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RE: Dear Santa - 11/30/2011 12:50:07 AM   
Duskypearls


Posts: 3561
Joined: 8/21/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy

Dear Santa--
I've written you a lot of notes over the years and hung by them by my tube sock....er....christmas stocking by the tree.  Impressive in and of itself, given I'm a Jew turned Agnostic.
Oh, as a youth my requests were all material-driven.  These days I have no use for material things. I'd ask for another kitty but the two Maine Coons I have are already eating everything in the house and I couldn't support another one. Having good health is great but I know that's completely out of Santa's control, too.  A bigger penis would be great, but it seems like most of the guys are very attached to theirs, so I don't think Ill have much luck with that, either.

See...I've been a really good boy this year.....well, mostly a good boy.  well.....a good boy.... most of the time...well, some of the time....uh, well.... okay so I've been a bit of a bad boy this year but I've already gotten my bum paddled really hard because of it, so a lump of coal is kinda academic at this point. Anyway, I think my good deeds outweighed the naughty ones so if that puts me on the nice list, I do have one special wish for you Santa..

a keychain.

and not for the spare house key for the cat sitter...or the plumber........it's the key for her.
You know who she is....right?  I don't.  But I'm ready to meet her now.  It's been 4 years since my divorce, and now I'm at that place where I think I'm able to trust again.  Ready for the woman that is going to make me laugh again.  The woman that I'll want to call in the middle of the day to share funny bits.  The woman that I can take around the world with me who won't make fun of me when I cry in front of a beautiful painting....or get excited about Gothic architecture....who will understand my passion .... who will realize that possessions are nothing and the experience is everything. A woman who can live in the moment.

The woman who will let me be vulnerable in her arms.... who will love me unconditionally....who will take pride in me being her man in public, and boy behind closed doors....a woman who I can serve as she deserves....a woman who will inspire me to be better every day.

I want a woman that will open the iron cage around my heart.  It's been locked long enough. I think I'm ready to open the chamber now.  But to do that...she'll need the key.  Which I hold.  But to give it to her....   I'll also need.....
a keychain.

Maybe this year, Santa?  Maybe I'll need that keychain this year?
sincerely,
haus



Claus, what a divinely funny, and stunningly beautiful and moving post. How dear you are, and deserving of all you ask, and more. Should Santa finds himself overbooked this year, I will step in and do my best to fulfill your wish. Keep that precious heart of yours open.

(in reply to hausboy)
Profile   Post #: 141
RE: Dear Santa - 11/30/2011 1:12:44 AM   
Fetters4U


Posts: 393
Joined: 5/25/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy

Dear Santa--
I've written you a lot of notes over the years and hung by them by my tube sock....er....christmas stocking by the tree.  Impressive in and of itself, given I'm a Jew turned Agnostic.
Oh, as a youth my requests were all material-driven.  These days I have no use for material things. I'd ask for another kitty but the two Maine Coons I have are already eating everything in the house and I couldn't support another one. Having good health is great but I know that's completely out of Santa's control, too.  A bigger penis would be great, but it seems like most of the guys are very attached to theirs, so I don't think Ill have much luck with that, either.

See...I've been a really good boy this year.....well, mostly a good boy.  well.....a good boy.... most of the time...well, some of the time....uh, well.... okay so I've been a bit of a bad boy this year but I've already gotten my bum paddled really hard because of it, so a lump of coal is kinda academic at this point. Anyway, I think my good deeds outweighed the naughty ones so if that puts me on the nice list, I do have one special wish for you Santa..

a keychain.

and not for the spare house key for the cat sitter...or the plumber........it's the key for her.
You know who she is....right?  I don't.  But I'm ready to meet her now.  It's been 4 years since my divorce, and now I'm at that place where I think I'm able to trust again.  Ready for the woman that is going to make me laugh again.  The woman that I'll want to call in the middle of the day to share funny bits.  The woman that I can take around the world with me who won't make fun of me when I cry in front of a beautiful painting....or get excited about Gothic architecture....who will understand my passion .... who will realize that possessions are nothing and the experience is everything. A woman who can live in the moment.

The woman who will let me be vulnerable in her arms.... who will love me unconditionally....who will take pride in me being her man in public, and boy behind closed doors....a woman who I can serve as she deserves....a woman who will inspire me to be better every day.

