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RE: My First time here - 11/20/2011 8:52:56 AM

GreedyTop

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

Based on this, I would kinda think she's doing it out of insecurity. He has this complicated track record (5 Ds in 2 years) and she's probably worried, like you said, that he'll get online and find someone new. He was talking to you while talking to someone else, so maybe she thinks this is how to prevent that.
He's a grown man, and should be able to control his wanderlust -- but also, were these relationships intended to be exclusive? Two of those you said were play partners. Was the "treated him like shit" Domme a long-term prospect? You had him for 1 year but he left because he couldn't love you -- did he want a love relationships and you didn't? Or did you both want one, but just found you weren't compatible? And during this time he was talking to others... Had you reached a point where you believed you were exclusive with him?

I think trying to monitor and police him probably won't have the affect she's hoping for. Eventually she'll get tired of it. I think if he's seriously looking for a relationship, he should be able to direct his attentions towards helping that relationship grow, instead of constantly looking at the greener grass next door.

This

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RE: My First time here - 11/20/2011 9:24:37 AM

Mistress Jane

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I believe you could be correct and only time will tell at this point
Thank you for all the comments

Ms Jane

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RE: My First time here - 11/20/2011 9:25:57 AM

Mistress Jane

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Thank you to everyone who gave their opinions on this
Time will tell now and there is nothing more to do

MsJane

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RE: My First time here - 11/20/2011 9:46:54 AM

Whiplashsmile4

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Mistress Jane,

This dude sounds a bit like a cute stray dog that wanders from house to house in the neighborhood. Sure, you can attempt to make it a house dog, kennel it up, put a collar around it neck, chain it up in your backyard.

However, the very moment the opportunity presents itself for the dog to bust a move... it's going to be running off down the street, doing what it loves to do best. There's a lot of people that love cute dogs and give them love and attention, food and water.

This kind of time and energy being invested in him just extends ownership time, at best. One can simply enjoy the limited time that he's around. After he runs away, simply look for another one that will stay around without the constant worry to deal with.

I'm not saying it's impossible to mentally recondition or otherwise address his screwed up behavior patterns. Anybody that tries should not feel bad if they fail at it.

Personally, I would call him "A pathetic stray dog which loves running the streets hopping from house to house" (right to his face, and see what his reaction what is).

Keep in mind, I'm responding to the limited information which has been posted so far.

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RE: My First time here - 11/20/2011 9:50:22 AM

stellauk

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I'm also in the 'no' camp because any isolation from social contact carries the risk of inducing emotional trauma and separation anxiety. This can lead to further emotional problems, difficulties with interacting with people, and also create problems connected with depression and social anxiety.

Additionally, it places a strain on the relationship and dynamic. Having someone dependent on you for all their interpersonal contact is stressful and tiring.

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RE: My First time here - 11/20/2011 9:57:44 AM

Lockit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mistress Jane

Thank you to everyone who gave their opinions on this
Time will tell now and there is nothing more to do

MsJane

Only time will tell??? How (the fuck) much time do you need? It isn't rocket science!

You are wanting to find fault with the new play-toy dominant, that is playing with the hard to hold down and commit to one player, as if the dominant has the problem. He gets to be captive... a great fantasy of many. This guy is getting his cake, icing and ice cream!

So... let's address his former dominants and play partners. Jealous?

There isn't one man worth that drama and anyone that plays along with it... well... *shakes head*... I have to wonder what the fuck is wrong with them!

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RE: My First time here - 11/20/2011 10:13:40 AM

LafayetteLady

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Your initial post is really not the same thing as what your later explanation is.

For your initial post, you asked about cutting him off from everyone. Your later explanations aren't about everyone but essentially about "exes."

Cutting someone off from "everyone," your first question is NEVER a good idea in a relationship.

Telling someone you don't want them speaking to their ex partners, while it may have something to do with insecurity, it is really not uncommon to expect your partner to not still be contacting their exes for nice little chats on a regular basis.

In the circumstance you describe, this guy obviously is a wanderer. This new dominant knows that, and apparently feels that he shouldn't be talking with you and all these other women he was playing with before. I don't disagree with that on principle, but considering his history, it really isn't going to have much effect.

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RE: My First time here - 11/20/2011 1:23:15 PM

DesFIP

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If you have to keep someone isolated to get them to commit to you, then you have to keep keeping him isolated later on. In a good relationship with a great deal of compatibility, this isn't necessary. If you pick a good partner then your friends and family will recognize that he's a good guy and be glad you're happy. They themselves may not have anything in common with him but that's a totally different thing.

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RE: My First time here - 11/20/2011 1:50:39 PM

stellauk

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Oh, if it's in that context of a commitment of being in a relationship then to me it suggests being needy in not quite a positive way.

I'd much rather have people who wants to be with me so much that they commit totally of their own free will than someone I have to coerce into being with me.

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