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RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/21/2011 8:20:42 PM

mummyman321

Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

~FR~
I like hearing all the replies. I know everyone's answers will be different, depending on what they want, but I was just wondering if I was asking too much, to have someone for a sub that I enjoy being around other than only for D/s....someone I could relate to on a vanilla level also.

NBMG

I do not think you are asking too much. Just realize this is no different than the vanilla world you will need to weed through all the one who just want a quickie. But if you do not try you can never succeed :)

_____________________________

Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 61

RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/21/2011 10:15:00 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

Hitachi

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

NOWWWWWWW! You would not BELIEVE how unsatisfactory that Hitachi is.

You got the 110 volt model didn't you?

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 62

RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/27/2011 12:58:37 AM

jrea79

Posts: 1
Joined: 3/13/2005
Status: offline

NiceButMeanGirl,

There are many things I'd "like from a D/s situtaion."

Sometimes a man, whether justified or not, may feel superior to those around him. Perhaps one guy feels physically superior to most, perhaps another might feel intellectually superior, or perhaps another might feel financially superior. We all have different gifts from which we derive our confidence, sense of capability and egos from. Be it for whatever reason individually that might make us feel superior to the next person we come in contact with, when we get to the point where we feel most whole as individual beings, there is still one aspect of life for which we need a woman. That is of course a partner, for which one explores their love, sexuality, and other personal aspects of life with like constructing a family, etc. etc. And, if we are capable of doing most things by and for ourselves, and we in fact feel superior, then for those certain aspects I mentioned we need a woman for, we obviously want to find someone who is also superior. And, one way of feeling like we are lucky enough to have found an actual superior woman (or one who's at the same superior level as us over confident creatures) is to in fact have a woman who is dominating over us in whatever of those aspects of life are we look to a woman for (love, sex, building a family, etc. etc.).

Additionally, there are other aspects of life for which we have a natural desire to reach to the furthest extents in our path of growth and life experience. One these aspects is trust and I think one would be mislead if they believed there was a life style which could possibly lead to this human desire to a greater extent than a D/s relationship.

Another, derived benefit that one might derive from a D/s relationship is a greater cause than just one's self. Having the feeling that one might be doing something for not only oneself, but for the betterment of another can push a man to reach new heights in many aspects of life (work, commitment to family, etc. etc.).

Also, for those that are thinkers (if that might be their gift), it might literally be difficult for them to vacate from their thoughts of work, philosophy, creation, or whatever they are thinking throughout the day, week, etc. to truly give what they desire to give to a relationship without the unique aspects of bdsm.

And, the last thing I'll note, although I can think of a million things I dream of benefiting from a D/s relationship, it's just more exciting, fun, a turn-on, a giant separation from the monotony of going with the everyday flow as we maneuver through, and sometimes blend into a society.

Plus, women are such beautiful creatures... shouldn't we all be forced to worship one.

(in reply to SoulAlloy)

Post #: 63

RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/27/2011 4:05:35 AM

Guyver1986

Posts: 2
Joined: 7/31/2010
Status: offline

I have to agree with the saying the wrong thing part.

There are far more Sub males than Female Dommes, and even fewer when you are trying to fine a Domme you are compatible with. And when you do find her you do worry about saying or doing the wrong thing that could cost you the relationship.
For me I know that I tend to hold back on some of my fetishes and kinks and slowly put my cards on the table one at a time so as to not scare them away.

As for what I am looking for, well that is a simple question with a complex and not completely formulated answer.

As best I can say, I like many submissive males want to indulge and experience those kinks and plays that interest me. HOWEVER BDSM is a two way street and I do not mind(actually I enjoy) earning that right through serving. In return you do get something more than just a kinky play partner, you also get someone who will take up the slack and help to direct your life to making you a better you.
You get the sense of purpose and belonging as well as the occasional stroke to your ego(and sometimes penis)

(in reply to SoulAlloy)

Post #: 64

RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/27/2011 7:00:09 AM

Arienos

Posts: 161
Joined: 10/5/2011
Status: offline

quote:

I get letters in my inbox and I ask them, but sometimes they're vague on what they're looking for until I draw them out more.