I want a woman that will open the iron cage around my heart.  It's been locked long enough. I think I'm ready to open the chamber now.  But to do that...she'll need the key.  Which I hold.  But to give it to her....   I'll also need.....
a keychain.

Maybe this year, Santa?  Maybe I'll need that keychain this year?
sincerely,
haus



I hope the one you seek sees this, for she could not fail to be moved by it. 


_____________________________

Male-Dom-Straight

A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up. -- Mae West
I like restraint, if it doesn't go too far. -- Mae West

To err is human; to edit, divine...

(in reply to hausboy)
Profile   Post #: 142
RE: Dear Santa - 11/30/2011 1:44:00 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		Hausboy.. that was awesome~! I agree with Fetters..

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Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Fetters4U)
Profile   Post #: 143
RE: Dear Santa - 11/30/2011 7:06:03 PM   
ShaharThorne


Posts: 11071
Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
Status: offline 		Dear Santa,

So far we got most of the floor lay down, the new entertainment center (that I am calling the POS) in its place, 2 inches left on one baby afghan and my funds becoming available on Paypal.  Of course I am sending the funds to my bank account. 

THANK YOU for the books that came in today.  I know they don't deal with BDSM, but aliens enslaving humans to colonize other planets is pretty damn close.

Now, have Mom make a double batch of fudge and some of Mrs. S's rum balls and I will be happy.

Shahar

P.S. Oh yea...help my SIL in Tampa find a good house.  My brother is sick of renting when he could be paying a mortgage.  Have them invite me to visit them soon.


_____________________________

Goddess of Yarn

You are making two and a half feet of irresistible, tubular sex! -Lola, Kinky Boots

Founder: Bitch with Tits

Whip me, beat me, make me feel cheap and have great sex

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 144
RE: Dear Santa - 11/30/2011 7:11:55 PM   
SorceressJ


Posts: 2968
Joined: 7/24/2010
Status: offline 		Dear Santa - I was going to come over and ask for a few ephemeral things that I can't remember now because now, all I want is world peace and for hausboy to have his keychain, and the Person to give it to. Make it an obnoxious, noisy, pink and black, hard-to-lose keychain. It will mean all the more to hausboy that way, and he knows why. Kthnxbi. Love, SJ )O(

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‎Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc. <93>)O(

(in reply to ShaharThorne)
Profile   Post #: 145
RE: Dear Santa - 11/30/2011 8:01:26 PM   
naughtynicesanta


Posts: 74
Joined: 11/24/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop
you iz makin me weepy again, Santa..

I guess I wont need the salt for the chicken soup I'm making..

*hugs to you and the missus*

Awww Greedy,  I'll even send boxes of Puffs Plus Lotion tissues to ya.  So when ya get the weepies, you'll have softness against that cute nose of yours.  And fanx for the hugs, always love a good hug. 

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 146
RE: Dear Santa - 11/30/2011 8:04:00 PM   
naughtynicesanta


Posts: 74
Joined: 11/24/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam
Dear Santa. This year, I want a thinner body and a fatter bank account. Please don't get it ass backwards like you did last year.

Dear Hilly (or BWC as it's also your AKA),
If you refer to the 1st post, that was what Tazzy also wanted.  But I can do the same for you this year.  Or I'll at least try my best.  I wish I had a thinner body too, but I have to stay Rollie Pollie or I just won't look like Santa anymore.  And we sure darn tootin' can't have that now can we? 

(in reply to Hillwilliam)
Profile   Post #: 147
RE: Dear Santa - 11/30/2011 8:05:32 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		UMMM...maybe you could make metro Detroit a little less like Baltimore...?

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(in reply to naughtynicesanta)
Profile   Post #: 148
RE: Dear Santa - 11/30/2011 8:10:54 PM   
naughtynicesanta


Posts: 74
Joined: 11/24/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
What is a boglin?

Hi, I'm Hib, you might remember me, I'm the one with the great ass who was helping you at a July party one year.

Anyway, a dear friend of mine lost her dad recently, and since it's seeming to be a med-mal, well, yanno...so if you are dishing out happy dreams and patience for dealing with insane family members, she could do with some extra. You would not BELIEVE her SIL and the creature she raised...

