anne Rice (of Vampire fame) under the name Rampling titled Exit to Eden that really showed this type of relationship, where the Domme started falling for the sub.

i am not qualified to understand what You are looking for, perhaps Dommes on this site may be better able to answer You.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/21/2011 6:46:33 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Dominants and submissives have actual relationships all the time.

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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/21/2011 6:47:29 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

RIGHT NOW DO IT NOWWWWWW!


NOW?????

(I have meetings, you know).

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/21/2011 6:51:14 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		NOWWWWWWW! You would not BELIEVE how unsatisfactory that Hitachi is.

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Profile   Post #: 60
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