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My First time here - 11/20/2011 7:27:47 AM   
Mistress Jane


Posts: 6
Joined: 2/7/2004
Status: offline 		My Question to the Dom/mme here is:

Should you cut your sub off from everyone while you are training him?

Ms Jane
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: My First time here - 11/20/2011 7:33:45 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		Not a Dom/me, but if one tried to cut me off from my friends, family, work etc then I'd be walking away from them pretty damn quickly.



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RE: My First time here - 11/20/2011 7:36:44 AM   
Mistress Jane


Posts: 6
Joined: 2/7/2004
Status: offline 		This sub has not been cut off from work or family...........rather those his Domme feels will turn him against her

Do you think this is a form of  brainwashing? or could be

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RE: My First time here - 11/20/2011 7:39:22 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		I can think of some circumstances where isolation would be useful - boot camp and rehab spring to mind. What are you trying to accomplish with this training? Will you be training 24/7? No, because this is real life, not "The Marketplace."

(BTW - they had support staff in "The Marketplace" and kept the trainees occupied 24/7.)

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RE: My First time here - 11/20/2011 7:39:58 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		To be honest, it would raise huge red flags for me.

Why would those friends/family want to turn the sub against his Domme? Are their concerns legitimate, or borne from not understanding the kind of relationship he wants or needs (assuming they know he's a sub), or do they simply not like the woman?

If he's a big boy, then he's going to have to deal with that stuff himself. Cutting him off from these people for any length of time isn't going to make the problem go away, simply delay it until a later date and possibly inflame it further.

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RE: My First time here - 11/20/2011 7:41:47 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		as usual, Bunny speaks my mind...

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CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
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RE: My First time here - 11/20/2011 7:42:16 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

This sub has not been cut off from work or family...........rather those his Domme feels will turn him against her


You do realize this is a cult mentality, don't you?

quote:

Do you think this is a form of brainwashing? or could be


Yes, see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cult#Mind_control

(in reply to Mistress Jane)
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RE: My First time here - 11/20/2011 7:43:57 AM   
Fornica


Posts: 2986
Status: offline 		This.
It's the real world out there. People have jobs..friends, family. Things to do. I mean..most. Hopefully.
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama


You do realize this is a cult mentality, don't you?





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RE: My First time here - 11/20/2011 7:47:16 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		~FR~

the last time someone did that to me, it didnt take long for it to escalate to physical violence.

My bad for allowing the distancing to happen (I kept justifying to myself as "hey.. all my folks dont HAVE to like each other" - and I still believe that. The red flags should have been HOW he went about it... ). I am still trying to mend fences with those that he caused the rift with.

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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RE: My First time here - 11/20/2011 7:49:05 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		Have you spoken to both parties involved to understand the motivation for this? There seems to be a fanatasy among msubs to be swept away where family and friends will never see them again, at least there have been seeeveral threads here with that focus.

In vannilla relationships, new couples often spend a ton of time together and sort of insulate themselves from outside influences that might try to cause problems. Is it possible that the msub is interpreting it through the lens of a fantasy and making it sound worse than it is?

That's kind of a double edged sword though - the "cult mentality" is certainly possible, and can become emotionally abusive. Do you know this msub personally? Has his behavior or self-esteem changed in a negative way? Do you feel like he's trying to ask for help but isn't sure what to do? There isn't really enough info to say anything definitive.

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Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica


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RE: My First time here - 11/20/2011 7:55:53 AM   
BoxwineForBrunch


Posts: 184
Joined: 11/14/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mistress Jane

My Question to the Dom/mme here is:

Should you cut your sub off from everyone while you are training him?

Ms Jane



lol wot

i won't address the question itself, which is absurd on the face of it. instead i will focus on the deeply worrisome attitude lurking beneath the question: that of the siege mentality.

by even posing this question, a deep level of defeatism s and desperation is being betrayed. "they" will turn him against his mistress and the only way to prevent this is through isolation. this attitude is making the assumption that the best case scenario is to use each other up before the inevitable collapse. if i ever found myself feeling this way about someone who was submissive to me, i would back off the relationship post haste and sort my own shit out; and if i ever found someone feeling this way toward me i would run like hell.