My dearest Hib,  please accept my most sincere condolences on your dear friend's loss recently, especially under such dire circumstances.  I do believe what you say about her SIL and the child/demon she raised.  Rest assured that your friend will find her happy dreams and bear the burden of having the patience to deal with family members who just don't know how to act.  She wasn't given more than she can bear, and she has you as a close friend to help her though her struggles.  She'll emerge on the other side victorious and feeling like it's a new life for her.  She'll remember the good times with her dad and can leave all the negativity behind her.

And of course I remember you from the July Christmas party.  You were such a help to a jolly old fellow.  And such a delight it was for me to meet you.  Hugs my dearest, may you and your friend find your way together out of such a tough situation.  Know that she's in our thoughts here at the North Pole, the elves and reindeer are pulling for her too, as is Mrs S.  I may rail against her being a souse and a lush, but she truly is the love of my life and I'd be lost without her.

ETA:  I forgot the boglin part.  Since we have our own special Troll, calling the assorted douchecanoes, asshats and twatwaffles "trolls" isn't really fair to our much beloved Green One.  So instead of calling them trolls, I prefer to call them boglins.  It seems so much better than insulting our Troll who lives under a bridge and is such a good Man at heart.  We all miss him, wish him well, and can't wait to see him back on the boards where he belongs.


< Message edited by naughtynicesanta -- 11/30/2011 8:14:40 PM >

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 149
RE: Dear Santa - 11/30/2011 8:21:03 PM   
naughtynicesanta


Posts: 74
Joined: 11/24/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop
Dear Santa: Lotsa good clients for Hibbie would seriously kick ass!! (and, of course, mega goodies for both Hibbie and Jeddie!!)

Dear Greedy, you are such a selfless person.  I'm very impressed by you this year, caring for others and making sure they're looked after also.  It's very generous on your part, and I'll try extra hard to get you what you asked for.  You're indeed a special lady.

As for Hibbie, I'll do my best to drum up some business for her, after all, I do know some of the bigger & smaller names who could use her services.  I'll make sure to send them her way.  And of course who can forget her friend Jeddie, the African Grey Parrot, if I'm not mistaken.  Jeddie will of course also receive some special treats so that he uses those for his beak and not our poor Hibbie's fingers.  I think having 10 fingers is helpful and hope she gets to keep them despite her misadventures with Jed.  But he is after all still a wild creature and we have to excuse his moments of reverting to the wild.  He loves his Mistress and knows she's good to him.  He's also a good soul at heart, that's never missed or forgotten.

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 150
RE: Dear Santa - 11/30/2011 8:33:56 PM   
naughtynicesanta


Posts: 74
Joined: 11/24/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SoulAlloy
Dear Santa,

I would like everyone to have a Happy Christmas this year. it's a lot to ask I know, and I know you have a naughty list for coal, but just for this one day I would like everyone to feel that moment of contentment. This Christmas will be the first I have spent on my own, so I will feel better knowing that others are enjoying it.

As ever I will share a bottle of whiskey with you this x-mas eve, even if I always seem to fall asleep before you finish your glass,

Have a wonderful boxing day and hope Mrs Claus treats you well,

Soul Alloy

PS my son has a boglin, I will send lady hib a picture later :p

My most precious SoulAlloy, you are indeed one of the kind souls that populates this place we call Earth.  Yes, Soul, this year, I'm ensuring that everyone is content on Christmas Day and have taken steps to halt the coal distribution even to those who've been naughty.  There are times in our lives when we can't always help the circumstances that  befall us. 

I truly wish your son could be with you this year, but I know you'll see him soon enough.  May you and he have other Holidays to spend together, he's a growing boy and needs his father in his life.  I can tell you that he loves you very much, it shines through his entire body.  Santa sees him as a shining star on earth and wishes you both well.  Please enjoy Christmas day yourself, watch silly movies, talk to your son on the phone, maybe visit a few friends or neighbors. 

I'll be there with you my friend to share that glass of whiskey.  And there's a reason why you always seem to fall asleep before I finish my glass. It's my special supply of magic dust to ensure you don't see me as I'm putting the gifts under the tree.    Thank you also for the kind wishes to me and the Mrs.  They're well appreciated and know that they're returned a hundred fold.

