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RE: Warning: This is a complainer thread - 11/21/2011 11:02:47 AM

LadyHibiscus

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I used to say that I didn't do well with the shy...until my many friends who self-identify as shy explained it to me. Really, I don't do well with the PASSIVE. Like the lovely that couldn't just say Yes, fine, coffee would be great. What, was I supposed to say MEET ME AT THIS PLACE AT THIS TIME, like he doesnt have a life?

Who wants to come out and say that they are passive, though, male or female? Isn't that akin to being a dreaded doormat? But that is the behavior I see a LOT. I know right off that it isn't going to work for me, no way no how. I also know that I have been brushed off as "not dominant enough" because I am not instantly rapping out orders.

It's a minefield, really.

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RE: Warning: This is a complainer thread - 11/21/2011 11:33:41 AM

tj444

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
I used to say that I didn't do well with the shy...until my many friends who self-identify as shy explained it to me. Really, I don't do well with the PASSIVE. Like the lovely that couldn't just say Yes, fine, coffee would be great. What, was I supposed to say MEET ME AT THIS PLACE AT THIS TIME, like he doesnt have a life?

Who wants to come out and say that they are passive, though, male or female? Isn't that akin to being a dreaded doormat? But that is the behavior I see a LOT. I know right off that it isn't going to work for me, no way no how. I also know that I have been brushed off as "not dominant enough" because I am not instantly rapping out orders.

It's a minefield, really.

hmmm.. i dunno,.. i think some people might appear to be more of a doormat at first cuz they dont know what to expect or what is expected of him/her.. and that you need to meet enough times to get to that comfort level where the true person comes out.. someone might not be quite the doormat that they first appear to be.. same thing with the dominant not being dominant enough..

that is actually one of my complaints about meeting someone, just cuz there aren't fireworks the first time you lay eyes on each other, doesnt mean they are necessarily wrong for you.. for some, you need to grow on each other.. too many expect and want the instant-fireworks-going-off thing (which i consider dangerous, actually)..

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Post #: 42

RE: Warning: This is a complainer thread - 11/21/2011 11:44:47 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Thank you, tj!! Do they still do that speed dating thing? We were going to do it at a party as an icebreaker, but the other hostess and I decided that five minutes was plenty of time to know if you couldnt stand someone but not nearly enough to know if you really LIKED someone.

I have had fireworks, and they turned into munitions. Shaky analogy, but I think you get my drift. There's this mad desire to have every single date be THE ONE like we've all turned fourteen again, and really life is NOT like that. I am a dominant woman everywhere, because I have a dominant PERSONALITY. I have submissive friends with dominant personalities!! It's rough convincing the menz that I am a human being, and yes, I AM watching to see how you behave (ie not brought up in a barn) but no, you will not be kissing my feet in public on the first date, or the thousandth. I will probably make a subtle request to see how you respond, and yeah, I am keeping track, just as the other party is, but expecting instant connection, much less instant D/s connection, is asking for disappointment.

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RE: Warning: This is a complainer thread - 11/21/2011 11:52:00 AM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

My point wasn't to say that they have to go to munches or play parties. My point was that they have to do SOMETHING to try to turn their fantasies into reality. In other words, get off of the computer and go meet a real-life human being. It doesn't really matter to me what method they use to meet that human being. It doesn't have to be a munch or play party. But find a partner somehow.

I know perfectly well that that comment was addressed to me, Roch. You're telling me I've got to leave the house sometime, aren't you? I don't know if I like that. Hmmm.

And I certainly don't know if I want to feel vulnerable by actually meeting anyone. Feeling vulnerable makes me feel vulnerable.

Re such vulnerability and apropos another of your comments - that you hope that a femdom will actually show you a hint of her dominance in early conversations - well, femdoms, it seems to me, usually want to see not just signs of a malesub's submissiveness, but his vulnerability too.

Bollocks. It really does all add up to the requirement that we leave the house in order to form partnerships, doesn't it?

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RE: Warning: This is a complainer thread - 11/21/2011 11:53:08 AM

LadyHibiscus

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I keep telling you to move here, don't I?

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Post #: 45

RE: Warning: This is a complainer thread - 11/21/2011 12:34:43 PM

Lockit

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There's a big difference in showing a dominant personality and actually being dominant with someone. I won't be dominant, but I will show that I am dominant. It may take some time to see with those I am friendly with and just talking with, depending on the topics and such, but with someone I am talking to other than friendly conversations, with the focus of getting to know one another in a d/s and relationship sense... you can bet somebodies sweet booty... that I am going to test the waters and may implement a few light 'suggestions'.