Perhaps a different thinking, we are not all the same irrespective of how you have personally stereotypes us. You too are being evaluated, not always in the form of a question…often the answer to a question that appears ambiguous has more the one meaning or interpretation and is in itself a question. How you response to an even casual statement is very revealing, especially if it was probing.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 65

RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/27/2011 8:49:24 AM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arienos

quote:

I get letters in my inbox and I ask them, but sometimes they're vague on what they're looking for until I draw them out more.

Perhaps a different thinking, we are not all the same irrespective of how you have personally stereotypes us. You too are being evaluated, not always in the form of a question…often the answer to a question that appears ambiguous has more the one meaning or interpretation and is in itself a question. How you response to an even casual statement is very revealing, especially if it was probing.

I despise stereotyping people and I realize we're all individuals, whether we are kinky, vanilla, male, female, whatever. I realize some people say <whatever group of people> is always/never doing <whatever>, but that's pretty much B.S.

What bothers me is, the ones that say they want to be my slave/sub but they say nothing about themselves.....at all. I say a lot about myself on my profile but, in an effort to find out more, I will say more about myself and ask questions about their interests also and what they're looking for. Everyone is looking for something, I just need to know what it is before I can tell if there's any hope of it being a match or not.

I do think the fact that there are way more submissive men than there are Dommes has something to do with it too. The ones that don't say much don't because they don't want to say the wrong thing and get turned away, so they don't say very much at all. I can understand that.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to Arienos)

Post #: 66

RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/27/2011 9:12:59 AM

Arienos

Posts: 161
Joined: 10/5/2011
Status: offline

quote:

The ones that don't say much don't because they don't want to say the wrong thing and get turned away, so they don't say very much at all. I can understand that.

I reject that thinking entirely...again a stereotype...many submissive males known to me reserve the right to express their inner most thoughts and closely guard that right. We are not all cut from the cloth of desperateness or desirous of dancing with a woman who is tone deaf. Neither are we interested in wondering endlessly in internet mail for a week or two.

< Message edited by Arienos -- 11/27/2011 9:23:42 AM >

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 67

RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/27/2011 9:50:54 AM

MissToYouInRoma

Posts: 6
Joined: 11/23/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arienos

... You too are being evaluated, not always in the form of a question…

As well it should be.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arienos

... many submissive males known to me reserve the right to express their inner most thoughts and closely guard that right...

And this. (waves at Peon.)

That's why having my submissive be open and vulnerable mentally and emotionally as well as physically is such a turn-on, and the harder it is for them, the more it's valued. *I* certainly am not that trusting.

_____________________________

Miss Marie

MissToYouInRoma = MissToYouRedux soon to be traveling Yay!

(in reply to Arienos)

Post #: 68

RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/27/2011 9:55:49 AM

81song

Posts: 293
Joined: 1/22/2005
Status: offline

I think what I really like after a session is it really clears my head out and maybe my soul too. I do not know if this makes any sense to any of you but it always seems like my eyes are more open, I can smell much better and so on.

(in reply to SoulAlloy)

Post #: 69

RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/27/2011 10:29:22 AM

SnowRanger

Posts: 503
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Sinsinnati
Status: offline

Hello A/all,

Well, I'm going to lace up my logger boots (White's for all of you readers in Washinton State) and jump right in to this.

First, what I want is a relationship. I hesitate to say that (even in the CollarMe venue) because the word seems to imply monogomay and cohabitating and a host of issues that may scare a Mistress off. (Did somebody mention anything about fear of saying the wrong thing?) I expect that Polyandry would be a strong dynamic in any relationship that I might find myself in. I don't HAVE to be the primary partner; but, I will accept no less that the role of favored secondary. I don't need to be loved but I want to know that I am held in some form of affectionate esteem.

I don't need 24/7-TPE, but I like a strong FemDom undercurrent to be present. It could be a whipered "Hi, slave-boy," or a proprietary touch or just sitting on the floor beside her futon as we watch TV.