(in reply to SoulAlloy)
Profile   Post #: 151
RE: Dear Santa - 11/30/2011 8:41:58 PM   
naughtynicesanta


Posts: 74
Joined: 11/24/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BoxwineForBrunch
i'm out of tofu dogs
a crate of perrier
a mogwai
an ernie banks rookie card
a can of old spice swagger
a night out with bruce campbell
one of those monkeys that likes to paint pictures
just whatever, you know

Wow Boxwine, we can't have you out of tofu dogs.  I have quite the supply here.  The elves who look after the reindeer tried to change their diet from cookies to those and it didn't go over too well.  I almost had a mutiny on my hands a few weeks ago.  So hoping they're still good, as they've been frozen, it is of course the North Pole, you're request is granted.  A crate of Perrier also to wash down the dogs, a mogwai  (I'll have to look that one up, there's still some things Santa isn't aware of), of course on the Old Spice Swagger, and the Ernie Banks rookie card, well, that may be harder to find, but I'll do my best.

I think I can arrange for a night out with Bruce Campbell, I know him personally but also know he has a very busy schedule.  Try my best there too.  As for the painting monkees, do you have room for them?  And exactly how many are you looking for?  It also depends on what type of paintings you're looking for.  Some of these dang monkees have gotten hold of some old Playboy and PentHouse magazines, and, well, they've decided to make the paintings VERY obscene.  But I guess since we're kinksters, t'ain't nothing new.

The whatever will be tougher, but I'll try to come up with something original.  Trust me, I'm Santa.  I work quite well under pressure and will do my utmost.  May I wish you the merriest of Christmases this year my friend. 

(in reply to BoxwineForBrunch)
Profile   Post #: 152
RE: Dear Santa - 11/30/2011 8:44:22 PM   
naughtynicesanta


Posts: 74
Joined: 11/24/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KMsAngel
pssst, dear santa, for hibbies jeddie, i have a really really really big (i think about 10 kilo) bunya pine nut. a few of those kernals to open would keep him amused for WEEKS!

Why thank you very much Angel, Santa is touched by your generosity.  I'm sure that would keep Jeddie amused for quite awhile.  Maybe even let Hibbie heal from any *ahem* accidental hits to her fingers. 

(in reply to KMsAngel)
Profile   Post #: 153
RE: Dear Santa - 11/30/2011 8:55:41 PM   
naughtynicesanta


Posts: 74
Joined: 11/24/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy
Dear Santa--
I've written you a lot of notes over the years and hung by them by my tube sock....er....christmas stocking by the tree.  Impressive in and of itself, given I'm a Jew turned Agnostic.
Oh, as a youth my requests were all material-driven.  These days I have no use for material things. I'd ask for another kitty but the two Maine Coons I have are already eating everything in the house and I couldn't support another one. Having good health is great but I know that's completely out of Santa's control, too.  A bigger penis would be great, but it seems like most of the guys are very attached to theirs, so I don't think Ill have much luck with that, either.

See...I've been a really good boy this year.....well, mostly a good boy.  well.....a good boy.... most of the time...well, some of the time....uh, well.... okay so I've been a bit of a bad boy this year but I've already gotten my bum paddled really hard because of it, so a lump of coal is kinda academic at this point. Anyway, I think my good deeds outweighed the naughty ones so if that puts me on the nice list, I do have one special wish for you Santa..

a keychain.

and not for the spare house key for the cat sitter...or the plumber........it's the key for her.
You know who she is....right?  I don't.  But I'm ready to meet her now.  It's been 4 years since my divorce, and now I'm at that place where I think I'm able to trust again.  Ready for the woman that is going to make me laugh again.  The woman that I'll want to call in the middle of the day to share funny bits.  The woman that I can take around the world with me who won't make fun of me when I cry in front of a beautiful painting....or get excited about Gothic architecture....who will understand my passion .... who will realize that possessions are nothing and the experience is everything. A woman who can live in the moment.

The woman who will let me be vulnerable in her arms.... who will love me unconditionally....who will take pride in me being her man in public, and boy behind closed doors....a woman who I can serve as she deserves....a woman who will inspire me to be better every day.

I want a woman that will open the iron cage around my heart.  It's been locked long enough. I think I'm ready to open the chamber now.  But to do that...she'll need the key.  Which I hold.  But to give it to her....   I'll also need.....
a keychain.