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Post #: 46

RE: Warning: This is a complainer thread - 11/21/2011 1:40:27 PM

Rochsub2009

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

My point wasn't to say that they have to go to munches or play parties. My point was that they have to do SOMETHING to try to turn their fantasies into reality. In other words, get off of the computer and go meet a real-life human being. It doesn't really matter to me what method they use to meet that human being. It doesn't have to be a munch or play party. But find a partner somehow.

I know perfectly well that that comment was addressed to me, Roch. You're telling me I've got to leave the house sometime, aren't you? I don't know if I like that. Hmmm.

And I certainly don't know if I want to feel vulnerable by actually meeting anyone. Feeling vulnerable makes me feel vulnerable.

Darn! I tried to be subtle, but I guess you saw through my subtlety and realized that I was actually talking about you.

Yes Peon, it's time for you to get off the computer and actually try to meet a real woman. I hate be the one to tell you this, but that "girl" in your apartment (you know, the one with the inflation tube) isn't real. She's a blow-up doll. And while sex with her is probably glorious, it's time to graduate to women who actually breathe.

I know this makes you feel vulnerable, but muster up your courage and get out there. I know you can do it.

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Post #: 47

RE: Warning: This is a complainer thread - 11/21/2011 1:42:06 PM

LadyHibiscus

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You are NOT helping my case, Roch!

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Post #: 48

RE: Warning: This is a complainer thread - 11/21/2011 1:47:59 PM

Rochsub2009

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

You are NOT helping my case, Roch!

Oops! I meant to say:

"Peon, get thee to Laby Hibiscus' house. Now!"

Is that better?

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 11/21/2011 1:48:34 PM >

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Post #: 49

RE: Warning: This is a complainer thread - 11/21/2011 1:49:44 PM

LadyHibiscus

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Thanks, man. You can come over too if you can convince my family you're not a black dude. DANG but they are some racist!

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RE: Warning: This is a complainer thread - 11/21/2011 2:09:25 PM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

Yes Peon, it's time for you to get off the computer and actually try to meet a real woman. I hate be the one to tell you this, but that "girl" in your apartment (you know, the one with the inflation tube) isn't real. She's a blow-up doll. And while sex with her is probably glorious, it's time to graduate to women who actually breathe.

Neither Mrs Palmer nor any of her five daughters need to be pumped up before being ready and available for sausage time with me, thank you very much, Roch.

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RE: Warning: This is a complainer thread - 11/21/2011 2:10:44 PM

kalikshama

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quote:

some people do feel its a requirement.. somehow the person isnt really into bdsm unless they go to munches/play parties.. almost like it defines what bdsm is and what it should mean to everyone..

My decidedly unscientific experience has demonstrated that men who are active in their local community are more skilled technically and own their kink, and thus I am more likely to have a better experience.

I wouldn't not date someone who wasn't involved, but I will feel more comfortable if he is.

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Post #: 52

RE: Warning: This is a complainer thread - 11/21/2011 2:12:16 PM

PeonForHer

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My mother and father are both at least a bit racist. Which is exactly why I want to visit them at least once with a black woman, hand-in-hand. I want to see the nutty old loons squirm. Heh.

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Post #: 53

RE: Warning: This is a complainer thread - 11/21/2011 2:17:10 PM

kalikshama

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quote:

and that you need to meet enough times to get to that comfort level where the true person comes out.. someone might not be quite the doormat that they first appear to be.. same thing with the dominant not being dominant enough..

M's friend labeled me a "Food Top," lol.

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Post #: 54

RE: Warning: This is a complainer thread - 11/21/2011 2:18:46 PM

LadyHibiscus

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A food top? As in Will Top for Meals?

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Post #: 55

RE: Warning: This is a complainer thread - 11/21/2011 2:43:16 PM

kalikshama

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Nope, more of a Food Dom, as in "No Fruity Pebbles in my cupboards!"

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Post #: 56

RE: Warning: This is a complainer thread - 11/21/2011 2:45:54 PM

LadyHibiscus

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No fruity pebbles?? Froot LOOPS, though, right? RIght??

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Post #: 57

RE: Warning: This is a complainer thread - 11/21/2011 3:12:40 PM

kalikshama

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NOT IN MY CUPBOARDS, BOWLS OR SPOONS!

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Post #: 58

RE: Warning: This is a complainer thread - 11/21/2011 3:13:59 PM

LadyHibiscus

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~wails~

No BOO BERRY either, then?

Le sigh. Just as well I have All-bran Buds in the pantry.

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Post #: 59

RE: Warning: This is a complainer thread - 11/21/2011 3:20:52 PM

kalikshama

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Eat Food. Not Too Much. Mostly Plants.

eta - cacao is a plant :)

< Message edited by kalikshama -- 11/21/2011 3:25:22 PM >

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