As For D/s activities (unrolls laundry list) I like... Okay! OKAY! The only thing that I will say is that the only reason that I list Strap-on in the "Curious About" category is because there is no category tittled "Desperate To Try!" I have some limits that are hard and a few that I'm willing to push. Enough said!

One subject that I will not shy away from is sex. I want sex to be an integral part of a relationship. I could pass as a "Six foot dummie with talented hand" and I like to use them (dont tell Julie Brown). I want fire and passion. I want to rub the underside of my tongue raw on my lower teeth. Intercourse need not be part of the sex every time (there's something sexy about yearning), but I want that too.

I hope that this is solid enough that Lady Hibiscus can nail it to the wall. If not, I'll try again.

Respectfully,
Mike
SnowRanger

< Message edited by SnowRanger -- 11/27/2011 10:32:00 AM >

_____________________________

You can't help where you were born; and, you may not have much to say about where you die; but, you can and you should try to pass the days in between as a good man.
Anton Myrer Once an Eagle

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 70

RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/27/2011 11:08:34 AM

Arienos

Posts: 161
Joined: 10/5/2011
Status: offline

quote:

That's why having my submissive be open and vulnerable mentally and emotionally as well as physically is such a turn-on, and the harder it is for them, the more it's valued. *I* certainly am not that trusting.

We certainly do not differ there, submerging myself in a woman to the point of vulnerability, openly expressing passions and desires’ rooted in the deepest recesses of my mind without the fear of recrimination is the product of an earned trust.

(in reply to MissToYouInRoma)

Post #: 71

RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/27/2011 11:09:26 AM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arienos

quote:

The ones that don't say much don't because they don't want to say the wrong thing and get turned away, so they don't say very much at all. I can understand that.

I reject that thinking entirely...again a stereotype...many submissive males known to me reserve the right to express their inner most thoughts and closely guard that right. We are not all cut from the cloth of desperateness or desirous of dancing with a woman who is tone deaf. Neither are we interested in wondering endlessly in internet mail for a week or two.

Well, aren't you sweet.

Each time you posted here you were on the defensive and appear to think the worst of other people.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to Arienos)

Post #: 72

RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/27/2011 11:17:42 AM

Arienos

Posts: 161
Joined: 10/5/2011
Status: offline

quote:

Well, aren't you sweet.

How very perceptive of you, perhaps as some women age, a wisdom of some form occasionally creeps in.

< Message edited by Arienos -- 11/27/2011 11:18:15 AM >

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 73

RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/27/2011 11:37:41 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

So much is missing in a post. We aren't giving an answer that can sum up what a book could. Nor can a few emails sum up a person. An email or a post may seem to be able to sum up an attitude or hard limit in a sense. One line of something so distasteful to us is enough of a summation for many folks and I won't consider that bad. lol

When we say something, what is behind what we say, in experiences and our whole intent isn't seen or known. One must dig in further to get to the reasons for the comments. That is where communication comes in. So approach is important. You can take an in general safe mode to approach. Saying something that in person wouldn't offend someone. From there, communication style is major. If someone writes thought out responses, open for communication and asks something or offers something, that shows they are trying to communicate. That is what I look for. I don't want to have to go sixteen emails before I know something about the person emailing me or it is just too much effort. I take this stand because my profile and journals are filled out. I may not list my kinks but I address that in my profile. If one reads the profile and even better, a few of the journals, they can see enough to have something to say to me, if they wish to communicate. If they have little to say when I have offered the chance to say something and I bring it up... whats the problem? Fear? Insecurity? or something else? Its that something else I would be concerned with, from experience in an online format especially, but even in person. If you are too afraid to talk to me after reading my profile and seeing all I impart about myself and all that can be seen... then it may be that we aren't going to be a fit because I do want someone open to discussing what we each have already said and then some.