Maybe this year, Santa?  Maybe I'll need that keychain this year?
sincerely,
haus


My dearest Haus,
Don't worry about the tube sock.  Anything kind of sock can be used as a Christmas stocking these days.  Santa understands that sometimes you use what you have, and that's enough for him.  Because he knows, that when he sees that tubesock, you still believe in the Christmas Spirit.  And that's much more important than any fancy stocking hung by the "chimney with care".  You don't need a larger penis my dear man, the one you have is fine.  Wimminz always appreciate a man who also knows how to use his hands and his tongue, and with you being submissive, they know how much effort you put into keeping their homes clean, serving the perfect meal, high protocol or not, these are things that count for them.  You're indeed a very special man.  And I don't consider that you've been naughty this year, you've been good in my books.

I know of the keychain you speak of Haus.  And it will come, with all the bells and whistles and it will be ready to hold that special key.  The one your Good Lady will hang you key from.  The one she will treasure, as she will your heart, mind and soul.  She will find you my dearest Man, and she'll hold you in high esteem as you so deserve. 

I know it's been a tough go, but She will find you, and that keychain will glow with happiness at having the key hung to it.  She'll keep it close to her heart, as this is where your heart will be.  You will inspire each other, care for each other, love each other.  You will become one whole of two halves.  She's out there looking for you now, I'll give her a little nudge you way.  She will indeed be your Special Lady, the one who deserves your heart, your kindness, your service and she will respect you evermore.  Keep hope and know that Santa is doing everything in his power so that you find each other when it's right.  I don't ever want you to settle, you deserve nothing but the best. 

(in reply to hausboy)
Profile   Post #: 154
RE: Dear Santa - 11/30/2011 9:05:15 PM   
naughtynicesanta


Posts: 74
Joined: 11/24/2011
Status: offline
quote:


Claus, what a divinely funny, and stunningly beautiful and moving post. How dear you are, and deserving of all you ask, and more. Should Santa finds himself overbooked this year, I will step in and do my best to fulfill your wish. Keep that precious heart of yours open.

quote:


I hope the one you seek sees this, for she could not fail to be moved by it. 

quote:


Hausboy.. that was awesome~! I agree with Fetters..

Thank you to all those who responded to Haus' charming, funny, serious post.  Rest assured that Santa will do his best to ensure that he does receive what he asked for.  It's a plea from the heart, and that transcends any material things he could have asked for.  He has high standards, and for good reason. 

Haus, please know that Santa knows you are ready to open your heart again, and to trust the right Woman.  You just have to look around you, on these boards at the connections that have been made.  We've got a wedding in July, others have been together for months if not years.  Don't ever despair, true love will find you and fill your heart to bursting. 

(in reply to naughtynicesanta)
Profile   Post #: 155
RE: Dear Santa - 11/30/2011 9:12:16 PM   
hausboy


Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline 		thanks Santa.  sniff. sniff. (I'm not crying....it's...uh, allergies...)

haus

p.s.  if you DO deliver my Christmas wish, please don't use the chimney, it leads straight into my hot water heater, and it's very difficult to get a sexy woman out once she's stuck inside there....unless you bring me a blow torch, too.  which might be kinda cool, actually.

(in reply to naughtynicesanta)
Profile   Post #: 156
RE: Dear Santa - 11/30/2011 9:12:43 PM   
naughtynicesanta


Posts: 74
Joined: 11/24/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaharThorne
Dear Santa,

So far we got most of the floor lay down, the new entertainment center (that I am calling the POS) in its place, 2 inches left on one baby afghan and my funds becoming available on Paypal.  Of course I am sending the funds to my bank account. 

THANK YOU for the books that came in today.  I know they don't deal with BDSM, but aliens enslaving humans to colonize other planets is pretty damn close.

Now, have Mom make a double batch of fudge and some of Mrs. S's rum balls and I will be happy.

Shahar

P.S. Oh yea...help my SIL in Tampa find a good house.  My brother is sick of renting when he could be paying a mortgage.  Have them invite me to visit them soon.

Dear Shahar, glad I could help and that those books you so wanted came in.  And that the floor is almost layed down as well as having put together that POS stand.  Wow, quite the accomplishments and I'm proud of you.