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RE: My First time here - 11/20/2011 7:55:58 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Have you spoken to both parties involved to understand the motivation for this?


Thanks Lilly for this perspective.

Ms Jane - please clarify - are YOU the trainer or are you referring to another?

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: My First time here - 11/20/2011 7:56:18 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		With most things, if you don't have anything to hide then you don't care who wants to peek in and you wouldn't have an issue saying I'm doing this, this, and this. When people feel they want to hide things then yes...it raises red flags. Especially the part where she wants to just isolate him from people who'd disagree with her. That to me says she's aware that something she is doing might not be completely above board.

The whole 'training' thing always makes me wonder anyway. IMO it's like blowing up a normal situation into something weird. I guess if that's your thing then go for it but it just seems like making a mountain out of a molehill. Could she be using training as a disguise for something else? Maybe. Especially if she doesn't want certain people to know about it.
He should be looking out for himself here.

(in reply to Mistress Jane)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: My First time here - 11/20/2011 7:58:37 AM   
Delilya


Posts: 4108
Joined: 2/2/2011
Status: offline 		I don't know all the particulars but the idea is not appealing to me.

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(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: My First time here - 11/20/2011 8:03:34 AM   
Whenready


Posts: 319
Joined: 3/5/2009
Status: offline 		Not enough circumstantial or other information to offer an intelligent response.

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: My First time here - 11/20/2011 8:05:05 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		And you know, sometimes someone on the outside will feel like the new relationship is requirinng you to "close off" just because you're hanging out with that person a lot. They misunderstand and then ask people with no background in order to validate their feelings.

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica


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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: My First time here - 11/20/2011 8:13:16 AM   
Mistress Jane


Posts: 6
Joined: 2/7/2004
Status: offline 		I am NOT the trainer..........I did have this sub for over a year until he decided he could not love me........he then went to this new Domme.

Here is a bit of history on him:  had a Domme 2 yrs ago that treated him like shit, then was a play partner to two Dommes in his area, then a Domme in Hamilton......while chatting with me ( did not know this until later ) he was seeing another but dropped her for me.......now this one is the one that has stopped
him from writing or chatting to any of is friends on line .......to me this sounds like this new one is terrified that she will be put aside for another like the rest
of us were.........she even contacted me to see about this boy and I gave my honest opinion that he would not stay

I do not think that having to cut a boy from friends is something anyone should do. If he cannot take care of his things by himself, then what kind of sub can he
be

Thank you to everyone that is commenting

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: My First time here - 11/20/2011 8:30:48 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		The answer to your OP is no.

And below -- if you're worried about this, then perhaps you should rethink either you, your approach, the person you're engaging with -- or the relationship in general. While the 'isolation' thing is a red flag, what you've mentioned below is a bigger one for me.

Face it, if the person doesn't trust you, and is swayed by others -- there's a bigger problem, or a host of them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mistress Jane

This sub has not been cut off from work or family...........rather those his Domme feels will turn him against her

Do you think this is a form of  brainwashing? or could be




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You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: My First time here - 11/20/2011 8:31:36 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		Based on this, I would kinda think she's doing it out of insecurity. He has this complicated track record (5 Ds in 2 years) and she's probably worried, like you said, that he'll get online and find someone new. He was talking to you while talking to someone else, so maybe she thinks this is how to prevent that.
He's a grown man, and should be able to control his wanderlust -- but also, were these relationships intended to be exclusive? Two of those you said were play partners. Was the "treated him like shit" Domme a long-term prospect? You had him for 1 year but he left because he couldn't love you -- did he want a love relationships and you didn't?  Or did you both want one, but just found you weren't compatible? And during this time he was talking to others... Had you reached a point where you believed you were exclusive with him?

I think trying to monitor and police him probably won't have the affect she's hoping for. Eventually she'll get tired of it. I think if he's seriously looking for a relationship, he should be able to direct his attentions towards helping that relationship grow, instead of constantly looking at the greener grass next door.


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Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica


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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: My First time here - 11/20/2011 8:45:05 AM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Whenready
Not enough circumstantial or other information to offer an intelligent response.

Ditto...


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Profile   Post #: 20
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