I don't expect someone to tell me their deepest and darkest or even the most joyful experiences instantly! I am not asking anything that is too personal at the start. I will get there eventually, but I don't expect that to happen. However if you think having a wife is too personal a question or you think that my asking why you are willing to do long distance and about family, career etc. that you might have to move from... then protect yourself with someone else. These are important factoids we both need to understand about one another before we go to far.

I think what is key beyond a whole lot of things that have or have not been mentioned here besides communication is... being reasonable, being respectful from both directions, being willing to actually pursue knowing someone if you actually do email them and seem to want to make contact and actually communicate and using what is available for you to decide whether to make contact or not. If someone has a basically empty profile or say things in the profile that would make you feel uncomfortable, then don't email them. If they are open and you like what they say or are attracted in some sense to what they present, then stand up, face whatever fear you have and be yourself. Just do it. Pulling back after an approach and letting your fears override what you wish to accomplish isn't the fault of the person you are emailing unless they actually said something that would make you uncomfortable and in that case... fuck them... don't respond. If someone is rude... move on. You didn't know them, they are an ass hole in your view, so what do they matter? Evaluate the profile and if you are willing to approach, do so, strong in yourself and sure that you are emailing someone that would actually seem approachable. You can be shy and even insecure to a point and still have decent communication skills that will allow you to seek and find someone that will like and appreciate you.

Once you start communicating, isn't the time to clam up. That is actually a warning that something is wrong. Whether it be something that makes you uncomfortable because of what they said or you aren't ready to share or manipulation of not being honest about what you like, to hide a part of yourself. You always have the right to say that something makes you feel uncomfortable and stop it.

If the fear is coming from inside yourself... evaluate that and its solution. If the fear is because of someone else... evaluate whether that is the right person to be communicating with.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to SnowRanger)

Post #: 74

RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/27/2011 11:45:04 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

~parade wave to Mike~

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 75

RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 11/27/2011 7:11:05 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arienos

quote:

Well, aren't you sweet.

How very perceptive of you, perhaps as some women age, a wisdom of some form occasionally creeps in.

har har

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to Arienos)

Post #: 76

RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 12/1/2011 4:24:03 AM

FrostedFlake

Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline

quote:

I know everyone's answers will be different, depending on what they want, but I was just wondering if I was asking too much, to have someone for a sub that I enjoy being around other than only for D/s....someone I could relate to on a vanilla level also.

Gosh, I hope so. Because if I'm not into that, I should be sharp enough to go see a pro.

And I did. Once. And it was, ...not worth repeating. Even if she was very nice to see, and very nice. The absence of a personal rapport made it an empty bag. She wasn't "having a good time". She was working. I trust I do not appear to be being judgmental?

I think Snowranger spoke very well. To boil down his comment with what I said above, it is about a personal affinity. About a mutual appreciation. As often as I think about <whatever terrible thing> happening to me, it is predicated on the notion that the lady in question REALLY enjoys doing it. And enjoys doing me. This is what makes it erotic, as distinct from commercial. Maybe it isn't vanilla, but it is still a guy and a gal getting together. There is more to life than sex and more to sex than friction. If you don't want to be around me, well then it's mutual. I think that is a given.

But, and I say this for the benefit of those who have never considered, if I am like most men then most men have a demon in thier shorts. One that says inconvenient things at inconvenient moments. Things like, for instance, "There's one! Get her!" And, here is a classic, "now, Now, NOW, NOW!" And the more interesting the situation, the higher the volume. This is very disrespectful and can be disconcerting. This can cause a mans tongue to stick to his teeth, for fear of what he might say, for just long enough to totally foul up the conversation. It may be that this has something to do with the communication difficulties under discussion. There are few women quite so interesting to meet as your sweet selves.

Go ahead. Throw the grenades. I dug a foxhole.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 77

RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 12/1/2011 8:25:41 AM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

lol

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to FrostedFlake)

Post #: 78

RE: For the Submissive Guys..... - 12/1/2011 8:44:38 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FrostedFlake

Go ahead. Throw the grenades. I dug a foxhole.

The funny. It has been brought! Thank you.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to FrostedFlake)

Post #: 79

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