P.S.  I'll do my best to help your brother and SIL in finding a home to buy instead of having to rent.  Never know when they'll come upon a property, know it's perfect and perhaps find a cane in the corner of the living room.  When they tell you that, you'll know I made sure to send them on their way to that particular house.

I'll "suggest" in your mom's dreams that a double batch of fudge should be made.  And if I can try to get those darn rumballs away from Mrs. S. I'll send you a batch.  But she's taken to hiding them, haven't been able to locate em yet, and when she's holding the tin she gets this eeeeebil look in her eyes whenever someone tries to approach her.  Bejeeeeebers, but she's hooked on those this year.  And the fruitcake is just as tough to find, she's found new hiding places I didn't think existed.  I've been up here long enough that I pretty well know every nook and cranny up at the Pole.  But she's been sneaking around with the help of the elves, and the reindeer too I think.   They've got me outclassed and outnumbered.  What's a poor Santa to do??

(in reply to ShaharThorne)
Profile   Post #: 157
RE: Dear Santa - 11/30/2011 9:18:51 PM   
naughtynicesanta


Posts: 74
Joined: 11/24/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SorceressJ
Dear Santa - I was going to come over and ask for a few ephemeral things that I can't remember now because now, all I want is world peace and for hausboy to have his keychain, and the Person to give it to. Make it an obnoxious, noisy, pink and black, hard-to-lose keychain. It will mean all the more to hausboy that way, and he knows why. Kthnxbi. Love, SJ )O(

My sweetest SJ,
I know of your kindness when it comes to others, you never ask for yourself, you always send out good thoughts to those who need them, you're one of the most gentle souls here and one of the kindest.  I wish for World Peace also, alas, the Holiday Spirit is short lived, and not many people believe anymore.  If we could get only *one* day of world-wide peace, it would be a start. 

As for Hausboy's keychain, rest assured I'm looking for exactly the kind of keychain you've described.  And I hope he can give it to his Lady this year so that she can attach the key to it.  The key to his heart, and hers too as a matter of fact. 

You're more than welcome my dear.  I do my best every year to make sure no one is forgotten.  I hope this is the year I can do it.  Thank you for being such a kind and gentle soul.  So few of you out there, and we could use an army to bring Joy to the World. 

(in reply to SorceressJ)
Profile   Post #: 158
RE: Dear Santa - 11/30/2011 9:20:43 PM   
naughtynicesanta


Posts: 74
Joined: 11/24/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
UMMM...maybe you could make metro Detroit a little less like Baltimore...?

I can try Hibbie.  Somehow, I can see a fight breaking out between those who live in metro Detroit and those in Baltimore.  We don't need no stinkin' fightin! 

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 159
RE: Dear Santa - 11/30/2011 9:29:28 PM   
naughtynicesanta


Posts: 74
Joined: 11/24/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy
thanks Santa.  sniff. sniff. (I'm not crying....it's...uh, allergies...)

haus

p.s.  if you DO deliver my Christmas wish, please don't use the chimney, it leads straight into my hot water heater, and it's very difficult to get a sexy woman out once she's stuck inside there....unless you bring me a blow torch, too.  which might be kinda cool, actually.

Don't worry Haus.  I know you're not crying, although we know even men can cry these days.  I've shed more than a few tears when Mrs. S. has taken after me with the rolling pin and struck the mark.  The mark being my noggin. 

Any house (no pun intended ) that doesn't have a real chimney gets a magical one that leads straight to the inside of the house or apartment.  And I agree, getting a sexy woman out of a hot water heater would likely lead *you* to be in hot water.  We don't want to start Christmas that way now do we?  And you're right, it would be kinda cool although I think the hot water heater would get even more heated using a blow torch.

Let's face it, when meeting the woman of your dreams, she's going to want to be looking her best.  Getting her out of a hot water heater having used a blow torch, well, methinks she wouldn't think she's putting her best foot forward.  And Lawdy Lawd, we knows how these wimminz does like to look their best.  Can you just imagine the cries of fury?  O no, I'm not going there.

It's tough enough trying to take away the rum ball tin away from Mrs. S.  That eeeebil look in her eyes is getting more piercing, I've taken to sleeping on the couch at night.  With one eye open.  Juuuuuuuuuuuust in case. 

(in reply to hausboy)
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